If You Still Want Me

by C. E. Kilgore

  "So... Alex?"

  He barks a laugh, his grin growin' ten-fold. "Yeah. It kinda hit my right out of the blue, you know? But, I guess it's pretty serious."

  "Must be, if'n yer thinkin' a movin' all the way up north."

  "Good opportunities up there, plus we'd be legal. I mean, you know, if we decide to get married." His cheeks darken and it makes me giggle. After a moment, he takes in a long breath. "Trust me, I'd rather stay down south with my family, and so would he. His uncle's up north, but the rest are all down here. There's just... It's more complicated if we stay."

  I nod at that with a long exhale. "That, I can understand. I love Texas, an' I don't think I'd ever wanna leave, but I aint holdin' my breath on them progressin' with that kinda stuff anytime soon, either."

  We go quiet for a second as he waits for traffic to pass, then he snorts. "So... Austin?"

  That has me gigglin' again. "Cute, aint he?"

  "He is. Quite the cowboy."

  "You aint got no idea! He looks after Brandon's horses, and boy, can he ride! Er... Well, yeah, that too."

  "Mercy!" he whistles. "Damn, I didn't even know you were bi."

  "Interested?" I poke fun with a wiggle of my eyebrows.

  "Nice try, old man," he pokes back, "but Alex is it for me."

  "Strong words." But, I know how he feels as I glance at Victoria's SUV in the side-view mirror.

  "Strong feelings," he responds.

  "I'm happy for ya, then. Best thing on this Earth is finding that person, or persons, who ya know are just meant for you, and you for them."

  "It really is," he agrees.

  After he slows down to park out front of a tiny, blue shotgun house, I stop him from leaving the car by gently grabbing his forearm. "Joey, I want you ta know that I don't love yer sister any less than I did before, now that I got Austin, too."

  He sits back into the seat, looks at me for a moment then nods. "I know, Saul. It don't make sense to me because my heart only has room for one, I think. But, I also trust you, and I trust my sister. She knows what she's doing. If she's happy, then that's all that matters to me."

  "Austin's a good man, too," I add, wanting Joey to be at ease with this. "I know he's a stranger right now, but he has a big heart an' a kind soul."

  Joey smiles at that. "Saul, I don't think you'd be with him if he wasn't a good man. I hope the three of you can make it work."

  "Me too," I exhale all the nerves that are still flutterin' over my body.

  "C'mon, before Victoria lights my car on fire with that impatient look she's giving us."

  I glance through the back window as Joey gets out. Vickie's got one hand on her hip and a stare directed straight at my head in the passenger's seat. I know that look, so I put my rear in gear and get out of the car.

  Blue Bayou is a cute little house with blue clapboard siding and white trim, sitting on a quiet street with well-kept houses on either side. The neighborhood looks lived in, the way I know all these neighborhoods used to look before those awful floods hit. The hard hit areas still have a ways ta' go, but I think they could all look like this again someday.

  These neighborhoods are kinda like the three 'a us. Things that are destroyed can be rebuilt, an' sometimes, things that are rebuilt turn out better than they were before. It's hard not ta' see the way it resembles us.

  I think, maybe, the house me an' Vickie were livin' in for so long together had started to fall into disrepair - unnoticed or ignored. We'd just gotten used to how things were over such a long time, like a frog in a pot that slowly comes to boil. Guess, maybe, Austin was the flood? He swept into my life, washed things out a bit, stirred up me and Vickie and helped use see how stagnant it'd all gotten. Now, we begin the process 'a rebuildin' ourselves.

  As I meet their eyes, the two 'a them standin' side by side, I believe we can rebuild somethin' incredible together. How'd I get so lucky? A sorry ass like me between two amazing people. It blows my mind when I try ta' think about it, so I'm just gonna let it happen and be grateful for every minute.

  "Welcome to way-over house number four, Blue Bayou!" Joey announces as he opens the front door and ushers us inside. "It's one of the smallest, but still comfortable for a stay. Two bedrooms, one bath. All the utilities are on and taken care of through the church, so make yourselves right at home."

  "It's nice," Vickie smiles as we step into the quaint living room that's got a huge bay window lookin' out to the front porch. "I'll make a donation at the church on Sunday to help out."

  "Much appreciated." Joey hands over the keys. "So, y'all are gonna attend on Sunday?"

  "We should," Vickie emphasizes the point with a glance to me an' Austin, then looks back at her brother. "You and Alex should, too."

  Joey squirms under her stare then exhales. "I'll, uh, see what Alex says."

  "I think Daddy will want us there, regardless of what's going on in our personal lives."

  "Or maybe because of what's going on in our personal lives," he counters.

  "That, too," she smiles and kisses his cheek.

  "Well, y'all have fun," Joey backs towards the door. "I'll give you a call tomorrow morning so we can sort out dinner, and maybe coordinate a game strategy for Queen Tabi."

  We say our goodbyes, Joey departs and then a moment of awkward silence seeps into the living room. The three of us stand there, locked in uncertainty and holding our suitcases. Finally, with a flustered exhale, Vickie drops her suitcase to the ground with a thud against the hardwood.

  "This is ridiculous," she huffs then yanks me by the shirt into a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

  Oh, thank you God!

  I'd been so afraid 'a how this would all play out. She's too strong a woman to let things remain uneasy. I'm so grateful she's takin' the lead on this, because I aint quite figured out what direction we're supposed to be heading.

  I hear Austin setting down his suitcase, suddenly aware he's being left out already. Not even two minutes alone with Vickie, and he's left standin' there like the third wheel. I can't let that continue. I need ta' make sure he's included in-

  "Come here," Vickie lets go 'a me with one arm to yank Austin into our hug. "I'm sorry for doing it this way, Austin. I hurt you both."

  "You did what you needed to," he argues, embracing both of us in the gentle strength of his tattooed arms. "It worked, Victoria. You finally helped me get over my stubborn, stupid self and-"

  "Wasn't all you," I jump in. "God, I was so stupid." I sniffle, 'cause dammit, this shit is makin' my heart ache, but in a good way that's lettin' us air out all these remaining things that need ta' be said. "I was stupid when it came ta' both 'a you. I'm sorry."

  "I guess we can all agree that we were all stupid," Vickie laughs quietly, but I hear the waver in her voice. She's so strong, but she aint immune to this shit, either.

  Our shoulders are touching, our hands are around each other's waists, and our bodies are leanin' slightly on one another for support. I grab hold 'a Vickie's hand behind Austin's back, then I grab hold 'a Austin's hand behind her back. I smile as I feel Vickie and Austin joinin' hands behind me. We complete a circle, the three 'a us.

  It's a beautiful thing, and it's ours.

  "I'm sorry for this mornin', Vickie." I should probably get it all out now while I can. "For almost punchin' that doc, and for your dad findin' out 'bout us like that."

  "Not your fault, sweetie. I should've told Daddy about you asking me to marry you. I'd planned to while I was down here, and I'd also decided to tell him why I said no."

  She stops and raises her head to look me in the eyes. "You understand now why I said no, right?"

  "Yes, ma'am, I do." I side-glance Austin with a smile. "As usual, Vickie, you knew what I needed before I did."

  Her lips brush my cheek, the sensation makin' me shudder. This woman's touch is like an electrical charge, turning me on without even trying. It's always been that way, and add that to how Austin's cowboy swagger makes
me drool - Well, fuck, I think I'm gonna be turned on all the damn time now.

  Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

  A deep breath in reminds my libido to cool it for a few minutes longer. I got things I still need ta' say. "Austin's not the only reason you said no, though. I need to grow up and stop depending on you so damn much. It aint right how heavy I've leaned on you all this time. I see that now."

  Her mouth parts, my words shockin' her, I think. A few rapid blinks later, she smiles. "I'll always be there when you need me, Saul."

  "I know, Vickie," I smile back then sneak a quick kiss. "I got ta' stand on my own two feet, though."

  "And I can help with that," Austin adds.

  I kiss him, too. "You already have, amigo." Lookin' between them, I don't think this smile on my face is ever goin' away. "Damn, this is so awesome!"

  Vickie laughs as Austin chuckles. Her rich sound mixes in with his deep baritone to make what I think is gonna be my new favorite song. The two 'a them make my world a better place ta' live in.

  I hate to bring that happiness down a notch, but my churnin' gut demands I bring all my worries out into the open. "Vickie, you think yer family's gonna be alright with this?"

  "I hope they will, but I also won't let it come between the three of us. Ruth, Jerry and Joey were easy. Daddy - I think he's not made his mind up completely yet, but I have a feeling he'll accept it, even if it's only because he knows it makes me happy. Tabitha and Michael..."

  "Michael?" Austin asks, and I'm reminded this is his first time meeting all of Vickie's family.

  "Ruthy's husband," I answer. "He's a nice guy, but a bit stuck in the mud."

  "He's conservative," Vickie corrects with a smirk that lets me know she agrees.

  "One way 'a puttin' it." The man has a stick up his butt about some things, and is self-righteous about others. "I think he may cause the biggest stink; even more so than Tabi."

  "Plus," she sighs. "He's deeply involved with the church and the community programs. So, if he wants to raise hell about Daddy's gay son and sexually deviant daughter..."

  "It could get messy," I agree. "But, Ruthy wouldn't stand for that shit, would she?"

  "She loves him," Vickie shrugs. "Lord only knows why, but that's her business. I think she'd stand with us and Joey, though, if push comes to shove. I just hope it doesn't come to that."

  Austin shifts his weight. "You think it's wise to go together to your father's church on Sunday?"

  The fire sparks in Vickie's eyes. "I won't let other people's issues hold me down. Not like we'll be kissing each other in the pews, but If I hold both your hands while I pray, then that's my damn business, and no one has a say in it."

  Damn. I love it when she talks like that. This woman could stand in front of a whole army in nothin' but her leathers, and I believe that army would be on its knees when she was through with them.

  Austin takes in a long breath then smiles. "Alright then. We'll go together."

  "Damn straight," I grin. "That's how it's gonna be from now on. The three 'a us, facin' the world together." After shared smiles, my grin turns lecherous. "Speakin' 'a doin' things together... Any ideas on how we should spend our first evening together?"

  Vickie rolls her eyes but laughs along with Austin. They share a glance, a silent conversation going on between them like they're connected mentally or somethin'. A second later, they both slap my ass, one hand to each cheek.

  Hot damn!

  "Go get cleaned up," Vickie orders, and I can't get my feet to comply fast enough as I twist around to find where Austin dropped my bag.

  "Yes, ma'am!" Where the heck is my bathroom stuff...?

  After unzipping three different compartments, I find the toiletries bag and yank it free. Austin grabs my wrist, pulls me close and whispers into my ear. "Make sure you wash everything, and don't drop that soap."

  Oh, holy shit! "Y-yes, sir."

  I shiver as he lets go then I'm walkin' on wobbly legs, trying to find the damn bathroom. It's all come to this. We've come together, we've said what needed to be said and we've started figuring ourselves out. This can work, and I have the idea that's it's only gonna get better from here on out.

  Victoria

  As I hear the bathroom door click shut, a breath I didn't even realize I'd been holding exhales from my lungs and my whole body deflates. A pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind, holding me up as my legs threaten to give way. I'd been so worried that my boys would be more angry with me, and after hearing Saul so hurt, I'd even doubted for a moment that he'd forgive me for putting him through all this.

  My hands intertwine with Austin's as he leans his chin on my shoulder, his quietly offered comfort soothing my soul. He's a nice juxtaposition to Saul's boisterous nature. They compliment each other in ways I don't think they've noticed yet.

  Austin kisses my cheek. "Feel better?"

  I smile. "Yes. You?"

  "Very much so."

  I tilt my head so I can look into his stormy gray eyes, hooded by the shadow of his Stetson. "Are you alright with what's about to happen?"

  "I am," he replies with no sign of hesitation in his voice. "I already told Saul - you're a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I'm happy to share myself with both of you. I love you, Victoria."

  "I love you, too." How could I not love this man? It's not the same kind of love I have for Saul, but it's no less deep. "It may take us some time to figure it all out, especially with Saul's kinks compounded by my own, but-"

  "We'll figure it out." His arms squeeze me gently, and I believe him.

  Grabbing my suitcase, I motion for him to follow. He picks up the remaining luggage and follows as I seek out the master bedroom, hoping for at least a queen-size mattress. I'm not disappointed as we step into a modestly furnished bedroom with a king-size bed.

  I laugh at that as I set my suitcase down. "That'll be Joey's doing," I motion towards the bed that dominates the room. "That boy says queens are too small for tall people like him."

  Austin's mouth is quirked up into a sexy half-grin. "Remind me to thank him tomorrow."

  I know Austin isn't sexually attracted to women, but that doesn't stop me from being sexually attracted to him. The man oozes the term stud, from his boots to his hat and that length of denim in between. My tongue betrays me, darting out to moisten my bottom lip.

  Deciding I need a distraction, I pull out my phone and the charging dock. The dock has built-in speakers, which gives me an idea. After setting it up, I turn on the phone's Pandora, setting it to the same station I'd been listening to last week when Saul imploded.

  I turn to find Austin watching me, his hat now on top of his suitcase and an understanding blazing in his eyes. Without words, we begin to undress, me to my underwear and him to just his jeans. As I step into his arms and we begin to dance, our hearts both attempt to recreate the night where this whole journey started.

  My journey. His journey. Saul's journey.

  The bathroom door opens down the hall. My breath hitches. I hear Saul's footsteps on the hardwood, leading him to the bedroom where Austin and I move in a slow circle to some old country love song recorded long ago on a vinyl record, before the world became so obsessed with doing everything in such a damn hurry.

  This time, instead of Saul losing his mind when he catches us dancing so intimately, he smiles at us from the doorway, watching for a moment before stepping up behind Austin. Saul's naked as his birthday. The boy's always wearing as little as required, especially around the house in privacy. Austin sucks in a breath as Saul's body presses into him, then both my boys smile down at me.

  It's uplifting - this moment where we get to try again what went so wrong last time. Or, maybe, it went exactly right; the way it had to go in order to get from that moment to this one. I don't want to dwell on it too much, because what I know for sure is that in this moment, right now, I'm happy.

  One of Saul's hands reaches around to slide into my hair, his thumb tracing my earlobe. At
the same time, he angles his head so he can kiss Austin. When their lips meet, I swear I can feel the fireworks zinging all the way down Saul's arm and into my scalp. Watching my boys kiss, seeing the lust and love between them ignite, is one of the most sensual experiences I've ever had.

  They're smiling as they pull away from one another, then those smiles are turned back on me. In a coordinated movement, I'm switched places so that I'm now between them, with Austin at my back and Saul staring down into my eyes. His playful grin lights up my soul while Austin's strong hands on my shoulders gives me shelter. I feel safe and wanted; encased in love and wrapped up in peace.

  Standing between the two men who have become part of my heart, I am content.

  "Now, there's a smile I missed," Saul whispers, his gaze locked onto my lips.

  "Show me," I request, and he complies by stooping his tall height down to find my lips with his.

  This kiss reestablishes the relationship we've built over two decades, forgiving all the transgressions we've both made the past few months. It's also more passionate than we've been with each other in a long time. With Austin pressing against my back and Saul's mouth possessing mine, a fever rushes through my blood.

  Nipping Saul's tongue, I end the kiss, much to his whimpering protest. Austin chuckles behind me, the dark, rich tone vibrating between our bare skin. Both of those simultaneous reactions from my boys lights my body up. I don't think I've been this aroused in ages.

  Tilting my head, I reach back to cup Austin's cheek, wanting to know if this will work - if Austin will be truly comfortable sharing himself with both of us. The motion is understood, and Austin doesn't hesitate to nuzzle into my neck, kissing the skin. Those kisses trail up my cheek then to my lips, where he kisses me in a way I wasn't expecting.

  It holds as much passion and love as Saul's kiss did. Austin's tongue parts my lips then thrusts into my mouth. I hear Saul moan and feel his hands trailing down to my breasts. The two sensations compound to set me on fire.

  This time, I'm the one whimpering as Austin pulls away, leaving me wanting. I blink back to awareness to see Saul's smart-ass grin and waggling eyebrows. Austin's winks at Saul then kisses my cheek again. My smile blooms as I look between them. It's in that single, incredible moment that the three of us realize this can work.