She’d been impressed with how well Adam was holding it together, but once the service began...oh man. She watched in agony as Adam’s shoulders slumped and then shook with heart-wrenching sobs. She saw Mandi put her arm around her brother’s shoulders and pull him in close.
As he leaned closer to his sister, Jennifer lost her clear view. It was so hard to see the man she had always loved overwhelmed with grief and she couldn’t even comfort him. She wanted to be there to support her best friend, too.
Jennifer sat next to Cassandra for the service and they both cried while leaning on each other for support.
She hid as the pallbearers walked by at the end of the ceremony, including Adam at the head of his father’s coffin. He faced forward, jaw set hard, walking tall and strong. His brown eyes were red-rimmed and puffy.
Her heart felt like it was being torn in two.
Mandi came up to them after the ceremony and they all hugged, crying together for several minutes. They finally broke apart, all of them wiping tears from their eyes.
Jennifer began to fidget the longer they continued to talk to Mandi. She kept one eye on Adam who remained near the hearse, but it was pretty far away from where she stood.
As she continued to talk to Mandi and Cassandra, she began to relax because Adam still hadn’t seen her. She glanced over at Adam one more time and gasped as she saw him look their way.
He saw me.
As Adam tilted his head, he made a move towards her. She looked back away towards Mandi and said, “We’re going to go, honey. We’ll head out to the cemetery now, okay?”
Mandi grabbed her hand. “Okay, I’m sure we’ll be heading out there soon. I’m so glad you came. It means a lot to me.”
Mandi pulled them both in for another hug.
“I’m here for you.” she reminded her friend, “even if I do stay in the back. And I’ll talk to him soon, Mandi. I promised your dad. Just…not today. It’s not right today.”
Jennifer saw Mandi look over at her brother, heading their way, and her friend nodded her head. “I understand. Go ahead.”
Cassandra nodded. “See you there.”
Jennifer walked away grasping Cassandra’s hand to pull her quickly along.
“Jennifer, can you loosen your grip, please?”
“What?” Jennifer asked, and then looked down at their joined hands, where hers had a grip so hard it was turning Cassandra’s a dark pink. “Oh, sorry!”
Cassandra started shaking her hand. “I think we’re safe now. I don’t think he saw you.”
“He saw me.”
She was being childish but she just didn’t want to cause a scene at the funeral.
Cassandra’s eyes widened. “He did?”
“Yeah, he looked right at me. I wonder if his vision is as good as it used to be though. He is getting old, you know.”
As Jennifer approached her car, she braved another glance towards the church one last time.
Adam was still looking their way.
Yeah, he saw her. There was no doubt about it.
She’d have to call him soon.
Chapter Seven
Adam
My mind is playing tricks on me
Adam could have sworn he saw Jennifer at the funeral and then at the cemetery, but he chalked it up to how much he thought of her lately, especially after his dad insisted he saw her. Surely Mandi would have told him if she was back in town. Wouldn’t she?
Adam walked over to Mandi, who was standing in the back of the room, watching people going through the buffet line.
“How ya holding up?”
Mandi jumped and smacked him in the arm. “You scared me, you jerk! I didn’t notice you walk up.”
“Sorry. I thought you saw me since I walked right up to you in your line of view.”
Mandi rolled her eyes. “Smart ass.”
“Dumb ass.”
“Spoiled brat.”
“Punk.”
They both laughed. It was almost a relief something so silly could make them both feel better on such a hard day.
“Seriously though, I feel like I’m losing it or seeing things.”
He shook his head in confusion and scanned the room.
“Why? What do you mean?”
“I could’ve sworn I saw Jennifer.”
Mandi quickly looked away and then back at him before shrugging.
“What did you think of the ceremony?”
Adam’s eyes narrowed at his sister. “Nice change of subject, you worm.”
“Jerk.”
“Hippie.”
“Assclown.”
“Okay, you two, that’s enough.”
Crap, how does she always catch us?
“Sorry mom. She’s hiding something from me, something about Jennifer I think.”
He couldn’t believe it when his mom also shrugged her shoulders and changed the subject, just like Mandi did.
“What did you kids think of the ceremony?”
His mom was in on it too? What the hell were they hiding? It obviously had something to do with Jennifer. Was she actually back in town? Did she fly in for the funeral and no one told him?
He let it go for the time being, considering where they were, but he would get to the bottom of it, especially if it meant he may be able to see Jennifer.
“Alright, change the subject. We’ll talk again later,” Adam stated to the both of them and then continued. “It was a really nice ceremony, mom. Dad would’ve liked it and would be proud of the way you held it together.”
“Yes, well, I’ve done my fair share of crying. I’m sure I’ll cry some more later, but for now I’m trying to keep it together.”
“Well, even if you don’t, you deserve to break down and have a temper tantrum if you feel like it, mom.”
Adam’s attempt at a joke was well received and his mom burst out laughing, but she also had tears in her eyes.
“It’s been a hard day, that’s for sure,” Mandi told them, and then pulled them both in for a hug.
“Should we go get some tater-tot hot dish?”
Adam tried to break the tension. He hoped they’d say yes to their dad’s favorite casserole. He didn’t want to be the only one to go up but damn that was his favorite dish too and a guy had to eat.
Adam’s mom nodded, too choked up to answer.
“I’m in,” Mandi said, giving her mom another little squeeze.
The three of them walked up to the front of the room and stood in line for food. The line moved quickly and soon he was piling his plate high.
When he got to the table he was sharing with his mom and sister, he noticed there was an empty chair at their table, as if they were waiting for his dad to join them.
“This first bite’s for you, dad.” Adam raised his loaded fork towards the empty chair as a toast and then shoved the bite into his mouth. “Mmm, Mmm, delicious.”
Both his mom and Mandi had both been silently eating, but at that gesture by both raised their forks and shared a moment for their dad.
*****
When Adam got home that evening, he sat in his living room on his favorite leather recliner and stared out at the lake. Something about watching the baby loons swim next to their parents instantly made him relax.
He was touched at the outpouring of support from his friends and co-workers that day. Tom and Colleen were there as well as Tom’s parents. He also saw Peter, Kimberly, Noah and Jeremy sitting together. All of his very good friends were there. He barely had a chance to talk to any them, but he did tell them he appreciated that they were there.
He thought it was a little odd that Noah didn’t sit with Cassandra, but come to think of it, he hadn’t even seen her that day. Adam got confused at that realization, because considering she was one of Mandi’s two best friends, he expected her to be there.
He shook his head. What are they hiding?
The waves gently lapped against the shore and there were a few boats in the water. It was hypnotic and made him thank God that he
had found this house. He loved all things to do with water; swimming, fishing, boating, tubing and skiing all were his top things he loved to do so it was only natural to find a home on a lake. It took him several months to find the perfect home but when he did, he wasted no time in putting in an offer.
Adam’s home was almost ten years old, but looked brand new. It looked like a large log cabin, and it came with a dock and a 25-foot sandy shoreline on Elk Lake, just north of Zimmerman. It had a hefty price tag, but it was absolute perfection in his eyes and well worth it. His home had four bedrooms, a huge kitchen and living room, a four-season porch, walkout basement out to the lake, two bathrooms and a huge finished basement with a game room and giant 3D TV.
His home was bigger than what he needed, but he hoped when he had a wife and kids, this would be their dream home too. In the meantime, his friends loved to come over and spend weekends having fun in the sun.
As Adam sat there, staring at the loons, his thoughts drifted to his dad. He loved coming over and sometimes he came out by himself to spend time with Adam. They’d go fishing and sometimes would go around the lake looking at the homes and relaxing.
He’d never get to go fishing with his dad again. I already miss you.
That thought hit him hard and fast and the tears started to fall once again. He’d never cried so much in his life.
He let himself cry for his dad’s life ending too soon and knowing he would never get to have those special moments with his dad ever again.
*****
Later that evening, Adam was laying on his bed, staring at his ceiling. He’d just gotten out of the shower, a towel around his hips, water from his hair dripping down his neck and onto his bed.
Adam’s thoughts drifted to the woman he saw at the funeral and his sister’s odd behavior. He was too far away to tell who it was for sure, but she sure looked a lot like Jennifer.
Adam heard a notification for a text. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and looked at the screen.
He raised an eyebrow.
Sarah.
It had been weeks since Adam heard from her. She didn’t try to contact him since he broke off their arrangement, which surprised him a little based on her reaction that night. He scratched his chin, now full of dark blonde stubble, as he read her message.
Sarah, 8:39pm: I heard about your dad. I’m sorry.
Adam frowned, unsure how to respond. Under normal circumstances, he would have ignored her text.
But, damn. It had been a really shitty day and he craved a little break from the constant ache in his chest. It probably made him an asshole to even consider texting her back.
Adam, 8:42pm: Thank you.
Sarah, 8:42pm: How you holding up?
Adam, 8:43pm: It was a hard day.
Sarah, 8:43pm: Understatement of the year.
Adam, 8:44pm: You can say that again.
Sarah, 8:44pm: Understatement of the year.
Adam chuckled. It felt good to laugh at the stupid joke. Sarah’s next message made him groan. How could he refuse that?
Sarah, 8:47pm: I’m here if you need me. If you need company or … whatever…
Adam, 8:49pm: Oh yeah?
Sarah, 8:49pm: Yeah
Adam, 8:49pm: I’d rather not be alone right now
Sarah, 8:50pm: Head on over, handsome
Adam, 8:49pm: Be there in a bit
What could it hurt to see her one more time?
Chapter Eight
Jennifer
Reliving past mistakes
“Just call him.”
Mandi made it sound so damn easy.
Jennifer had a bite of a gooey caramel roll on her fork, halfway up to her mouth. She glared at Mandi. “I’m. Not. Ready.”
They were sitting at Jennifer’s house. Mandi was across from her at her kitchen table, a cup of coffee warming her cold hands. She could see the steam rising above Mandi’s coffee.
Shortly after her dad’s funeral, Mandi started mentioning Adam in their regular conversations.
Why did I have to ask how he was?
Mandi let go of her cup and threw up her arms in the air and gave a quick huff of her breath. “Why not? The guy is miserable. He saw you at the funeral, you know. I had to blow him off and keep my mouth shut when he mentioned you.”
She covered her face with her hands and her response was garbled. “I just…I need a little more time, okay?”
“Fine. But I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out on him. He’s pretty pathetic and I feel sorry for him.”
Jennifer groaned. “Okay, soon. I promise.”
“Fine.” Mandi sipped her coffee and said, “So, what time are we leaving?”
“After Amber finishes her movie.”
Mandi nodded and smiled.
She grinned back. As much as she missed Tera and Lily, she was glad to be home.
Jennifer and Mandi became best friends in high school. Cassandra came into the picture shortly after Mandi. The three of them had been friends ever since, well, for most of those years anyway.
There was a period of time when Jennifer purposely stopped all communication with Mandi and Cassandra. It was the most painful couple of years of her life.
Six years ago…
There it was.
A little pink plus sign.
Pregnant. About two months already, if she did the math correctly.
Adam broke her heart and knocked her up at the same time. Brilliant.
She couldn’t stop the hysterical laugh that bubbled up. It was an odd response to a stressful situation, but that was typical for Jennifer. She was the girl who laughed at funerals.
She always wanted to have children with Adam. Just not like this.
Her phone beeped with a text. She glanced at the screen. Her eyes filled with tears. She missed her best friend and needed her now more than ever.
Mandi: Hey girl! How ya doing?
Jennifer: I’m good. You?
Mandi: I’m well. Anything new? I miss you!
Jennifer: Nothing new. Miss you too. So, can I ask you something?
Mandi: Of course
Jennifer: Is Adam still seeing that baker chick?
Mandi: Do you really want to know?
Jennifer: Yeah, I do.
Mandi: They seem to be getting pretty serious. Always together.
Jennifer: What’s she like?
Mandi: I actually really like her. I’m sorry :(
Jennifer: No apologies necessary. I’m happy for them.
No, I’m not. Not at all.
Why did she even ask? Oh yeah, she needed to decide if she was going to tell Adam about the baby. Apparently she had her answer.
She could feel her heart break into a million pieces.
*****
Jennifer looked at her best friend and remembered how painful it was to push Mandi and Cassandra away.
Thinking back on it now, it was hard to believe she kept that from her friends or Adam because it was so wrong. At the time, she was convinced it was the right thing to do. That she was somehow saving them by not telling them.
She didn’t want to put Mandi through anything that would remind her of her own horrible experience. How could she expect Mandi to watch her have a baby when she was still grieving the baby she lost? It would be selfish.
If she didn’t tell Mandi, she wouldn’t be able to tell Cassandra. She couldn’t expect Cass to keep a secret this big. It was like the two of them went hand in hand.
It was simple why she didn’t tell Adam. He made his choice over winter break when he chose another woman over her. Jennifer was fully aware of Adam and his beliefs about children and marriage. She knew with absolute certainty Adam would end his relationship with the other woman just because Jennifer was pregnant.
She didn’t want to be a choice he resented his whole life. So she made the choice for him.
She withdrew from her friends slowly, turning down requests to visit, not texting back, not answering phone calls. Mandi an
d Cassandra would text her little updates here and there to keep in touch, but she didn’t usually respond. Eventually, the texts and phone calls stopped, other than an occasional hello.
She was thankful for her friends in California and for her parents who supported her through the hardest time of her life, but it wasn’t the same. It hurt like hell not to have her best friends.
It was Cassandra who called to let her know Adam was getting married.
Jennifer felt like her heart shattered into a million pieces hearing the man she thought she’d marry was marrying someone else.
At that point that she realized she owed it to Adam to tell him he was a father. Amber was already 18 months and it was time he knew the truth.
She had to admit when they later found out Adam wasn’t even Amber’s father, Jennifer never really expected to hear from her best friends again.
How could she ask for their forgiveness when she couldn’t forgive herself?
Jennifer couldn’t have been more surprised when a year later Mandi called her and grilled her with questions about her daughter. It was a shock to find out Adam had never told anyone what happened, not even his family. His dad had been there when she showed up at his house on Adam’s wedding day, so she always assumed everyone knew and hated her.
Mandi was hurt and upset at both her and Adam that she had to hear the story from the woman Adam left at the altar.
It was such a relief to hear from Mandi that Jennifer confessed everything and begged for her forgiveness. It took time for Jennifer to earn their trust again, but she, Cassandra and Mandi all slowly became friends once again.
She vowed to never mess up their friendship again.
*****
“Earth to Jennifer.” Her eyes focused and she saw Mandi waving her hand in front of her face. “Where were you just now?”
Jennifer gave a half-hearted laugh. “Just thinking about the past. It’s hard not to when it’s catching up to me. Again. Seeing Adam was hard, Mandi. I don’t know what to say to him. So much has happened, so many things I regret. You’re well aware of everything.”
Mandi looked thoughtful before she replied. “I know. He has regrets, too. You were both young, Jennifer. You both made mistakes. I certainly made my fair share, as you well know. But you learn and grow from them and the mistakes are what make life so interesting. You’ve both grown up quite a bit.”
Second Look (A New Beginning Book 3) Page 8