Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love

by Joanna Stephen-Ward

  When he turned off the engine, he sat for a minute trying to work himself into a buoyant mood. Catriona and Kim came rushing out to meet him. Usually Kim, knowing they wanted to be alone before dinner, stayed away. ‘They’ve been told about Fiona,’ he thought.

  “You’ll never guess what’s happened!” exclaimed Catriona as soon as he got out of the car. “Fiona’s got an identical twin!”

  For weeks he had been wondering when they would find out. He judged by their attitude that Fiona had kept his visit to her a secret.

  “And Fiona’s real mother’s not an alcoholic either,” said Kim. “Aunty Virginia must have lied to her. I don’t know why.”

  Catriona pulled a face. “One of her is bad enough. Of all the people to have a twin sister.”

  “It’s tragic if you ask me,” he snapped.

  Catriona looked startled. “What the matter?”

  “You two. You’re full of spite about your cousin.”

  “She’s not our real cousin,” said Kim.

  “You grew up with her! It’s monstrous that Margot lied about her real father being a coward and someone lied about her mother being an alcoholic. What sort of a family is this?”

  Kim and Catriona looked stupefied.

  He pulled the car door open. “I’m going back to Melbourne.”

  “Stefan, please ... don’t. I’m sorry,” said Catriona.

  He knew that to use this as an excuse to get away was underhand, but he could see no other way. If he told Catriona the truth she would blame Fiona.

  Kim’s face was red. “I’m sorry too. I suppose we did sound spiteful, but we were flabbergasted by all this.”

  ‘So was I,’ he thought bleakly, remembering Fiona’s expression when she had seen her twin. He closed his eyes. “I’ve got to get away and think, Tree.”

  Kim went into her cottage and Catriona stared at him. “What about?” she asked breathlessly.

  “I’m sorry, Tree.”

  She bit her lip. “Are you calling off our wedding?”

  “I don’t know. I need to be by myself for a while.”

  ‘If I don’t marry Tree, I’ll never see Fiona again,’ thought Stefan on the way back to Melbourne. The realization gave him peace. He hated the way people tended to gang up on someone because they were weak or different. As a teacher he ruthlessly stamped out such behaviour in his classes. As a man he abhorred the way the Kingower Lancasters treated Fiona. ‘Tree and Kim can’t face the fact that their boyfriends are overwhelmed by her, so they accuse her of seduction. Fiona’s not a vamp. I know her power to unwittingly enchant.’ He remembered that Kim had called her a slut. ‘She’s more likely to be a virgin.’ As he mulled it over the more convinced he became that Kim’s premonition had been a dream, caused by her jealousy. ‘David and Margot know that Fiona’s original name was May. It’s inconceivable that they never mentioned it. Even if Kim’s forgotten, the name could have been buried in her subconscious and surfaced in a dream.’

  As he drove through the city the thought of going home to an empty flat depressed him. He parked near the Houses of Parliament and walked down Bourke Street past the cinemas, boutiques and shops. As he was passing a cafe the smell of coffee and food made him feel hungry. He went in and ordered spaghetti. The cafe was full of couples. He wondered if they were waiting for the traffic to clear before they went to their beach houses for the weekend, or if they had met in the city straight from work and were having dinner before they went to the pictures. A young man said something to his girlfriend and she laughed. Others were earnestly talking while another pair held hands across the table. ‘Tree and I used to be like that,’ he thought.

  He had been back in his flat for two hours when the doorbell rang.

  It was Catriona’s father. “Stefan, we need to talk.”

  “I’m sorry about this, David,” he said, taking him into the lounge. “Sit down. Can I get you tea or coffee?”

  “No thanks,” he said brusquely. “What’s the problem?”

  Stefan knew that if he told the truth, Fiona would get the blame. “The wedding,” he said. “It’s getting too elaborate. Every time I arrive at Kingower I’m told about the plans – told, not asked. It’s my wedding too.” He saw that David had not been anticipating his reply.

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  ‘Yes, why didn’t I?’ he thought.

  “Do you think that we’re so dictatorial we would have ignored you? Do you?” he insisted when Stefan didn’t answer.

  “No. You’re right.”

  “What would you like?”

  “A smaller wedding, one bridesmaid instead of four, and a reception for close friends and family. At the moment it seems like everyone you know is invited.”

  “Country communities are friendly, Stefan. We’ve known most families in the district for years. I’ve been friends with some since I was a boy. I’m paying for the reception.”

  “And I have to pay for the bridesmaids’ presents and wedding cars,” said Stefan, feeling more sure of himself. “Four bracelets or necklaces won’t be cheap. All the expense for just for one day is futile. I want to spend the money on our future. I’m not mean, David, but I’m careful with money. I want to buy a house so we can move into it when we get married.”

  “There’s no rush. You can stay in Tree’s cottage.”

  Stefan shook his head. “I’m not living off her and I’ve got no intention of depending on you. When Tree gets pregnant I want to be able to support her. The important things about getting married are the ceremony and the honeymoon. All this other stuff is a waste of money. I’d rather get married in a registry office. The whole business is aggravating me.”

  “Are you sure that’s all? Catriona thinks it’s something to do with Fiona.”

  Stefan knew that he would be unable to make a convincing denial. “Well, I seem to be seeing things I never saw before. Tree’s got a side to her that I find repugnant.”

  “We’ve all got a bad side, Stefan, even you. Did you behave well tonight? You were expected for dinner. Your behaviour was discourteous.”

  “Yes. I apologize. But this spite against their cousin worries me.”

  David looked dubious. “I can’t believe that one episode of insensitivity on Catriona’s part has made you react like this.”

  “It was the culmination. I used to think that you were a happy, successful family, who had an interesting way of life. Now, I realize that there are deep fissures and undercurrents.”

  “Caused by Fiona. She is the only problem this family has. Has she been to see you?”

  “No.” He imagined how David would react if he told him that he had been to see Fiona. ‘He’d probably punch me,’ Stefan thought.

  “She makes a habit of seducing my daughter’s boyfriends,” he said, staring accusingly at Stefan.

  “I can assure you that she has not tried to seduce me.” He wanted to look away, but succeeded in maintaining eye contact.

  David stood up and paced the room. “But she is one of the reasons you’ve got misgivings. I’d bet she’s the main reason.”

  “One thing without the other wouldn’t matter too much ... but, yes, the family’s attitude towards her disturbs me. Your sister lied about something serious. Not only was Fiona’s real father not a coward he died a hero. It’s as if she doesn’t matter because she’s adopted and can’t ride.”

  “Stefan, you’ve only met her once, you don’t know what went on before. She was nasty to Margot too. The family are not against her. She was welcome at Kingower till she was caught kissing Kim’s fiancé. Ruth adores her and Alex treats her like his real daughter. The antipathy some of us have towards Fiona was caused by her behaviour.”

  For the first time it occurred to Stefan that Fiona might have distorted the truth.

  “I don’t want you marrying Catriona if you’re going to make her unhappy. Do you want to call off the wedding?”

  “I need time to think.”

  David went
to the door. “Don’t leave it too long. Catriona’s got lots of male friends who would be happy to take your place.”

  Catriona was sorry when the juniors’ riding lesson came to an end. For one and a half hours she had been able to push thoughts of Stefan into the background. While the grooms supervised the children as they took off the bridles and saddles, she chatted to some of the waiting mothers.

  One little girl rushed over. “Miss Catriona, Miss Catriona, Mummy said I can have my own pony when you tell her that I’m responsible enough. Am I? Am I yet?”

  “Have you put everything away?”

  “No, but nearly.”

  Catriona jiggled the child’s plaits. “Go and finish and I’ll discuss it with your mummy.”

  “She’s not ready yet, is she?” the mother asked, laughing as her daughter rushed away.

  “Not quite, but she’s very conscientious, and she’s got a natural ability. I’d say that the ideal time for her would be Christmas.”

  As she watched the last mother drive away she felt an ache of regret as she pondered over the likelihood of her and Stefan having children. It made her realize how often she envisaged the future with him and at least two children. Ideally she wanted four. There were many pupils in the riding school about whom she would think, ‘I’d love a child like that.’ Occasionally she would look at one and vow, ‘I’ll never let my child be a brat.’

  When Kim came home from the surgery she insisted that they play canasta, but Catriona was unable to concentrate on the game. She put down her cards and wandered restlessly round the lounge. “If I wasn’t on emergency call I’d go out. Shall I ring him?”

  “No,” said Kim. “It’s only been three days. Try not to give in. Let him start missing you.”

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  “Then there’s nothing you can do,” said Kim gently. “Come and finish. You’re winning.”

  “It’s Fiona. He hasn’t been the same since he met her.”

  “But you told me he didn’t seem impressed.”

  “He’d hardly say he thought she was gorgeous, would he? I saw how he looked when he met her. It’s Fiona. It’s always Fiona and it always will be. He won’t marry me because he’s obsessed by her. She’s got ‘it’ and I haven’t. Sometimes I’m so jealous I want her to die. Then I hate myself for being evil. Stefan’s right – she doesn’t flirt. But that makes it worse. I hate her more because she doesn’t try. She doesn’t have to.” She walked over to the mirror. “Look at me. I’m plain. The only thing I’ve got is brains.”

  “Poppycock. You’ve got perfect teeth and beautiful lips.”

  “And that’s all.”

  “No. Your hands are beautiful too.”

  “So are Fiona’s. And her teeth and her lips. And everything else.”

  “You’ve got good skin.”

  “So has she. I’m nearly six feet. Stefan’s one of the few boyfriends I’ve had who’s taller than I am. I’m so flat chested I can’t wear a bra. Aunty Margot says that looks don’t count, but she’s wrong.”

  “No, Tree, she’s right. She looked just like you when she was young and she got married. If photos are anything to go by, Fiona’s grandfather was incredibly handsome.”

  Catriona sighed. “He probably needed someone to look after his children and manage the house.”

  “Don’t ever let Aunty Margot hear you say that,” said Kim with a sharp intake of breath. “Anyway, if that’s true why didn’t he marry someone else? There must have been lots of spinsters who’d have been happy to marry him ... he was a wealthy grazier.”

  The phone rang and she let Kim answer it.

  ‘Let it be Stefan,’ Catriona prayed. Sense told her that as she was on call it was more likely to be an emergency.

  Kim put the phone down. “Someone’s found an injured dog – it’s probably been hit by a car. Do you want me to go?”

  Catriona went into her study and picked up her medical bag. “Stefan won’t ring. And if he does I don’t want him to think I’ve been sitting here fretting. Let’s go together.”

  By Saturday Catriona could stand it no longer. Stefan had not rung or written so she decided to go and see him. She got up early, had a shower and tried to decide what to wear. She deplored the superficiality of her thoughts, but she wanted to look good. At the surgery she wore a uniform and the only suits and dresses in her wardrobe were those she had bought for weddings and parties. Not wanting Stefan to think she was desperate, she rejected them in favour of navy corduroy trousers, a white shirt and a jumper the colour of raspberries. She went through her jewellery box and chose the gold sea-horse pendant he had given her for Christmas.

  Normally she never bothered with cosmetics, but knew they noticeably improved her looks. Her fair lashes and eyebrows benefited from a coat of dark mascara and eyebrow pencil. After applying make-up and twisting her frizzy hair into a sophisticated knot she looked critically in the mirror. Her reflection pleased her, until Fiona’s image danced into her mind.

  Knowing Kim would try and talk her out of going to see Stefan she put a note under her door.

  In the car she listened to a Seekers cassette. ‘All over the world, people must meet and part,’ sang Judy Durham.

  ‘Is that what Stefan and I are going to do?’

  She arrived in Melbourne at eleven. The city was crowded with Saturday morning shoppers and it took her half an hour to get through the traffic. By the time she reached Albert Park her neck was stiff with tension. She sat in the car for ten minutes, trying to calm herself. The sunlight caught the diamond in her engagement ring and she remembered her happiness when she and Stefan had chosen it. Afterwards they had lunch in The Windsor Hotel to celebrate and he teased her because she had looked at the ring more than at him.

  Steeling herself, she went up the three flights of stairs and rang the bell to his flat. The first time Catriona had seen his flat she had thought that he had just moved in. Now she knew that was how he liked it. There were no photos on display or pictures hanging on the beige walls. The windows were bare because he lived on the top floor and was not overlooked. Books and records that would have revealed his tastes were in cabinets with doors. He had paid a lot of money for the brown upholstered sofa and armchairs. Stefan called it minimalist. Catriona called it dreary.

  When he answered the door his expression was serious, but he smiled when he said, “Tree, come in.”

  “Stefan, I thought we should talk before we reached any decisions.” To her relief she sounded composed.

  He nodded. “Would you like tea or coffee?”

  “Coffee, please.” She sat at the kitchen table.

  He filled the percolator with water. “How’ve you been?”

  “Okay. Busy,” she said, trying to keep her voice light.

  He sat opposite her. “Tree, marriage is such a gigantic step that any reservations must be sorted out.”

  “That’s why I’m here. Dad told me what you’d said and I’ve been thinking. Firstly, I was a bore going on and on about the wedding. You should have said something.”

  “Yes, I’m sorry.”

  “Secondly, and this is difficult for me ... it’s about Fiona.” She looked down at the table. “I’m jealous of her beauty and the effect she has on men.”

  He took her hand and squeezed it. “That’s quite an admission to make.”

  “If you still want us to get married, we can cut down on things,” she said, happy that he had touched her. “I’ve spoken to the bridesmaids and they understood. It’s just Kim now.”

  He ran his thumb over her finger. “You’re a hopeless fibber. What did they really say?”

  “One called me a cow, one thought she’d done something to upset me. The other one understood – she called you a bastard.”

  “She’s right, I am a bastard, putting you through all this.”

  “No, you’re being sensible. Have you told anyone else about your doubts?”

  He shook his head. “Not even my parents. The
y would have come storming over and tried to talk sense into me.”

  “Stefan, what do you like about me?”

  “Lots of things.”

  “Be specific. When you first saw me what did you think?”

  He smiled. “Who’s that divine girl on that enormous horse?”

  “Be serious.”

  “I am.”

  “I’m not divine, I’m plain.”

  “Don’t talk twaddle. Your skin’s flawless and your lips are the type sculptors carve on their statues. The first conversation we had I wanted to kiss you. I was impressed by you ... the whole of you – the way you handled the horse, the way you moved and your voice. You sound definite. Breathy, little girl voices revolt me. When I went home after the weekend I knew I wanted to see you again. Two weeks later, you were so immersed in the new riders you scarcely noticed me. I was disappointed, but I came back every fortnight until you did. When I asked you out I was worried you’d tell me you had a boyfriend.”

  She heard the coffee percolating. “And after we went out?”

  “I was even more impressed. Especially when I saw your legs.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re different. Lots of girls – even intelligent ones – are subservient, insipid and constantly on some infernal diet. You were living an exciting life and you had ambitions. You weren’t waiting for some man to come along and rescue you from tedium. And you don’t mope about like a limp lettuce leaf once a month like many girls do. If I had to describe you in one sentence I’d say you had the body of a woman and the intellect of a man.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

  “Yes. You’re my mate – my friend.”

  “The coffee’s ready,” she said.

  He stood up, but instead of going to the stove he came to her side of the table and put his hands on her shoulders. “Do you really want coffee?”

  She fought the temptation to kiss him. “Yes.”

  He bent over and lifted her pendant, kissing the place on her throat where it had been. “Tree.” He undid the top button of her shirt and stroked the lace on her camisole.