Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love

by Joanna Stephen-Ward

  “You can’t leave me.”

  “No, I can’t. And I’m not going to. My children need me and I need them and this place, even though it’s not mine. I don’t need you. My feelings for you are dead.”

  She burst into tears.

  He seized her arms. “Spare your tears for the girl you used as a hoax to get Johnny back!”

  “I married you, Greg. When he came back I had a choice. But I married you.”

  “If I hadn’t been here when he came back, would you have let him stay?”

  “Yes.”

  “So why did you send him away? Why did you marry me when he died?”

  “Because I loved you. And I’d promised.”

  “Eleanor, you talk in your sleep. After all these years, it’s still his name you say, never mine. And if you’d had a scrap of affection for me you would have told me the truth. You didn’t have to tell me who the real mother was. You let me marry you thinking that we could have children of our own when you thought we couldn’t.” He pulled the door open. “I’m going to find Keith and Juju and tell them they can’t get married.” He went onto the front verandah. It was raining steadily. He could see two riders in the distance cantering towards the paddock. ‘Juju and Keith. Their last moments of happiness,’ he thought.

  “Dad?” Tom was behind him. “What’s up with you and Mum? I heard you shouting.”

  Greg stared at Tom, regretting that he was witnessing the disintegration of their marriage. “Everything.” Then he looked at the sheet of paper in his hand.

  Dear Eleanor,

  I have to break our secret. The enclosed copies will explain. Fiona has the original. If you had told me why you were angry with me I would have written to you personally or come to see you, but you will have to make do with a copy.

  Ruth.

  He looked at Tom. “She’s telling the truth. This proves she didn’t know,” he said absently.

  “Didn’t know what? What’s going on, Dad?”

  “Someone died. And something died.”

  “What? Who’s died?”

  “I’ll tell you the whole thing later, Son. But first I’ve got to tell Juju and Keith.”

  ***

  Fiona glanced at the clock on the dashboard. “Bloody rain, we’ll never get to Eumeralla at this rate.” She slowed down to drive through the water spread across the road. The gears on the car they had hired at Brisbane airport were unfamiliar and crunched every time she changed them. “Knowing our luck we’ll get stuck by floods.”

  “Don’t panic,” said Virginia. “Keith and June will be trapped too.”

  Neither Virginia nor Fiona had had time to change after Ruth’s funeral and both wore black dresses, tights and shoes. Gabriella’s frantic phone call had come just as they had returned to Kingower from the church.

  “What’s Juju going to do? Eumeralla is the only place she’s ever lived.”

  “You could take her to England with you. Buy a farm and start a riding school and organize trekking holidays like at Kingower.”

  Fiona felt cheered. For the rest of the journey she dreamed of a new start and imagined living in the country with June. Remembering her trips around Britain and Ireland she tried to think of the best location. She decided that Cornwall would have the most suitable climate, but that winters in Scotland and the north of England had the most beautiful winters. She wondered if June would be as enchanted by snow as she was. ‘I’m being selfish, but I’d be happy if Juju was with me. Rather than me being lonely in London and working for QANTAS we can be together in a farmhouse,’ she thought as she took the turning to Eumeralla.

  Virginia got drenched as she opened the gate. As they walked up the steps, slippery with rain, Fiona’s hopes that Tom would be absent from the gathering were dashed when he came onto the verandah to greet them. Memories of the first time she had come to Eumeralla invaded her mind. The contrast between the occasions could not have been more marked. Gone was Tom’s grin and his cheerful greeting when he had called her Sis. Kim’s death and the revelations and grave decisions that had to be made had scarred him.

  “You look as if you’ve jumped in the creek,” he said, turning away before her blush became noticeable. “Come to the bathroom and dry yourself off a bit.” As they went down the hall her colour subsided.

  “Mum’s not here. Dad refused to speak to her so she’s gone to stay with Hazel,” he told them as they rubbed towels over their faces and hair. “She told lies and all that, but she’s still my mum.”

  “I’m sure Greg will understand once he’s had time to think,” said Virginia.

  They took off their shoes and followed him into the lounge. Greg, looking shattered, was sitting on the only part of the sofa where springs were not protruding.

  Keith looked sullenly at Gabriella. “You sent for the troops to back you up. I thought that you of all people would understand.”

  “I’m sorry we told you,” said June. She took Keith’s hand and led him to the opposite side of the room. The division gave the illusion that they were two armies ready for battle. “We should have just gone and done it. We’d be married by now.”

  “It would have been invalid,” said Greg.

  Fiona, feeling scorched by their anger, admired Virginia’s composure as she asked them each in turn if they wanted children.

  When they both nodded, she put up the first barrier. “You do realize, don’t you, that they might be deformed, insane – maybe worse?”

  “But we’ve got different mothers,” countered Keith. “The risk can’t be that high.”

  Virginia nodded. “Even marriages between cousins can result in problems. A friend of mine married her cousin. Their daughter is healthy, but both sons are so short-sighted they’re almost blind and one is deaf.”

  “We can adopt,” argued June.

  “The pill’s stopped a lot of unwanted pregnancies,” said Virginia. “The waiting lists are long. And what if you got pregnant accidentally? This is harrowing for both of you, but you must think of your children.”

  “I’ll have a hysterectomy,” said June.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” said Fiona. “Keith might die or be killed.”

  He glowered at her. “Are you trying to make us even more miserable?”

  “She’s being realistic,” Virginia said. “Premature deaths happen a lot in this family.”

  “Stop trying to wreck our lives!” June cried.

  Virginia walked over and held June’s arms. “We’re trying to stop you wrecking your own lives. You think you’re suffering now – how will you feel if you give birth to a deformed baby? You must split up. This is a tragedy, and not your fault, but if you don’t separate future tragedies will be.”

  “I’ll make sure I don’t get pregnant.”

  Virginia’s expression became more implacable. “And how many women have said that? Even with the pill accidents happen.”

  “We’ll both take precautions,” said Keith. “Tom agrees with us.”

  “Well, sure, if they’re both careful,” he said. “And they will be.”

  “On my birth certificate Jonathan Clarkson was my father. If you all keep quiet no one will ever know any different,” June pleaded, trying to pull herself away from Virginia.

  “Too many people know already ... us and everyone at Kingower,” said Virginia, resisting June’s attempt to free her arms. “They’ve all been talking about you – ”

  “Why should any of them care what we do?” asked June. “It’s nothing to do with them.”

  “You’re a Lancaster. You’ve got an Aunty, two uncles and a cousin,” said Fiona. “You could go to Kingower if you want or – ”

  “I want to stay here!”

  “Then Keith will have to leave,” said Virginia.

  “There must be another solution,” pleaded Tom.

  “Can you think of one?” Virginia waited. “No? Neither can I. There are only two choices. Keith leaves or June leaves. Because apart from the genetic problem, there
is the matter of incest.”

  “Which we’ve already committed,” said Keith.

  “Unknowingly,” said Virginia. “Both of you have good morals. If you get married the knowledge that you are committing incest will prey on your mind and taint your love.”

  Keith looked at her defiantly. “Nothing could – ”

  “It will happen insidiously,” Virginia cut in. “You won’t notice at first. But it’ll happen.”

  Gabriella, looking as if she was too nervous to move, spoke. “I’ve suffered worse than this. Please believe me when I say that things will get better.”

  Fiona had a moment of panic. ‘Don’t tell Tom you’ve fallen for him yet,’ she thought. ‘It’s too soon after Kim.’ To her relief Gabriella simply said that hope had replaced her anguish.

  Virginia smiled. “If Gabriella can find hope after the death of her husband, you will too.”

  June finally pulled her arms free. “It’s your fault!”

  Keith looked appalled. “No, Juju.”

  “It is! If you hadn’t taken Fiona away none of this would have happened, so shut up you sanctimonious – ”

  Greg stood up. “June! Don’t you dare speak to Virginia like that. This is nothing to do with her. Ruth was the only person who knew who your real father was. You and Keith can’t get married, so stop this crazy talk and decide which one of you is staying.”

  June ran from the room. Keith and Fiona followed her. Out in the hall Fiona seized Keith by the arm. “Stay here – let me.” As she ran onto the verandah she saw June heading for the paddock. The wind was driving the rain through the railings and the table and chairs were soaked. The straight skirt of her dress hampered her progress. As she tore off her tights to ease the friction she heard a whimper. It was Toddles. “Go after Juju, quick!”

  Burrs pricked her feet as she ran. By the time she reached the paddocks June was with the horses who were gathered under the shelters. Even from the fence Fiona could hear her sobbing. The horses gathered protectively around June who fell to her knees and hugged Toddles. As Fiona climbed over the fence her dress got caught on a splinter of wood. When she failed to free it she tugged it so hard the linen tore. As she headed for the shelters she saw Digger lower his head and nudge June’s arm. As soon as she reached them, Fiona knelt in the mud and put her arms around June, relieved that she did not resist. For a few moments she stayed silent.

  When she dared to speak she swallowed and said, “I feel the same way about Tom as you feel about Keith. That’s why I left Eumeralla.”

  “Oh.” For an instant June’s expression was sympathetic. Then she laughed bitterly. “Now you know he’s not your brother you can stay here while I go into exile alone.”

  “For Tom it will feel like incest, because he grew up with you. And my presence will remind Keith of you. It’ll be a torture for him.”

  “Anyway, he was never yours, was he? Right from the start you had no hope. But Keith and I were going to get married. ”

  “I’m not trying to belittle your loss, I just wanted to tell you. We can help each other start a new life.”

  June shook her head. “Doing what?”

  “Come to England with me.”

  “No, I hate cities!”

  Startled by the vehemence of June’s voice, Toddles jumped up and put his paw on her leg. The rain stopped and Fiona looked at the patches of sky as the clouds scudded away.

  “Not London, Juju. There are lots of beautiful places in England – the Lake District, Norfolk, Cornwall and Yorkshire where the Brontës lived. There’s Scotland and Wales or we could go to Ireland. Aunty Ruth’s left me her house and all her money. You were her daughter too so half of it’s yours. We can buy a farm and start a riding school.”

  June glared at her with scorn. “And live in one of those cute houses with hay on the roof?”

  “No.” Fiona recalled the bed-and-breakfast places in which she had stayed. “A big farmhouse hundreds of years old with an open fire and an oak staircase and – ”

  “I want to see trees!”

  Fiona smiled. “Trees. There are more trees in England than here ... millions more. It’s green and there’s plenty of rain – we’ll never have to worry about droughts or bush fires. It’ll be like Eumeralla without the problems. Come with me and give it a try.” Desperate to conjure up a seductive picture, she continued, “You’ll meet lots of people. The neighbours are close, but not too close. There’s so much history. You’ll see where your favourite writers and poets came from and the landscape that inspired them. Please, Juju, please.”

  June sprang to her feet and went over to Digger. “I can’t leave everything I love,” she wept, putting her head on his neck.

  “If you don’t leave then Keith will have to. He’s got less choices than you. He can’t go to Kingower – you can if you don’t want to leave Australia. He can’t come to England with me because if he had to see me every day he’ll never be able to get over you and that’ll be unfair to him and any girl he has a relationship with. You and I have got each other. If Keith leaves here he’s got nothing. Do it for his sake.”

  To Fiona’s profound relief, June nodded.

  “We’ll buy horses and dogs. I know you feel you’re being severed from Eumeralla, but, Juju, you’ll find other things to love – I promise.”

  While June packed, Fiona, not wanting to see Tom, stayed outside. Most of the clouds had disappeared and the sun glinted on the drops of water clinging to the bushes and trees. Steam rose from her soaked dress. She was leaning against the trunk of a eucalyptus tree picking burrs out of her feet when she heard someone coming down the steps. It was Tom. His bare feet squelched as he walked over the grass towards her.

  “Ah, Sis. I’ve come to say good-bye.”

  She wanted to say something memorable, but her mind blanked. “Good-bye,” she whispered.

  “It’s all ... so ... I don’t know. Kick me so I’ll wake up and Kim will be alive and things back to normal.” Suddenly he put his arms around her and hugged her fiercely.

  With a jolt of compassion Fiona realized he was crying. She stroked his dark curls and inhaled his smell of soap and the clean cotton shirt still scented with the pure air in which it had dried on the clothes line.

  “Kim would have been ace for Eumeralla. We all liked her ... Mum, Dad. On that last ride I thought about us living here and raising a family.” He pulled away and thrust his hands in the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a handkerchief. “Sorry, Sis, I’m being a sissy.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I haven’t cried since I was ten when my horse died. Well, not in front of anyone,” he admitted.

  Knowing this would be the last time she saw him she gazed at his tanned face and brown eyes, wishing she could fling herself into his arms and tell him she loved him. The urge to kiss him was so powerful she took a step backwards.

  He blew his nose and put the handkerchief back in his pocket. “You’re a trooper, Sis.”

  She blushed. “I’m used to it. As my father said, my life has been a series of shocks and upheavals. This is just one more. I’ve built up a lot of scar tissue over the years. Juju’s a mess because she’s never experienced real pain.”

  “It’s the best thing to do ... taking her to England, but I’ll miss her a lot. Christ, I’ll miss you both.”

  “You could visit us.” She bit her lip and looked at the ground. She thought, ‘When I’ve settled down and met someone else and no longer have romantic thoughts about you.’

  “Do you want to get married?”

  She nodded. “And have lots of children.”

  “You and Juju will write, won’t you?”

  “Yes – and we’ll send photos too.”

  He reached out and touched her cheek.

  Desperate not to break down she whispered. “We don’t want to both be howling our eyes out ... there’s been enough rain already.”

  “I won’t see you again for a long time. By then I hope we’ll all be m
arried with children. Keith too.” He held out his hand. “Bye, Sis. Good luck.”

  She shook his hand, but was unable to speak. Her throat ached as she watched him walk away. When she was alone she allowed herself to cry. Gabriella came from round the front of the house. Unable to stop the flow of tears she stared mutely at the ground.

  “Aunty Virginia and Juju are nearly ready to leave.” She took Fiona’s hand. “My sister. It’s just beginning to sink in. I wish you could both stay, but I know you can’t. And it’s time for me to take stock of my life. I’m going to sell my house.”

  “Do you want to come to England with us?” Fiona asked.

  “No. Keith needs me. I’m thinking of buying into Eumeralla. What do you reckon?”

  “Because of Tom?”

  “Yes. I want to be near Keith too, but I love this place and the life. What do you think?”

  Fiona considered how Gabriella would feel if Tom never became interested in her and how desolate she would be if he fell in love with someone else. She was about to try and persuade her to come to England when the memory of Keith’s haunted face struck her and she knew it would be unfair for him to lose Gabriella too.

  “If you buy into Eumeralla, and Tom’s not interested in you romantically, you’ll be stuck here. Eleanor’s the only other female.” She saw Gabriella’s expression of disappointment. “But there’s another option. Rent your house out, come to Eumeralla for a few months and see how things work out – that way you’ve got nothing to lose.”

  “Do you reckon I’ve got a chance ... with Tom?”

  “I hope so, Gabby. I really do. But don’t let him know too soon. He’s still broken up over Kim. But the Darling Downs isn’t swarming with women, so yes, I reckon your chances are good.”

  Dalby

  February 1973