Under My Skin

by Shawntelle Madison

  I shoved the tray of food across the bed. The scent from the platter of eggs, bacon, and toast soured my stomach.

  “If the pain means you don’t get to have me, then bring it on.”

  He chuckled. “As much as I hate to have to work for this body, I prefer the challenge. Is that what you want this morning? A fight?”

  I watched my right hand twitch and then it clenched into a fist. Not far from me, Des and Penelope watched me with sad eyes. Cecelia enjoyed her breakfast without a casual glance in my direction.

  “No,” I replied to him. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Then get that tray and eat. Now.”

  I grabbed the tray and took a big bite of the toast, scowling through every bite. Even though I refused to touch the meat, the General kept quiet. I was sure he’d speak again when he wanted his needs met. And it didn’t take long.

  “You’re expected to stay at my side during this period,” the General said to Captain Belfry as he guarded the room.

  “Yes, sir.” Captain Belfry kept his eyes on the far wall and didn’t so much as twitch.

  “I don’t trust her. Don’t disappoint me, either. I appointed you Master of Blades because you’re the best at what you do. Even at your age. But I’ll have you digging trenches if you fail to protect me while I’m in this condition.”

  “I will be diligent, sir.”

  By midday, it was easy to discern the General from myself. He continued to bark out orders and kept people scurrying about. “I need my clothes prepared, Rebecca. We’ve already discussed this, but I want to make sure my orders are understood.”

  “Of course, Master. The seamstress has prepared a new dress with your insignias sewed on the front. All your expected alterations have been made.”

  “How are the preparations for the transfer of my estate to Elise Dagon?”

  This new name piqued my interest. A few hours earlier, I’d heard Rebecca mention it to Des briefly.

  “Already in progress, Master. The bar code is now registered under her name.”

  Based on everything they discussed, my new identity, or, I should say, the General’s new name was Elise. A new name to go with his new face. His life would continue while mine would come to an end.

  While those two discussed their business, I tried to take back my mouth, but he pushed my control away like swatting at a horsefly. I blinked rapidly and shifted in my seat.

  “Stop, it. This isn’t the time to get fidgety. What did I tell you earlier, girl?”

  I finally took control of my mouth. Or perhaps he gave it to me. “I don’t like the way this feels.”

  Rebecca was taken aback and watched me talk to myself—and most likely reply to words she couldn’t hear.

  “You don’t have to like anything I do to you. You’ll keep quiet or I’ll do something you really don’t like.”

  “Or what? You’re already in my head. What can you do me?”

  “Oh, I don’t have to punish you. I can punish someone else. Maybe Des. Or perhaps I should send someone to visit your village? A group of enforcers to have a chit-chat with your family?”

  My stomach jumped. Since he was in my head, he felt it too. My surrender. For now.

  The three days leading up to the trip to New Amesbury were long and torturous. As my strength returned, the General strengthened as well. Our little talk had left me shaken. He still needed me though. I moved around for him and he still had periods where he “slept.” During those times, I explored the house and kept to myself. Cecelia pushed me around wherever I wanted to go. Captain Belfry followed us but didn’t interfere.

  Gone were the mornings where Des greeted me with a smile and offered me green apples. On the day before the transport ship planned to take me to the capitol, she didn’t look me in the eye. She was far too busy listening to Rebecca drone on about the preparations.

  “The Master needed all of the clothes in the trunks hours ago, Penelope.” She directed her questions to Des next. “Do we have all the medications?”

  “Yes, Miss Rebecca, yes. Quit worrying. Just because the Master is here doesn’t mean you need to gripe about everything.”

  Rebecca glanced at me and her mouth formed a thin line. Even with Des’s words, how did she know if General Dagon was awake or not? All this time, I didn’t know either. That was until I really paid attention to my body. I hadn’t truly thought about it, listening to my pulse—feeling the sensation of hot and cold on my skin. The creepy feeling of crawling bugs wasn’t there anymore. Something new took its place. When General Dagon took over to speak, something deep inside of me melted into a puddle of fear. An instinctual desire for me to flee and claw my way out of my prison. Even when he didn’t speak, I felt it. Like right now.

  He waited like a patient, prowling cat. A leopard waiting to pounce and tear at its victim. That frightened me the most. He was forever watching and observing everything around him. His presence lingered for a bit and then it vanished again.

  Sleep eluded me the night before my trip. The shadows in the master suite appeared more ominous. I sat in bed and glanced out the window. The room was warm with a well-tended fire in the hearth and dimmed lights so I could sleep. Part of me wished I could play the piano in the corner. Anything to end the silence.

  I’d already completed the puzzle Des had given me.

  Earlier, I’d asked Rebecca for some holo-videos to watch, but, of course, programming came from the communications console, and Rebecca wasn’t ready to give me access to it yet. After more griping, she relented and gave me access to a few of the paperbacks from the General’s library.

  As she left me with my pile, she snorted and offered a tart comment. “Might as well enjoy books while you can.”

  I dove into the pile and checked to see what she’d brought me. Most of them were written by authors I’d never heard of before, but no tales like the ones I’d read from Sophie Saint John. The titles I’d been offered gave a clue to their sleep-inducing content. Who in their right mind would be able to sit and read The History of the National Tax Code? I loved history and all, but even I had my limits. Compared to that, even my homework would’ve been more interesting.

  I picked one of the other titles, a simple book with hand-drawn insects. Very beautiful and fascinating with descriptions of the insects.

  I browsed through the book, not really caring what I found—until I came to an insect I hadn’t seen for a while. I traced my fingers over a picture of a praying mantis. The drawing portrayed the insect perched over a grasshopper. The unsuspecting grasshopper had no idea its life would end soon, that this creature would snatch it and kill it while eating it alive.

  A chill swept down my spine and then climbed back up to the nape of my neck. The hairs on the back of my neck stiffened. When I looked at the picture again, I knew the General was awake.

  Like a low-lying fog sweeping across a field, one minute the picture was there and the next, it wavered. My mind came undone and everything in the room turned to gray. As the picture dimmed even more, I clawed at consciousness—fought with everything I had to stay awake, to shake the feeling of falling asleep. But my salvation never came.

  Every part of me became numb and I felt like I sat in a new place. In this new place, I wasn’t Tate anymore. No more feelings. No more pain.

  My gaze jumbled as my body stood. The footsteps I involuntarily took across the room made me dizzy. I wanted to weep. I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t anymore.

  I wasn’t in control right now.

  Heaven help me. Is this the end?

  The General took us to the bed. My body lay down and rested under the heavy covers. My eyes closed and soon I was alone. Truly alone.

  He had wanted us to sleep, so I slept.

  When I woke up a few hours before dawn, I wasn’t the same. I touched the unfamiliar nightgown I wore. I wore socks too. Either Des had dressed me differently in the night, or he’d done it. Just another step in his fight to take control over me.
>
  I kicked the socks off before my emotions spilled over. I buried myself in the covers and wept real tears. Sobbed using my body. Mine. As I wept, I heard the sound of the door opening. I expected Des, maybe even Rebecca with a snide comment. But the voice that whispered to me was unexpected. Captain Belfry shouldered the burden of my pain and soothed me with comforting words. “Don’t cry,” he said softly. “You’re not alone.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Within the dimly lit room, I was too shaken to question his intentions. I grasped onto his words and rested my tear-stained cheek on my pillow. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep. And while I slept, I dreamt. But not of my home to the south. Instead, my mind drifted farther north, past the mountains I’d seen beyond the General’s mansion. When my journey ended, I encountered an army entrenched in battle in a forest. The tops of great oak trees shook from bomb blasts. My eyes stung from the acrid smoke of las-gun fire.

  Between the branches, I spotted figures firing at each other from trenches over a mile apart. In the haze of my sleep-fogged mind, I came to rest in front of two middle-aged men hiding behind a makeshift fence constructed from the thick branches of the trees. One continued to stand and fire into the darkness while the other gestured wildly in the opposite direction.

  “I can’t stay here anymore, Frederick!” the other man begged. Tears ran down his dirty face. His eyes widened. The stench of his sweat intensified.

  A thought brushed my mind as Frederick continued to fire his weapon. A simple flesh wound. My cousin is a fool.

  Frederick turned to leer at the other man. “Karl, if you abandon your post, I’ll shoot you.” He gripped the las-gun tighter and pointed it at his cousin.

  The man’s lower lip trembled. “I can’t do it anymore...”

  Frederick’s face turned to stone, but he didn’t lower the gun. He spat, “Deceit and conflict are one and the same.”

  Other men around them, who watched as the enemy continued to swarm on their position, began to cry out and fall back. “We’re outnumbered!”

  Karl turned away from his cousin and fled. He ran a few feet and then Frederick shot him. Oh, God, no. Then, as if what he’d done was nothing, he focused on the other men while his fallen cousin twitched on the ground. “Get back in line! I order you! Remember your orders!” All of them—utter fools, he thought. I knew this person. Even if I didn’t know his face—I’d met only one human being who was capable of doing this to people: General Dagon. This dream wasn’t mine. It was his.

  He shot the fleeing men. Over and over again. Rage blanketed his face as he brought down the scared soldiers. Across the front line into the darkness, the enemy swept in. But they were not more than one hundred feet from our position when something happened. From behind, another group of soldiers appeared like wraiths in the night. They swooped in with sharp metal that glinted like fire. Blades fell and rose as the enemy begged and screamed.

  I tried to get away—I tried to flee, but something held me there. So I waited until the last man went down.

  I woke up to silence in my head. The only sounds in the master suite were of Cecelia snoring on the long couch that served as her bed. She rolled over in her sleep, oblivious to the nightmarish events that occurred last night. Captain Belfry was gone.

  I still wore that dark red nightgown. It might’ve been expensive, but the heavy wool made my skin itchy and dry.

  My back ached as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I glanced at my right hand and waited for something to happen—for someone to speak in my head. I expected to have more time to collect my thoughts and shove the sounds of death away, but the double doors opened and Des entered with Rebecca trailing close behind. As usual, Rebecca fussed over the final preparations for the trip. “We’re leaving in less than an hour and I can’t believe you haven’t awakened the Master.”

  “Oh, hush,” Des said. “The poor girl needed her rest.”

  They both looked up. Their eyes took in my face to see if the General was present. At first, I thought they would talk to me, but, from the looks on their faces, they waited for permission to speak. Even if he wasn’t awake, his presence hovered over this place like the stench of rotten food. Time to end the silence. I was uncomfortable enough as it was.

  “How much time do I have to get dressed?” I managed.

  “Not much.” Rebecca stepped forward. “Your clothes are ready. You can eat your breakfast on the transport ship.” General Dagon’s assistant eyed Des. “We won’t ever be late again like this, I promise.”

  Even though she knew I’d spoken, she watched her words. Perhaps like the other servants, she wasn’t sure when he was awake or asleep. It was better to assume he was listening in on the conversations.

  Less than an hour later, as Rebecca promised, I boarded a transport ship with Cecelia and Captain Belfry. During the trip to the transport ship, he hadn’t spoken to me or acknowledged he’d visited me during the night. I knew the encounter hadn’t been a dream, yet I wasn’t ready to confront him about it. Too many things he’d done were contradictions. He’d tried to attack me after I’d arrived. Yet, last night, he reached out to comfort me. Soon enough, I would have to talk to him to figure out whose side he was on, but not with the others around.

  I looked around, but only Cecelia, Captain Belfry, and I were in the cabin. From her seat, Cecelia said, “They ride in the passenger cabin with the other servants.”

  “There are four rows of seats. Anyone could sit with us.”

  Cecelia shrugged from her seat in front of mine. “Before Master Dagon needed his nurse, he rode with no one except for his Second Water Bearer and his personal guards. He trusts no one.”

  I stared at the back of her head and wished my new shadow didn’t always sound so condescending. It was as if she didn’t care what happened to us.

  I spent the rest of the three-hour flight in my seat staring at the portable communications console. The network programming emptied my mind of anything while the General circled around in my head.

  He crept back and forth. Almost waiting for me to say something to him. I kept my eyes on the screen and watched the news report until a flight crewmember came by with a message.

  “Master Dagon, we’ll land in about twenty minutes. Rebecca wanted me to tell you that a Delegation Dinner will take place at the Prime Minister’s palace this evening. Of course, you’ve been invited to attend.”

  My lips curled on their own, and General Dagon spoke. “Tell Rebecca to make sure all my debriefing materials are ready upon landing. No mistakes are acceptable.”

  “Of course, Master.” She nodded and backed away.

  After allowing him to speak, my mouth felt like a vat of death and I wanted to use bleach to clean it out.

  I waited for the General to address me, but he didn’t—even after we landed at the transport dock in New Amesbury. He kept a healthy distance, since I’d cooperated so far.

  Captain Belfry, Rebecca, and Cecelia led me from the transport dock to the General’s private apartment in the capital. From our spot on the dock, I could barely see the sunlight through the skyscrapers covering the mega-metropolis. Compared to North City, where I’d taken the Water Bearer test, New Amesbury was far bigger and resembled a shining landscape that went on beyond the horizon. I paused and gaped at the mile after mile of glass buildings sparkling in the distance and transport ships zipping across the sky. The place pulsed like a living creature.

  “Master?” Rebecca took a respectful step in my direction.

  I hurried to catch up.

  After a short ride, we arrived at the General’s apartment in the city. I’d hoped for a moment to rest, but the General finally decided to make his appearance. Like sliding on a glove, he pushed me aside to assume control again. “Rebecca, bring my reports. Now.”

  Rebecca nodded with a small smile. Whatever happened to the passcode? Could she see him so easily?

  General Dagon controlled my legs, but his mastery so far wasn’t perfect. He
guided me, on jittery limbs, to the private office off the main sitting room. I fought him briefly for control to keep from falling, but he tried to wrestle me away.

  “Stop fighting me, girl! I know how to walk, damn it!”

  Not long after he berated me, we tripped and fell head first onto the floor. From behind me, I sensed Captain Belfry wanting to intervene, but he didn’t move.

  With two people fighting to control my limbs, I never put my hands out to protect myself. Initially, I didn’t feel the chill of the hardwood floor or a sharp pain. But the minute I hit the floor, the General released control of my body so that I could bear the brunt of it.

  “Let that be a valuable lesson,” he said. “Perhaps you’ll stop fighting me, and things like this won’t happen.”

  My nose and chin throbbed painfully. Somehow, I managed to stand again and reached the desk. Captain Belfry escorted me into the office and then guarded the door.

  “Are you done fighting me now?” the General asked.

  I touched under my nose. There were drops of blood on my fingertips. Great.

  “You’ll live. It’s not broken. I’ve had worse happen to me.”

  Rebecca strolled past me and left a stack of papers on the desk. My right hand jerked and took the reports. Even though my face hurt, I still refused to recede into the background again. I clenched my right fist and repeated words to myself again and again. “This is my body. Mine.”

  Panic welled in my stomach when he jerked my chin up and twisted my head in the direction of the far wall. He focused my attention on a painting of a man I’d seen before but only in a dream. The date at the bottom of the painting made me gasp. The painting was hundreds of years old.

  “See that man,” the General hissed. “He’s tackled obstacles much tougher than a weakling like you.” He locked my gaze on the man’s face. I couldn’t look away from his piercing black eyes, the obnoxious smile on his face.