Desire Me

by Skye Malone

  “He made a deal with her,” I say, but my voice isn’t as firm as before. “Promised to stay out of anything to do with the Houses.”

  “Oh yeah, like that’d ever work. And look what a great job he’s done at it too. Talking with Alistair. Walking into a set the other night. Getting involved with you. And now he’s gone back to meet the matriarch of Volgert. Some deal.”

  I’m silent.

  “He’s not in this to help you, Cait. Amar and Lucretia have an arrangement, sure, but it’s not for him to be neutral. Not by far.”

  I shake my head. I know he’s got to be wrong. Got to be lying.

  His face isn’t saying that, though.

  “Our people can protect you,” Ram insists. “Not like the Houses. Not with lifetime agreements trapping you. We can help because it’s the right thing to do, and because you can save lives. That’s all we’re interested in.” He pauses. “You tell me if you think I’m lying.”

  I shudder harder at the repetition of my own thoughts. At how I can’t quite convince myself that he’s not telling the truth.

  There has to be more to it, though. There just has to be.

  I move toward Amar’s door, never taking my eyes from him. Ulric comes with me, keeping himself between me and Ram. I raise my fist and knock on Amar’s door.

  Ram sighs.

  But nothing else happens.

  I knock again.

  “He’s gone to—”

  I make a hard noise. Ram cuts off.

  Seconds creep past. No one answers the door.

  I shiver. Amar has to have a good reason for this. For everything.

  No matter what Ram says.

  “Let’s go,” I tell Ulric, my voice tight.

  He nods. I march toward Sorcha, doing everything I can to appear threatening to the enormous troll blocking our way to the stairs.

  The guy smirks and then looks beyond us to Ram.

  “Come on, Cait,” Ram chides. “Let us help you. You’re not going to be able to stay out of this forever—especially with Amar setting you up for Volgert.”

  I reach the other troll. “Move.”

  The man makes a small grunt of amusement.

  Tingles run through me and purple mist rises from my fists to tangle like smoke around my arms. I fight not to let on that it scares me, that I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing, or that the magic could die at any moment based on how little of it I probably have in me right now. I stare into his eyes instead. “Now.”

  “Tank,” Ram calls.

  The guy looks to him again, and then steps aside.

  I stride past him and down the steps, struggling the whole while to make the magic on my hands disappear without blowing something up unintentionally. Sorcha and Ulric follow me. The door swings shut behind them.

  The mist fades.

  My strength goes with it.

  With a gasp, I collapse against the banister, my legs suddenly unable to hold me. The stairwell swirls like it’s caught in a blender and it’s all I can do to hang onto the railing until the world slows back toward normal.

  “Are you alright?”

  I blink to find Sorcha crouched on the steps in front of me, her hand hovering near my shoulder like she wants to steady me but is afraid to touch me at the same time. Alarm shows in her amber eyes.

  Swallowing hard, I nod.

  “What—” Sorcha starts.

  “When’s the last time you fed?” Ulric asks.

  I falter, not sure what to say. That sort of doesn’t feel like his business.

  But then, I did just collapse in front of him.

  “Don’t know,” I manage. “Few days ago, I think. A little bit.”

  He lets out a breath. I see Sorcha glance to him from the corner of my eye.

  “Can you walk?” Ulric asks.

  I nod and hope I’m telling the truth. My legs feel like they’re made of water. My whole body feels like it’s going to rattle apart. Drawing a deep breath, I hoist myself up by the railing.

  My muscles quiver, but they hold. I start down the steps, bracing myself on the banister.

  “Take the door to the next level,” Ulric instructs.

  Sorcha nods. She hurries down the steps two at a time, and then tugs open the fire door when she reaches it.

  I trail them down a hallway that’s nearly identical to the one we just left. Sorcha strides ahead and summons the elevator.

  They don’t say a word while we ride to the first floor with me clinging to the railing to keep myself steady. When we arrive, I hurry out the door as fast as my legs will carry me, avoiding the odd looks we receive from the few people lingering in the lobby. I just want to get to my car, because I can guess the question that is coming and I don’t want to deal with it. I’ll figure this out, and without two werewolves basically chaperoning the whole damn thing.

  Ulric stops when we reach the street. “For your safety, your classes should wait till you have fed at a protected location. Where may we take you to—”

  My phone buzzes, making me jump. I scramble to dig it from my pocket. I don’t want to answer what I know he’s about to ask me.

  I glance to the number briefly, and surprise flares through me when I recognize it. Quickly, I answer the call. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Cait? It’s Brett. You home?”

  Tension creeps through me. “Uh, no… Why?”

  “Alright, look, Amar just called.”

  “What? Is he okay?”

  “Huh?” Brett sounds thrown by the concern in my voice. “Yeah, he’s fine. But he said there’s some shit going on right now that’s, um… he’d like it if you and that girl from the other night could come stay at my place for a while. Over at Temptation.”

  I blink, confused. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s Houses shit.”

  I’m not certain how to respond. “But what—”

  “Just find your friend and head over soon as you can. He thinks it’d be safer if you were here.”

  “Okay, but—”

  Ulric takes the phone from me. “We’ll be there within the hour.” He hangs up.

  I gape at him. “Excuse me. Just what the hell—”

  “We were hired to keep you safe,” he points out levelly. “This is how.” He glances around the street. “And the club will have food for you.”

  I swallow hard. Food. Awesome. Not the way I would have described it.

  Ulric hands the phone back to me and then strides toward my car. Sorcha nods for me to follow him.

  I’m not sure what to do. Arguing won’t go well. It won’t go anywhere at all.

  And if Amar did call… if he really does want me to stay at Temptation instead of my apartment, despite all the security he’s already got in place…

  I don’t care what Ram said. Amar is trustworthy. So there has to be a good reason. A damn good one, actually.

  This is Amar we’re talking about.

  I head for the car.

  I come to a stop in front of my apartment and feel like I’m seeing some flashback to yesterday.

  Mostly because there’s a moving van in the driveway again.

  The movers give the mercenaries beside me odd looks when we walk past. I continue upstairs, only to find the front door to my apartment open. Men with safety braces strapped around their backs and chests are hefting boxes out the door.

  “Hey!” I hurry toward them. “What are you—”

  “No, not that stuff.”

  I cut off at the sound of Ruby’s voice. The movers shift aside to give me room when I push by them on my way down the hall. Sorcha and Ulric follow me, watching everyone like they’re weighing whether or not to attack.

  Ruby is standing by her bedroom. She doesn’t look over when I come to the front door. A pair of smaller plastic bins sit beside her, and she nods when a mover bends to lift them both. “Yeah,” she continues, “that should be all of it.”

  I step aside numbly while the man carries the boxes toward the hall.r />
  “Ruby?” I try.

  She retreats into her bedroom without a word.

  A rough breath leaves me. I don’t… she can’t…

  What the hell?

  Incredulous, I stride over to the door. She’s standing in the middle of the empty room. The string of snapshots is missing from her wall, and the hangers in her closet are empty. A suitcase rests on the floor, clothes already folded inside.

  “What is this?” I demand.

  She’s silent.

  “Ruby, what the hell is—”

  “I can’t do this, Cait. I-I can’t stay here. Can’t…”

  She looks back at me and I can see her shaking. Her voice seems barely this side of controlled. Dark circles are painted beneath her eyes like bruises.

  I suddenly wonder how long it’s been since she slept.

  Flabbergasted, I start toward her. “Ruby—”

  She flinches and her hand flies up, motioning me to stop. “Don’t.”

  I freeze. The fear that flashed across her face feels like a dagger in my chest.

  She draws a ragged breath. “I’m leaving.”

  “What?”

  “I-I’ve withdrawn from classes. Told the college I had a family emergency. But I’ve got to go.”

  “But—” I glance to the living room. The movers are mostly gone. Ulric and Sorcha are standing with the other werewolf by the door. From the sound of it, Ulric is chewing him out for not calling to warn them about this. “But what about what Amar said? The side effects? The people who’ll—”

  She shakes her head, cutting me off. “I don’t care. I’m going home to Mom’s place in Arizona.”

  A breath escapes me. “But—”

  “I’m leaving, Cait!”

  I blink at the shout.

  She turns away. With unsteady hands, she zips up her suitcase.

  My mouth moves, searching for words, and my voice is small when I find them. “When are you coming back?”

  She doesn’t respond.

  A knock comes on the door. “Hello?”

  “In here, Oliver,” Ruby calls, not looking away from her bag.

  I turn, speechless, as Oliver appears at the door. He’s nineteen and a freshman in college, but he still hasn’t outgrown the gawky little kid look—though the mop of unruly dark hair falling into his eyes doesn’t really help.

  But he’s supposed to be at school in Arizona. He goes to college in the same town where their mom lives. And if he’s here…

  My god, when did Ruby call her family? When did she start planning this?

  “Uh—” Oliver gives Ulric and the others a wary look and then continues past them. “Hey Cait.” He flashes me a brief smile, but his attention immediately returns to his sister. I can’t imagine what she told her family—I doubt it was the truth—but it’s easy to see the concern in his gaze. “You ready?” he asks Ruby.

  She nods. “Yeah.”

  He crosses the room immediately, taking the suitcase from her and then heading for the hallway.

  Ruby follows. She glances over when she passes me, her eyes not quite rising to meet mine. “I know it’s not your fault, Cait,” she says quietly. “Not… not really. But I can’t stay. Not with all this. Not with what… what they did to me. What I did. I see it every time I close my eyes and I just—” She shifts her shoulders like she’s trying to escape something. “I have to get out of here. I’m sorry.”

  She flees the room. I hear the front door shut a moment later.

  Panic shoots through me. No. No, she can’t do this. It’s too dangerous. There are people out there who’ll kill her. Amar, Brett, the werewolves—hell, even me—we can protect her.

  I take off. Ulric and Sorcha move aside quickly while I bolt toward the stairs.

  “Ruby!” I race down the stairway. “Don’t do this! It’s not safe!”

  I reach the street. The moving van is gone. Ruby is standing by the car, the door already open.

  I stagger to a stop. “Ruby, please. Let me help you. Please.”

  She meets my eyes, one hand on the door. “Don’t follow me, Cait.”

  Discomfort flashes over her face, but she gets into the car. I see her say something to Oliver, her eyes resolutely locked on the street ahead. He pulls the car from the curb.

  Breathless on the roadside, I stare after them while they drive away.

  Sorcha and Ulric follow me to Temptation. They never say a word, not when we leave my place. Not when we arrive outside the club. The topic of my near collapse at Amar’s place, the topic of what happened at my apartment, every topic has been dropped.

  I’m grateful. I don’t know what to say.

  I get out of my car, my body shaking and I’m not sure if it’s hunger or shock from Ruby leaving.

  Just leaving.

  A breath escapes me. I’d known this was hard for her—probably not how hard, but still. I’d known she was struggling.

  God, I shouldn’t have avoided her the past few days.

  Guilt gnaws at me while I walk down the alley to the nightclub’s back door. What had I been thinking? I should’ve tried harder to be there for her, my own discomfort be damned. I should’ve sucked it up and helped my best friend, even if she did look at me like I was a monster who might do something terrible to her. Because now she’s gone—and with dangerous side effect ability things that might get her killed.

  I feel sick. I can’t lose her. Not now, not after everything. Not at all.

  My fist thuds on the metal surface of the door. There has to be some way I can help her. Hire one of Ulric and Sorcha’s friends to go protect her or something. I’m basically broke, yeah, but maybe—

  Brett opens the door. “Hey.” He glances around the alleyway. “Where’s your friend?”

  My stomach turns.

  “The girl left,” Ulric supplies.

  “Oh.” Brett steps aside. “Alright, well, come on in.”

  I walk past him into the shadowy club. Like the other day, the lights are off over the dance floor, leaving the place like an abyss of darkness with only a yellow glow from the hallway and the bar at its other end to break the gloom.

  “When does your club open?” Ulric asks behind me.

  “Later tonight,” Brett answers. “Why?”

  “Cait requires sustenance.”

  My sickened feeling grows worse. Not looking back, I bolt for the hallway. The short passage is dark, but it delivers me to the dimly lit bar. A few lights glow above the liquor bottles and reflect from the mirror behind them. The bar top itself glistens, obviously cleaned and prepped for tonight.

  I sink onto a barstool. The thing is metal and cold and it’s been bolted to the ground to keep it from falling over. It feels incredibly stable compared to my shaking legs.

  My eyes close. I’m not going to cry. Not here, where some damn incubus and a pair of werewolves will see. I’m going to be fine and so will Ruby. So will Amar. So will everything.

  Sustenance, Ulric calls it.

  I swallow hard. Yeah, well, that’s what it is, isn’t it? Energy to keep me going—maybe even keep me alive. Who knows why I haven’t ever needed it till recently, but that’s not the point. I do now.

  The way my body feels like it’s going to fly apart is proof of that.

  And it’s not a problem. I mean… it’s not. Really. This isn’t like Alistair—being his property and his assassin all rolled into one. This isn’t like Arlene’s insults, saying I’ll become a slut like my mom—though, really, what the hell does that even mean? Like having sex is some horrible, dirty, shameful thing. It’s not. So what’s the big deal?

  Amar flashes through my mind. His smile. His laugh. His warmth against my bare skin and the feeling of him inside me. His smell, his taste, his everything. I love it all.

  I love—

  Desperately, I bash down the thought before it can finish. We can’t be with each other, not like that. It’s not possible.

  I want it to be.

  Oh god help me
, I desperately want it to be.

  My brow furrows tightly, tears burning in my eyes. It can’t. And we can’t. And tonight if not sooner, I’m going to have to find some guy because of exactly that one fact.

  I don’t have a choice.

  “Oh, hey.”

  I blink and look up, swiping the moisture from my eyes quickly. A guy is standing behind the other end of the bar, a plastic bin full of glasses in his muscular arms and an expression on his face like I’ve startled him with my presence. He’s maybe twenty-five or so, with beige-gold skin, and he’s dressed in worn jeans and a faded t-shirt that somehow still makes it entirely too easy to see how well-built he is. Waves of black hair brush his shoulders and hang to either side of his dark, short-trimmed beard and equally dark eyes.

  He’s hotter than hell too, and thus about the last thing I want to see right now.

  I push away from the bar. “Sorry.” I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for. I only know I need to get out of here.

  I head for the hall again.

  “Are you Cait?”

  I don’t stop. “Yeah.”

  “Hey.”

  I glance back at him.

  He sets the bin down, looking concerned. “You okay?”

  I flounder. I don’t need to be talking to this guy right now.

  He hesitates like he’s trying to decide what to do, and then he walks around the side of the bar and comes toward me.

  I retreat a step involuntarily.

  He stops. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I shake my head, unable to explain. I need to get out of here. But it’s getting harder to make myself move away. My hands are twitching with the urge to grab him.

  “I’m Rafael,” he offers.