Forever (F-Word Book 4)

by E. Davies

  As if reading his mind, Zeph added, And I think you have news for me…

  About what?

  The cute thing whose number you got??? You’ve been very quiet this week.

  Tristan cracked a grin.

  Drinks it is. 8? The usual place?

  Fuck yeah. River’s on tonight.

  River was Zeph’s boyfriend, and they were a drag artist who worked shows at Tristan’s usual gay bar.

  It was weird for Tristan to think of himself having a “usual” gay bar, given the precautions he’d taken, but he’d also made sure to specify that he had a gay best friend in interviews. Just in case he needed an excuse.

  God, what he wouldn’t give not to rationalize having drinks with a friend, though. Jake had been onto something when he’d asked how Tristan’s life in the closet was. Pretty damn unsatisfactory, now that he’d gotten Tristan thinking about it.

  But, like Jake was stuck between a rock and a hard place career-wise, so was Tristan in his own way. Risk losing his career and find another job he could somehow do? It was a huge leap to make.

  Great. See you then.

  He pocketed his phone again and stood up to get back to his brisk walk.

  Why did the thought of telling Zeph about Jake give him butterflies? They’d always talked about their hookups—not Zeph since he’d fallen head over heels for River, but they’d shared plenty of gossip before then.

  Just because they’d met up for sex three times in a week didn’t mean anything.

  Jake wasn’t the first friends with benefits Tristan had had, despite his secrecy and attempts to keep his sex life to a minimum. And he wouldn’t be the last.

  No way could he be what Tristan needed, or vice versa. Tristan felt like he was lucky that Jake’s orbit had intersected with his own for this long.

  Wanting more was asking too much, and Tristan had learned to keep low expectations in this city.

  7

  Jake

  Hey! It’s Kyle. How’d you get on finding resources? Want to come out for drinks with me and the guys?

  Jake hadn’t been expecting another text from the friendly, energetic person he’d met at Plus. He was used to being shown pamphlets and shown the door.

  A smile tugged at his lips. That was one thing he’d been missing from his life for a while: a support network. Maybe this was an opportunity to find one. Thankfully he wasn’t working tonight, and he was between PA jobs.

  Tristan hadn’t booty-called or sexted him today, so he probably wasn’t getting laid again. Just as well—Tristan seemed to have discovered an insatiable sex drive, but his own energy had been flagging.

  Enough weeks had passed since his last T shot that it must have been almost gone from his body. He had an appointment in a couple weeks to check hormone levels and fertility.

  That meant starting to find a sperm donor, and improving his diet, and… well, a million other things.

  God, where did time go? He’d managed to spend a week just setting up his finances and trying to figure out the cost of having a kid. Results: astronomical. How the hell did anyone afford to raise them, anyway?

  He couldn’t really afford drinks, but he needed a listening ear. And if Tristan just so happened to be one of the guys going out… well, he’d get to see him in a friendship context, which would make a good change after a week of nonstop sex.

  Not that he was complaining about nonstop sex.

  I’d love that, thanks. When and where?

  8, I’ll text you the address.

  Jake smiled when he got the message. He recognized the bar for its drag shows, though he’d only been in there a few times.

  OK, see you then.

  He resisted the urge to ask if Tristan was there. As far as he was concerned, if Tristan was closeted, any mention of a relationship of any kind between them was off the table. Even to his friends… just in case.

  But if Tristan did show up at a gay bar, he wasn’t the worst closet case. Jake could deal with that.

  God. Why was he thinking so much about Tristan? They’d had great sex a few times. As far as Jake was concerned, that didn’t mean anything.

  He’d keep having sex with Tristan as long as the sex stayed good, and as long as he felt up to it. His sex drive was doing pretty damn well considering the hormonal changes that were hitting him.

  It didn’t mean Tristan wanted anything more. Tristan had been pretty clear that he didn’t want more, in fact. And hiding a love interest just didn’t come naturally to Jake, so it would be a pretty terrible idea to pursue more even if Tristan wanted to.

  When Jake started trying to get pregnant, he was going to have to focus on himself. Then he’d have a kid to worry about, and raising them by himself. No way was he seriously dating anyone until he felt more stable in his life.

  Oops. Jake was still thinking about Tristan while he figured this out, even though they were just friends with benefits. Goddamn, the man was under his skin.

  Jake smiled as he shook his head ruefully. He was gonna have to distract himself by choosing an outfit, and he was going to choose something that made him look hot. If Tristan was there to admire him, that would just be a happy coincidence.

  “Jake! Over here!” A group of guys waved Jake over to the booth. The first one he spotted was Tristan, even though it was Kyle calling him.

  Tristan’s surprise was unmistakable. He looked quickly at Kyle, and then back to Jake. He leaned in to murmur something.

  Kyle wore a broad grin as he answered him, still waving Jake over.

  Jake approached cautiously, offering them all a smile when he reached the booth. “Hey. Thanks for inviting me out.”

  “No problem.” Kyle looked innocent now as he glanced between Tristan and Jake. “You two have already met, I’m sure.”

  Tristan’s blush was obvious, and the guys around the table laughed. Jake tried not to follow suit, but it was impossible. At least they weren’t being mean about it. Just friendly teasing.

  “Ah, what can I say? Hard to resist those baby blues,” Jake shrugged and slid into the booth.

  “I’m Zeph.” That was the guy who they’d originally planned to work out with, before he’d mysteriously been absent. With Tristan looking surprised at Jake’s presence, Jake was starting to suspect that everyone here was trying to set them up. “River’s gonna be on stage.”

  “You know me, Kyle. And this is my boyfriend.”

  “Nic.” The scruffy, dark-haired guy opposite leaned in and shook hands. Jake noticed bronze nail polish, which made him smile.

  “Denver.” He looked to be mid-thirties, and probably the oldest guy at the table.

  He was clearly boyfriends with the youngest guy, baby-faced and beaming, who was sitting next to him and introduced himself without shaking hands, just waving. “Sam.”

  “I’ll… try to remember all that,” Jake laughed. In reality, he was pretty good at remembering people’s names, even when meeting them for the first time. Being in short-term work did that. Often, most members of a film crew met for the first time when filming began, and they still had to work seamlessly together. Learning people’s names helped a lot. “I’m Jake.”

  “You made it just in time,” Sam told him.

  Zeph snorted. “And then some. The show won’t start until nine, at best. You should know drag shows are never, ever on time.”

  Sam laughed. “I don’t get out much. You can probably tell.”

  “We’re working on that,” Denver said with a smile, squeezing Sam around the shoulders.

  Despite his initial anxiety, Jake was already relaxing. Everyone here was warm and friendly in the way they interacted—none of the cattiness he feared.

  From the outside, looking in, Jake had once thought gay culture was full of that kind of stuff. He got enough of it in his professional life—actors sniping at each other between takes, or producers talking about them behind their backs, and levels on levels of intricate management to make everyone work together smoothly.
r />   Once he’d started spending time around friends and getting to know the scene, his perception had shifted totally. He wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

  What about Tristan? Had he even had the chance to be surrounded by like-minded people before? People who wouldn’t judge him or hold his secrets over his head like threats?

  It made Jake frown to think about it, but he tried not to linger on the thought. It was Tristan’s choice, after all. That was what everything boiled down to—his choice to keep secrets and reap the advantages, but also accept the downsides.

  “I’m gonna get a drink. Anyone else need something?”

  Tristan stood up. “I’ll come with.”

  Jake spotted a few of the other guys hiding their smiles and rolled his eyes as he headed for the bar, but he smiled, too. “Your friends are throwing you at me.”

  “I know,” Tristan groaned. “Sorry. I didn’t know they were… um, inviting you. Not that I have a problem with it,” he added hastily.

  “Phew.” Jake grinned, letting his arm brush Tristan’s as they squeezed around a table to get to the bar.

  Tristan didn’t jerk away like he’d expected. Instead, he touched Jake’s lower back for a moment, steering him past another table.

  “That would be awkward,” Jake added, forcing a quick smile. “Things aren’t awkward, right?” He wanted to check in, just to make sure.

  Tristan shook his head. “Weirdly, it’s not. You?”

  “No. I like hanging out. Like I said, friends with benefits,” Jake added as he leaned on the bar.

  Tristan cast him a rueful smile. “Yeah. I guess I gotta work on the friendship part, then.”

  “This is a good start.” Jake didn’t want to make him feel like he wasn’t doing enough.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  They were quiet as they waited to place their drink order. Jake asked for a Coke, since he’d sworn off alcohol until after the pregnancy—however long that took.

  Once they’d ordered, Jake turned to look at Tristan again. He offered a smile when Tristan caught him looking. “I like the sex, though.”

  Tristan blushed, which was an adorable creep of pink from his neck all the way to his ears. “Um, yeah. It’s good.”

  Jake smirked. He’d particularly liked that they’d taken turns initiating their hookups that week. The attraction was definitely mutual. Which left them in an awkward place of trying to be friends while wanting to do so many dirty things to each other.

  “Here you are.” The bartender slid drinks across the bar, and Jake paid for them both before Tristan could go for his wallet.

  Tristan smiled at him. “Thanks. What do I owe you?”

  “A kiss later.” Jake winked and looped his arm through Tristan’s to lead him back to the booth. “Don’t think your friends aren’t watching. We can show off for them.”

  “I know they are,” Tristan laughed. “Maybe they’ll shut up about finding me a boyfriend if they think we’re… you know.”

  Jake grinned. “A worthy cause. Always happy to help with that.”

  I think I’m into him, though. Sure, he’d felt fond of his fuck-buddies before, and he’d been friends with some of them. But there was an intoxicating need under his skin to get to know Tristan better, too. To hang out here and watch how he acted around friends, and see him laughing and relaxed. To talk with him about everything and see how he worked.

  There was something to the whole love at first sight theory. It was a delicate silken thread between them, liable to be ruptured by the slightest disruption. Jake wanted to spin that thread and strengthen their connection before anything happened.

  One thread could be snapped in the blink of an eye. The deeper the connection, and the more threads ran between them, the harder it was to pull away.

  But also, the harder it was to lose Tristan when his heart and future was on the line.

  He didn’t know Tristan very well yet, but in intimate moments, people showed far more of themselves than they realized. Tristan was thoughtful, kind, curious, easygoing, clever, and polite. That combination was fucking rare. No wonder he wanted to know more about Tristan.

  “So, how was your week?” Jake asked everyone as a way of breaking the ice and avoiding any teasing comments when they got back to the table.

  He quickly figured out what everyone did: Zeph talked about membership and class organization woes, and it turned out he ran a gym. When he asked where, he quickly found out that it was the very gym he and Tristan had gone to.

  Denver ran Plus, and despite his youthful looks, Sam owned a restaurant nearby, which made him do a double-take.

  Kyle worked at Plus in education, and as Denver’s right-hand man. Jake had already guessed that from meeting him at the charity. His boyfriend, Nic, was a programmer, judging by his rant about debugging code.

  “What about you? What do you do?”

  Jake shifted as all eyes turned to him and offered an awkward smile. “Um, I work at a restaurant. Waiting tables. Not much, but it pays the bills.”

  “Don’t put that down,” Sam told him, smiling. “Good servers make the world go around!”

  Jake laughed. “Yeah, well. Thanks.” He did feel a little better now that he didn’t have a fancy job like owning a business or working for charity. Nobody here was looking down on him for it. “And on the side, I work as a PA on film sets. Mostly movies, some commercial work. That pays better.”

  “Ohhh.” Denver glanced between Tristan and Jake, but he didn’t ask.

  “Yeah, that’s how we met,” Tristan jumped in to explain. “A couple years back, a little indie movie.”

  “And then you reconnected through Plus.” Denver beamed. “That’s great.”

  Jake laughed. “Last thing I expected was to see anyone I knew there.” Then, he flushed with embarrassment as he realized how that sounded. Like he was saying he didn’t think anyone he knew was HIV-positive. God, why couldn’t he think before he talked? “I mean—not that I’m saying—”

  “No, it’s cool,” Kyle chuckled. “L.A.’s a big city. I get what you mean.”

  Jake cast him a smile. The last thing he wanted was to make a bad impression on these guys, and by extension, Tristan. “Yeah. And I only went because my doctor referred me. Like, out of the blue. How weird is that?”

  “I know how weird it is to reconnect with someone out of the blue in a city this size.” Zeph cast a smug smile toward the stage, which was still empty. “That happened to River and me. And look at us now.”

  Nic shook his head. “They’re real lovebugs.”

  Zeph snorted. “Really? Speaking of lovebugs? River just needed something to do after you ditched them for Nic,” he told Kyle.

  Kyle rolled his eyes but put his arms around Nic. “Yeah. The honeymoon phase.”

  Oh, God. They’re all couples except Tristan and me, Jake suddenly realized. If he didn’t feel awkward before, he did now. He wanted to help Tristan escape the pressure of being told he should have a boyfriend, but a little ill-timed teasing now could be disastrous.

  Luckily, distraction struck a moment later.

  “Oh! Show’s starting!” Zeph turned eagerly to the stage, folding his hands in his lap as he waited to see his boyfriend.

  Jake slowly relaxed as the lights went down. He’d survived the first conversation, at least. All he had to do was blend in and not lead Tristan on.

  In the darkness, a hand touched his knee, and then ran slowly up to take his hand. Tristan looked sideways at him and smiled tentatively as if asking permission.

  Jake laced their fingers, squeezed, and smiled back. There was nothing wrong with a little affection, even if it wasn’t gonna lead anywhere. Friends could hold hands, too.

  It made him sad that Tristan had never held hands in public. If he wanted to try it with Jake… well, Jake was proud and happy to help him experience it for the first time.

  Hell, yeah, Jake could—and would—justify this all night long.

  8

  Tristan


  It was another long goddamn day in this long goddamn week.

  Tristan was used to waking up early for call times and staying on set late—and his work schedule was automatically the lightest of anyone else on set.

  The rest of the crew all had to set up before his first take, and break down the set or gear afterward. He tried to treat everyone with kindness and respect accordingly. But even his patience was tested when the director told them they had to reshoot the last scene one more time.

  This wasn’t light and easy commercial work of walking onto a screen and saying something funny. This was full-on green-screen simulated adventure sports. Which were fun at first, but when he was pretending to be thrown around in a kayak for a full minute, for the fourth time in a row and it must have been past nine at night… well, he was tired.

  He was gonna throttle Bobby later.

  This commercial—with the obviously-fake sports—was also unmistakably camp. Which made him worry that whatever Bobby said, he was being typecast, and that would be a trap he could never escape.

  Worst of all, when he’d checked his phone on the last break, there had been a text from Jake inviting him over tonight.

  If he wasn’t done filming until eleven or later and had to be up early tomorrow, too… well, his booty call options this week were going to be limited. He was grumpy as hell inside, however much he hid it and kept up his goofy persona.

  “Okay,” Fitzgerald finally told him as he strode over.

  Tristan tensed up. Either he was about to be sent home or they had another few hours ahead of them. At this point, he expected either to be possible. “What’s up?”

  “That’s a wrap for tonight. We’ll shoot the last scene tomorrow. I wanted to ask…” Fitzgerald drew him aside and lowered his voice. “Can you be a little more… well…” He meaningfully raised an eyebrow.

  “More what?”

  “You know. Flamboyant.”

  “Like… college kid in a barrel over a waterfall excitement?” Goddamn outdoor sports commercials.