Keeping Him

by Kennedy Fox

  On the way home, my heart drops in my chest when I think about what Nancy said about me be pregnant and already showing. I think about what day it is and try to remember the last time I had my period. I break out into cold sweats and hear Trent’s mother’s voice on repeat as I try to count the days in my head.

  As soon as I park, I open the calendar on my phone, and that’s when I realize I’m late by almost a week.

  “No,” I whisper, dread coating my body. I break out into hives as my heart races and double-check the dates again. I’m definitely late.

  I seriously can’t be pregnant.

  As much as I wanted to start a family, this can’t be happening now. Not when I know it wouldn’t be Jackson’s.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Jackson

  The next morning after my daily duties are complete, I head over to the grocery store to pick up some essentials. The temperature is starting to drop, which isn’t unusual for early November, but I hope it holds off for a little while longer. I’m not ready for freezing temperatures yet. My fridge looks sad again, and I ran out of eggs and bacon—basically one of the only things I can cook. I text John, letting him know I’m running to town, and ask him if he needs anything, but he doesn’t. I grab a heavier jacket and head out. After I fill my truck up with diesel, I stop at the only store in town that has food.

  I run in quickly, grab some eggs and bread, and as I’m looking over the bacon, hands run over my body. When I turn around, I make eye contact with Amanda, one of my crazy one-night stands who stalked me for a month after I broke it off. I take a step away from her.

  “Can I help you?” I ask, hoping an inkling of recognition didn’t flash across my face. It’s times like this I’m thankful as fuck to be a twin.

  “Jackson, baby.” She leans over and whispers in my ear. “I know it’s you.”

  I shake my head and pull off my best John impersonation. Years of practice, plus it helps to have the same face. “Sorry, no. I’m John. It happens all the time, though. Who are you? I’ll tell my brother you said hello.”

  She giggles and playfully slaps my arm. “Stop it, Jackson.”

  When I don’t break character, her face drops. “I’m sorry. Can you tell Jackson that Amanda Turner said hello? And I still think about our night together often.”

  “I’ll give him the message.” I nod, then pick up a slab of bacon. I see her watching me, so I head over to the baby aisle and grab some wipes and whatever else I can carry in my arms. It’s the best way to throw my exes off my scent, and I don’t feel guilty about it at all.

  Once I pay, I walk out to my truck and hop in. Just as I’m driving off, Amanda walks out of the store. Though the windows are up, I can still hear her yelling. “I knew it was you, Jackson! Asshole!”

  I peel out, happy to have gotten the fuck out of there without seeing anyone else. I laugh all the way back to the B&B because it works every single time. I drop my food off at the house and pull out my phone and text Kiera. Usually, our days are so packed with work that it’s hard to stop everything and be together, but I need to see her.

  Jackson: Truth or Dare.

  Kiera: Dare.

  Lately, it’s been her answer, and I love it.

  Jackson: Dare you to take the next few hours off and come see me.

  Kiera: But…

  I smile, knowing either way I win. Seeing her doing the chicken dance butt-ass naked would make my day.

  Jackson: You know the rules.

  I see her text bubble pop up and disappear several times, but she doesn’t send anything. I know she’s contemplating what to do, and I love that I can catch her off guard even from a distance. I tuck my phone in my pocket and head over to the barn and saddle up a horse with a smirk planted on my lips.

  Within twenty minutes, I feel warm arms snaking around my waist as I’m organizing bits and halters in the tack room. “Why is Ghost saddled?”

  I turn around and pull Kiera into my arms. “Because we’re going for a ride.”

  “Seriously?” she asks. I notice her hair is in braids, and it drives me wild. She’s also wearing gloves on her hands and headwear to keep her ears warm.

  I grab the pigtails in my hands and tug. “Nice look, Pippi.”

  She gives me a wink. “Keep tugging on them, and you might lose your pants.”

  Her words make me rock hard, as always. Taking it slow is becoming more difficult every single day especially when she tests me by being dirty. I’m sure she’s hoping she’ll push me over the edge, and if she keeps it up, she just might.

  I interlock my fingers with hers, leading her over to Ghost. “I’ll let you take the saddle.”

  “Do you remember the last time we rode doubles?” she asks.

  “I’ll never forget it.” We were sixteen, and I was getting ready to cut out a few new trails for the B&B, but I wanted them to be interesting and not the same old boring flatness. Kiera wanted to see what I had in mind, so I pulled her onto the horse with me. She sat behind me, her arms snaked around my waist, and I never wanted her to let go.

  I place my foot in the stirrup and pull myself up, then position myself behind the saddle. In one swift movement, Kiera joins me and takes the reins.

  “Where to, Cowboy?” she asks over her shoulder.

  “I’m thinking of clearing another trail. I wanted to get your thoughts on it. Since it’s early November and most of the trees are dead, thought it’d be a good time to make it happen.” I grab the reins from her, and she places her hands on the horn as I lead her off the beaten track.

  Kiera is quiet as can be as we ride down the green trail. Soon I’m leading us off the path and down another. My chest is against her back, giving her all the warmth she could ever want. She leans against me, and I can’t help but think something’s wrong. Usually, she’s got a million things to say, but right now, there are no words coming.

  We climb down an area that’s somewhat cleared until we’re crossing a wash that leads to a part of the property that almost looks like a prairie in the summer. There are a few smaller trees bunched together. “I was thinking of putting a picnic table over there.” I point out.

  She nods. “It’s a nice ride. Lots of things to look at. In the summer, it’s going to be really pretty, I think, especially with the rolling hills.”

  I kiss her neck, and soon Kiera is repositioning her body where she’s on the saddle backward facing me. It’s sexy as fuck. I lean forward, capturing her mouth.

  She breathlessly whispers across my lips. “I need to tell you something.”

  I pull back and watch as her eyes flutter open. “What is it?”

  Her mouth falls open, and she closes it. I don’t rush her and give her all the time she needs. After she sucks in a deep breath, she rubs her hands across her face.

  “You’re starting to worry me, Kiera,” I admit, thinking the worst, thinking this is the moment that she says this isn’t working. It’d crush me.

  “I’m late, Jackson.”

  “For what?” I stupidly ask before it dawns on me. “Oh.” My mouth slightly falls open, and the thought of what this means hits me full force.

  “I’m so fucking scared I’m pregnant. I don’t even know what to do.” A tear streams down her cheek, and I kiss it away.

  I search her face, though the thought of her having Trent’s baby makes me absolutely fucking sick. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. No matter what happens, it’s all going to work out.” I say those words, but I’m not sure I believe them.

  I can tell she’s freaking the fuck out, and all I can do is hold her as her emotions pour out.

  “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” I try consoling her.

  “I’d have to tell him. He’d be in our lives forever. We’d never be able to have a real relationship as long as Trent was in the picture. He’d make my life and our child's life a living hell, and it would just be another way for him to manipulate and control me.”

  I push back from her, placing my arms o
n her shoulders. “But you don’t know for sure, right?” I try reasoning with her.

  She shakes her head. “I’m trying to wait it out, hoping I’ll start soon, but I’m nearly a week late, and I’m pretty regular. There’s no way I can just walk into the grocery store and buy a pregnancy test with the rumors already floating around that I’m pregnant with your baby. This is a big fucking mess. Why can’t anything ever be easy?”

  My heart is breaking for her, for us, for our future. “I’ll go buy one for you.”

  She snorts. “Um, no. That’s a really bad idea. It would be adding fuel to the fire if you did that. Someone would see you.”

  I smile, realizing she’s right, but I don’t really give two shits what anyone says about me.

  Kiera effortlessly slips off the saddle, and I follow behind her. I grab the reins and tie Ghost to a nearby tree. I take her hand and lead her over to a few stumps by the wash. I take a seat, and she sits on my lap. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I hold her, soaking in her sweet scent, taking in every small detail about her. It’s quiet, and all I can hear is our shallow breathing and the rapid beating of my heart. A brisk breeze rushes past us, and Kiera shivers. I lean back to pull off my jacket and wrap it around her.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Kiera. Regardless of what happens. Regardless of the outcome. I’ll raise that douchebag’s baby as my own and love it as my own because it’s a part of you. Just know that.”

  She nods as she searches my face and tears pour down her cheeks. The mood is serious, the air is still, and then her words pierce straight through my soul. “I love you, Jackson Bishop. I love you so damn much.”

  I pull her into my arms and kiss the fuck out of her, not ever wanting this moment to end. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Nothing or no one will ever change that. We’ll work through it. I’m here for the long haul.”

  Her kisses are soft and sweet and emotional. I pour everything I am into her, hoping she understands that I mean every single word. I’ve never felt this way for any other woman, and no one has ever been able to compare to her. Her mouth is hot and greedy, and I know that if I don’t stop, this will lead to a place it can’t go, not yet, especially now.

  I don’t want to lose Kiera. I’ve waited this long to be with her, to have her just like this, and though the thought of her having Trent’s baby makes me sick, I’d accept it. Shit, I’d have to, but I know his dumb ass wouldn’t ever let go of her. I know he’d use the child against us in some way.

  The last two years of them being together have been tucked away in the back of my mind because I hate the fact he was with her so intimately. He never deserved her like that and obviously took her for granted because if he didn’t, they’d still be together. The slight anxiety of what all this could potentially mean streams through me, though I’m trying to be strong for my girl.

  She stands, and I follow. “Promise me you’re not going to let this stress you out.”

  “Too late for that,” she says, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder, tucking her close to my body. We walk to Ghost and climb on, and I know the conversation is over. On the way back to the barn, we make small talk but don’t chat about anything important. We’re both too lost in our thoughts about what this could mean for us.

  When I woke up this morning, this was the last news I could’ve ever expected, but I don’t want it to ruin what we finally have.

  Eventually, we make it to the barn, and Kiera slips off the saddle, and I follow. She stands back and watches me move around the barn. Every chance I get, I look over my shoulder and shoot her a wink or a smirk, just to make her smile. I take off the saddle and quickly brush Ghost, then lead him to the pasture to let him loose.

  “Do you have plans for the rest of the day?” I finally ask, not wanting her to go.

  “Not really. Told Alexis I was going out for a house call. She’s taking care of my afternoon training.” She stands on her tiptoes and kisses my chin. My afternoon is basically free, and I need more time with her, like always. I can never have enough.

  “Come with me.” I grab her hand but let go as soon as we’re out in the opening. I hate that we’re still sneaking around, but until the rumor mill dies, it’s for the best. My reputation is already ruined, but I don’t want Kiera’s to be too. Though she’s done a pretty good job of messing it up herself, which I’m grateful for, I still want to protect her from all the lies and speculation.

  “Where are we going?” she asks, following me.

  I let out a laugh and look over my shoulder. She runs up beside me. We walk across the pasture toward the shed, and I grab the keys to a utility vehicle. I know we just got back from a small adventure, but I know a place that will instantly make her happy. Kiera hops in beside me, and we take off. Before long, we’re pulling up to our secret spot, and I watch a small smile touch her lips.

  “Ahh, the memories,” she says with a grin.

  “I brought some extra firewood out here when the temperature started dropping.” I bend over and set it in the old rusted fire ring. I spend some time trying to light the kindling with some flint, and eventually, it begins to burn. Before long, the wood is popping and cracking. I hold Kiera in my arms on the fresh bales of hay I brought. We watch the flames lick toward the sky in silence, and it’s comforting. Just being with her like this is enough.

  For the rest of the day, we don’t talk about the possible pregnancy, and it’s almost as if it wasn’t mentioned, though I can tell it’s on her mind. I try to push the thoughts away, but I know it’s not the end of this, not until she knows for sure if she is or isn’t pregnant. We sit there, holding each other until the fire burns out. Though I don’t want our time to end, I know we’ll need to head back soon because the sun is lazily hanging in the sky. It’s getting harder to watch her leave me and go home, but I know that’s a part of taking our time.

  We make our way back to the shed and park the side-by-side. Before I get out, I lean over and brush my lips softly against hers. “I love you,” I tell her again. The words should feel foreign, considering I’ve never whispered them to another woman, but they feel like home—natural—as they pour from my heart.

  “I love you,” she says, and hearing those words make me feel whole.

  “My mama is cooking tacos tonight. Do you want to come over?” she asks as she gets out of her seat.

  “Your parents know about us?” I ask.

  “Not officially.”

  We haven’t talked about who actually knows and who doesn’t. My brothers have speculated, especially after Kiera took Evan’s truck to find me. Mama hasn’t outright asked me yet, though I’m sure she knows too. I’ve only allowed them to give me shit about it without admitting anything.

  She lets out a big hearty laugh. “But it’s the only rumor going around that actually has any truth to it.”

  “I’d love to but can’t. Mama’s cooking for the family tonight. If I skip, she’ll have a hissy and talk about wasted food and all that. You know how she can be. If you want, you can join us.”

  Kiera’s pigtails are messy. She takes one out and rebraids it as she walks to the side door. “Same. If I skip, Mama won’t be happy, especially because I made her cook homemade refried beans for me and it took her all day, basically.”

  “We love our ruthless mamas, though.” I stand and hang the key on the hook by the door, then meet Kiera outside. She’s so goddamn beautiful standing in the warm glow of the late afternoon sun. I take a moment to study her, to drink in her curves, and watch how the loose wisps of her hair blow in the breeze. This woman is mine, and I’ll be damned if I let anything come between us.

  “You’re beautiful,” I say, touching the small of her back.

  She playfully rolls her eyes. “Thank you. But if you want to get in my pants, all you have to do is ask.”

  “Once I get in, I’m not ever getting out, so be careful what you wish for.”

  I walk Kiera to her truck, hating she has to go.

  “I’l
l see you tomorrow?” I ask, hopeful.

  “Yeah. And Jackson?” She stops me as she cranks her truck.

  “What, sweetheart?”

  “Thank you. Thank you for understanding me. And for loving me at my worst,” she whispers.

  I swallow hard, wanting to keep her here with me forever. “I’ve always loved you, Kiera. Always.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Kiera

  I wake up with an unsettled stomach and cold sweats. Rushing to the bathroom, I dry heave over the toilet, but since I haven’t eaten since last night, I have nothing to release. I stand, resting my hand on the cool wall, hoping this is over, but I couldn’t be so lucky. I continue to try to empty my stomach, wishing I had something to give, but it’s all for nothing. Once the sensation has slightly passed, I quietly sob, hoping I don’t wake my parents.

  Is this what morning sickness is like?

  I’m nine days late—nine days—and I’m officially freaking the fuck out. This really can’t be happening, not right now, not ever. For the past decade, I’ve wished for a baby, and I can’t help but think that I’m finally getting what I always wanted at the exact wrong time. Stopping my birth control was one of the stupidest things I ever did, and the regret of it all floods through me in full force. But I really thought, at that point, Trent and I would be together forever.