Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love

by Joanna Stephen-Ward

“Nothing to it – we’ll teach you,” said Neil sprinkling brown sugar over his porridge.

  “I’m scared of horses.” The confession shamed her.

  “No you’re not,” said Tom, passing her the milk jug.

  She felt her face turning red. “My uncle tried to teach me to ride and failed. I was frightened.”

  Greg smiled encouragingly. “We’ll sort you out.”

  Fiona felt daunted. ‘It’s going to be like last time I tried to learn – they’ll despise me too.’ Her jubilation shriveled. ‘I should have known better than to think I’d found happiness,’ she thought.

  Tom drained his mug of tea. “Finished, Sis?”

  “Yes.”

  “Come and meet the horses.”

  “I won’t have to ride one, will I?” she asked, loathing herself for her feeling of panic.

  “Nope. Not till you’re ready.”

  ‘I’ll never be ready,’ she thought.

  Tom took two apples out of the fruit basket. “Catch,” he said, tossing her one.

  She caught it, relieved that she hadn’t dropped it.

  Tom ran down the back steps and Fiona followed. They were joined by Toddles and Red who bounded along beside Tom. He strode to the paddock which was three hundred yards from the house. Fiona almost had to run to keep up with him. He vaulted the fence then lifted her over as easily as if she’d been a child. He whistled and some of the horses trotted over.

  “Monty, say hi to our long lost sister. Here comes Digger.” He broke the apples into quarters and gave some pieces to Fiona. “Offer treats on the palm of your hand or the horse might accidentally bite your fingers. I’ll do Monty, you do Digger.”

  Fiona copied Tom. Digger demolished the apple and looked for more. She gave him the other pieces, enjoying the feel of his tongue on her hand. She was aware that Tom was watching her.

  “Scared of horses, eh?” He shook his head. “No you’re not. I knew yesterday you weren’t scared. You let me come right up to you when I was on Zorro and you stroked him. If you’d been scared of horses you wouldn’t have let him near you.”

  “Then what am I scared of?”

  “Maybe it was the person who tried to teach you,” he said.

  “It was my uncle. He’s a good teacher. No one else had any problems – just me.”

  “Sis, you were born on Eumeralla, Mum’s a smashing rider and so was your real dad. Riding’s in your blood. You had a bad experience. Was he impatient with you?”

  Fiona grimaced. “He was furious when I screamed and the horse almost bolted.”

  “Did you ever try again?”

  “No. He said I was bad for his horses.”

  “He should have tried something different with you. I’ve got to saddle up Zorro and ride round the place checking the water tanks. How about getting on his back and just sitting. I’ll hold him and he won’t go anywhere. What do you say?”

  Feeling slightly more confident, she nodded.

  Tom grinned. “Good on you, Sis. You’re not bad for a townie.”

  “How many townies have you known?”

  “Too many. Hazel’s always bringing them here for weekends. One even turned up in a dress, high-heeled shoes and stockings. She minced round like a princess all weekend and squealed whenever the dogs went near her. Then she saw a snake and ...”

  “And what?”

  He looked as if he was trying not to laugh. “Wet herself.”

  “I don’t blame her.” Fiona shuddered. “Was it poisonous?”

  “It was only a carpet python.”

  “Why does Hazel live in Brisbane?”

  He pulled a face. “She’s weird. Even when she was a kid she wanted to go and live somewhere else. She couldn’t wait to get away. Bit strange really – Juju, Neil and I would rather drop dead than live in a town.”

  “I can see why.”

  He checked the water troughs. “Are you going to stay, or what?”

  “I haven’t decided yet. I don’t want to be a burden.”

  He grinned. “You won’t be. We won’t let you.”

  “I could do what Hazel does and come here for weekends.”

  “She doesn’t come every weekend. What would you really like to do, Sis?”

  “Stay here.”

  “Then do.”

  “Have you got a girlfriend, Tom?”

  “Not at the moment. I just ditched one. She wanted us to get married and move to Toowoomba. No one could persuade me to live in a town. Besides we’d only been going out for six months. I don’t believe in rushing things. How about you?”

  “No. Chaps bore me.”

  He looked at her in mock alarm.

  She blushed. “It’s just that they talk about cars and football. I went out with an airline pilot for a while. He was only interested in himself, cars and his uniform. All the girls used to go for the pilots as if they were God. He probably noticed me because I wasn’t impressed.”

  “What impresses you, Sis?”

  “Eumeralla.”

  He ruffled her hair. “Let’s get the saddle.”

  Eumeralla

  April 1972

  Today I sat on a horse! Tom showed me how to handle the reins and how to mount and dismount. Tomorrow I’m going to ride round the paddock. He said I’d have a half-hour lesson every day. Because I’m a townie he was amazed that I knew so much about horses, so I’m pleased I took notice of Tree and Kim.

  Juju drove me round Eumeralla in the truck. I saw the wheat silos and flocks of merinos. Sheep are taken to the property over the creek to be shorn. They used to go to Acacia when my grandfather was the owner.

  I use the toilet as little as possible. Every time I go in there I feel queasy. Luckily we’ve each got a potty under the bed so we don’t have to go out at night. Everything, including our urine, goes on the compost heap, except food scraps suitable for the chickens. It’s strange knowing that my urine is useful. The garden is enclosed by a picket fence to keep out the sheep.

  Although the soil in the Darling Downs is fertile, Greg says that it must be looked after and respected. Like the aborigines, his attitude to the land is that he is nurturing it for the next generation. Keith told me about the article in the farming magazine, but I wasn’t really interested. That was only in January – it seems like years ago. What a naive townie I was.

  ***

  “She’s got some carrots for you, boy,” Tom said as he led Flicker over to Fiona. “One of the best ways of making friends with a horse is to give him treats.”

  Fiona smiled as Flicker ate the carrots on the palm of her hand.

  “Today you won’t leave the paddock. I’ll hold the reins for you,” said Tom.

  She felt a twinge of fear she was determined to hide.

  “Up you get, Sis. Flicker’s gentle. He’s twenty so we don’t ride him far now, but he likes a bit of exercise.”

  Fiona mounted and sat still while Tom adjusted the stirrups. ‘I’m only going round the paddock and Tom will be with me,’ she thought.

  “Sit up straight when you’re walking or trotting. You lean over the horse when you’re cantering and galloping.” He grinned. “And you won’t be doing that for a while. All you’ll be doing today is walking. Right, let’s take you round a few times.”

  As soon as Fiona realized she wasn’t going to fall off and break her neck, she felt more composed.

  When they went round for the second time Tom let her take the reins. “These are to guide the horse. Never yank on them because it’ll hurt their mouths. All our horses have good temperaments so, if you’re riding one and it starts acting up, it’s probably sensed or seen a snake, so slacken the reins and hang on tight. Always trust their instinct.”

  When they had been round the paddock twice Tom said, “You’re a good pupil. How about going round by yourself?”

  “Yes. It’s not as scary as I thought it’d be.”

  “Off you go.”

  She went round twice and was disappointed when the lesson wa
s over.

  “We’ll have another go tomorrow,” said Tom. “I’ll teach you how to trot. Say goodbye to Flicker. Part of the friendship thing.”

  “Thanks for being such a good horse.” She stroked his muzzle and he nudged her.

  She saw Tom’s expression of anger and thought it was directed at her. “Tom?”

  “It’s okay, Sis. He’s a good horse because we treat him well. I was thinking of those ignoramuses on Acacia ... not your family – the ones who own it now. Know anything about horse breaking?”

  “My cousin Kim’s only got to look at a horse and it’s broken in. She’s got this extraordinary way with animals. She and her sister Catriona are vets.”

  “Is that how you know so much?”

  “Yes, and through Mum and Dad too,” she said, reluctant to give all the credit to Kim and Catriona.

  “Sis, what would you do if a bloke came up to you, hit you, grabbed you by the hair and dragged you off?”

  “I’d kick his precious bits to pulp.”

  Tom laughed. “Would you submit to his will?”

  “Not if I could help it.”

  “It’s the same for a horse. Bridles and saddles aren’t natural for them so you’ve got to coax them. The scum on Acacia, and lots of other people too, think horses must be bullied into submission – they take the word breaking seriously. Right, now I’ll show you how to take off the bridle and saddle.”

  “Trotting is the most difficult part of riding,” Tom told Fiona the next day.

  She mounted Flicker. “It’s getting easier. I could hardly haul myself up a few days ago.”

  “Before you set out on a ride, check you can lift yourself out of the saddle,” he said as he adjusted her stirrups. “Try it.”

  Fiona rose effortlessly.

  “Good. If you can’t, you’ll be shaken about and end up aching all over. With trotting, the trick is to rise when the horse does and lower yourself when he does. It’s got a rise-on-one and down-on-two sort of feel about it. Ready?”

  She nodded.

  “Away we go.” He ran beside Flicker.

  Fiona immediately got into the right rhythm.

  “That’s beaut,” he said encouragingly. “Whoa, boy. Now you can go round by yourself. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Heartened by her spurt of confidence, she pressed her heels lightly into Flicker’s side. He set off and trotted round the paddock. Halfway round Fiona was gripped by instinct and a wild impulse to go faster. She urged him on. He broke into a canter and she laughed, overcome by an incredible sense of freedom. The trees round the perimeter of the paddock sped past and her hair streamed behind her. ‘If Tree, Kim and Uncle David could see me now!’ she thought. She gently pulled on the reins as they approached Tom.

  “Born to it, Sis!”

  She looked down at him. “That was out of this world!” Kicking her feet out of the stirrups she threw her leg back and slid down the horse.

  He picked her up and swung her round. “Whacko, Sis. Whacko! You can ride. It’ll be a while before you can go off on your own, but in a year you’ll be able to round up sheep.”

  ‘Now I understand Tree and Kim’s passion for horses,’ she thought.

  We moved the horses to a new paddock today. Eumeralla has three paddocks – home, which is closest to the house, middle and far. They are huge, much bigger than the one at Kingower. There are no stables, they have foul-weather shelters with old car tyres on the roof to insulate against lightning. To promote good grazing pasture, they rest each paddock by moving the horses into the adjoining one. When most of the grass and dandelions have been eaten the horses are put in the new one.

  Greg said that sometimes you just open the gate to the new paddock and they wander in of their own accord. Once one horse goes in the rest often follow. Other times, and today was one of them, they need persuading with treats of carrots and apples. I led Flicker in by myself and was so proud.

  I haven’t worn tights or dresses or put on make-up since I got here. How different from my old life. Instead of a perfectly-ironed blouse, smart uniform and tights I put on un-ironed shirts and jeans. No solo breakfast of orange juice, cereal and coffee in my unit, but porridge, eggs, thick slices of homemade bread with jam or marmalade and big mugs of strong tea. The milk is creamy and the brown sugar is sticky and fragrant. We eat on the verandah in the fresh air. The view is trees and pasture not houses, and the sounds come from birds and horses not traffic. I walk over to the paddocks instead of waiting for a tram and am outside most of the day instead of being cooped up in an air-conditioned office.

  After my riding lesson with Tom, I helped Juju in the house. I learnt to make bread. We made two loaves. It’s delicious – much more flavour than the bread I used to buy in the shops. Then Juju said that we had to mow the lawn. She looked furtive and told me to wait while she got the lawn-mowers. When she left the garden, instead of going to the shed, I thought she was going to borrow them from the family over the creek. Ages later she and Toddles came back with four sheep! I had to supervise them so they wouldn’t eat the vegetables.

  I cut my hair this afternoon and it’s a sort of pageboy style now. Juju did the back for me. When Tom came back I was on the verandah and he looked up and called me Juju.

  We get all our dairy produce from the property over the creek. In exchange we supply them with eggs, fruit and vegetables. We don’t go to the shops much, we just go into the garden or across the creek. All the jam, marmalade and lemon curd is homemade. Food here has a lot more flavour. The egg yokes are so dark they are almost orange.

  Fiona groaned as she poured the bucket of water into the copper. “It’s full at last!”

  June, who was sitting on the stone floor splitting kindling with a tomahawk, remembered Fiona’s washing machine and her own amazement at how easily the washing was done.

  “I’m a bit of a weakling,” Fiona said as she poked newspaper into the fireplace under the copper and arranged the kindling on top.

  June handed her the matches. “As soon as that catches we can put a few logs in.”

  When the water in the copper was boiling Fiona poured in a cup of washing powder and stirred it with a wooden pole until it dissolved.

  “How long do they have to boil?” she asked as June put in the sheets.

  “About five minutes.”

  “How do we get them out?”

  June turned on the taps over the double sink. “With the pole. We put them in this sink to rinse them and feed them through the wringer. Rinse them again in the second sink. Empty the first sink and wring them again. It’s easy really.” She laughed at Fiona’s expression. “But not as easy as your washing machine.”

  When the washing was pegged on the line, June said, “Let’s go and catch tonight’s dinner.” She went to the shed and took out two fishing rods. “Can you fish?”

  Fiona shook her head. “Something else I’ve got to learn.”

  “It’s easy. But we’ve got to keep quiet or we’ll frighten them away.”

  I caught two fish this afternoon! Juju caught the other four. They don’t suffer for long. As soon as we get them off the hook Juju bashes them on the head with a rock. I was horrified at first, then she made me do it. So I did. Tonight we had fish fried in butter, with peas and mashed potatoes. And for dessert I made a bread-and-butter pudding, which we had with cream.

  It rained last night while we were having dinner. The smell of the wet grass and earth was better than the most expensive perfume. I stood on the verandah and watched the water dripping off the trees. In Sydney and Melbourne rain never interested me unless there was a drought. The weather used to affect me only in relation to my leisure activities. If it snowed in the mountains that meant the ski season would be good. If it rained I couldn’t play tennis or go swimming. Here if anyone talks about the weather it’s in relation to the crops and water planning.

  I’m going to see Keith and Gabby at the weekend.

  Fiona found Keith and Gabriella in the garden. Th
ey sat on the verandah and Fiona told them what had happened. “So I wrote to Virginia last night and told her I never want to see her again,” she finished.

  Gabriella looked horrified. “You’re being callous, you can’t just cut your mother off like that.”

  “I’m not, am I, Keith?”

  “Yes.”

  Their attitude bewildered Fiona. “But she told me my real mother was an alcoholic. She deprived me of my twin sister and she dominated and bullied me.”

  “She doesn’t strike me as a bully,” said Gabriella. “Did she beat you?”

  “No. You don’t have to beat someone to bully them. You don’t know how it feels to have your life ruled by someone who wants to imprison your thoughts. She said that my political views were deranged and asked who’d brainwashed me.”

  “You’re being a bit melodramatic,” said Keith.

  “My teenage years were a nightmare. All my friends were allowed to wear mini-skirts, but I wasn’t.”

  “What a tragedy,” said Gabriella. “Listen, Fiona, you’ve regained all that you lost. I’d give anything to have Brett back.”

  “Gabby, it’s not the same,” argued Keith.

  “Too right, it’s not!”

  “Fiona,” said Keith. “Don’t send the letter to Aunty Virginia ... she’d be heartbroken”

  “I posted it on my way here.”

  Gabriella stood up so quickly her chair fell with a crash. “You’re heartless, Fiona. I don’t know that I ever want to speak to you again.”

  “Hang on, Gabby,” said Keith. “Aunty Virginia did tell lies.”

  Gabriella turned so that her back was to Fiona. “But she did her best and so did Uncle Alex. They loved her, she went to a private school, they bought her a car for her twenty-first birthday. She decided to go overseas and they paid her fare. When she came home they bought her a unit. She had everything anyone could want. She’s an ungrateful – ”

  Fiona stood up and faced Gabriella who immediately turned away. “Except what I wanted most of all – brothers and sisters,” she said.