If You Still Want Me

by C. E. Kilgore

  And it's true. We're all floating on a euphoric, post-orgasmic bliss. I can tell, from the shocked expressions under their laughing, that they were blown away by what just happened, too.

  As the laughter ebbs, I uncurl my legs and attempt to stand. The wobbly state of my legs leads to more laughter and Saul telling me to just come back to bed. I need to clean up, though. It's the only downside to not using a condom with Saul.

  "Un momento," I hold up a finger then stumble my way down the hall towards the bathroom. After cleaning up, I splash my face with cold water to try and reconnect whatever wires in my head got knocked loose. Looking in the mirror, I notice my pupils are blown and I'm still grinning like a fool. With the way I'm feeling, I'll probably be grinning like this for a week.

  Hope that's not frowned upon in church.

  A nervous jitter shutters through me as I consider the coming Sunday. I haven't stepped foot in a church since Momma skipped town to go live with Papi in Mexico. I figure I got enough to answer for, that it wouldn't surprise me if the Lord decided to shoot my ass with a lightning bolt as soon as I touch a boot down in the parking lot.

  Ai yai. I exhale, trying to ignore the encroaching doubt and hang onto the happiness I just experienced. Grabbing a warm, damp rag and a towel, I head back towards the master bedroom. What I find stops me in the doorway.

  Saul's nestled into Victoria's arms, his golden hair a halo, and a sweet smile on his lips. Victoria's hand is stroking through his hair while her other hand holds his. They both have their eyes closed, content in each other's arms. It's beautiful, and it makes my smile grow a touch wider.

  They need this, I think. Saul and I got our time together yesterday. He and Victoria deserve some time alone, too. I try not to let it affect me, but I can't deny how much I'd love to crawl into bed with them and share in the moment. Setting the towel and rag down on the dresser, I turn to silently make my way to the spare room for some recovery.

  "Austin?" Victoria's tired question calls to my back.

  Saul yawns. "Where ya' goin', cowboy?"

  "I thought you two could use some time alone," I shrug lightly, trying not to broadcast how much I don't want to go.

  "Estupido," Saul mutters in a perfect impression of my voice. "Get yer sexy ass in this bed, amigo."

  "Please," Victoria smiles. "It's not the same without you. Not anymore."

  Damn. Now, I'm trying to not cry.

  I silently clean Saul's pepperminted ass, then gently towel the sheen of sweat from Victoria's body. They quietly express their appreciation through exhausted mumbles and loving smiles. Taking care of them this way is special to me; a moment I don't want to forget and hope to repeat over and over in the years to come.

  Crawling into bed, I find my spot behind Saul, tucking his back against my chest. My hand seeks out Victoria's arm, and I find comfort in the connection between us. We've found our balance, the three of us. We've made this unique love work, and I believe it was worth every inch of the struggle it took to get here.

  Come Hell or high water, or disagreeing family members, I'm prepared to fight to keep it.

  "So," Saul mutters lazily into Victoria's shoulder. "Who's ready fer round two?"

  Saul

  I have a feelin' the three 'a us are gonna need to have separate bedrooms when we move in together, or else we'll never get any sleep. Not complaining - Hell, no. But, damn, am I ever sore an' tired this mornin'!

  The whole bedroom smells like peppermint, too, and that makes me giggle. Guess we should probably wash them sheets before handin' the keys back over to Joey.

  A light smack on my rear from Vickie puts my body back into motion to finish pulling on my jeans. It's just the two of us right now, and it kinda feels like old times, but with a difference I can't quite label. It's a good difference. We're smilin' more and no longer need words to communicate.

  Austin's gone with Joey to the supermarket to beat out the Saturday shoppers and gather the supplies for dinner. It's good those two can spend some time alone and get to know each other better. I have a feeling they'll get along just fine.

  Vickie's fingers tickle up my ribs before fanning out across my bare chest. "Penny for your thoughts, sweetie?"

  "You know my thoughts aint worth near that much."

  She kisses my back between my shoulder blades, producing a shiver up my spine. I intertwine our fingers, bringing one of her hands up to my lips to kiss it. I've missed these moments. We'd gotten so lost in our way that I hadn't even realized they'd disappeared. I make a promise to myself to make sure I never let that happen again.

  "Just wonderin' if yer brother done drove Austin loco yet."

  "Missing Austin already?"

  "I do. I miss both 'a y'all now the second yer not there next to me. Sorry if I get a little clingy here for a while."

  Her arms squeeze me. "It's okay, sweetie. I don't think either of us minds at all."

  "Good, but I'll try not to lean too much. I meant what I said last night. I'm sorry I didn't realize how much I'd come to depend on you for... well, everything."

  "I know, baby. I'm glad I've been able to be there for you, and that will never change, but seeing you stand on those two feet of yours is kinda sexy."

  "Oh, really?" I quirk my eyebrow at her, turning around in her arms. We dance bit, side to side, as she smiles sweetly up at me. "Yer so damn beautiful."

  We kiss, but she pulls away too quickly for my liking. "We've got stuff to do."

  "I agree!" My eyebrows wiggle at her. "I-" my words are cut off by a knock at the door. I glance over my shoulder with a quizzical look that matches Vickie's raised eyebrow. Joey and Austin just left thirty minutes ago, and no way are they already finished shopping for the huge Tex-Mex meal Austin's planned in hopes of impressing Vickie's family.

  Rushing to tug on a shirt as I follow Vickie down the hallway, I glance out the bay window and my curiosity grows. It's a short, sandy-haired guy who looks a little nervous, with his hands stuffed down in his pants pockets and his eyes to his shuffling feet. "Wonder if we done pissed off the neighbors with our racket last night."

  Vickie rolls her eyes at me, but I see the tiny blush she tries to hide. I stand behind her as she opens the door. The guy's eyes wander up Vickie's legs, switch to me and follow up my height with a gulp. I think maybe he's havin' second thoughts 'bout knockin' on our door.

  "S-sorry," he manages. "I must have the wrong house. My... er... friend said to meet him here, but I'm early and not exactly from New Orleans, so I think I must have taken a wrong turn... somewhere, and... I'll just be going... Sorry to bother-"

  "Whoa," Vickie holds up her hand as the guy babbles on with a couple backpedaling steps. "Your friend wouldn't happen to be my brother, Joseph Harris, would it?"

  The guy stops, blinks three times then exhales as his face relaxes. "Yes, he would be."

  "Well, shoot!" I grin. "You must be Alex!"

  He glances up at me again, a smile starting to tickle his lips. "I am. Sorry, I don't... Not sure if... Dammit."

  His mouth and eyelids snap shut as Vickie and I exchange a glance. Pretty sure we're both thinkin' the same thing. He sounds like Ian on a bad day, when the anxiety from his OCD takes over and has him runnin' in circles around himself.

  After a quiet moment, Alex's bright blue eyes reopen. "May I start again, please?"

  "As many times as you need to, sweetie," Vickie uses that soothing tone that can put a rabid pit bull at ease. "Why don't you come inside. Joey's gone shopping but should be back soon."

  "Thank you," Alex enters as I step back and we all take a seat in the living room. "Sorry about that. I'm just so nervous about tonight."

  "Understandable," I nod. "Joey's family are great people, though. Nothin' to be scared of, really."

  His hands rub down his thighs, clutching at the fabric over his knees. "Joey said his father took the news well. Of his homosexuality, I mean."

  "He did," Vickie confirms, her hand finding mine as we sit on the co
uch together. "My sister, Tabitha, made a bit of a fuss, but that's just how she is."

  His head tilts slightly. "She's the one who just had the baby, right?"

  "Right; a baby girl born yesterday. I'm Victoria, and this is-"

  "Saul," Alex finishes, his body relaxing further. "Joey's mentioned you both many times. Oh, and last night, he said something about another? Uhm... Austin, was it?"

  "Yeup," I grin proudly. "He's our partner. Him and Joey went out shopping 'bout a half hour ago for dinner tonight. Hope you like Tex-Mex."

  "Love it!" He's almost bouncing in the chair.

  It's kinda cute, and I can see how Joey might have fun with someone like Alex. He's a ball of bubbly nerves, but there's a soft kindness in his eyes. A touch vulnerable, maybe? Yeah, I could see myself wanting to be a big brother to someone like him.

  "Wow, so, you three..." he continues with a blush. "And it actually works? And you told your folks? What did they-" He stops and clears his throat. "Sorry, I tend to say and ask more than I should. Especially when I'm nervous. Or excited. Or bored. Or... Well, you get the idea."

  The grin on Vickie's face says it all. She likes the kid. "That's okay. I have no problem answering any questions you have about it."

  "Wow," he says again with an exhale. "Joey said you were open like that. I'm just not used to it, I guess. Conservative family. They accept me, but they don't exactly talk about it, either. They like Joey, but I don't think they realize how serious it is. I'm pretty sure they think it's all a phase or something, like I'll wake up one day straight, find a nice girl, and... Er, sorry. There I go again..."

  "I hope it is serious," Vickie's tone switches to 'sister mode', and I have'ta bite my tongue to keep from giggling at the look that comes over Alex's face. "You'd better be very serious about this, if you're planning to take my brother all the way up to Minnesota."

  "Yes, ma'am," he chokes out as his eyes widen. It's a natural response to the way Vickie commands attention, and damn, this kid is adorable as he's squirming under her stare. "I'm serious, I swear, and if we could stay down south, we would. I mean, we could, but, there's good opportunities for us in Minnesota, and I could marry Joey and... I do want to marry Joey. Someday. Soon."

  Vickie sits on that information for a second. She's worried about Joey disappearin' from her life, and I can understand that. Heck, I don't want him to be so far away, neither.

  "There's good opportunities 'round here," I offer as Vickie continues to silently assess the boy who's come to take her brother away. "Shoot, these parishes need architects and designers to fix up these neighborhoods. Joey designed this house we're in."

  "H-he did?" Alex sits up straighter, glancing around the place. A slow smile blooms on his lips, and I can see the pride in his sparkly blue eyes. Yeah, this kid is deep in love with every piece 'a Joey.

  He gives a snorted laugh, pointing to the arched doorway leading from the living room into the kitchen. "Joey's always getting on to me for putting arches everywhere, but he always includes at least one in his houses. It's... It's kinda this little message between us. Let me guess - extra large master bedroom with a king size bed?"

  "You got it!" I gotta laugh at that, and even Vickie eases up a bit.

  "Alex," she leans forward to place her hand on his arm. "If we could help you find opportunities here, would you consider staying?"

  He glances to the hand then back up. "Joey mentioned you were in construction?"

  I can tell part of him wants so badly to say yes to Vickie's encouragement to stay. He don't wanna leave his family any more than Joey does.

  "We are," Vickie nods. "Property investment, refurbishing and reconstruction. We're based in Dallas, but I've been talking to my boss about looking for investments in New Orleans."

  I blink at that, 'cause it's the first time I'm hearin' it. "You have? He aint said none a word ta' his partners." And by partners, I mean me, specifically.

  "It was just an idea," she shrugs lightly. "We were going to talk to you and Kyle about it once we made some more concrete plans. Then, of course, after you hit Kyle..."

  She lets that trail off, an' now I'm the one squirming. I deserve that for my outburst. "Sorry..."

  "Point is," she continues, turning back to Alex. "Brandon and I believe there's good opportunity here to both help New Orleans get back on it's feet and turn a profit. What we need are more people to help us head up crews here. Plus, we only have one architect and one interior designer right now..."

  She lets that thought trail off, too, giving Alex something to chew on for a minute. I watch his brow crease as he thinks about her words. Vickie's damn good at settin' an idea in yer head, but I wonder if this is something that shouldn't be said in front of Joey.

  "Joey'll be back soon," I slide my thought in, hoping Vickie don't mind too much.

  I know what she's doin'. She's tryin' to get Alex on her side so they can team up on Joey about the idea. Her love for Joey and not wanting to give him up is making her overstep into his relationship with Alex.

  "Right," she smiles with a side-glance to me. She knows she's been caught, but her hand squeezes mine. Maybe she's glad I stopped her from goin' too far. "We can all talk about it some more when he gets here, or over dinner?"

  "Yeah," Alex nods, his expression relaxing again. "I'd rather discuss it with Joey. Having opportunities here would be great, but it doesn't solve the other problem."

  "I know," Victoria sighs with a pat on his knee. "It would be asking you to be patient and hope the justice system around here catches up so you can marry Joey. The three of us aren't legal, either, and I don't think that will ever change."

  "Never say never, Vickie," I argue. It's somethin' I've been thinkin' about a lot the past two days. "Shoot, thirty years ago, me and you would've been illegal in some states just 'cause we aint the same color. 'Sides, the lack of a piece 'a paper don't mean I'm any less committed to either of you. Though, I'd love ta' get married, just so I could see you in some frilly white gown and Austin in a tux."

  "With his cowboy hat still on," she chuckles at the visual.

  Hell yeah! That would be awesome. Damn. Now I really wanna get married to them.

  "It's not just about the paper, though," Alex says, and I know it's true.

  "Yer right, it's not."

  We share a smile, then startle as the front door bursts open behind him to reveal Joey loaded up with groceries. The look on Joey's face is priceless. That there is the look of a man in love.

  "Alex!" Joey's grin is as wide as I've ever seen it as he sets down an arm-full of grocery bags.

  Vickie and I rush to help with the groceries as Austin walks in and Joey heads past us to embrace Alex. By the number of bags, I figure they must'a bought out the store. "That was quick."

  Austin nods towards Joey who has Alex in a tight embrace. "Joey got a text from Alex, then the man turned into a tornado, blowing over old ladies in the checkout before blowing through two stop signs."

  I chuckle a bit as we haul the load into the kitchen, leaving Vickie with the boys. "Get everything you need?"

  "They didn't have a few things, but I can make due," he shrugs while eying a can of diced tomatoes. "Can you help me get the chicken in the marinade? I should've started this last night, but that bed was so damn comfortable."

  "It was," I grin, easin' up behind him, setting my chin on his shoulder and runnin' my hands up his chest. Damn, he's tense. "Don't worry, cowboy, it'll be fine."

  A long breath exhales, venting his nerves. "I hope so."

  "I know so." I peck a kiss onto his cheek then take a step back to peruse the mountain of groceries. "What ya need me ta' do, amigo?"

  His shoulders flex through another deep breath as he sets down the can. "You can come back here and hold me until my heart calms down."

  "We both can," I say, glancing over my shoulder as I feel eyes on us. "Can't we, Vickie?"

  "Absolutely," she smiles, joining us.

  We each take a side, boxin
g Austin in and squeezing away his worries. From behind us, Alex and Joey look on, caught in their own embrace. If it's one thing the Blue Bayou house has today in abundance, it's love.

  Victoria

  Austin may be nervous about impressing my folks, but I'm downright petrified of disappointing my father. Tonight is going to be a big night for everyone, but I hope I have a few minutes to talk to him alone. I need to make sure he's okay with this. That he's happy for me. That he isn't ashamed.

  If he is ashamed, then I don't know what I can do to change that. Probably nothing. I've promised myself, though, that I won't let it come between me and Saul or Austin.

  After doing some of the prep-work at Blue Bayou, we take everything over to Daddy's house. He's at the hospital with Jerry, which is good because it gives all of us more time for our nerves to settle. Joey's pacing as Alex and he share hushed conversation. Austin's trying not to cut his finger off as he chops onions with a shaky hand, and Saul's doing his best to keep everyone in good spirits.

  I can tell he's a little nervous, too, despite his efforts to hide it. His heart's riding high on the hope that it'll all work out. At least I have Austin to help me catch him if that hope falls apart.

  The edges of it start to crumble when Joey gets a call from Ruth. She relays two unwelcome bits of information amidst apologies and sniffles as Joey puts her on speaker. Michael's not coming to dinner, and despite doctor's recommendations, Tabitha is.

  "Stubborn," Joey sighs as he hangs up the phone. "She's gonna rip her stitches just so she can come give me a piece of her mind."

  My eyes are on the ceiling as a migraine threatens to surface. "She doesn't even know about me, yet. Well, unless Jerry... Dammit."

  Of course Jerry would've told her. That man, God bless his loving heart, can't keep anything from Tabitha.

  "She had to find out eventually," Saul says from behind me. His hands are on my shoulders, trying to rub out the kinks. "Damn, your shoulders are as tense as Austin's."

  "I probably have them both beat," Joey mutters.