by Renee Porter
“Really, it’s nothing Ryan. Jonathan is just being ridiculous and trying to butt into something that doesn’t even involve him.” Charlie gave him a threatening glance but Jonathan didn’t back down.
“Of course it involves me. Because it involves you!” Jonathan threw up his hands, his Italian temper rising.
“What’s going on?” Ryan asked curiously. She watched as Charlie shook her head ready to say something but Jonathan answered instead.
“Well Charlie here was offered to speak at the LGBTQ convention,” Jonathan stated.
“Jonathan…” Charlie’s voice held a threatening tone but he continued.
“And I told her…”
“Jonathan!” He still continued.
“That it would be a perfect time for her to finally come out. I mean, you do a movie that sends a message not to hide who you are, you’re then invited to a high honor but she is too afraid to actually come out and say who she really is. It’s so hypocritical.”
Ryan’s heart sped up too quickly for her liking. Did she just hear right? Charlie was….is a lesbian?
“Jesus, Jonathan!” Finally, Jonathan looked toward Charlie and then to Ryan’s surprised face.
“What? You didn’t tell her? You said you were going to tell her last night!” Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose and Ryan swallowed thickly. Her mind went briefly to last night when Charlie had randomly shown up at her door. She knew that Charlie was hesitant and wanted to say something but the brunette just shook her head and finally asked for a cup of sugar. She looked at both cousins, their similar blue eyes waiting for a response. Finally, the shock faded and Ryan attempted a shy smile.
“It’s okay. I assumed that you might…” Ryan couldn’t finish. Had she assumed? A few times, yes. Especially since Charlie didn’t speak about any men in her life. Especially that time in South Dakota. But then again, she didn’t speak of her personal life a whole lot anyway. A part of her had secretly hoped that Charlie was straight so she could get over this silly crush. But that was now wishful thinking.
“See? Even she knew. And she’s not running for the door.”
“Well, I wouldn’t think she would , seeing as she’s a lesbian too, Jonathan. It would be a bit hypocritical of her to not accept my sexuality.” Charlie rolled her eyes. Ryan was still trying to form words in her head.
“So?” Jonathan looked toward his friend, eyebrows almost reaching his hairline.
“So?”
“What do you think?”
Ryan sighed as she shook her head.
“It’s not my place to force anyone to come out, you know that Jonathan. And plus, it’s not like Charlie is just coming out to her family. It’s basically the whole world.”
“Thank you,” Charlie said. She gave Ryan a smile who in turn gave one back.
“Figures you would side with her,” Jonathan mumbled as Ryan’s cheeks heated with annoyance.
“What does that mean?” Ryan held her hand on her hips but Jonathan didn’t answer.
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”
“Jon, I understand why you want me to do it. And I will, eventually. It’s just not the right time.”
“It will never be the right time for you, Charlie. Look at what happened back at home! We had planned to come out together and when I finally did you backed off. You said that you couldn’t do it while you lived in Custer, that you would do it when you moved out of town. And then you moved and the excuses just kept coming. Now you have everything you want and you’re still hiding.”
“I’m not hiding, Jonathan,” Charlie defended.
“Oh really? Then why didn’t you tell Ryan? What are you so ashamed of? She’s a lesbian too for God’s sake. Don’t you think that out of everyone you could tell her? But you chickened out like you usually do.” Jonathan waved his hands dramatically as if they would get his point across for him. “You’re 32 years old. When are you going to actually live your life for you and not for everyone else?” Jonathan’s eyes finally softened as he pleaded for a reasonable explanation from Charlie. Ryan stood silently as tears started form in the brunette’s eyes.
“Jon, calm down. It’s obvious that Charlie has her reasons and you shouldn’t push her. She’ll do it when she is ready. And if she is never ready than that’s something that is her choice, not yours.” Ryan tried to sooth both of her friend’s worries. She didn’t have to agree with Charlie’s stance on hiding her sexuality, but she would support it. Because that’s what friends do.
“I will, eventually. I just…” Charlie shook her head. “I can’t right now. And the reason why I didn’t tell Ryan was because I didn’t want her to think that I was lying to her all this time.” She spoke to Jonathan directly and then turned her attention to the brunette. “I had every intention of coming over last night to tell you but when you opened the door all I could think about was how you might think that I’ve been holding back because I didn’t trust you. And that’s not the case at all.” Ryan nodded her head in understanding. She could see Charlie’s reasoning, even though she was wrong in her assumption.
“Charlie, I just want you to be happy. And I can’t see yourself truly happy until you stop playing a part and start living your life.” Jonathan’s frustration finally waned as Ryan stepped more fully into the living room. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t leave. It was obvious that this was a family discussion and she didn’t have a right to be there.
“I am happy.” The tears finally fell from Charlie’s eyes and Jonathan quickly took her in a hug.
“I mean really happy. You understand what I’m talking about, right?” He stared deeply in Charlie’s red brimmed eyes but she didn’t understand what he was saying. No one but Jonathan understood because no one but Jonathan realized that the two women in the room reciprocated feelings for one another. And if Charlie was out, finally able to be who m she really was, then maybe Ryan and Charlie could have a fighting chance.
“Yeah, I get it.” She said without really understanding. Ryan shuffled with the groceries in her hand as she finally placed them down on the counter. She didn’t want to pry any longer and she quietly started to remove herself from the situation all together.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jonathan called after her before she could reach the door. Ryan turned as she caught Jon’s eyes across the foyer to the living the room.
“I’m going to let you guys talk about this. You don’t need me here right now.”
“Please stay, Ryan. If you don’t then I won’t have a buffer if he goes crazy on me again.” Charlie chuckled, trying to make it sound like a joke, but Ryan knew it was anything but. She wanted to deny the invitation but instead she nodded as she made her way to the kitchen to start making dinner.
“It will be okay,” Jonathan heard him whisper to his cousin. “Everything will work out, I promise you.”
***
“That was really amazing. You should be really proud at what you’re doing for these kids.”
Ryan beamed at the compliment, a light pink flushing flush gracing her complexion. “I am. It’s something that I never imagined doing, but I’m glad that I did.” The women were silent for a moment, a comfortable ease between the two.
The day had gone exactly as planned. After the night of Charlie’s forced coming out to Ryan, she had offered to show Charlie exactly what she did for the charity. She felt as though Charlie needed a distraction and the event she was holding the next day was the perfect chance to give that to the brunette. So Ryan picked up Charlie at eight in the morning, handed her a stack of pamphlets to go over and took them to Venice beach.
Charlie was confused at first , that much was obvious. When Ryan ushered her along the boardwalk she thought that maybe they would just be handing out marketing material to people as they passed by. But that was an assumption that was quickly dissolved as soon as she saw Ryan remove herself from her side and walk up to a bunch of young kids who looked like they hadn’t showered in days.
> Charlie stood back, watching Ryan converse with the group. She handed them pamphlets and even sat down with them as she spoke about her charity. The pride that welled up in Charlie as she heard the passion in Ryan’s voice was immediate. Ryan loved this charity. She loved what she did and it was present in every word that she spoke. And after about five minutes of speaking with the teens, she stood up, reached in her pocket and gave them as much money as she could. Was this woman anything but perfect?
“That was…” Charlie looked over at Ryan who held a shy smile on her face. She didn’t have words to communicate just how astonishing she thought Ryan was.
“Venice is the perfect place to search for kids that need a place to stay. Some of them may not like the idea that it’s an LGBTQ community center, but once I tell them that we’re accepting of all people they tend to let that part slide.”
Ryan walked up to a hotdog stand before Charlie could even respond. She gave a few dollars over to the owner and afterwards, handed Charlie a steaming hotdog. “What can I say, I’m a cheap date.” Ryan winked as she continued to walk, leaving a speechless Charlie in her wake. The woman quickly caught up with her as she took a bite of the delicious dog.
“So what’s next?” Charlie asked after swallowing. Ryan looked up at her slightly as she tilted her head back and forth.
“More of the same, really. We try and reach as many kids as possible. I’ll also ask them to take a few pamphlets to their friends who may be in the same situation. I want them to know that there are opportunities even if they think there aren’t any.”
Charlie stopped walking as she watched the brunette pull ahead slightly. Finally, Ryan realized that Charlie was no longer at her side and she turned around with a confused expression on her face. Charlie nodded her head to the left at another group of young teens, looking much like the other group before. “Mind if I give it a shot?” Charlie asked. Ryan smiled as she nodded her head and they both made their way up to the group.
***
“Ryan? Can I ask you a question?” Ryan nodded her head as she soaked in the last rays of the setting sun. “Were you like these kids? Growing up?”
Ryan looked over at the brunette, trying to come up with the words. She sighed as she shook her head. “No, I was lucky enough to have a supportive father.” Charlie nodded waiting for Ryan to explain more. When a few more moments passed Ryan finally continued. “My mother passed away when I was born. It was a random complication so my dad raised me. It was me and him for most of my life. My mother and father didn’t have any siblings and both of their parents died when they were younger.”
Charlie reached out and placed a hand on Ryan’s arm. “That must have been difficult. Growing up with just your dad?” Ryan tilted her head from side to side.
“You would think, but it actually was great. We did everything together. He even hired me a private tutor so he could take me to work and I could be home schooled.”
“Wow, sounds like you were an actor’s kid.” Charlie smiled at the tease but when Ryan didn’t smile back and a serious expression clouded her face, Charlie knew she hit the nail on the head. “You were, weren’t you?”
Ryan looked at her and smiled. “My dad was Andrew Stark.” Charlie’s eyes widened at the mention of the name. Andrew Stark was a pinnacle in Hollywood. He literally could act anything and often was asked to do parts in movies without even auditioning. And then, as the realization set in, Charlie’s eyes softened.
“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” Ryan sat up straighter, busying herself with pulling strands of grass from the ground and watching them flutter away in the wind.
“I think you have a better understanding now why I decided to move away from that kind of life,” Ryan stated in a simple tone.
“Yes. I can see that now. I mean, I never wanted to assume anything but I could only imagine what it was like for you after…” Charlie let the words die in the cool breeze.
“After his death,” Ryan finished for her. Charlie watched as Ryan looked out across the horizon, obviously in trance with a memory or two of her father.
“I was there when it happened, on the set.” Ryan breathed in deeply as the memory took her away. “It was a standard stunt, one that he had done a thousand times before. They had been filming for most of the day and I could tell that everyone was tired but he was always so stubborn. He always needed to get the perfect shot no matter what.” Charlie swallowed as the story unfolded behind her own eyes. “He wasn’t secured properly when he jumped. The tether gave way and he landed hard. I just remember the production crew running up to him and I was just sitting there, staring. I was begging him to get up but I couldn’t say the words. When I saw a man shaking his head and everyone panicking I knew he was gone.” Ryan finally tore her eyes away from the ocean and over to an equally beautiful blue. “The time after his death was hard. The paparazzi was relentless. I couldn’t stand them wanting to publicize my dad’s death and my heartbreak so I hid away. I waited for the paparazzi to leave me alone and finally the accident was old news. It took me a while to get out of my slump but then Jonathan moved in and it was hard to get away from his incessant hang outs.” Ryan chuckled. Charlie didn’t know how to respond. ‘I’m sorry’ was not nearly enough to ease the woman’s pain next to her.
“My father and I had a great relationship until I told him I was a lesbian.” Charlie gave her friend a sad smile and Ryan returned it with a kind gesture. “He was very religious and couldn’t understand why I would choose this life. He didn’t care that it was what made me happy. I think a part of me is afraid to come out because of my experience with how he acted.”
“Who else knows?” Ryan asked.
Charlie tilted her head back and forth. “A few people. My manager for one, and I have a few friends that I work with and trust enough with the secret.”
“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Ryan asked carefully. She knew that she her and Charlie had now reached a point in their friendship where their personal life was up for grabs, but she didn’t want to push Charlie into talking about something that she wasn’t ready for.
“I have.” Charlie pushed her hair out of her eyes as the cool beach breeze fluttered through her dark locks. “The last relationship I was in was in Miami. Her name was Lisa and I thought that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.” Charlie gave Ryan a sad smile. “But Lisa wanted things that I couldn’t give her.” Ryan touched Charlie’s shoulder, a sign that she was there just to listen. “When I told her I couldn’t come out yet she threatened to out me herself unless I paid her off.” Charlie gave a sick chuckle. “It’s amazing what some people will do for money.”
“She obviously didn’t care enough about the relationship if it came to that.” Charlie nodded as she looked at her watch. “Wow, time does fly when you’re having fun and reliving sad memories.” Ryan had to laugh as she sat up holding a hand out for Charlie. Charlie smiled and Ryan heaved her up, holding her hand on her back as she feigned being hurt.
“Jeeze, Charlie. How much do you weigh? You should really lay off those hot dogs.” Charlie chuckled as she swatted Ryan on the arm.
“Thank you for telling me about your dad.” Charlie said as they both walked to Ryan’s car. Ryan just nodded and then turned to her.
“You aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you sooner?” A quick look at Ryan was all that the brunette really needed to feel more at ease.
“That’s not something that you just offer up right away, Ryan. But I feel honored that you trust me enough with the story.” Ryan smiled as the soft eyes showed sincerity.
Chapter 13
Ryan shot up in bed as her phone blared with an incoming text. She reached out with blurred eyes as she attempted to read the words on the screen.
Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be old, finally?!
Ryan chuckled at the text from Jonathan and typed out an immediate response. She threw her phone back on the bed and stretched to
try and remove the soreness that the night had supplied her. She cracked her back and stared up at the ceiling not wanting to move but knowing she would eventually have to. At the sound of the doorbell she groaned and forced herself to finally get up.
“Happy birthday!” Charlie smiled as the door opened and Ryan immediately chuckled. Charlie was holding two cups of coffee and one balloon that had “Over the Hill” written on it. Ryan glanced up at the balloon and then narrowed her eyes.
“I’m not sure if I should let you in. I have a water aerobics class and a hip replacement in about an hour.”
Charlie chuckled as she moved passed Ryan just the same. She handed her the cup of coffee and tied the balloon to the banister to her right.
“Don’t knock water aerobics until you try it. It actually helps sooth your aching bones.”
“And you would know this how?” Ryan asked with a tease.
Charlie shrugged her shoulders. “I am a few years older than you. I have more experience in these types of things.”
Ryan chuckled as she ushered Charlie further in to the house. “Have you eaten yet?” Ryan asked from over her shoulder. Charlie clucked her tongue as she took the pan that Ryan had just grabbed and put it back in the cabinet.
“It’s your birthday, you’re not cooking.”
Ryan blew out a breath. “It’s just another day, Charlie.”
“No, it’s not just another day. It’s a national holiday. Didn’t you get the memo?” Charlie winked as she grabbed Ryan’s hand and pulled her to the stairs. “Now get dressed cause I’m taking you out to breakfast.”
“What if I already had plans today?” Ryan teased. Charlie’s smile faltered.
“Oh. Do you? I didn’t even think about asking you…”
Ryan shook her head as she started up the stairs. “I’m just kidding, Charlie. Really, I don’t usually celebrate my birthday.”