305 Lovin'

by Diamond Johnson

  I stood in the floor length mirror of my room and took a few pictures and sent them all to Quay, saying, “Play stupid and give me away if you want to.” After that, I sent my mother a text message letting her know that I was leaving and not to wait up for me when she got home. I then shut my phone off and threw it in my clutch because I knew Quay was going to chew me out for that message I had sent.

  Going downstairs, I made sure all the lights were off, leaving only the one on in the foyer of the house. After I put the alarm on away, I was jumping into my BMW 4 Series coupe with the red interior. Honestly, Quay had bought me this car but I’d lied and told my mom and Jaquan that I bought it with the money that Jaquan gave me and I guess they believed me because they never said anything else about it, which was a good thing. I was ready to get all of these secrets out in the open because I was getting tired of the constant lying, especially to my mama. That lady right there was my everything and I hated leaving her out of the loop when it came down to my personal business.

  Twenty minutes later, I was pulling up to Fridays and I knew Charlie and Toya was already here because I could see their cars. I got out and made my way to the inside.

  “Welcome to Fridays. How many are in your party?” the uppity white waitress asked me.

  I pointed in the direction of my friends and she told me to go ahead and seat myself. Charlie and Toya were having a conversation amongst themselves and their backs were facing me, so they didn’t see me approaching them.

  “Damn, ya’ll already started drinking without me?” I asked, making my presence known.

  “Monae, how is it that I got here before you when I was an hour away?” Toya asked me after I had given both of them hugs and taken my seat at the bar.

  I didn’t even answer Toya’s question, all I did was laugh because me and time just couldn’t seem to get along. My girls liked to joke and say that I was going to be late to my own funeral. After I ordered my drink and some wings with it, I turned around in my stool, facing the girls, and prepared to tell them what I should have told them a year and a half ago.

  “I got something to tell ya’ll and this is serious and I don’t need either one of you judging me because this is hard enough to do already,” I said, playing with my hands because I was nervous as hell.

  “Monae, please. You know we are not about to judge you but if I don’t like what you’re about to say, then I’m going to voice that.” Charlie said, waving me off.

  “Okay, here it is. Quay and I are a couple and we’ve been messing around for almost two years,” I said very fast so that I could get this shit over with.

  “Bitch, I told you,” Charlie said, looking at Toya and laughing. I was confused because I didn’t know the inside joke that they were talking about.

  “Told her what? What happened?” I asked nervously because I thought Quay and I were doing a good job with keeping our business on the down low.

  “Like a few months ago when we went to the beach and you told me to take a picture of you on your phone, when I finished taking them, I scrolled through to see how they came out. So, as I was looking through the pictures, I saw a picture of Quay in your phone with his fuckin dick out,” Charlie said and I was immediately so fuckin embarrassed. I also knew which picture she was talking about.

  Toya was laughing like this shit was the biggest joke in the whole world. “Charlie kept swearing up and down to me that ya’ll were sneaking around and shit, but I just couldn’t believe it,” Toya said.

  “That’s crazy though because you know Jaquan gone kill both of ya’ll, right?” Charlie said and she immediately pissed me off because I was hoping that she was going to think that my brother would see the big picture, which was two people very much in love with each other and we couldn’t deny our feelings anymore even if we wanted to. If anybody knew my brother, it was Charlie, so I knew she had her motives for feeling that way about the situation.

  “Monae, fuck what Jaquan say. Remember you are grown and he is not your daddy! Yeah, he may feel some type of way about it at first but come on, he going to have to get over it. If he really loves you, then he would want for his little sister to be happy, even if that means dating his homeboy,” Toya said.

  I wanted to agree with her but I knew my brother and I knew how he liked to overreact and blow shit out of proportion. Suddenly, I burst out crying. “I don’t know what to do because Quay told me that I had one week to tell him or he was going to leave me. I gave my virginity to him. He can’t leave me,” I said and Charlie pulled me closer and wrapped her arms around my shoulder.

  “Sis, you going to have to stop crying. At the end of the day, I’m not going to make this decision for you, you’re going to have to do what you feel is right in your heart. If you feel like this is the man you want to be with and if you truly love him, then nothing or no one should even get in the way of that, not even Jaquan. But if also you feel that this is something that will end a friendship between them two and between you and Jaquan, then you really have a big decision to make. Just know whatever decision you decide to make, I’m going to support you one hundred percent,” Charlie said, wiping my eyes and then I pulled back.

  After I had calmed down a little bit, Toya went right in. “And when the fuck were you going to tell us that you started fuckin?” Toya asked and I burst out laughing at her bluntness.

  “Toya, shut up. Besides, I couldn’t tell ya’ll because then I would have had to tell ya’ll who the person was and at the time, I wasn’t ready to do so,” I said, smiling and visualizing the good sex that Quay and I had.

  After being at the bar for another forty-five minutes or so, catching up on drama, eating, and drinking with my friends, all of a sudden Charlie’s phone went off, stopping us from the conversation that we were currently engrossed in. She was putting us up on game about how she had went over to my brother’s house the other day and found a bitch’s bra and panties in the room.

  “Girl, this is Quay calling. I wonder what he wants,” Charlie said, looking over at me and I let out a nervous chuckle.

  “Hey brother, what’s up?” Charlie asked, picking up the phone. She said a couple of okays and yesses and then I heard her say, “Yes, she’s right here,” and she then looked at me. A second later, she passed me the phone and I was scared to answer it because I kind of had a feeling of what he was going to say. I knew he was mad at me for sending that slick message to him and then turning off my phone. I took the phone from Charlie nervously and then placed it to my ear.

  “Hey,” I said, acting like everything was all good.

  “Monae, step outside right quick so you don’t get your feelings hurt in front of your girls,” Quay said into the phone, getting right to the point.

  “It’s okay. You can say whatever, they know about us now,” I said, smiling a little bit so my girls wouldn’t think that something was wrong.

  “Why the fuck do I have to hunt your ass down to get in contact with you? I been calling you for the past hour and I drove back over to your mama house and your car wasn’t even there! And then I had to call Charlie just to reach you. I swear you fuckin lucky that you told them already because I promise I was about to ruin your cover, so you basically just saved your own ass! And don’t text me no stupid ass shit like that no more, either. If anybody should be worried about losing somebody, it’s your ass if you don’t do what I said by next week!” Quay barked into the phone and hurt my feelings for the second time today.

  I tried to put my game face on because I didn’t want to cry inside the restaurant for the second time. I noticed that Quay had hung up the phone so I went and gave it back to Charlie. After she finished telling us her story, which I was half-listening to because I had other shit on my mind right about now, such as going over to see my baby so that I could make it right. I hoped he was home and not with my brother at the studio because I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that he was mad at me. After we paid our tab, we were walking outside and standing in the parking lot.

/>   “Alright, I’ll see ya’ll Friday at the party. Toya, you’re coming, right?” Charlie had to ask because Toya had a bad habit of trying to dodge plans at the last minute.

  “I’ll be there, even though I don’t want to,” she said, smirking.

  We gave each other our hugs and went our separate ways. I jumped inside my BMW and headed to my boyfriend’s house. We needed to have a serious talk.

  10:37 p.m.

  I just pulled up to Quay’s grand oceanfront estate in Gulfstream. I loved everything about this damn house but I think I loved my brother’s even more, only because I liked to use the spa and go into the movie theater at Jaquan’s house. Quay’s house was a six bedroom, nine bathroom. Funny thing is, he was the only person that stayed here. I came over, but I never spent the night but tonight things might change because now that Toya and Charlie knew about us, I could tell my mom or brother that I slept at one of their houses. I couldn’t do that at first because most likely my cover would have gotten blown because my friends were blind to the relationship between Quay and me.

  I was taking a big chance by driving my car over here and leaving it in the driveway but honestly, I didn’t care. I was kind of ready for whatever was going to happen if and when my brother found out about us. I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. Damn near five minutes later, Quay came to the door, riding on his IO Hawk board. I didn’t fuck with that shit because I got on it one time and busted my damn ass. I haven’t been back on it since.

  “What you doing over here, Monae?” Quay asked me, not even happy that I drove all the way over here by myself to come and see him. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.

  “Why you doing me like this, Quay? You never treat me like this,” I said, staring into his eyes, mesmerized by his handsomeness.

  If Quay wasn’t my brother’s manager, I swear that I would want him to get into modeling or some shit because this man right here was absolutely beautiful. Standing at about 6’3 with a muscular build and those eyes, they got me every time. Those eyes were the same ones that talked me out of my panties and resulted in me giving up my virginity to him. Quay had long, brown dreads that stopped in the middle of his back that I was absolutely in love with. I could tell that he’d went and gotten a tape after he’d left my house earlier because his mustache was trimmed and he looked good enough to eat.

  Quay didn’t even bother to respond to what I had just said. He just rolled away on his IO Hawk into the kitchen and I took my shoes off and sat them by the steps and followed him. He was sitting on the counter with a container of food in his lap. I peeked in at what he was eating and stood in front of him, folding my arms. I wanted attention and he wasn’t giving me any.

  “Quay!” I said in a spoiled way, stomping my foot like the spoiled brat I was.

  “Fuck you want, Monae? And stop screaming in here like you lost your damn mind!” he said, looking down at me.

  I walked over to him and took the food from out of his lap and sat in on the counter. I removed his hands from his lap and brought those to my ass. I then wrapped my arms around him and smiled, saying, “I’m spending the night.”

  Chuckling, he asked, “Who told you that?” But he didn’t remove his hands from off of my ass.

  “You didn’t have to tell me that! I’m telling you,” I said with an attitude. I would think that he would be excited about this being our first time going to sleep and waking up together.

  “Monae, you really think it’s that easy, don’t you?” Quay asked me and I looked at him with a funny look because I didn’t know what he was referring to.

  “What you talking about?” I asked, cocking my head to the side for emphasis.

  “I’m talking about the fact that I’m not fuckin with you like that no more and you bring your ass over here demanding shit like everything is good,” he said.

  “If you not fuckin with me like that, then why you was hunting me down, trying to find me?” I asked, not fazed by the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth.

  “Whatever, Monae,” Quay said, removing his hands from my ass and jumping off the counter. His tall frame mounted over me and I stared up at him in a daze, waiting to see what his next move was going to be.

  “I’m about to go upstairs. A nigga done had a long ass day,” he said and I followed him upstairs into his bedroom.

  After we were in the room, I went into the bathroom inside of his bedroom so that I could take a shower. After showering, I stepped out and went to wrap the towel around my body. I walked back inside of the room and Quay was sitting up in the bed smoking, while he had the Xbox controller in his hand.

  “You have a shirt or something that I can throw on?” I asked him.

  “Look over there in my top drawer and take out one of those tank tops,” Quay said, never looking up at me.

  I walked over to his drawer, got the tank and went inside his walk-in closet to put it on and then I put the towel in the dirty clothes hamper. After that, I retrieved my phone from the nightstand and texted Toya, letting her know that if anybody asked, I’d spent the night at her house. After sending the message, I climbed in the bed and snuggled up under my man as he played the game. I watched him play for a little while and then my hormones got the best of me and I went to slide my hands up under his basketball shorts, but he stopped me.

  “Move, Monae. I ain’t even fuckin with you like that,” Quay said.

  “Whhyyy, what did I do?” I whined, still trying to put my hands down his pants.

  “You know what you did. Until you tell your brother what’s up, no dick, no kisses, no nothing. I mean that shit, too, girl,” Quay said and I sucked my teeth, but I kept my head on his chest and he let me.

  I couldn’t believe he was doing me like this. He acted like I wasn’t telling Jaquan just to be a bitch about it, when honestly, I really did have my reasons. This whole situation was something that could possibly ruin a friendship between my brother and my boyfriend and I didn’t want that. I missed the days when Quay wouldn’t nag me about letting my brother know because at the time, he had the same mindset as me about the situation. By no means was Quay afraid of my brother, it was just a level of respect. Everybody knew that when it came to me, my brother could get bat shit crazy and I didn’t want things to come to blows. I already knew without a doubt that Jaquan would look at Quay as if he’d violated and disrespected him being that he knew from the jump that I was off limits.

  Chapter 11: Dre

  A nigga had been home from almost a week now and I swear I didn’t realize how much my freedom actually meant to me until I was caged up like an animal for the past 5 years. That jail shit wasn’t for me because a nigga wasn’t used to be getting told what the hell to do and when the hell I could do it. Every day I was getting told when I could take a piss, shit, eat, and sleep. I didn’t do good with this whole following the rules shit, so I was glad I got my ass the fuck up out of there when I did because if I had to stay another year, I would have killed a mothafucka in there and then got more time added to my sentence. If you ask me, I didn’t deserve to go to jail. That bitch Nariah deserved to go for fuckin making me believe that a baby she had was mine. They fucked around and gave my ass five damn years for assault because the bitch was pregnant. While I was locked away, I plotted every day on how I was going to get back at this bitch the minute I got out. I could have easily had some of my little niggas handle that shit for me, but this shit right here was personal and I wanted to handle her myself.

  I’m not even about to sit here like some fuck nigga and say that Nariah was just some bitch that I used to fuck from time to time, because she wasn’t. She was probably the only woman in my life that I’d started having feelings for but the minute those feelings started showing, she went and fucked up, so we never even had the chance to be in a fully committed relationship. I stopped fuckin with Nariah because I found out that her ass had a boyfriend already. If you couldn’t be honest with me about something as little as that, then there real
ly wasn’t any purpose of me keeping you around. The moment I told Nariah I was through with her ass, she started begging and crying to a nigga bout how she was pregnant and she didn’t want to go through this pregnancy by herself. Me, being the dumb nigga that I was at the time, believed her stupid ass. I did make her take a pregnancy test, though, and the shit checked out, so I had no reason to believe that the baby wasn’t mine.

  So one day, I get a call from one of my niggas and he telling me that he see Nariah, the baby who I though was mine, and some fuckin clown together at the mall. So you know what the fuck I did! The next day I went and got the baby from Nariah, went to the doctor’s to take a DNA test and waited patiently for that shit to come back in the mail. When that shit came back, letting me know that I had 0% chance the father of that baby, I fuckin lost my mind. It’s like I fuckin snapped. I was lied to, disrespected, and humiliated. Not to mention, I was cutting a check on her and the baby, wanting my supposed-to-be baby mama and child in a safe environment.

  The night I went over to Nariah’s house, I already knew that I was going to go to jail. Nobody could tell me anything that would have made me turn around and just say fuck the whole situation. Most niggas would have just swept the whole situation under the rug and said fuck her and that baby and just put her and the baby out of the house but I wanted this bitch to feel me. I wanted her to know what the fuck happened to low down dirty bitches that tried to get a check out of me. And who is exactly is me? I’m that nigga that your mama warned you to stay the fuck away from. Diandre Hakeem Davis.

  I guess this is the part where I come up with a little cute story about my life and the experiences that I been through as a child. Truth is, I didn’t have one of those. This isn’t the part where I go through memory lane explaining how I grew up in a two parent household with siblings, and we would sit at the table every night as a family explaining to each other how our day went. Naw, a nigga didn’t have nothing like that; not even close. I was fucked up in the head since day one because I had seen so many shit at a young age that I had no business seeing. At the age of five, I’d watched my mama sit on the couch in our roach infested apartment out in Lincoln Field getting high, putting all that damn poison in her system. And don’t you dare ask me where my father was because I have no fuckin answer to give you and neither do I care. I also watched different men come into our house every night like my mom was a damn supermarket and they would pay her for her services and leave. People may not know this, but shit like that will really fuck any child up in the head and make them become a problem to society.