Bastard

by J. L. Perry

  He’s smiling as he kisses his way back up my body, his eyes locked on mine. His bed hair is sticking up all over the place, but he still looks as gorgeous as ever. My heart starts to race as his lips meet mine. I’m overcome with love for this man. I wish I could tell him how I feel. I want him to know just how much he means to me, but I don’t want to scare him off.

  I can’t lose him again.

  “Can you be my alarm clock every morning?” I ask as my fingers smooth back his hair.

  “If I could be between your legs every morning, I’d be a happy man,” he chuckles as his lips move along my jawline and down my neck.

  “That could be arranged,” I say jokingly. Removing his mouth from me, he raises his head. His expression is serious as his eyes meet mine.

  “Well arrange it,” he deadpans. I start to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

  “You,” I say. “You know if you were to be between my legs every morning, we’d have to spend every night together.” Well I suppose he could always sneak in my window before dawn, but that’s going to be near impossible since he lives two hours away. I dread him going back home, but I don’t even want to think about that right now.

  “And your point?” he replies, raising one of his eyebrows. Surely he can’t be serious. As much as I’d like to spend every night with him, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want that. I thought he was joking, but the serious look on his face tells me he’s not.

  I turn my head to the side. For some reason I’m suddenly finding it hard to meet his gaze. I don’t want to get my hopes up. This is Carter Reynolds we’re talking about. Mr. I-don’t-do-commitment.

  “Hey,” he says, placing his finger under my chin and turning my face back towards his. “Wouldn’t you like to wake up with me every morning?” I can clearly hear the hurt in his voice. The uncertainty on his face tugs at my heart.

  “Of course I would,” I reply, trying to reassure him. “I thought you were joking.”

  “Well I’m not. I’m in love with you Indiana. I want this. I want us.” I feel the corners of my lips turn up. Did he just say he loved me?

  “You love me?”

  “I don’t just love you, sweetheart. You own me, completely. It’s crazy how much. I never thought anyone could make me feel like this, but fuck me, you do. You make me feel it all. I loved you when I walked away five years ago, and I’ve never stopped. It’ll only ever be you.” His hand comes up to brush the hair back off my face. Tears sting my eyes from his sweet words.

  “I love you too, Carter,” I admit. My heart is singing right now knowing he feels the same way about me as I do him. I’ve never said that to a guy before. Well except my dad, but that doesn’t count. Carter’s face breaks out into a huge smile. Before I get to say another word, his mouth crashes into mine.

  He nudges my legs open with his knee as he settles between my thighs. I can feel his erection pushing against my leg. His hand reaches out to the side while his lips remain on me. I know he’s feeling for the condoms he left on the bedside table last night.

  When he retrieves it he pulls back, leaning on his haunches as he rolls it on. His eyes never once leave mine. “I can’t believe you love me,” he whispers. Well believe it. When he settles between my legs again, the smile I see on his face melts my heart. Despite what he thinks of himself, he’s an easy person to love. He laces his fingers through mine, pinning them above my head.

  No words are spoken as he ever so slowly slides inside me. His lips meet mine as he gently rocks his hips forward. This time he doesn’t fuck me, he makes sweet and passionate love to me. He gives me every piece of him, and I do the same as our hearts merge as one.

  I love him right down to the depths of my soul.

  ••••

  We crawl out of bed an hour later. I feel like I’m floating. I’ve never felt this happy, this whole. Carter runs me a bath to soak in while he orders breakfast. He hasn’t stopped smiling since we’ve told each other how we feel. Being with him just feels so right. It always has. I know that’s why I never completely moved on. Why I couldn’t give myself fully to Mark. My heart has always belonged to Carter. It always will.

  When I get out of the bath I wrap myself in a towel and pick up my crumpled dress off the floor. I guess I’m going to have to wear this home. We’ll have to call to the house on the way to my appointment. My stomach churns when I think about that. I pray that we’re going to get some good news today. Surely life couldn’t be that cruel. We’ve only just found each other again.

  “Hey,” Carter says coming into the bathroom and snapping me out of my thoughts. “You okay?” His hands slide around my waist from behind as he places a soft kiss on my cheek.

  “I’m fine,” I reply turning my head to meet his gaze. “We’re going to have to call to my place so I can get some clothes.”

  “I packed some. They’re laying on the bed.”

  “They are?” You can clearly hear the surprise in my voice.

  “Uh huh,” he replies like he’s proud of himself.

  “They better not be skimpy.” He chuckles at my comment.

  “I did consider it, but I knew you had your appointment, so I packed jeans and a sweater thingy, or whatever you call them.”

  “And underwear?”

  “That too,” he says, turning me in his arms and planting a kiss on my nose. “Get dressed, breakfast has just arrived. I bought you a new toothbrush as well. It’s in the toiletry bag on the vanity. Oh, and some girly deodorant. Can’t have my girl stinky.” I release a small laugh, playfully punching him in the arm. I’ll give him stinky.

  “Thank you,” I say wrapping my arms around his waist, squeezing him tight. “For everything.” I feel tears sting my eyes again. I’m feeling so overwhelmed right now.

  It’s like this thing between us is too good to be true. I pray that’s not the case.

  ••••

  My leg won’t stop bouncing as we sit in the doctor’s room waiting to be called. I’m trying my best to act cool, but I’m failing miserably. I cross my legs at the same time Carter reaches for my hand. It’s just the two of us today. My dad called before we left the hotel, but Carter talked him out of coming with us. Knowing my dad, he wouldn’t have been impressed, but Carter did promise to call him the minute we had the results.

  Carter brings my hand up to his mouth, placing a kiss on my knuckles. I smile at him trying to let him know I’m okay, even though my stomach is churning inside.

  “The doctor will see you now, Ms. Montgomery,” the nurse says from behind her desk. Carter stands first pulling me up with him. He laces his fingers through mine as we walk down the small corridor towards the doctor’s room. I’ve given up on trying to stop him from coming with me. Secretly I’m glad. I need him. He’s quickly becoming my rock.

  “Whatever the doctor says, we face it together,” Carter whispers in my ear as his hold on my hand tightens. I’m not sure if I could get through this without him. He’s been wonderful. I give him a tight, nervous smile when his eyes meet mine. I’m afraid if I talk right now, I’ll cry.

  The doctor greets us at the door. He shakes both our hands before offering us a seat. As soon as we’re seated, Carter reaches for my hand again. My eyes dart towards him. His eyes are planted firmly on the doctor. His brow is furrowed, worry clearly visible on his face. This time, I squeeze his hand as calmness settles over me. I suddenly realise that whatever the doctor is about to say is irrelevant. We have each other. For how long, who knows, but in this moment that’s all that seems to matter.

  My eyes leave Carter when the doctor speaks. “I have your results from the MRI, Indiana.” I hold my breath as I wait for him to continue. “I’m pleased to say there’s no secondary cancer present.” My cheeks puff out as I release my breath slowly. My eyes move to Carter, and the relief on his face is evident. His gaze meets mine and his lips turn up into a beautiful smile.

  “That’s great news,” Carter says turning his attention back to the doctor. “What
happens from here?”

  “Well, I’d like to put Indiana on a course of steroids for the next two weeks to relieve any swelling around the tumour, then we can get started on the radiation therapy. I have some information I’d like you to read through in the meantime. It will answer any questions you may have. It also outlines the benefits, risks, and side effects that may arise, things of that nature.”

  “What are the risks and side effects?” Carter asks. I’m glad he’s got it together enough to ask questions. My mind is on overload at the moment.

  “The risks are minimal. That’s why I’ve chosen this avenue instead of surgery. The tumour is small so you’ll be receiving small doses of radiation over a six-week period. Longer if required, but I’m pretty confident it won’t be needed. The radiation will kill off any cancer cells and hopefully prevent it from growing or spreading. As for the side effects, you may not experience any. People react quite differently to the treatment. You may feel nauseous, or have a loss of appetite. It’s important you eat correctly whilst undergoing the radiation therapy. There’s a list of foods and things you should avoid in the package. You may experience fatigue and some hair loss, but again, every case is different. Your skin on your head may become dry and itchy, but there are creams that can help with that. All in all, nothing too serious. The benefits far outweigh all of that.”

  There’s so much to take in it’s making my head spin. If this radiation therapy is going to cure me, then I’ll take any side effect they want to throw at me. In the grand scheme of things, if it’s going to save my life I don’t really care.

  “Everything you should and shouldn’t do is clearly outlined in the pamphlets inside the envelope. Please read up on them. It’s best if you know everything going into this.”

  “We will,” Carter assures him. I’m feeling very overwhelmed by it all.

  The doctor must see the indecision on my face because he adds, “You’re young and healthy. You have everything on your side, Indiana.” He gives me a reassuring smile as he passes me the envelope. “I’ll get you that script for the steroids.” I watch as his fingers move over the keyboard in front of him before he reaches for the printed script in the tray. “If you have any concerns after reading through the information, don’t hesitate to call me. It’s pretty straightforward and should answer any questions you may have.”

  “Thank you,” I say as he leans over the desk handing me the script.

  “I’ll get you to make an appointment with me for one week’s time, and we can discuss any of your concerns and get you prepared to start the treatment the following week. What type of work do you do?”

  “I’m between jobs,” I admit. I still can’t believe Mark fired me, the arsehole. It’s not like I could’ve kept working there under the circumstances, I suppose, but I’m eager to find something else. I love what I do. I miss my animals.

  “Well maybe that’s a good thing. You’re going to need plenty of rest during the course of the treatment, so maybe you should put that off for a few months. Or at the very least, find casual work.” Thankfully I live at home with my dad, so I can survive without money for a little longer. I do have savings I can dip into if needed.

  When he stands, Carter and I follow. Carter reaches for his hand first before I do the same. “Thanks, doc,” Carter says as we’re leaving.

  As soon as we exit the building, Carter pulls me into his arms before swinging me around. “I’m so fucking happy,” he says before placing me back on my feet. “Well I’m happy things aren’t worse than we thought. I still hate that you have to go through this.” He cups my face, giving me a sad smile. “You’ve got this in the bag. You know that right?” he adds confidently as he pulls me into a crushing hug. “I’ve gotta call your dad. He’s waiting to hear back from me.”

  I smile as he releases me and pulls out his phone. Although what lies ahead is daunting to say the least, his happiness is infectious.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Carter

  We stop off at the pharmacy on the way home and pick up the steroids. I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I know we still have a long road ahead, but after today’s results I’m hopeful. She’s tough. My fiery little kick-arse. I have every confidence she’ll come out of this cancer free. I’m not even going to entertain the alternative. I refuse to go there. I’ve just got her back. I won’t lose her again.

  “You okay?” I ask when we pull into her driveway. She’s been pretty quiet all the way home. Well, ever since I told her I’d be heading back to Newcastle later today. I wish I could stay longer, but my shop needs me. She’ll always be my first priority, but I have a backlist of clients since I’ve cancelled so many appointments. I’m going to be taking a lot of time off when the treatment starts, so I’ll need to stay on top of it until then.

  Doesn’t she realise how hard it’s going to be for me being away from her?

  “I’m fine,” she replies reaching for my hand and forcing out a smile. She’s not fucking fine. Why do chicks say that shit?

  “You sure? You know you could always come home with me. I’ll have you back in time for your appointment next week.” Her smile widens when I say that, and I can tell she’s giving it some serious thought. I’d love to take her back with me. I’m not sure why I didn’t think to ask her before now. I guess I was scared she’d say no.

  “I don’t know,” she answers with a shrug. “You’ve got work every day. I’m only going to get in your way.”

  “Bullshit. I live above my shop. I converted it into an apartment when I bought the building. I’ll be right downstairs. You can come and go as you please. Or I can come upstairs in between clients. The beach is across the road, and I have a small grassed area out the back for LJ.” I sound so fucking pathetic the way I’m rattling everything off in the hope she’ll say yes. Taking her home with me is a brilliant idea. I want her by my side, in my space. I need it. I’m not going to be able to concentrate all week having her so far away from me. “Please say you’ll come,” I beg, clutching her hands in mine. “If you hate it up there, I’ll bring you straight back.”

  “If I’m with you, I won’t hate it,” she admits.

  “Then you’ll come?”

  “I’ll come.” Before she has a chance to say another word, my mouth is on hers. I can’t believe she’s agreed to come back with me. I can’t wait to show her my place, my work, the area where I live. I’m fucking beaming like a fool when I pull out of the kiss. I’m deliriously friggin’ happy.

  This just proves she’s the one. Once upon a time, the thought of sharing my life and my home with someone would’ve freaked me the hell out. It’s something I wouldn’t have even considered. Now I can’t wait to get up there. I can’t wait to go to bed with her every night, wake up with her every morning, and to share my days with her.

  “Why don’t you go inside and pack? I’m gonna see if there’s anything my mum needs doing before I leave, then I’ll come over and get you.” I cup her face in my hands, placing one more kiss on her lips.

  “Okay. Can I have my underwear back?” Her comment makes me chuckle.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “You better pack me some, mister,” she demands, reaching out and pinching my arm. “I mean it.”

  “Ouch,” I say with a chuckle. “Your fingers are almost as lethal as your knee.”

  ••••

  After I run a few small errands for my mum and take her garbage out to the trash bin, I head towards my room. The quicker I get packed up, the quicker I can take Indi home with me. I’m really looking forward to having her up there. Hopefully she’ll want to stay the whole week, and I can bring her back for her next appointment with the oncologist.

  After throwing my stuff into my bag, I open the bedside drawer next to my bed to retrieve my sketchpad. Inside I find a small piece of paper sitting on top.

  You can’t tell me where and how I choose to get pleasure!

  As soon as I read it, I start laughing. Like hell I can
’t. I can, and I damn well will. Of course, when I rifle around in the drawer I find the vibrator missing. I’ll get it back. You just wait and see.

  After the rest of my things are packed, I head towards the kitchen to say goodbye to my mum. I’ve seen a vast improvement in her this visit. She still has her moments, but I’m confident in time she’ll get past this. He was not the man she thought he was. When I see her shedding tears for him, I want to tell her the truth about what type of person he really was, but that’s only going to upset her more.

  ••••

  “Did you pack the information from the doctor?” I ask Indiana as I place her suitcase in the trunk of my car.

  “No I didn’t. I better go grab it.” I smile as she turns and runs back into the house.

  “Look after my girl,” Ross says as I reach for his hand.

  “You don’t need to ask me that. Of course I will.”

  “I know,” he replies placing his hand on my shoulder. “You’re good for her, son.” His words make me smile. She’s good for me is what I want to say, but I don’t.

  While Indi hugs her father goodbye, I pull my seat forward so LJ can climb in the back. “There’s some containers in the freezer with that pasta dish we had a few nights ago, and the chicken casserole from the weekend, if you don’t feel like cooking while I’m gone. Oh and—”

  “I’ll be fine, Pumpkin,” he says cutting her off and wrapping her in his arms. “I survived when you were away at college didn’t I?”

  “I guess,” she admits with a giggle. “You should invite Elizabeth over for dinner one night if you get lonely.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he chuckles, kissing the top of her head. I open Indi’s door for her when she walks around to the passenger side. I can’t even put into words how excited I am that she’s coming home with me. I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning.