Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love

by Joanna Stephen-Ward

  Kim had just finished stocking up the refrigerator. The scent of the lilac blossoms in the front garden drifted through the open windows. Vases of wildflowers stood on the mantelpiece and bookcase.

  Ruth kissed her. “It looks very cosy. Thank you.”

  “I’ll make the tea,” said Kim. “Aunty Margot’s baked a ginger and lemon cake.”

  “I’ll help you,” said Fiona, following her into the kitchen.

  Stefan looked round the lounge. It looked the same, but felt different. Catriona had left the sofa and armchairs and curtains, but had taken her stereo and lamps. The bookcases in the alcoves beside the fireplace were empty and he was surprised how much this altered the atmosphere. Kim’s dog put his head on Ruth’s lap.

  ‘A stranger would think this is an intimate gathering,’ thought Stefan. ‘Aunt moves into cottage and family surround her. Favourite niece helps other niece make the tea and cut the cake. Newlyweds watch while aunt takes over the cottage where much of their own history took place. We made love on the rug by the fire. I proposed to her in the same place. We planned our future here. But the stranger wouldn’t know that the aunt is going to die soon, niece’s new husband is besotted with her cousin and the other niece is a psychic who’s had two premonitions, and one’s come true.’ His scalp tightened. ‘She’s even got the time of Ruth’s death right.’

  So far he had avoided looking at Fiona. When she came into the lounge, carrying a tray bearing a teapot and cups, he feigned interest in a pair of blackbirds on the lawn. He heard the background talk and the clinking of china.

  “Stefan.” She was behind him.

  He turned. She was holding out a cup of tea. ‘She’s haunted again,’ he thought. He knew Catriona was watching, but the compulsion to gaze at Fiona was too strong to resist. When he took the cup Fiona went to the coffee table and began handing out the cake. Catriona’s expression was agonized. He hated himself. The arrival of Alex and Virginia caused the distraction he needed. ‘The family are all here now. One of them is dying and it changes things,’ he thought as Virginia went over to Margot and kissed her.

  Margot returned her kiss with gratitude.

  ‘If Kim’s right this new family unity won’t last,’ he thought.

  “We’re going for a ride, Fiona,” he heard Kim say. “Would you like to come?”

  Fiona looked at her gratefully. “No, I’ll help Aunty Ruth unpack. Thanks for asking me.”

  When they had finished their tea, Catriona left the cottage first and hurtled down the track towards the stables. Before Kim had time to join them, Stefan ran after her. He caught her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Tree.”

  “I knew that’s how it would be,” she said flatly. “A good start to a marriage that’s supposed to last a lifetime, isn’t it? Three years’ separation from me and you can marry Fiona ... if she wants you.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you, Tree.”

  “That’s no consolation. None. I know you want her. When I saw you looking at her today I wished it was me who was dying.”

  He pulled her to him and held her tightly. “No, Tree, no.”

  “Yes, Stefan, yes.”

  Kim ran round the corner and almost collided with them. “Oops!” She laughed. “Sorry, young lovers.”

  Kingower

  2nd December 1972

  Aunty Ruth’s illness has ended the family feud. Today I really felt for Aunty Margot. She responded to my sympathy and for once we shared something other than hostility. Catriona looks devastated. Kim’s upset too. I feel guilty that Aunty Ruth is leaving everything to me. They love her too. And she’s their real aunt. She’s not related to me. I shouldn’t think like this, but I can’t help it. I’ve been an outsider for so long. When I found my real family I didn’t care so much, but now I’ve lost them it hurts as much as it ever did. I wish I’d been born a Lancaster. It’s like being a member of a select club. But I’ve been admitted on sufferance because the man who adopted me is one of them.

  With all of us falling apart the person who’s being the most brave is Aunty Ruth. Maybe it’s because we’re all upset. Sorrow when someone dies is the best tribute to their life they can have. Imagine if your death made everyone happy. What a waste of an existence that would be.

  Labor won the election. Gough Whitlam has promised that all the draft evaders will be freed from jail unconditionally. Australia’s part in the Vietnam War is over. Tree, Kim and Stefan will be discreetly celebrating with champagne. I wasn’t invited to join them. I wish I had someone to share this with. The older generation are upset and say that it will be the end of Australia. Do they think it’s going to sink into the sea or something?

  ***

  Catriona dreaded the weekends. She had to be pleasant to Fiona when what she wanted to do was scream at her and tell her to stay away. When she and Stefan arrived at Kingower a week after Ruth had moved into the cottage, they parked in front of the homestead just as Fiona came onto the verandah. Dressed in a white shirt and jodhpurs, she looked bewitching.

  “Hello, Fiona, ready for the ride?” she asked, knowing that her welcome sounded contrived.

  “Yes. None of the visitors are here yet.”

  “They arrive at nine,” said Catriona, hating to be informed by Fiona.

  “I’m going to the stables to help Aunty Margot.”

  ‘You’ll be more of a hindrance,’ Catriona thought, wishing she could slap Fiona’s face. ‘Men brawl over women. Why do we have to be ladylike? I want to yank out handfuls of her hair. I want to mar her beauty.’ The ferocity of her emotions shamed her. ‘What would Stefan do if he knew my thoughts?’ To her relief Kim came outside and they walked over to the stables together. After she, Kim and Stefan got the horses into the enclosure, Fiona helped saddle them.

  ‘She’s not a useless ornament any more,’ Catriona thought as she watched Fiona put on their bridles. ‘Even the horses like her. Why can’t one of them kick her?’

  When the riders arrived she was infuriated to see several men surrounding Fiona. “Idiots,” she muttered to Kim. “The air’s bristling with rivalry.”

  Kim tethered her horse to the fence. “Maybe she’ll fall for one of them. Preferably the Yank. He’s going back to America next year. Hopefully he’ll take her with him.”

  “We’re leaving in ten minutes,” called David.

  Three men stuck close to Fiona all day. Catriona was unsure if that aggravated her more than the fact that Fiona treated them with indifference. She saw Alex and Virginia looking amused when they stopped for the barbecue and the men waited on Fiona, piling her plate with salad and bread, getting her chops and sausages and saving her a seat. Their chagrin was comical when Fiona sat between Ruth and Alex.

  Stefan, noticed Catriona, had sat as far away from Fiona as he could, but she knew that his detachment was a pretence. It was when they were getting back on their horses after the barbecue that she saw his eyes stray to Fiona. Quickly he turned away, but not before Catriona had seen the longing on his face.

  On Sunday morning Virginia, baffled by Fiona’s defection from Eumeralla, caught her alone as she walked to the paddock. “Where are all your admirers?” she asked, careful to keep her tone casual.

  Fiona shrugged.

  “Don’t any of them interest you? They seem pleasant. One’s a doctor, isn’t he?”

  She shrugged again.

  “Darling, what’s wrong? There’s no joy in you any more, like there was when I saw you at Eumeralla. Your father and I are worried about you.”

  “It’s Tom. I feel about him the way I shouldn’t.”

  Virginia wanted to put her arm around Fiona. ‘This is my fault,’ she thought. “There’s no comfort or advice I can offer. I’m so sorry. My actions have caused you a lot of sorrow. If I’d known the outcome I would have never taken you.”

  Fiona stopped walking and turned to her. “Where does if begin or end? How far back can we go? If I’d never been born? If you were able to have a baby? You and Dad taught m
e good values and I’ve never had any money worries. It’s time I counted up the good things and stopped mulling over the bad. I’ve got to plan my future, but I don’t know what I want to do. Well, I do, but it’s difficult. I want to get married and have children, but finding the right person has proved impossible. Tom’s the only man I’ve ever loved.”

  Virginia, who had braced herself for a bitter rejoinder, opened the gate to the paddock. “What about going to England again?”

  “I could. I’ll wait till the end comes for Aunty Ruth ... then I’ll decide.” She let the gate swing shut. “I’ll be so envious when Tree gets pregnant.”

  To Virginia’s surprise she felt Fiona touch her arm.

  “I know how you felt when you couldn’t have a baby. Sometimes I feel like getting pregnant and facing the ridicule of being an unmarried mother, but it wouldn’t be fair to the baby and I don’t want it hating me the way I’ve hated you.”

  ***

  As Catriona moved the last horse into the stables the following Saturday, she saw Fiona driving towards the cottages. Twenty minutes later she arrived at the paddock, just as three men were attempting to lead a squealing, kicking horse down the ramp of a horsebox.

  “Okay,” called Kim. “Get him back. Slack the ropes!”

  The horse retreated into the horse box.

  “What’s happening?” asked Fiona.

  “The owner’s hoping Kim will be able to tame him. He attacks other horses and people too.”

  Fiona frowned. “How unusual is this?”

  “What?”

  “An animal not responding to Kim.”

  “It’s never happened before. But he’s calmer with her around. You should have seen him before she arrived.”

  “I’m glad I didn’t.” Fiona lowered her voice. “Have the owners ill-treated him?”

  “No.”

  Kim looked at the three men. “Devil will come out eventually to drink and eat. We’ll leave him and see what happens. I’ll come down first thing in the morning.”

  “His name’s Devil?” said Fiona.

  “Yes.”

  “No wonder he’s being difficult.”

  “It’s a nickname,” Catriona replied, unable to contain her malice. “His real name’s Tasmania, because he’s got a mark on his rump the shape of Tasmania. Tasmanian Devil – get it?”

  “I was joking, Tree.”

  Seeing the confusion in Fiona’s eyes Catriona forced herself to sound civil. “Sorry. We’ve been trying to get him out of the horsebox for two hours. We thought it would be easier to put him in a stable rather than evacuating all the others out of the paddock. We were wrong.”

  Dinner at the homestead that night was an ordeal for Catriona. Now that the schools had broken up for the holidays she sensed that Stefan dreaded spending time alone with her. Although he came to the door and kissed her when she left for work, his relief was palpable. She had hoped that he would spend some of his days at Kingower helping Margot with the accounts and coming into Whittlesea and taking her out to lunch, but he had already made two trips to Melbourne to visit his friends. Both had been on days when she was on late duty. ‘Spending even a morning with me is too much for him,’ she thought.

  Throughout dinner she saw him striving not to look at Fiona, who was dressed in navy linen slacks and a pale-blue silk shirt. Her new haircut was gamine and made her eyes seem larger and her cheek bones even more prominent. Finally, when they were having coffee and liqueurs in the lounge, Catriona saw him succumb. She felt reckless. “Stefan and I are going Christmas shopping in Melbourne on Wednesday. Would you like to join us, Fiona? We could go to a restaurant for lunch afterwards.”

  Fiona smiled. “That’d be great, Tree. Thanks.”

  “What are you trying to do, Catriona?” Stefan demanded when they arrived home.

  She went into the bathroom and squeezed toothpaste onto her brush. “Have an affair with her. It might purge her out of your system. You’ll get to know her.”

  If he had been as contrite as he had been on their honeymoon, and told her that his feelings were an aberration that he would get over, she would have softened, but he said nothing while she cleaned her teeth. When she finished he was standing in the doorway looking at her with scorn.

  She took off her shirt and camisole and flung them into the laundry basket. “Experience her conceit. Watch her preening in front of the mirror. Witness her tantrums. She looks frigid. See how you feel about that. If you decide you still want her then I’ll give you a divorce on the condition that you tell everyone that I left you because I’m capricious and you couldn’t satisfy me.” She bared her teeth. “On any level – intellectually, spiritually or physically.”

  “And what if I don’t want a divorce? What if she doesn’t want an affair?”

  She took her kimono from the hook on the door. “You’d divorce me if it frees you for her. And she’s so unhappy at the moment she’ll probably sleep with you if you do things right.”

  “I’m not going to seduce her. Fiona’s not a puppet we can play with.”

  “Are you worried about hurting her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Shame you don’t worry about hurting me.” She pushed past him and went into the bedroom. “I’d rather be alone than suffer the purgatory of knowing that you’re thinking about her all the time. I mean it. I want a divorce.”

  He unbuttoned his shirt. “And I want to sleep. You’re talking rot. I hate you like this.”

  “And I hate you and our life together,” she shouted. “I want a man who’s worthy of me. A proper man not a dag who falls for a half-witted blonde.”

  “I’m not the only man in your life to fall for Fiona, am I? Men find her irresistible and that’s why you hate her. You made a blunder when you told me she was a dope. I was shocked when I saw her. Shocked by her looks and her class. And now she can ride she’s more of a threat, isn’t she? And her father’s a hero and her mother’s not an alcoholic, so you can’t hold that over her. You want a proper man? I want a proper woman, not a malicious bitch. Fiona’s going to tear this family apart, is she? The way you treat her you all deserve it.”

  “Sleep in the spare room tonight, Stefan. You know where the sheets and blankets are.”

  “No. You sleep in the spare room.” He reached under her pillow, pulled out her nightdress and threw it at her. Then he saw the book on her bedside table. “Take this with you,” he said, flinging it across the room. It struck her in the face and she yelped. He jumped up and went to her. “Tree, Tree, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

  She bent down and picked up the book.

  He held her arm. “Tree.”

  With her free hand she slapped him across the face. Then she ran down the hall and slammed the door of the spare bedroom.

  The sound of birdsong woke Catriona the next morning. She lay in bed trying to summon up the nerve to face Stefan. They were going to Kingower for a ride after lunch, but she didn’t think she would be able to conceal her misery. She looked around the guest room. When they had decided how to decorate it, she had imagined their friends from Melbourne occupying it after stimulating dinner parties and games of cards afterwards. ‘I never guessed I’d be sleeping here,’ she thought.

  “Tree,” she heard Stefan say outside the door. She debated what to say and whether to sound nonchalant, frosty or normal. ‘But I couldn’t sound normal if I tried,’ she thought as she saw the door open.

  “Ah, you’re awake,” he said, looking as uncertain as she felt. He was dressed and had shaved and his hair was damp from the shower. She felt at a disadvantage.

  “Last night was the first time we’ve had a real fight,” she said quietly. “Did we mean all those things we said?”

  He went to the bedside table where he picked up her engagement ring and looked at it as if he had never seen it before. “I don’t know.”

  “I’d rather you hated me than pitied me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Tree, but I hate what you’re be
coming.”

  Determined not to give in to the tears that threatened, she tried to think of a retort that would not sound bitter.

  “I’m sorry I threw the book,” he said, before she could devise one.

  “I’m not sorry I slapped you.”

  “No. I deserved it.” He put her ring back on the bedside table. “But you’re not entirely blameless.”

  She got out of bed. “I’m not the one who fell in love with someone else. You married me knowing how you felt about Fiona. Either it was because you were too cowardly to call off the wedding or you wanted both of us, but whatever the reason you’re not much of a man.”

  “Pushing me at her won’t solve our problems.”

  “It might. If you get to know her it might rid you of your fixation or you’ll find that what you feel for her is the real thing. If it is, then I’ve lost you, but I’ll take that gamble.” She walked down the hall to the bathroom. “I’m going to have a shower.”

  “I bet she doesn’t want anything to do with me,” he said before she could close the door.

  “Be subtle.”

  “No, Tree. It won’t work.”

  “You’ll think of something.”

  Stefan went out to the car on Wednesday morning and waited for Catriona. They were already running late. When she failed to appear he went inside. She was sitting in the kitchen reading the paper.

  “What are you doing, Tree?”

  She kept her eyes on the page. “Tell Fiona I’ve got the flu.”