June pulled off her shirt. “What? Walking round with a book on your head?”
“No. Taking small steps instead of strides and walking slowly. Funny, she’d given up trying to gain Virginia’s affection so she didn’t include her in the lesson. But Virginia, perverse creature that she was, came to watch and joined in. We were all having fun, then it was if Virginia remembered that Margot had replaced her mother and she became sullen again. I’ll always remember poor Margot’s expression ... she’d started to hope.”
While June got into the dress, Eleanor reached into the case and took out a small leather box. “Would you like this too?” she asked, putting the twenty-two carat gold wedding ring on the palm of June’s hand.
“Yes, I would, if Keith doesn’t mind.”
“It was his grandmother’s.” Her throat tightened as she watched June slip it on her finger. Eleanor had wanted to keep it and felt treacherous removing it, but Greg had insisted on buying her a new one. It was only nine carats and, to Eleanor, it looked and felt cheap. She turned away and opened the drawer of her bedside table. The wedding photo in its enamel frame lay at the back. She gave it to June.
“Mum, you were beautiful. You look so happy. You loved him a lot, didn’t you?”
Eleanor nodded.
“Heaps more than you love Dad.”
June’s expression was sympathetic not accusing. Eleanor knew she did not expect an answer and would not have believed a denial.
“Old age is so sad.”
“I’m not old, I’m middle aged.”
“Yes, I know, but ...”
“I look older than I am.”
“No, I didn’t mean – ”
“I’m not offended, Juju. I know Virginia looks twenty years younger than I do, but she’s had an easier life.”
When Eleanor had finished fastening the hooks on the back of the dress June slid the tiara onto her head and looked at herself in the mirror. “I feel like a princess.”
“Greg will be pleased when we tell him how much money we’re saving on your wedding.”
***
“That’s the washing done,” Tom said, as he and Fiona pegged the sheets on the line. “It’s unbelievable. The machine saves so much time.”
“I think that your father’s coming to like it,” Fiona said as they went up the steps. “Even though he won’t admit it.”
Tom looked round the kitchen. “All the chores are done. Time for a cup of tea.”
She picked up the wicker basket. “I’m going to pick the vegetables.”
“Okay,” said Tom. “I’ll put the kettle on. Then we’ll go fishing.”
Fiona ran down the steps and walked to the vegetable garden. “I’ve never seen weeds grow so fast,” she said to herself.
A week ago it had rained heavily and the soil was peppered with green dots.
‘Would Kim like it here?’ she mused as she picked the tomatoes. She selected a lettuce and pulled two lemons off the tree to go with the fish. “What shall I make for dessert?” Imagining that the conflict with Catriona and Kim was healed she went over to the fig trees to see how the fruit was ripening. She was so absorbed in her daydream she was oblivious to the rustle in the long grass. When she saw the rearing snake it was about three feet away. As it lunged forward, she threw the basket at it and screamed. Toddles barked and burst into view.
Tom came tearing down the steps. “Sis!” He grabbed Toddles’ collar.
“Snake,” she gibbered.
“Stay, Toddles!” He shouted. “Did it bite you?”
“Don’t know.”
“What colour was it?”
“Brown.”
“Stay still, Sis. If it got you, it’s essential you don’t move. Heel, Toddles!” He picked Fiona up and carried her up the steps.
Eumeralla
October 1972
The snake didn’t bite me. Tom was marvellous. He took control of the situation and was very calming. Even if I had been bitten he would not have let me die.
Is that why I fell in love with him? Or would it have happened anyway? He was my mentor and gave me so much. It was when we were talking about the snake and he leant over and hugged me and said, ‘I’m so glad it didn’t get you, Sis,’ that I wanted to respond to his brotherly hug in an un-sisterly way. I wanted us to kiss and more than kiss. The feel of his arms around me and his scratchy chin on my cheek aroused me more than I’ve ever been aroused. I remembered in time that he is my brother.
I’ll have to leave Eumeralla.
When Gabriella arrived home from school she saw Fiona sitting on the verandah surrounded by suitcases. Her MG was parked in the driveway.
“Hi, Gabby. Can I stay with you for a while?”
“What’s wrong?”
“A brown snake nearly bit me yesterday.” She shuddered. “It reared up and its mouth was open.”
“Sounds as if you were lucky to escape.” She saw Fiona’s bloodshot eyes. “There’s something more, isn’t there? Is Keith – ”
“Everyone’s fine. It’s me, but I can’t talk about it.” She got up and walked over to the swimming pool.
Gabriella stood beside her and gazed at a gum leaf floating on the water. “When Brett died I didn’t talk about it and look at the mess I got myself in,” she said. “Have you and Juju had a row?”
“Don’t, Gabby.”
“Whatever it is you have to go back to Eumeralla and face it sometime.”
“I’m not going back.”
“Have you had a fight with anyone?”
“No.”
They stood in silence for a few minutes.
‘The happy Fiona’s gone. The old Fiona’s back,’ thought Gabriella.
“Sorry, Gabby.”
“It’s all right. I’ll get some wine.” She returned with a bottle of wine in an ice bucket. “If you haven’t had a row with anyone there’s only one other thing that can be wrong.” She filled a glass and handed it to Fiona who looked sceptical. “You’ve fallen in love with Tom.”
“How did you know?”
“He’s terribly masculine and genuine. You’ve been together for five months and he taught you to ride.”
“Are we Clarksons doomed?” Fiona said. “Your father’s first wife died, he lost Acacia, and never saw old age. Johnny died in a fire. You were a widow by the time you were twenty. I was separated from my twin when I was a baby and now I’ve fallen in love with my brother. Tragic footsteps, Gabby. We’re cursed.”
“Keith and Juju are happy.”
“They’re the only ones.”
“Your mum and dad are too ... now. What are you going to do?”
Fiona shrugged. “Go back to Melbourne and stay with Aunty Ruth while I look for a job and a flat. I can’t live in Queensland. Tom’s too close and I’ll be tempted to go back to Eumeralla.”
That night when Fiona had gone to bed, Gabriella sat in the kitchen trying to concentrate on a crossword puzzle. Too many thoughts were swirling in her head so she abandoned it. Feelings of guilt and elation swirled through her mind. Her grief for Brett was fading. Now she could look at his photo without the gut-wrenching sorrow that made her contemplate suicide. She looked forward to visiting Eumeralla and it wasn’t just to see Keith. It was because she would see Tom for her twice-weekly riding lesson.
It had been easy to guess the reason for Fiona’s unhappiness. Apart from Brett, Tom was the nicest man she had ever met. It was not surprising Fiona had fallen in love with him. She was developing strong feelings for him herself. She didn’t want to deceive Fiona, but she feared her reaction.
Fiona’s departure mystified Tom. As well as savouring their chats and camaraderie he felt protective towards her. Being needed by a woman was an unusual event for him. His mother owned Eumeralla and he felt this put his father at a disadvantage and gave her a degree of dominance in the family. Their mother, not their father, was its head.
No one could understand why Fiona had left. June and Keith were upset and Greg was conce
rned. Neil was disappointed and said he missed her. To Tom’s disbelief his mother was cavalier about her going.
“Mum, she’s your daughter. Don’t you care? I thought she loved Eumeralla.”
Eleanor was in the middle of kneading the bread. “She didn’t grow up here. She’s a townie who convincingly played the part of a country girl and then got bored with it.”
“You sound as if you don’t like her much.”
“Sometimes I don’t.”
“Mum! Why not?”
She threw the bread down on the board and a cloud of flour flew up in her face. “She doesn’t belong here. She’s like her father!” She began to cry. “He deserted too.”
Tom was too angry to comfort her. He ran out to the car and drove to Gabriella’s.
Fiona and Gabriella were in the swimming pool when he arrived. Fiona looked embarrassed and swam to the other end of the pool.
“Feel like a swim, Tom?” asked Gabriella.
He shook his head. “I haven’t got any trunks.”
“I’ll lend you some.”
He was just about to make a flippant remark about girls’ stuff not suiting him when he remembered Brett. “Okay, thanks.”
She hauled herself out of the pool and he followed her tanned, bikini-clad figure into the house. She found a pair of trunks and showed him where the bathroom was.
“Beautiful house,” he said.
“Thanks. Come out to the pool when you’re ready.”
When he went outside Fiona was swimming and Gabriella was sitting on the side dangling her legs in the water. He dived into the deep end and surfaced gasping at the shock of the cold water. He swam over to Fiona. “Come back, Sis. We’ve got used to having you around.”
“I can’t. I’m too scared. I really am a coward.”
“Not you’re not. Is she, Gabby?”
“No.”
“Juju’s lost without you.”
She looked despondent. “She’ll get over it. She’s got Keith. You and Greg were right to doubt me.”
“You were nearly bitten by a dangerous snake. It’d put anyone off. I’ve never come that close.”
“I forgot about the long grass. You warned me and I forgot. I can’t come back this summer. Can I try again in the winter when they’re all hibernating?”
“If that’s what you want, Sis.” But he gauged from her tone that she had no intention of returning.
After Tom left, Gabriella and Fiona went inside and changed out of their bikinis.
“What will we have for dinner?” asked Gabriella, pleased that Fiona was looking happier.
“Let’s go out and celebrate.”
“What for?”
Fiona smiled. “You like Tom – more than just like him.”
Gabriella heard the choke in Fiona’s voice. “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said, blushing. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Be happy.”
“You’re a good sport, Fiona. How did you know about Tom?”
“I saw it in your eyes. You said the other night that he was – bloody hell!”
“What?”
“Tom’s interested in Kim. She’s coming to Eumeralla for a holiday.”
Gabriella’s spirits plunged. “She’s a good rider, isn’t she?”
“She lives in Victoria. You’ve got the advantage of being here.”
“But she’s clever.”
“So are you.”
Gabriella shrugged. “They met at the wedding, didn’t they?”
“Yes.”
“So he knew me, but he’s interested in her, which means he’s never been interested in me.”
“He wouldn’t have wanted to rush things with you. Kim’s carefree and single – you’re a widow.”
“She’s amazing with animals, isn’t she?”
“It might put him off. He might think it’s weird ... her mother does.”
“Compared to her I’m just a boring teacher. What you said yesterday was right. We are cursed.”
“Gabby, I was being melodramatic. There’s no such thing as curses.”
Gabriella looked grim. “What about curses one hundred years old? I bet those Victorian aristocrats cursed our ancestors when they discovered they’d stolen their jewels. They were powerful in the flesh ... what if they were powerful in the spirit too?”
As soon as Fiona arrived in Melbourne she began looking for a job. She avoided Ruth’s subtle questions and tried to pretend she was cheerful. When Ruth commented that Fiona looked emotionally battered, she almost broke down, but felt too raw to confess what had happened. When she found a job with QANTAS Ruth bought a bottle of champagne which they drank with their dinner. When the bottle was empty, Fiona, slightly drunk, began to cry.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” asked Ruth.
Fiona blew her nose. “My brain knows Tom’s my brother, but my hormones don’t.”
“Oh, Fiona.”
“I long for Eumeralla. I miss them all. The only thing I didn’t like was the toilet, but right now I’d give anything to be walking down the track and smelling its stench. I miss the horses and the freedom. Will I ever stop longing for it? Lucky that Juju and I are identical. Imagine if we didn’t look much alike. Tom might have begun to have un-brotherly feelings. It would have been a disaster. I try to be grateful for that. After Eumeralla it’s hard living in a city. I know what will happen when I start working at QANTAS. I’ll make the same superficial friendships that I had at Ansett. We’ll go to the pictures and the theatre and dinner and I’ll be dissatisfied like I was before. I can feel myself becoming shallow again.”
“You’re not shallow and you never have been.”
“I am, Aunty Ruth. When Juju came to Melbourne she helped me pack. My clothes were too delicate for Eumeralla, so we went into town. She told me to buy men’s shirts and jumpers because they’re hard wearing so we went into the men’s department. As I was trying to work out what colours to get, she said, ‘Does it matter?’ I couldn’t understand her because I saw clothes as a fashion item whereas to Juju they’re just clothes. Now I’m back to caring about my appearance and what I wear. On Eumeralla I never did. I’m not doing anything important. If I had a better relationship with Tree and Kim I’d ask them if I could have a job in their veterinary clinic.”
“What about nursing?”
“I’d have to train with young girls.”
“Would that be so difficult given that you’d have a worthwhile career at the end of it?”
“I hate taking orders – I was always in strife at school. I’d find it humiliating being supervised by Sisters years younger than I am.”
“Think about it. You’ve got a good brain.”
“No I haven’t. Tree and Kim are right. I’m dim. The teachers were forever complaining I didn’t concentrate.”
“You didn’t do well at school because you were worrying about who you were. Thinking your real mother was an alcoholic must have disturbed you, whereas Tree and Kim knew who they were. They had the luxury of being able to concentrate on their school work.”
***
When Ruth discovered a lump in her breast she went to the doctor who gave her an immediate referral to the outpatient clinic at the hospital where she worked. Tests and a biopsy were performed and the specialist sent for her as soon as he got the results. She could tell by his expression what he was going to say. She had known him for a long time and had once been the Sister in charge of one of his clinics. “It was malignant?” she asked, trying to make it easier for him.
“Yes. I’m sorry, Ruth. It’s inoperable and I’m afraid it’s spread. It’s not a primary site.”
“Good.”
“Ruth I ...”
She knew that this was the first time any of his patients had claimed to be pleased when told they were dying. “I’ve never seen you so ruffled. How long have I got?”
“Six months at the most.”
She was dismayed. “As long as tha
t?”
“You’ve had a shock.”
“No, this is the best news I’ve had for a long time.” She stood up. “I’ll resign immediately. A sick Sister could be a liability.”
On the way home she bought a pad of the best quality writing paper. When she arrived home she went into the lounge and sat at her desk, pleased that Fiona was out. Filling her fountain pen with black ink she began to write. She wrote several drafts before she was satisfied. The final rewrite took two hours.
The next day she made a photocopy and put the pages unfolded in two large envelopes. With one she included an old letter. The postmark was smudged, obliterating the day and the month, but the words Brisbane and the year 1945 were clear. She sealed the envelopes. On the one containing the original and the letter, she wrote, To be handed in person to Fiona Lancaster. The other she addressed to Eleanor. She gave them to her solicitor with precise instructions.
CHAPTER 21
Melbourne
October 1972
Last night when Kim rang we were nice to each other. When Aunty Margot rang this morning I was nice to her. Aunty Ruth’s illness is mending our conflicts. Uncle David asked her to move to Kingower and stay in Tree’s old cottage. She’s agreed. She’ll be better off in the fresh air and she’ll have more company. I’ll miss her, but will visit every weekend. Although I’m terribly upset, Aunty Ruth’s attitude is making things easier. She told me to think about her being in another country. She says she’s happy to die. Perhaps she’s being brave, but she does look serene. I was stunned when she told me that she’s left me this house and all her money. I hope Tree and Kim don’t resent me or think I’ve coerced her. Aunty Ruth says I’m the only person who knows, but they’ll find out soon.
Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love Page 28