by Jim Benton
1. Franny’s House
2. Franny’s Family
3. Franny Takes the Cake
4. It Was a Piece of Cake
5. From Fair to Cloudy
6. What’s in a Name
7. It’s Only a Matter of Time
8. I Wonder What Yesterday Will Be Like
9. Down Memory Lane
10. Making a Name for Yourself
11. There’s No Time Like the Present
12. You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself
13. Will You Just Listen to Yourself?
14. You Should Have Gotten a Grip on Yourself Before Yourself Got a Grip on You
15. Is There an Echo in Here? Is There an Echo in Here?
16. One More Reason to Never Clean Your Room
17. He Who Laughs First, Laughs Last
18. A Future with Appeal
For Griffin, Summer, Mary K, Dan, Barb, Bruce, Mom, and Dad
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Executive Editor: Kevin Lewis
Art Director: Dan Potash
Managing Editor: Dorothy Gribbin
Designer: Lucy Ruth Cummins
Production Manager: Chava Wolin
Editorial Assistant: Joanna Feliz
Paperback Assistant Editor: Molly McGuire
CHAPTER ONE
FRANNY’S HOUSE
The Stein family lived in the pretty pink house with lovely purple shutters down at the end of Daffodil Street. Everything about the house was bright and cheery. Everything, that is, except the upstairs bedroom with the tiny round window.
That tiny round window looked in on the bedroom and laboratory of Franny K. Stein, Little Girl Mad Scientist.
Recently, in this very lab, Franny had created Zero Gravity Dog Food, to make walking her dog, Igor, more fun.
And before that, she had invented Cannibalistic Broccoli that ate itself, so kids who hated eating vegetables would never have to.
And she still had a giant, hamster-powered trike, which she had created when she was only three years old.
She had been a mad scientist since she was just a baby. And Franny had been building and accumulating her creations in this lab as long as she could remember.
And she was very, very serious about it. She always had been.
CHAPTER TWO
FRANNY’S FAMILY
The rest of Franny’s family was not really interested in mad science.
Franny’s dad was a regular dad. He loved Franny, but he didn’t really appreciate her Voice-Activated Cheese Cannon, which provided the user with an endless supply of cheeseballs on demand. It just wasn’t the sort of thing that regular dads appreciated.
And Franny’s mom was a regular mom. She loved Franny, but she didn’t really appreciate things like the special chicken that Franny had bred with so many wishbones that you could wish for anything you wanted.
And Franny’s little brother, Freddy, was a regular little brother. He loved Franny too (of course, he’d never admit it).
Freddy didn’t appreciate her creations either. Especially when he found them under his bed at night.
But even though they didn’t always appreciate her creations, they had learned to take them seriously. When they didn’t, it made Franny pretty angry, and the only thing more dangerous than a mad scientist is an angry mad scientist.
CHAPTER THREE
FRANNY TAKES THE CAKE
The announcement of the yearly Science Fair at school always filled Franny with mixed emotions. On the one hand, Franny loved creating new inventions and sharing them with others.
On the other hand, Franny already had a long list of projects in her lab that she was anxious to complete.
And on the other hand, it was always an extra challenge to create a project that the kids at school would appreciate. Wait a second, that was three hands.
Well, this is Franny we’re talking about.
Franny explained it to her mom. “I want to do a good Science Fair project, but I really don’t like to take time away from the other lab projects.”
Her mom smiled. “You can’t have it both ways, Franny. You know what they say: You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
A wide grin came across Franny’s face. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too? We’ll see about that.”
Franny walked quickly to her lab, with the blueprint of her next creation beginning to form inside her head as she went.
CHAPTER FOUR
IT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE
Franny began assembling the mechanism she had designed. “Can’t have your cake and eat it too,” she scoffed. “Where do they come up with these things?”
As she worked, Franny recalled when she conducted experiments based on other sayings she had heard her mom use.
At last her device was complete, and she demonstrated it to her faithful assistant, Igor.
“Observe. Here, on my Time Warp Dessert Plate, I have a delicious piece of cake.” Igor nodded. He was always ready to observe a delicious piece of cake.
Franny gobbled it up quickly. “Now I’ve eaten it. So, of course, I no longer have it.”
Igor shook his head. No cake. That IS sad.
“But through a slight time warp, I can actually make a small zone on the plate go back to a point in the recent past when I had not yet eaten the cake.”
Igor’s eyes widened as the cake reappeared on Franny’s special plate.
“And now I have it again,” she said.
There was a way to have your cake and eat it too, and Franny had figured it out.
“Easy as pie,” she said.
CHAPTER FIVE
FROM FAIR TO CLOUDY
Miss Shelly smiled as the principal of the school, Mrs. Pierce, addressed all of the students. “Thank you all so much for working so hard to make this year’s Science Fair exciting and interesting and not, uh, life threatening,” she said.
The other kids knew exactly what Mrs. Pierce was talking about. In years past, some of Franny’s creations had been a bit dangerous.
In fact, most of Franny’s creations could be dangerous, and the kids had learned to be very, very careful around anything that came out of Franny’s laboratory. They liked Franny, but they had learned to take Franny and her creations very seriously.
“We had many excellent entries, and this year we’re giving out certificates,” the principal said.
“I’m happy to present third prize to William Frederick Davis for his new breed of banana that you just turn inside out instead of peeling.”
William smiled and ran up and took his certificate.
“I never knew his middle name was Frederick,” Franny whispered, and suddenly she looked a bit concerned.
“Second prize goes to Anthony Christopher Hernandez for his Never-Miss Baseball Glove.” Anthony ran up and got his certificate.
“Christopher, huh?” Franny said, looking slightly more concerned.
“And first prize,” the principal began, “again goes to Franny—”
“Uh, that’s okay,” Franny interrupted nervously. “I’ll, uh, just pass on the certificate.”
“Of course not,” Mrs. Pierce said. “You won fair and square, Franny. You should be proud.”
“Okay, but you don’t have to read my name or anything. We all know my name.”
“Nonsense,” the principal said. “For her Time Warp Dessert Plate, first prize goes to Franny Kissypie Stein.”
CHAPTER SIX
WHAT’S IN A NAME
Franny Kissypie Stein. The principal looked at the certificate more closely just to make sure she had read it correctly. She even cleaned her glasses.
“Is that right, Franny? Is your middle name ‘Kissypie’?”
Franny walked
up and quietly took the certificate.
“Yes,” Franny said. “It is. My middle name is Kissypie.”
The kids looked at the principal. They looked at Miss Shelly. They looked at Franny. They looked at each other.
And then they erupted into an explosion of laughter. Franny Kissypie Stein. They could hardly believe it.
“It’s the most ridiculous name I ever heard!” one of the kids shouted.
“What kind of a middle name is that?”
“We’ve been afraid of a kid named Kissypie?”
Even Miss Shelly and the principal giggled a little. And Franny felt a terrible destructive rage start to boil inside her.
“Silence!” Franny yelled, and her eyes flashed with her terrible, mad scientist anger.
“You think I want Kissypie for a middle name? It was some stupid nickname my dad had for my mom when they were just dating. They thought it would be cute to give it to me. I never asked to be named Kissypie.”
Franny’s face reddened and she spoke through clenched teeth. “Just in case none of you know how it works, your parents name you. You don’t name yourself. Don’t you think I’d change it if I had a way?”
“I bet you would,” one of the kids yelled, and they all started laughing even harder.
Franny was so angry that she started to tremble. She couldn’t stand being laughed at. She was just about to do something truly awful when her eyes fell on her Time Warp Dessert Plate.
Franny whispered to herself. “Don’t you think I’d change it if I had a way?” Her mind began the calculations. “I wonder . . . ”
CHAPTER SEVEN
IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
Franny’s mom watched as Franny carried calendars, watches, and hourglasses into her room. “More junk, Franny?” she said.
“I need this stuff, Mom. It’s critical that I thoroughly understand the nature of time if this experiment is going to succeed.”
“I know your experiments are important, Franny. But look at this room: bones everywhere, drawers full of guts. I suppose that banana peel is going to stay on the floor forever. Honestly, Franny, this is the sort of thing that attracts mice.”
“I promise to clean it up, okay, Mom? But right now I have to finish this.”
Franny’s mom threw her arms in the air and walked out, leaving Franny and Igor to the experiment at hand.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I WONDER WHAT YESTERDAY WILL BE LIKE
It’s really not much more complicated than the dessert plate, Igor. It just needs to work on me, instead of the cake, and I just have to travel farther into the past.”
Franny showed Igor a copy of her birth certificate. “Here’s what I need to change. See where it says ‘Kissypie’? I’m going back in time and changing it to something more dignified—something people won’t laugh at.”
She strapped her Time Warper Device to her arm. “Wish me luck,” Franny said, and she pressed a button. There was a flash, a pop, and a little puff of smoke, and she was gone.
Igor was scared. He had no idea where Franny was or, more frighteningly, when she was.
CHAPTER NINE
DOWN MEMORY LANE
Franny hurtled back through time. She saw the time she faced a two-headed robot, a giant Cupid, and a Pumpkin-Crab Monster.
She saw the day she got Igor, the day she met Miss Shelly, and the day she first brought one of her teddy bears to life.
“I’m getting close,” Franny said, and got ready to press the STOP button on the Time Warper.
She saw a familiar-looking baby girl in a bassinet in a hospital nursery.
“This is it,” Franny said, and she pressed the button.
CHAPTER TEN
MAKING A NAME FOR YOURSELF
There was a flash, and a pop, and a little puff of smoke, and Franny stood there, directly in front of Baby Franny.
Baby Franny blinked in astonishment as Franny grabbed Baby Franny’s chart.
“I’m doing you a huge favor,” she said to Baby Franny. “I’m changing this dumb middle name so that nobody can ever make fun of it again.”
Franny erased “Kissypie.” “Let’s see,” she said. “I still want to keep the initial K. How about ‘Kidney’? Do you like the sound of that?”
Baby Franny scrunched up her nose.
“No, huh?” Franny said. “Maybe ‘Khufu,’ or ‘Kismet,’ or ‘Kilowatt’?
Baby Franny pulled the pacifier from her mouth. “Kaboom,” she said.
Franny smiled. “It’s a bit peculiar, but I like it. It’s like an explosion,” she said, and she wrote “Kaboom” down as her middle name. Then she leaned way down and said, very seriously, to Baby Franny, “The most important thing is that nobody will laugh at us again. There is nothing worse than being laughed at.”
She picked up Baby Franny’s toy elephant. “Here, let me fix that for you,” she said, and drew a few extra eyes on it.
With a flash, and a pop, and a little puff of smoke, Franny was gone.
Baby Franny looked at the elephant with the extra eyes and smiled. At that moment she knew she wanted to create more things like that doll. At that moment, Baby Franny became a mad scientist.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THERE’S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT
Franny started hurtling forward again in time, back to the present. “I was kind of cute when I was a baby,” she said, smiling.
“I wonder how I’ll look when I’m older,” she said, tapping her finger on her chin. (Franny was a very curious girl.)
“Since I have the Time Warper Device running, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a little peek into the future,” she said, and she went right past the present and into the future.
With a flash, and a pop, and a little puff of smoke, Franny found herself in front of her house, sometime in the future.
CHAPTER TWELVE
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
At least, Franny thought this was her house. Thick smoke poured out of a huge chimney that punched out through the roof. Rusty drums of chemicals lay all over the yard. Terrible howls and screeches came from unseen creatures hiding within.
“I like what they’ve done with the place,” Franny said approvingly. “I’m just surprised that Mom decided to go with this look. She’s usually so fussy.”
Franny eased her way past the front door, which was hanging by a single hinge. Inside, the living room was crawling with snakes and spiders and things that looked like maybe they were half snake and half spider. “Perhaps a bit much,” Franny said. “Still, it’s quite cozy.”
There was no sign of her family anywhere. Even Igor, who would have run to the door to meet her, was gone.
She tiptoed up the stairs toward her bedroom laboratory and quietly pushed the door open.
There, feverishly banging on a fiendish-looking device, was a tall mad scientist that Franny knew could only be herself as a teenager.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO YOURSELF?
Teen Franny twisted the final screw on the machine she was constructing. “The Monster Multiplier is finally complete. They were foolish to laugh at me,” she grumbled as she began throwing switches. The Monster Multiplier started to whine and sizzle.
“But no more. Let’s see how they like it when these monsters begin overrunning the planet. Soon they’ll take over the entire world. There’ll be no laughing then.”
The Monster Multiplier crackled. The door opened and out walked a monster. It looked a lot like the elephant toy she had decorated for Baby Franny, but a lot bigger.
It crackled again, and again the door opened. An identical elephant-monster walked out.
Soon the machine was making monster after monster. They jumped out the window and began waging terror on the streets. “It won’t be long now,” Teen Franny said, and she grinned a mad scientist smile—an evil mad scientist smile. “It won’t be long before all the laughing stops.”
Franny gasped. Teen Franny was pretty handy in
the monster-making machine department, and you had to give her credit for that. But she was evil. She was way beyond an acceptable amount of evil. She was really and truly evil—the kind of evil that had to be stopped.
“I did this to myself,” Franny said. “I never should have gone back in time, and I never should have changed my middle name.”
And she never should have walked backward into the arms of a five-eyed elephant-monster, but she did that, too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A GRIP ON YOURSELF BEFORE YOURSELF GOT A GRIP ON YOU
Teen Franny looked angrily at Franny, who was struggling to free herself from the arms of the five-eyed monster. “So what was it?” Teen Franny said. “Some sort of a time machine? Sounds like something I might do.”
“That’s exactly what I did,” Franny said. “It’s a beautiful, classic piece of mad science.”