Huckleberry Summer (Huckleberry Hill)

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  She should have gone to Dat right after supper, but he had looked so ominous, lazily reading his paper in his brown recliner, that she stalled for time by helping Mama and Estee wash celery and bake pies. Even though she wasn’t planning on getting married tomorrow, it was still Estee’s big day. As desperate and terrified as she felt, Lily could not leave Estee celery-less.

  Estee had gone off to bed while Mama put the finishing touches on the celery stuffing in the kitchen. Lily forced herself to walk into the living room. She loved Aden. She wasn’t going to marry Tyler. She must tell Fater now.

  Her eyes never strayed from her dat’s face as she tiptoed into the living room and stood by his chair. She didn’t think her heart could pound any harder. Was this what a heart attack felt like?

  “Dat?”

  “Hmm?”

  “May I speak with you?” Lily cringed. She sounded timid and unsure. Dat would never be convinced of her resolve.

  Dat peered over the rims of his reading glasses. “What is it?” He furrowed his brow. “You look pale.”

  Maybe she didn’t have to tell her dat. He would find out when she didn’t show up for her wedding in the morning.

  Lily’s fear made her lose control of her limbs, and she trembled like a match flame in the wind. It was no use. She couldn’t speak without crying, and she must speak, so she let the tears flow. If she had to concentrate on keeping her emotions in check, she would lose her nerve. No matter what, she had to get this out.

  Dat’s expression flooded with sympathy, and he stood and took her into his arms. “There, there,” he said gently, patting her on the back. “Don’t cry. Tomorrow is your wedding day.”

  “Oh, Dat. You’re going to be very disappointed in me.”

  He nudged her away from him and clicked his tongue. “How could you ever disappoint me when you try so hard to do right?”

  His reassurance gave her hope. Maybe Dat would understand how sincerely she wanted to do the right thing.

  He touched the tip of her nose. “You are fretting over nothing. Estee told me about what happened with that boy at Mrs. Deforest’s today. I’m proud of the way you behaved. Tomorrow we will be rid of him for good.”

  Lily deflated slightly before thinking of Aden, squaring her shoulders, and wiping her eyes. “Dat, there is something I must tell you, and I have never been so certain of the rightness of any decision.”

  “Of course. You could not ask for a better husband than Tyler.”

  Her heart pounded in her throat, but she stood her ground. “I’m not going to get married tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  “I made a terrible mistake when I agreed to marry Tyler. I don’t love him. I can’t marry him.”

  Dat snorted and sat down in his chair as if the discussion were over. “Every bride gets cold feet before her wedding. You will be fine.”

  “I know it is almost too late, Dat. It was wrong of me to wait so long. But this is not the jitters. I can’t marry tomorrow. I just can’t.”

  Dat leaned back in his chair and cleared his throat. “I worried this would happen. You get so nervous, and the thought of being married and sharing everything with a husband can be upsetting. Have you spoken to your mother about all the women things?”

  Lily felt her face get hot. “It’s not about that, Dat. I don’t want to marry Tyler. Ever.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You’re serious.”

  She almost wept with relief. “Yes. I am going to break off the engagement.”

  Dat’s frown sank deeper into his face. “What will Tyler say?”

  She looked at the floor. “I don’t know,” she whispered, not even wanting to think of the hurt she would cause.

  Dat stood and paced purposefully around the room. “I’ve got to think. Let’s think for a minute. We could talk to Tyler. He loves you. It would certainly upset the apple cart, but he wouldn’t mind postponing the wedding until January so you feel comfortable.”

  Lily raised her voice so Dat could hear her over his own thoughts. “Dat! I love someone else.”

  He stopped pacing and glared at her, his eyes wide. She had never spoken to him like that. “Love someone else?”

  “I’m sorry, Dat.”

  A fire ignited in Dat’s eyes, and his lips twisted in disgust. “He doesn’t love you.”

  His words stung more than he could have imagined. “You don’t know that.”

  “A boy like Aden Helmuth only loves himself.”

  Lily blinked back more tears. “I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t discard his love like an old shoe. He’s a part of me, Dat.”

  “Don’t be dramatic.”

  Mama rushed into the room. “What is the matter?”

  “Lily says she’s in love with Aden Helmuth.” Lily recognized the surprise in her dat’s voice. She had never defied him before.

  “But what about the wedding?”

  “It’s off,” Lily said.

  Dat slapped his hand against the wall. Both Mama and Lily jumped. “No, it’s not. I expect better from you, Lily. Better than what I got from Zeke. And so I’m doing what my dat should have done the day Zeke took up with those new friends. If you walk away from Tyler Yoder, you will never be allowed in my home again.”

  “David, you don’t mean that,” Mama said.

  “Yes, I do. To keep her from making the worst decision of her life.” He pointed a finger at Lily. “You are blinded by this infatuation for that boy. I understand boys like him.”

  Lily bawled in frustration and misery. “You know nothing about Aden. He is good and brave and would just as soon cut off his arm as hurt anyone.”

  “Go back to that boy, and you’ll regret it. And my heart will break to see you live with that regret when I could have prevented it. And I will prevent it.”

  Great sobs racked her body. She would lose her family if she called off the wedding.

  But she would lose everything if she didn’t have Aden.

  “So, Lily. What is it going to be? It’s mighty cold out there tonight.”

  Mama gasped but didn’t speak.

  Still whimpering, but with more determination than ever, Lily pulled her coat from the closet, put it on, and turned to face her parents. “I’m sorry, Dat, but I love Aden better than my own soul.”

  “Then get out of my house.”

  She shuffled out the door without closing it behind her. Was this courage? Her heart beat so wildly it felt more like fear. But she didn’t turn back.

  “David,” she heard her mother say, “we can’t send her out into the night like that.”

  Her dat’s voice sounded soft, comforting. “Give her some time to think about it. She’ll be back.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The propane lantern hissed to life, casting eerie shadows into every corner of the barn. Lily’s hand trembled as she blew out the match. She hoped her fingers wouldn’t be numb with cold before she could figure out how to hook up Floyd’s sleigh.

  Dust motes and strands of hay swirled into the air as Lily flung the tarp off the sleigh, a brand new two-seater with blue vinyl upholstery and shiny black runners. She ignored the twinge of guilt as she guided Sandy from the stall. She had no choice but to steal Estee’s wedding present. She must go to Tyler’s, and the roads were heavy with layers of snow. She hadn’t dared ride in the saddle for years, so it had to be the sleigh. Besides, Floyd’s displeasure was the least of her worries tonight.

  Sniffling away her still-falling tears, Lily held Sandy’s reins and examined the sleigh. She considered waking Estee to help her hitch it up. She would go with Lily to Tyler’s if Lily asked her to.

  But she decided against that. She had to do this on her own. For Aden.

  Urgency made her clumsy. Would Dat come out and discover her before she had a chance to escape? She fumbled with the buckles and stumbled over the runners as she hitched Sandy to the sleigh, which to her relief was much like hitching the horse to the buggy.

  With some effort,
she maneuvered the horse and sleigh out of the barn without knocking over any hay bales. The snow made down harder now, in chunks of ice that pelted her face as she guided the horse up the lane. She wished for a pair of goggles and hoped she could find her way to Tyler’s house even if she couldn’t see.

  The sleigh glided across the snow. Lily didn’t know if the feeling of exhilaration or terror was stronger. It went so fast, she felt as if she were flying. She made a mental note to ask Floyd’s forgiveness and then thank him profusely. A buggy would have gotten stuck in the driveway.

  The cold had numbed her face by the time she saw the shadowy outlines of Tyler’s house and silos against the dark sky. Lights burned inside. It might be late, but it seemed someone was up.

  Lily stopped the horse in the snowy lane, jumped out of the sleigh, and tromped breathlessly to Tyler’s porch. How could she bear to do this?

  Saying a prayer for courage, she rapped on the door. She wanted to be sure to be heard.

  Tyler’s mother answered, and the sound of rowdy laughter attacked Lily’s ears. Of course. Relatives were here for the wedding tomorrow. A small propane lantern hung from a hook on the wall, dimly lighting the entry. Tyler’s mother smiled in delight before studying Lily’s face. Obviously troubled by what she saw, she lost her smile and a worry line appeared between her eyebrows. “Lily? I did not expect to see you tonight. Is everything all right?”

  Breathless, Lily grabbed Tyler’s mother’s wrist, partly to keep herself from falling over. Her knees felt like rubber. “Please, may I talk to Tyler?”

  His mother hesitated for a moment as the puzzlement on her face gave way to concern. “I will get him.”

  Thankfully, the entryway in Tyler’s house was nothing but a landing. The kitchen and living room were up the stairs in front of Lily, and the bedrooms were down. The laughter came from upstairs. It sounded like they had a houseful of visitors, but Lily couldn’t see any of them and they couldn’t see her. Praise the Lord for small blessings. She would be able to avoid the awkward silence and curious looks from Tyler’s relatives. The bride showing up at the groom’s house with eyes red from crying would not bode well the night before the wedding.

  Lily stood in wretched silence as the yelling and laughing continued. “One, two, three . . .”

  They must have been playing a game. The counting stopped, and the laughing got louder.

  Tyler appeared at the top step, smiling at whatever silliness went on in the kitchen. He saw who his visitor was and froze halfway down the stairs. His smile faded and apprehension immediately leaped into his eyes. Her heart sank to her toes. This was going to hurt both of them.

  Hurt very badly.

  He stood there staring at her, as if he didn’t know what to do next, as if taking one more step down those stairs would ruin everything.

  Lily had no control over her trembling. “Tyler, is there somewhere we can talk?”

  With worry saturating his features, he swallowed hard and nodded. Pointing down the stairs, he motioned for Lily to lead the way. “The cellar,” he said. “Turn right.”

  The laughter faded as they descended, and the sound of their shoes clunking against the wooden steps thundered in Lily’s ears. And of course, the pounding of her heart created a cacophony inside her head.

  They reached the cellar, and Tyler lit a lantern on a post. He scooted a barrel near the lantern and invited her to sit. Lily shook her head. If she sat still, she might explode. Tyler stayed standing as well. He wasn’t one to relax if he felt he needed to keep his wits about him.

  Even with her coat on, Lily shivered. Tyler thought of everything. He couldn’t very well be alone with her in one of the bedrooms on the night before the wedding. The only other private place in the house was the dark cellar with cold cement walls and low, oppressive ceilings.

  Even in the basement, they could hear the muted counting upstairs followed by uproarious laughter.

  Tyler glanced up the stairs. “My uncles and cousins from Albany. They’re having a push-up contest.” He smiled weakly, but there was no joy in it.

  He fell silent, and they stared at each other as the unspoken words between them lodged in Lily’s throat.

  She hadn’t been able to come up with one comforting thing, not one thing to say to Tyler that might soften the blow. The brutal truth served plain and ungarnished would be poison to him, but Lily could see no other way.

  Tyler turned his back on her, placed his hand on the wall above his head, and leaned against it. Bowing his head, he let out a long, slow breath. “Something is wrong, isn’t it?”

  “Jah.”

  His voice shook with emotion. “Are you calling it off?”

  “Jah,” she whispered, so softly that she almost didn’t hear herself.

  “Oy anyhow, you’re brave.”

  She didn’t miss the astonishment in his voice. Her heart beat wildly. Not very brave. Fear and uncertainty were an icy hand around her throat.

  He still had his back to her, maybe so she wouldn’t see what was on his face. “I’m sorry, Lily. I knew you weren’t ready. I think . . . I wanted to marry you so bad. It hurt so much when I thought of you not being in my life.”

  Lily closed her eyes and pushed down the tears that threatened to spill onto the cold cement floor. “Don’t apologize. I encouraged you. I wanted you to ask me.”

  He lifted his head and looked at her. “Jah, you did. I know you did.”

  “Because you are the best kind of man.”

  He shook his head. “I know you think of me that way, and I have always been humbled by your opinion. It’s why I dared to even hope you might say yes.” He relinquished his wall and gently clasped her upper arms. “But you don’t love me.”

  She couldn’t meet his gaze, not with that fire burning in his eyes. “No.”

  He dropped his hands and shoved his fingers through his hair. “Then it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve read the Bible or how often I help my mamm with the dishes or how much your fater likes me. I cannot be your husband if I am not the best man for you.” The intensity in his gaze could have melted a meadow of ice. “There are other men out there, Lily, gute men who get beat up by life because they think with their hearts instead of their heads. Gute men who always try to do the right thing even when it’s messy or turns out bad. Men who love big, hairy dogs.”

  Lily’s legs wobbled, and she sat down hard on the barrel.

  He took her hand and enfolded it in both of his. “It’s my own fault because I wanted to believe you loved me. I ignored the way you look at Aden, like every delight in the world lives in his face.” The corner of Tyler’s mouth quirked upward. “He’s not even that handsome.”

  “Yes, he is.”

  “Well, don’t tell me about it. I’m sick of Aden Helmuth already.”

  Relieved laughter escaped Lily’s lips.

  Tyler knit his brows in concern. “Was your dat angry?”

  Lily’s heart resumed galloping. “He has thrown me out of the house.”

  She saw a fierce emotion in Tyler’s face she’d never seen before. “How could he treat his daughter that way?”

  “He hoped his harshness would force me to reconsider. He says I am blind to Aden’s faults.”

  “Aden’s only fault is caring too much.” His lips twitched. “I can’t believe I’m defending him when he’s ruined all my happiness.”

  Lily didn’t know whether to laugh or weep.

  Tyler directed a steely gaze up the stairs. “I will go to your fater. He will know how I feel about what he has done.”

  “Nae. You have no argument with him. I have never opposed him before, and he did not know what to do. But he needs to see that I am strong enough to do what I feel is right. I won’t have you fighting my battles for me.”

  Tyler frowned. “It took a lot of courage to tell your fater. And me. I’m proud of you.”

  “I am anything but brave. I thought I might faint.”

  “That’s what courage is. If
it weren’t scary, it would take no bravery to see it through.”

  A warm glow filled Lily’s chest. She wished she had a sister for Tyler. He deserved an angel to be his wife.

  Another blast of laughter sounded from upstairs. Lily lowered her eyes and studied her hands. “I suppose we should tell your family.”

  “Why spoil their evening just yet?” He took her hand and pulled her up the steps. “There is an errand we need to run.”

  “Where are we going?” she said, as they climbed.

  “To Huckleberry Hill, because Aden’s got the stupid idea that he’s leaving tomorrow. I think you should talk him out of it.”

  Lily’s heart soared to the sky. She threw her arms around Tyler’s neck and squeezed with all the joy of affectionate friendship. He truly was the best of men. Him and Aden. “Why would you do that for me?”

  Sadness flitted across Tyler’s face. “I want you to be happy.”

  A tear escaped her eye even as she grinned.

  “But don’t act too happy,” Tyler said wryly. “I’m still heartbroken over losing you. Can you muster a little respect for my feelings?”

  Lily kissed him soundly on the cheek. “I have more respect for you than ever.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Aden lay staring at the ceiling even though it was too dark to actually see the ceiling. He didn’t fight the insomnia. Since the puppy mill, he felt blessed if he got three or four solid hours a night.

  Tomorrow all hope of happiness would die for him. Lily would get married, and Aden would go home. He wondered if Mamm had moved one of his little brothers into his old room yet. Or maybe she had turned it into a quilting space where she could spread her fabric all over his bed and design squares to her heart’s content. Maybe Mamm and Dat wouldn’t want him back. He’d given them enough to worry about when he lived there.

  Because of the pain, he’d trained himself to put Lily out of his mind, to accept a sort of numbness about his daily life so he wouldn’t walk around in perpetual despair. But tonight, Aden surrendered and pictured Lily as he had seen her earlier today, her cheeks rosy with the cold, the brilliance of the snow reflecting in her eyes. This would be the last time he let himself dream about her. If such thoughts seized him back in Ohio, he’d drive himself crazy.