His Witness

by Vanessa Waltz

  I don’t like how I feel when I’m around her. That sharp pain in my chest radiates outward like an infection. My lips and eyes burn from the proximity of the fire. I should have made that bitch eat every scrap of food on the floor like a dog. She would have hated it, but it would have broken her down even more. Instead, I took pity on her. Instead, I comforted her.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  Watching her eyes fill with tears was like a blow to my stomach. She looked so miserable, and I suddenly felt like the toxic, evil bastard that I am. For the first time I don’t want a body to work on with my knife. I’m not interested in hearing her screams. They don’t comfort me. They ring horribly in my ears.

  I never thought this would be a problem for me. Ever. She’s a rat. We kill rats all the time.

  She sits in front of the fireplace, hugging her knees.

  When the time comes, it’ll be quick. I won’t draw it out.

  I withdraw into myself, like I used to when I first started working for Jack. Cold wraps around my chest, freezing the small, hopeful fire inside. Icy fingers clutch my shoulders and move up my neck, to my head. Then I feel nothing, just a low, burning lust for her. I’ll need to feel nothing for what I’m going to do with her.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  She says it in a deadened voice, her eyes still trained on the fire.

  I wonder if she noticed the shift in temperature. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “I mean how did someone grow up to become so fucked up?”

  I’ve asked that myself plenty of times, and never came up with an answer. My parents weren’t awful, but they treated me like a ghost. Never disciplined me. Never said a word of encouragement, or praise. Never seemed to give a shit where I was or what I did. No, it was always very monotonous at my house. I remember how Jack gave me a hug when he first met me, and how foreign it felt. I was never touched like that by anyone before.

  “I’m always angry. What’s wrong with taking it out on people who are going to die anyway?”

  She squeezes her eyes shut and a sudden, desperate sound from her lungs smashes through the walls I’ve built up around myself. My stomach caves in as another high-pitched sound shakes from her chest.

  Jesus Christ.

  Unable to stop myself, I slide next to her. My thigh presses against hers as I wrap an arm around her warm back. I nuzzle her neck and squeeze her reassuringly.

  “I don’t mean you.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I like you. Haven’t you realized that by now?”

  The sweet things I whispered in her ears all those times at the club—they weren’t all lies. She stood up to Vince and told him to fuck off all the time. Who wouldn’t get a kick out of that? She never became one of those weak, sniveling people who’d shower us with empty compliments to get on our good side. No, she said whatever the fuck she wanted. I liked her for that.

  “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to kill me,” she gasps, tears burning down her cheeks. “There’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

  I pull her into my chest and plant a kiss on her head. There’s no warm glow in my chest from holding her. There’s nothing.

  “Melanie, I swear to God that’s not going to happen. On my mother’s life.”

  Her red eyes stare at me, slightly widened. Hope.

  My stomach sinks.

  I’m such a monster.

  “Really?”

  “Really. All you have to do is listen to what I say, and you’ll get back to your old life before you know it.”

  Such a lying piece of shit.

  A small smile flickers on her face as tears continue to leak from her eyes.

  “I almost believe that.”

  Her eyes beg me to reconsider, but I won’t. I’ve wanted to be made since I was a kid. She has no chance—no chance at all. Her eyes drop and she pulls away from my embrace, talking to me with a seething tone.

  “Why do you do it? What do you get out of this?”

  I look at her furious gaze for a moment, regarding her for a moment as the question stews in my head.

  “It makes me feel better,” I finally say, disliking the look of disgust on her face. “The more they scream, the less angry I feel.”

  She gives me that sickened look that I’ve seen so many times on the other guys’ faces. “How long have you been doing this?”

  “Since I was about sixteen.”

  Melanie’s small mouth opens in shock. “That’s sick. That’s really, really sick.”

  I remember how the warm blood gushed around my hands when I sunk Jack’s blade into that man’s stomach. Before that, I’d never killed a person. I’d never used a knife on anyone before.

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Jack ruined you. You were just a kid and he turned you into a monster.”

  I glance at her with a small frown. She’s completely wrong about him. “He gave me purpose. He’s like a father to me.”

  “If he’s a model father to you then I feel sorry for you. He used you. He’s still using you.”

  Images of Jack patting me on the head when I was younger flash through my head. I remember the swell of warmth in my chest, the gratitude I felt that finally someone recognized me. Jack told me that he loved me like a son. That meant a lot to me. Then I remember the crushing agony when the man who told me I was like a son told me that I could never be a made member.

  A hot, forbidding feeling rustles in my chest and I take her arm in a bruising grip.

  “Nobody uses me, sweetheart. Not you, not Vince, and definitely not Jack. I chose to do this for a living.”

  That seems to take her surprise for a moment, but she swallows it down and keeps looking at me with that softened look that I hate to see.

  “I know you’re not all bad.”

  “I am, though.”

  She flinches from the harshness in my voice and sucks in her breath. I take her shoulders in my hands and feel how warm they are, how she tries to squirm out of my grip.

  “No you’re not. You helped me with that guy—”

  “I was protecting Jack’s interests.” I swallow hard as the desperate fervor in her eyes becomes more pronounced.

  I feel sorry for her.

  “You were always nice to me—”

  “Because I wanted to get laid.”

  Her face crumbles and I take her shaking head in my hands. My heart hammers against my chest when she draws another desperate breath.

  I don’t know why I’m gentle with her.

  “I’m sorry, hon, but you’re looking for something inside me that just doesn’t exist.”

  “If you really don’t care then why are you holding me like this?”

  Because I need you to drop your testimony.

  Another disturbed part of me can’t help but point out that she’s right. There’s a nasty feeling somewhere inside me, a nagging, painful ache. Still, the need to prove her wrong irresistibly claws its way to the surface.

  “Jack promised me something I’ve wanted for a very long time.”

  Her eyes flicker. “So you’re just going to let me die in exchange for this thing, whatever it is?”

  A smile spreads on my face. “I’m getting really tired of repeating myself. How many times do I have to say it? As long as you do as I say, you’ll be safe.”

  There it is, again. Her mouth parts as she looks straight into my eyes, as if trying to catch me in a lie. She dares to hope.

  It’s all for nothing.

  “You promise?”

  Why do people take that word seriously?

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Melanie smiles back at me and then leans on her arm. It’s a strange position, but I think nothing of it. Suddenly there’s a metallic, clanging sound and suddenly a thin, black rod swings in my vision.

  Jesus.

  I catch it in my fist as she swings it at my face and then I twist it out of her grasp as she screams.

  “Fuck you! I know you’re full
of shit!”

  My heart pounds as I throw the fire poker from us, looking at it with amusement. “You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”

  She backs away from me, her eyes widened. “I’m not going to just sit here while you do this to me!”

  Just when I was starting to think that she was breaking.

  “Is that what all this introspective bullshit was about?” I raise my voice, mocking hers. “Jack’s using you. You were only sixteen. You’re a good person deep down inside. Were you trying to get me to see the light?” I laugh into her face as she looks away from me, confirming my suspicions.

  Then I take her skinny little neck and squeeze her throat. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had an outlet for my rage? I’ve held back from hurting you so far, but if you keep fucking pushing me—”

  “Go ahead. Coward.”

  “I dwell in darkness, sweetheart. If I wanted to kill you, I’d do it.”

  “Just get it over with, you coward.”

  She just can’t fucking shut up.

  I pin her to the hardwood floor, her dark eyes blazing at me in defiance as I fight against the urge to slap her face. I vent my feelings by smashing my fist against the wood next to her head, and she flinches.

  Then an idea strikes me. It’s so amazing, so fucking perfect that I forget all of my anger. A smile widens my face.

  “Get up. It’s time for your punishment.”

  The color drains from her face. “You’re going to use those knives, aren’t you?”

  I jerk my head to the side, wincing at the very thought. On the contrary, I’m going to make her beg for me. She’s going to want release, but I won’t give it to her until she’s said what I want. I pull her resisting body upright, my cock already hardening in my pants. My arms wrap around her waist and I let her feel it digging into her ass, which is just barely covered by the white t-shirt.

  She inhales a sharp gasp when I hold her against me.

  “I’ve learned a lot about you over the last couple days, sweetie. I know what you like, and what you don’t like.” I bury my hand in her thick head of hair, and yank her neck to the side so I can plant a kiss on her throbbing vein. “I know deep down you like kissing me. Some dark corner of your mind you never knew existed wants this. You’d probably love fucking me, too. I know how that makes you feel. You’re sickened with yourself for liking it—for liking me.”

  “You’re wrong on every level,” she says in a high voice.

  “I’m right. I know I’m right because I can see how hard your nipples are right now. I bet if I touched your pussy, I’d find it nice and wet.”

  Then just to prove my point, I fasten my mouth on her neck and my free hand wanders around her tits, which stick out of her chest. I squeeze them and my cock twitches. She sighs a shuddering breath and squirms when my hand dips lower. Under the t-shirt, I find her heat hidden between her thighs. I slap them ruthlessly and she opens her legs, and then my fingers run along her slick pussy. She cringes at the sound of my chuckle.

  “Your body knows who you belong to. It wants to serve me.”

  Her chest heaves against my arm as I play with her lips, and it’s turning me on, too. My breaths get quicker and my heart pounds against her back. I want her really fucking badly, I always have.

  Tonight, I’m going to make her beg.

  MELANIE

  Every time I think I’ve got him figured out, he throws me another curveball that fucks with my head because he’s right. Breathe.

  Just breathe.

  But how can I when every lungful of air feels hot and short? It’s something that he does to me, something that’s burrowed deep inside my flesh, running through my veins like a poison. I’m trying to gather my thoughts, but his voice cuts right through them, ringing in my head.

  “Your body knows who it belongs to. It wants to serve me.”

  Clear your head.

  I’m trying to get to know him, to find out what makes him tick, but he has me figured out like a science. His hand sweeps around my neck and sets off a million nerve endings. The way he touches me is soft but sure, like a man completely in his element—every movement is a calculated effort designed to trigger a certain reaction from me. He works me like a master wielding his puppet.

  I do want him. Some sick part of me fantasizes about his lips, his body, and even the cock digging into my back. Right now, as he plays with me, I’m thinking about what he’d feel like inside me. My legs tighten and my face heats up. Desperately, I’m trying to cool down.

  This is not just desire. This is an opportunity to make him like you.

  But haven’t I given up on that already? Haven’t I just fucked that up by trying to attack him?

  Stay in control. Stay in control. You were doing so well.

  Well, up until I grabbed that fire poker.

  I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. I was just so mad. My teeth were grinding as he sat next to me, his lips vomiting lies when he knows what’s really going to happen. Both of know the truth. We both know that my life has an expiration date, give or take a few weeks.

  His hand curls around my neck, forcing my face up as he pins my back to his chest. I stare at the popcorn ceiling, shivering in his arms. The fingers at my throat feel like blades scraping over my skin. His breath is like an icy gust of wind over my cheeks. Every inch of me is terrified.

  “Since you tried to hurt me, I’m going to punish you with what I know you hate.” The gravelly voice sends a hot shiver down my spine.

  I whimper, thinking of the dungeon, but somehow I don’t think it’s that.

  He lifts the hand playing with my pussy and he brings his shining fingers to my face, smearing my juices over my cheek.

  “You hate being humiliated.”

  The cheek smeared with my arousal burns as he pushes me forward and laughs at my furious expression.

  He’s also right about that.

  We walk out of the den into the kitchen where the floor is still scattered with food. My legs tremble as we walk up the stairs together, Tommy’s chest bumping into me as he gently holds my shoulder. The shaking in my legs makes it hard for me to walk, and then he stops me in front of the doorway of his bedroom. I turn around, hating how shrill my voice sounds.

  “Tommy, you don’t have to do this.”

  A wide, dimpled smile stretches over his handsome face as he takes my throat, gently pushing me backward into the room.

  “You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to do this to you.”

  A carnal look possesses his face as he reaches down to my waist and pulls the t-shirt from my head.

  “So fucking long.”

  The longing in his voice strikes another chord inside me. I feel the twang in my chest and the vibrations dizzy me. I can’t breathe until he touches me again. The only thing between us is Tommy’s t-shirt and jeans. The white fabric jumps slightly with his heartbeat. I place a palm against his stomach—a shove that becomes a caress.

  I just can’t fucking hurt him, even though I hate him. I can’t do it when his eyes look at me like that—like I’m beautiful.

  My heart hammers faster when I feel his muscles rippling under the thin cotton. There’s so much vitality in those muscles. I can feel them heating under my touch. I’m stunned by the heat in my face as Tommy suddenly pushes my shoulder, throwing off my balance. My knees hit the back of the bed and I sit down.

  His hand, rough and comforting, smoothes my cheek as he bends down, his lips nearly kissing me.

  “Get on the bed. I want you to lie down for me.”

  I gulp down air, my mouth making sounds, but nothing manages to squeak out. The pounding in my head is deafening as he pulls away, making me miss the warmth from his hands. I lean back on the comforter, arms wrapped around myself as my back sinks into the comfortable mattress. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a real bed that I want nothing more than to curl up under the covers and sleep, but Tommy won’t let me.

  “You’re not
going to be able to close your eyes for much longer,” he says with a deep chuckle.

  I have no fucking idea what he has planned. The familiar sound of metal clinking together grabs my attention and I open my eyes as cold metal links around my ankle. He closes the handcuff and attaches it to a rope affixed to the corner of the bed. He does the same with the other ankle, spreading my legs wide. My face heats up.

  “What’s the matter, hon? You’re embarrassed that I can see your pussy?”

  I look away from his infuriating smile.

  “I asked you a question,” he says in a firmer tone.

  “Fine. Yes.”

  “Why shouldn’t I be able to see something that’s mine?”

  A blaze travels up my chest. “I’m not yours.”

  He smiles, shaking his head. “We’re going to have to fix that tonight. I’m going to hear you beg. I’m going to hear you say that your pussy belongs to me.”

  My choked laughter rebounds in the room. Then he seizes my arm, pinning it behind my head. He handcuffs me to the headboard, and then does the same to the other hand. A growing sense of panic fills my head when he sits down next to me, grinning like a devil.

  He places his palm on my stomach and my eyes roll up in my head. Damn it, but it feels good. I move my arms, wincing when the handcuffs cut into my wrists. The palm on my stomach slowly moves upward, the heel of it slightly dragging on my skin, and then he reaches up. His hand swallows one of my tits, and I let out a shaking breath.

  Tommy shifts closer so that he sits next to my head, and then he leans over, slightly massaging my breast. It feels incredible and yet violating at the same time. I never asked for this—never wanted him the way he wanted me to, and yet here I am, enjoying it. His mouth is an inch from mine and then his weight presses on me slightly. His smiling lips hungrily devour mine, sucking, biting, and hardly leaving me with air. I find that I don’t really need it, because he’s giving me something that I need much more. It’s like the time we kissed on the couch, which seems like a lifetime ago. I knew nothing about him, only that he was dangerous. For a moment he made me forget about all the shit in my life.

  He makes me forget now.

  I kiss him back as his fingers play with my tits, giving in to that deep hunger for him that confounds me. He strokes the side of my face, and it’s so tender. Then he pulls away, leaving me gasping for more.