Bastard

by J. L. Perry

  “Carter, my boy,” Ross says with a smile when he answers the door. “Come in.”

  “I was hoping to speak to Indi before I leave,” I divulge as I follow him down the hall towards the kitchen.

  “She’s already left for work. Sit.” Disappointment consumes me. I take a seat at the kitchen table as he sets about making us a cuppa. Is missing her a sign, or just rotten luck?

  “Oh.” I hear my own displeasure in my voice.

  “Tell me something?” he asks as he stops what he’s doing, turning to face me. “Do you still have feelings for Indi?” Whoa. Where did that question come from?

  “What?”

  “Come on, Carter. Don’t pussyfoot around with me. Do you still have feelings for my daughter, or what?” I try my best to remain calm and not give anything away.

  “Why do you ask?” He exhales in frustration. I know he knows I’m avoiding answering.

  “I’ll tell you why,” he says in a stern voice, walking towards the table and taking the seat opposite me. “That dick, Mark. Indiana’s boyfriend.” I can’t help but smile when he refers to him as a dick. My sentiments exactly.

  “What about him?”

  “He called me last night …”

  “He did? Why?” My first thought is, fuck, he’s dobbed me in for accosting him in the driveway, and Ross is going to chew me out about it.

  “He asked for my permission to marry Indiana.” Hell no. By the way his shoulders just slumped, I’d say he’s not too happy about it. That makes two of us. “To be honest I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’ve never been able to completely warm to that guy, if you know what I mean.” I sure do. I only met him for a few minutes and I didn’t like him. Under other circumstances I might, but as long as he’s associated with Indiana, I know that’s not going to happen.

  “Did you give him permission?” My heart starts to race as I wait for his reply.

  “Not in so many words, but I told him if it’s what my daughter wants, and if it makes her happy, than I’m fine with it. What else could I say? I’d never stand in the way of her happiness. I just don’t think she’ll get that with him.” He rubs his hands over his face as he contemplates everything. “I still can’t believe the coward rung me instead of asking me face to face. Christ, I hope she doesn’t say yes.”

  “Can I ask you something else?”

  “Sure,” he replies.

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I don’t think Mark is the right man for her. Indi seems happy enough with him, but there’s something missing. That spark. I just don’t see it when they’re together. Maybe I’m just being an overprotective father. She’s all I have left, but I want her to be truly happy. I want her to experience the kind of love I shared with her mother. Is that too much to ask?” I feel my lips turn up. I couldn’t agree with him more. It still doesn’t explain why he’s telling me this.

  “Do you want me to rough him up?” I ask. Maybe that’s why he’s sharing this with me.

  “No. I want you to get your shit together and decide what you want.” Hold on a minute.

  “You want me to be with Indi?” I look at him in disbelief. Surely he couldn’t want that.

  “Yes. If that’s what you both want, of course.” My lips turn up into a smile. I like the fact he thinks I’m good enough for his daughter because I know how much she means to him. He exhales before looking me in the eye. His expression is serious. “If you still have feelings for her, which I get the impression you do, this may be your last chance. You can both deny it all you want, but I’m not stupid, Carter. I saw the way you two looked at each other all those years ago. It’s the same look I saw yesterday if I’m not mistaken. You only get one chance at true love, son. Believe me, I know. I also know my daughter. She’s as loyal as they come. If she marries him, it will be for life.”

  Uneasiness settles over me with every word spoken. I swear my heart’s beating so hard I can hear it thumping in my ears. The thought of losing her to him, forever … It doesn’t sit well with me—at all.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I confess, making eye contact with him as I shift around in my seat. This whole conversation is agitating me. Of course I have feelings for her. I don’t know what he expects of me though. Does he want me to marry her? He’s got rocks in his head if he thinks that’s what I want. I’m not the marrying kind. Even for her. Fuck no. Girls like her don’t marry guys like me.

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just think about what I’ve said. I thought it only fair to tell you. I just wanted to make it an even playing field,” he says smiling. Cunning old fool. I fucking love this man.

  “Thanks. I’ll give it some thought.” What else can I say? As much as I hate the thought of them together, is it fair to come between them when I’m not even sure I can give her what she wants? What she needs? Fuck it. Yes I can. Even if it’s just to get her away from him. She deserves better. Standing, I reach for Ross’ hand. “I’ll catch you next time I’m in town,” I say. “Can you do me a favour and keep an eye on my mum until I get back?”

  “Sure thing. Are you leaving already? We didn’t even have a coffee.” He clasps his hand in mine.

  “I don’t have time. What’s the address of Indi’s work?” His face lights up at my question.

  “It’s just off Tuckers Road, the second street on the left. A big horse-shit coloured building. You can’t miss it.” His description of the building makes me chuckle.

  “Let us know you got home safely. And don’t worry about your mum, I’ll keep a close eye on her.” He reaches out and grips my shoulder. “Remember, I’m always here if you need anything, son.”

  “I know,” I reply smiling. I love that he always says that. I love that he gives a shit.

  ••••

  As I drive towards Indi’s work my head is all over the place. This place hasn’t changed much in the five years I’ve been gone. Well, the buildings haven’t. I wish I could say the same for Indi and I. I contemplate turning around and heading back home at least ten times. I know how I feel about her, but can I really come between her and that wanker? Chasing after another guy’s girl is not my style, but this isn’t just any girl, it’s Indiana. My Indiana. She was mine first.

  A song comes on over the radio. It’s one of those mushy love songs. I hate that shit. Reaching out, I go to flick the station when the chorus cuts in. The guy sings about having a hole in his heart. Why does this resonate with me? Because that’s exactly how I feel. There’s been a piece of my heart missing since the day I drove away five years ago.

  Instead of changing the station, I turn it up. I listen as he sings about starting again. Is this a sign? Can we start again? Are we too far gone to get back what we once shared? Once I’ve parked, I sit in the car until the song ends. “That was Start Again, by Conrad Sewell,” the DJ announces. I rest my head on the steering wheel as I inhale a deep breath. I know in this moment, this hole will never mend until I have her again. I have to try. I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.

  Doubt settles in. “What am I doing here?” I mumble under my breath when I exit the car. What am I going to say to her? I have no fucking clue. All I know is from the minute Ross told me that wanker was going to propose, I knew I had to see her before I left. She can’t marry him. She just can’t.

  I shake my head as I walk towards the building. One thing’s for sure, Ross was right. The colour of the building does resemble horse shit. I’d say this guy has taste in his arse, but he has Indi, so that couldn’t possibly be true.

  My hand rises, pushing open the glass door. “Here goes nothing,” I mutter to myself as I step inside.

  Time to work on getting my girl back. Well, at least try to.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Indiana

  I still feel guilty about last night. Even though nothing happened, I feel compelled to tell Mark about it. I don’t want to keep secrets from him. He k
nows nothing about my past with Carter. Maybe if I come clean, I won’t feel so bad. I don’t want him to think I’m doing things behind his back, because I’m not.

  When I finish up giving Mrs. Smith’s poodle, Poppy, her vaccination, I decide to go and talk with Mark. I knock before walking into his examination room, even though Stephanie, the receptionist, told me he was alone. Of course his room is three times the size of mine. I swear the broom closet is larger than the pissy little room he’s shoved me in.

  It’s his practice I guess, so it’s only fitting he get the best room. But, it annoys the hell out of me sometimes. His parents bought the clinic for him when we graduated. At first I wasn’t too keen about working together, but he practically begged me to, so I agreed. So far it’s worked out pretty good. We get on well. Being in each other’s pockets all day isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We don’t live together, so we still get time away from one another.

  “Hey,” I say when I enter the room.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” He walks towards me and wraps me in his arms. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes,” I reply, encircling his waist and resting the side of my face on his chest. “Carter came over last night after you dropped me off.”

  “Who?”

  “Carter. My neighbour. The guy from yesterday afternoon.”

  “Oh. The thug.” You can clearly hear the disdain in his voice.

  “He’s not a thug,” I say in his defence. He does act like one sometimes, but he’s definitely not a thug. Just a little misguided on occasions. Mark doesn’t know him like I do, so I resent him for calling Carter that.

  “I beg to differ, but you’re telling me this why?” I can tell by his voice he’s annoyed. I can’t really blame him. I wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot.

  “Because I don’t want to have any secrets from you.” I feel his body stiffen. He pulls back and puts his finger under my chin, lifting my face towards his.

  “What kind of secrets? Did something happen between you two?” The uncertainty on his face makes me feel bad.

  “What? No. He just wanted to talk, that’s all.”

  “What’s the story between you two? I’ve never seen him around before, and you’ve never mentioned him. He seemed awfully protective of you yesterday.” I was hoping I didn’t have to go into this, but I guess I should tell him.

  “We got together when we were younger. Ummm … he was my first … you know, sexual encounter. Then he left. I haven’t seen him again, until now.”

  “I see,” he says, letting me go and taking a step back. “I don’t like this situation, Indi. I saw the way he looked at you yesterday. Do you still have feelings for him?”

  “No. We’re friends. That’s all. As I said before, I just didn’t want to keep any secrets from you.” I see his face soften as he steps towards me reaching for my hand.

  “I’m glad, but I’d prefer it if you stayed away from him from now on. I don’t trust him.”

  “That’s a little unreasonable don’t you think? He’s my friend, my neighbour, nothing more.” Even as the words leave my mouth I doubt them. But Mark seems to believe me.

  “Okay. I don’t like it, but I trust you. If he gives you a hard time though, please tell me. I’ll have a talk to him.”

  “Sure.” I seriously doubt that though. He seemed pretty intimidated by Carter yesterday. I know what Mark’s like. He’s definitely not the confrontational type. You only have to see the way he lets his parents order him around to know that. He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.

  “I love you, Indiana, and I will protect what’s mine.”

  “Thank you, but there’s no need. I can handle myself around Carter.” He pulls back from me when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Stephanie.

  “There’s a Mr. Reynolds here to see you, Ms. Montgomery.” Fuck. The only Mr. Reynolds I know is Carter. My eyes dart to Mark. He smiles at me. Of course he has no idea who Mr. Reynolds is. I don’t think he’s going to be impressed when he finds out.

  “Okay. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  “Are you okay?” Mark asks when she closes the door. “You’ve gone a little pale.”

  “I’m fine,” I lie giving him a tight smile. I’m far from fine. What does Carter want? Why has he come to my work?

  I turn from Mark and head towards the door. Just my luck, he follows. Shit. When he sees Carter standing there, he falters. “Him,” I hear Mark growl from beside me. Carter’s hands are buried in his pockets. He looks nervous, which for some reason on him I find endearing. I love his vulnerable side. It’s a side of him he doesn’t show often. My heart starts to race as I take him in. Why am I still so affected by him after all this time?

  “What can we do for you?” Mark asks, draping his arm over my shoulder like a possessive caveman. Carter’s eyes move between Mark and I.

  “I need to have a word with Indiana. In private,” Carter says locking eyes with Mark.

  “There’s nothing you can’t say to her in front of me,” he snaps. Far out. You could cut the air with a knife. Carter ignores Mark, turning his attention to me.

  “Please, Indi. It will only take a minute.”

  “I said no,” Mark reaffirms. I reach for his hand, giving it a squeeze. Now is not the time to turn all alpha. Carter will tear him apart.

  “I think Indi can make up her own mind,” he sneers with contempt before turning his attention back to me. “I just need to talk to you before I leave. A few minutes, that’s all I ask.” The pleading look on his face tugs at my heart. I can’t believe he’s leaving again, already. He’s only just got here. I thought he’d stick around for a few more days.

  “You’re leaving right now?” I try not to sound disappointed, but I fail miserably.

  “I’ve got work commitments,” he replies giving me an unsure smile. Mark’s not going to like it, but I have to talk to him. I need to know what he wants.

  “Oh.” I turn to Mark. “It’ll only take a few minutes.” He doesn’t say a word, but the anger in his eyes is clearly visible.

  “Fine,” he exhales in defeat before turning and storming back into his room. I flinch when he slams the door. He’s seriously overreacting here, but I guess I can’t blame him for being upset. After all, I just finished telling him that Carter and I have a history.

  “Outside?” Carter asks flicking his head towards the door. The insistent look on his face has me nodding. My gaze moves to Stephanie. Her eyes are firmly fixed on Carter as she eyes him up and down. Why that annoys me, I can’t say. Actually, yes I can. I hate that women just fall all over him. Don’t they realise how pathetic they look? I’ve seen her giving Mark that same look on occasions, but surprisingly that didn’t seem to bother me as much as it does right now, with Carter.

  I follow him out into the street. He’s quiet for the longest time. I watch on as he paces the sidewalk. His hands are threaded through his hair. I presume his trying to calm himself down first. When he finally stops, he turns to face me.

  “Remind me again, what do you see in that guy?”

  “Excuse me? Is that why you came here?” I give him a look of disbelief. He better not have come all this way just to tell me that.

  “No,” he says exhaling. His big brown eyes search out mine.

  “Then why? What do you want, Carter?”

  “You can do so much better.”

  “Really?” Again with this bullshit.

  “Yes. Can’t you see how wrong he is for you, Indi?” He steps forward and reaches for my hand. He met him for all of a minute. How would he know if he’s right for me or not?

  “That’s not for you to decide, Carter,” I snap, pulling my hand from his. He doesn’t even know Mark. He has no right to judge.

  “Indi, please.” His hands fist in his hair again. He’s definitely struggling with something. I have no idea what. Surely he didn’t come all the way here to tell me Mark was the wrong guy for me. He already made that quite clear last night.
“If you stay with this guy, you’ll regret it. Trust me. There’s someone better out there … waiting.” What the hell is he talking about?

  “Like who? You? Mr. I-don’t-do-commitment. You’re asking me to throw away a future with Mark, for what? Friends with benefits? Been there done that, remember? The day I gave you my heart was the same day you ripped it out and stomped on it. I’m not stupid enough to go through that again.” His shoulders slump slightly at my verbal assault, but every word I spoke is the truth.

  “I’m sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted,” he says. The sincerity in his voice is clear. I’d like to believe he would never purposely hurt me, but the fact is he did.

  “Well you did. That’s irrelevant now because it’s in the past. I’m over it.” Which is a lie. I’m not sure I’ll ever completely be over it. “Why did you come here?”

  “I don’t know. Fuck,” he says with a sigh.

  “You don’t know what?” I’m really starting to lose my patience with his indecisiveness. “Spit it out, Carter. If there’s something you want to say, then just damn well say it.”

  “I don’t know if I’m that guy, but I do know it’s definitely not him.” He’s not even making sense. He doesn’t want me to be with Mark and he doesn’t want me either. What the hell? His words cut me right to the core.

  “Thanks for the advice. If that’s all, I need to get back to work. You’ve already pissed my boss off. I don’t want to lose my job.” I turn to walk away. Even more confused than I was the moment I saw him standing in the reception area. If he only came to cause trouble, then he’s achieved that. Disappointment consumes me. Funny thing is, I can’t even tell you why.

  “Wait.” I stop when he reaches for my elbow. “Maybe I should’ve thought about what I was going to say before I got here, but I didn’t. I came on an impulse. I came …”

  “For what, Carter?” I ask in a frustrated tone as I turn to face him again.