Ryker

by Schwehm, Joanne

  When I got home, I tossed my keys on the table. I looked around and didn’t see a home, just a space to sleep. My place had never seen love, and I was fine with that. Well, I had been. Tonight it was bugging the shit out of me. I didn’t have a family of my own. I had the band, but I’d possibly alienated one of them tonight. Would I see Faith at tomorrow’s practice? Would she talk to me? How could I explain that I was scared without telling her why? No way would I do that. She’d never look at me the same way.

  I kicked off my biker boots and stripped down to my boxers. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the man staring back. Max knew me the best, but he still didn’t know my past, and that made me feel isolated. Confiding in someone was too terrifying, and my past was so horrible that I just couldn’t risk it. So I would go on about my business like always: distant, alone, afraid, and without love.

  My pillow was cold, just like the nightmares that scared the shit out of me. I drifted slowly off to sleep, and in what seemed like no time at all, the sun was beating down through the wooden slats on my windows. On Saturday mornings, the band practiced at ten, so I rolled out of bed, took a quick shower, and got dressed. My worn-out Levis that hung low on my waist and a navy T-shirt would have to be good enough for today.

  The drive over to Max’s made my heart race. I didn’t know what to expect. As I pulled up, my eyes caught his. Max was outside talking to Faith. Shit. I put the car in park and lowered my head, plus I took my time getting out of the car. Once I saw the look on Faith’s face, I realized what a real dick I had been last night.

  I walked—no, strutted—over to them and tried to appear as casual as possible. “Hey, Max. Hi, Dude.”

  Faith was poised and unfazed. She glanced over, and her eyes met mine. “Hi, Ryker.” She turned back to Max. “I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for the advice.” She kissed Max on the cheek and walked away. She turned toward me with a smirk. “See ya, Ryker, and don’t call me dude.” She smiled at me, which totally threw me.

  I’ll never understand chicks.

  Max chuckled as he tossed his arm around my neck. “You look like shit, bro. Did ya sleep last night, or were you busy?”

  All I said was, “I got a few hours in.”

  “Well, let’s head down and get playin’. The guys have been here a while.”

  I nodded, and we walked into his house. “So what advice did you give Faith?”

  Max shrugged. “She asked about going out with some guy she knows from school. Apparently he left her a message for her birthday. I always thought the guy was a bit of a douchebag, but what do I know?”

  That news shouldn’t bother me, but it did. “Well, if he’s a douchebag, why don’t you tell her that?”

  “I did tell her. She said that all guys are douchebags, and that’s when you pulled up.” Max laughed. “I guess you proved her point.”

  Great. “Yeah, I fit that criteria. I’ll apologize the next time I see her.”

  “That’d be nice. Come on, let’s get inside.”

  We walked down into the basement, and I sat at my drums. I couldn’t wait to beat on them in an attempt to get the thought of some guy asking out Faith out of my head. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised. By pissing her off, I had driven her away from me. That was my intent, but now some jerk was going to benefit from it. Max had better be wrong. The guy better not be a douchebag, or he’d have a problem.

  Max grabbed his Gibson and placed the strap around his neck. “From the top…”

  I got lost in the rhythms of the songs that we’d written. The guys are all I have: Max, Tim, and Jake. I’m okay with that, because I couldn’t ask for more. All I needed to do was be the best drummer I could and a friend when they needed me to be. These guys are great people and they’d accepted me, and that meant the world to me.

  When in doubt, retail therapy always perked me up. My friend Tyf, Max’s ex-girlfriend, worked at my favorite store, and I needed a kickass pair of jeans. I had agreed to see the guys play again, and I was going with a date. When I’d texted Bobby to thank him for his birthday wishes, he asked if I wanted to go out. I told him the guys were playing at a local bar called The Pub, and he was all for it. We planned to be there around nine.

  The mall wasn’t crowded since it was still rather early. I spotted Tyf right away and greeted her with a big hug. “Hey there, stranger! How are you?”

  Tyf smiled. “I’m good. How are you? You look great!”

  “Thanks. I need an outfit for tonight. Want to help me?” I knew Tyf knew her stuff. She’d studied fashion and was working her way up to becoming a buyer.

  “Of course I’ll help. Is it a special occasion?” Tyf’s eyes went wide, and she put her hand on her forehead. “Oh my God! I missed your birthday! I’m so stupid.” She hugged me again, making me giggle. “Holy crap, you’re twenty-one! We have to go out. Where are you going tonight? Maybe I’ll meet you.”

  “I’m going to watch Max and the guys. Would that be weird for you?”

  “Nope, not weird for me. I don’t want to be a third wheel, though. I mean, if you have a date, I don’t want to be a tagalong.” She winked and grinned.

  “You could never be a tagalong. I’m just meeting a friend. We went to prom together. He’s a really great guy, and he’s home from college. But we’re just friends, so don’t worry about it.”

  She walked toward racks of denim, and I followed. “Okay, if you say so. If he’s so nice, why don’t you like him?”

  I moved clothes around the rack as a distraction. I shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re friends. I don’t see him as anything more. He’s easy on the eyes and all, but I don’t think of him as someone I’d want to be with.” I pulled a pair of jeans off the rack and held them up. “These are cute. What do you think?”

  Tyf eyes widened as she looked at me. “Yeah, they’re nice. Faith Bishop, are you still pining away for Ryker?”

  I felt myself blush. I exhaled and relaxed my shoulders. “Is it that obvious?” My eyes found hers, and my smile vanished.

  She shook her head. “No. Well, yeah, it is—to me anyway. Why don’t you go for it? I’ve seen the way Ryker looks at you.” She grabbed a couple tops. “Let me get a fitting room for you.” She unlocked a door and hung up my clothes.

  The way he looks at me? How does he look at me? I started changing. “Hey, Tyf?”

  “Yeah, do you need a different size?”

  I shimmied into jeans that were about a size too small, but they would stretch. I would just wear them all day to get them where I needed them. “No, the size is fine. What did you mean about the way Ryker looks at me?” I threw a top on and opened the door.

  “Wow, you look great!” She made the twirl motion with her finger, so I slowly spun. “Perfect! You have the cutest body.”

  “Yeah, okay. Me and my lack of boobs.” We giggled, but I really needed to know what she had been talking about. “Tyf, what did you mean? How does Ryker look at me? I was going for it last night and got shot down like a duck on Duck Dynasty.”

  “A duck?” Tyf broke out in laughter, making me laugh. “He looks like a lost puppy around you, you goof. He’s like one of those racing dogs chasing the bone on the stick. He wants it but can’t reach it.”

  I looked in the mirror and then back at Tyf. “Are you kidding? He does not think I’m some bone that he can’t get. He’s the bone I can’t get.”

  Tyf and I looked at each other, realized what I’d just said, and burst into hysterics.

  “Well, bone or no bone, you definitely need to buy this outfit. Pair it with some heels, and you’re as good as done.”

  I nodded and after I was done changing back into my clothes, I followed Tyf to the register. She cashed me out and told me she’d meet me at The Pub around nine.

  On the way home, I thought about going out later. Could Tyf be right? I shook my head. My overthinking was getting the best of me. Pulling into my driveway, I noticed Ryker’s car was still at Max’s. No matter how badly my body went on al
ert when I thought about that man, I needed to get back in the game.

  I grabbed my shopping bag and headed toward my front door. The sound of a door closing made me look toward Max’s place, and there was the face I dreamt of. With my house key in hand, I was ready to unlock the door.

  Ryker came jogging across the yard. “Hey, Dude, wait a minute.”

  I stopped and looked at him. Breathe, Faith, just breathe and be cool. “What’s up?”

  He ran his hand through his unruly blond hair. “Can I talk to you a minute?”

  I nodded.

  “I want to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I mean, I meant the happy birthday part, but everything after that… I’m sorry.”

  I stared at him. My brow furrowed, and out of nowhere, I said, “Are you referring to the ‘I don’t want you’ comment or the pole dancing?”

  He recoiled a little. “Yeah, those. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

  Then it clicked. “Did Max put you up to this? I don’t need insincere apologies.” I turned my key and opened the door. “Is that it?”

  He didn’t move. “I’m not being insincere. Yes, I talked to Max, but that isn’t why I’m apologizing.”

  I started going inside, but he grabbed my elbow. My arm hair stood at attention, and my nipples peaked against my lace bra. I looked at his hand and then at him.

  “I mean it. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve my shit last night.” His eyelids lowered. “You don’t deserve it any night.”

  “Do you want to come in?” My parents were at the Morrisons’ lake house, so I knew we’d be alone.

  “Yeah, okay.” His voice was gruff and sexy as hell.

  I placed my shopping bag and purse on the sofa and walked into the kitchen. “Want some juice or something?”

  “No, thanks.”

  I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and decided the best way to deal with this topic was to change it. “So how was practice?”

  “It was good, really good. Tim got a call from Northern South. They wanted to get our gig schedule.”

  “Shut up! Don’t they manage Blanco Diablo?” I was so excited for them, and I couldn’t wait to talk to Max.

  His smile made his eyes look like emeralds in the sun. “Yeah, and they’re going to come to one of our shows. We don’t know which one, so we need to be great every time.” Ryker looked nervous. He never looked nervous.

  “You guys are great. You’ll kill it, and they’ll love you.” I felt my heart race. “I mean, they’ll love the band. Why are they coming?”

  Ryker smirked. “I knew what you meant. Blanco Diablo is going on tour, and they’re looking for a local band to open for them for a show or two. They want to pay it forward and help out.”

  “Wow! That’s awesome. Good for you guys.” I looked at my watch. I was totally uncomfortable with him in my house.

  He must have felt the same way. “Well, I’m going to get going. Are you coming to The Pub tonight?”

  “Yeah, I am. I ran into Tyf, and she’s meeting us there.” I sipped my water.

  “Tyf’s cool. Who is ‘us’?” Ryker crossed his arms and looked at me.

  I looked at his tattoo and imagined running my tongue along the straight lines that circled his bicep. What the hell was wrong with me? After I blinked half a dozen times to get my mind off his ink, my voice returned. “I have a date tonight. Shocker, huh?” I laughed and started walking toward the front door. He was making my house feel smaller and smaller by the minute.

  “A date? Is it that high school dude?”

  “His name is Bobby.”

  “Bobby? A grown man’s name is Bobby?” He chuckled, which annoyed me.

  I opened the door to the fresh air I desperately needed. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Sorry I laughed. I’ve been saying sorry a lot today.”

  I grinned. “See ya, Ryker.”

  He walked out the door. “See ya, Dude.”

  I closed the door and went to my room to put my new clothes away. Time alone was what I needed. Having the house to myself was the best. I could crank my music as loud as I wanted it. With my Spotify playlist turned up, I started cleaning my room. Putting all my shoes away took the longest.

  I had my phone in my pocket and felt it vibrate. My dad’s name flashed across the screen, so I muted my music. “Hi, Daddy.”

  “Hey, baby, how are you?

  “I’m good thank you. Are you and mom having fun?”

  “Yes, we are. Although, we feel badly about missing your birthday. Did you have fun? What did you do?”

  I gently exhaled, knowing I couldn’t go into great detail. “My birthday was good. I saw Max and a couple of other friends.”

  “We will take you out for a dual celebration when we get back on Wednesday. Your mother and I wanted to come back sooner, but the Morrison’s planned a dinner cruise for all of us on Tuesday.”

  That sounded wonderful to me. “I’m glad you’re staying. Mom loves those boats.”

  “Your mom isn’t here right now or I’d put her on, but I know she’d want me to tell you she loves you.”

  I smiled, “Thank you Dad. Tell her I love her too.”

  “Okay, baby I will talk to you soon. I’m glad you had a nice night. Love you.”

  “I love you too. Bye, Daddy.” I slid the red icon to end the call, unmuted my music, and continued cleaning.

  As I cleaned my desk, one of my pictures caught my eye. I had to be about eight, which would make Max eleven or twelve in this picture. We were at the zoo, and he had on a hat with an elephant truck sticking out the top of it. I put the picture down and moved on to my closet. It was that time of year when I had to switch my winter and summer clothes.

  Hours must have passed before my room was spotless, and I was exhausted. I made a sandwich for lunch—well, dinner really. The sofa was calling my name. I plopped down and texted Tyf to see if she wanted to ride together to The Pub. She insisted on driving since I wanted to drink. It would be an interesting night. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

  I woke up and the red digits on my clock told me I had slept for three and a half hours! Tyf would show up soon. I bolted into the shower. The water felt heavenly. Normally I’d stay in for twenty minutes or longer, but I needed to hustle. I hopped out, dried off, and finished getting ready.

  The Pub was packed. What was going on? It usually got busy, but not that busy. I hoped I could find Bobby in the crowd. According to the bouncer, there was a bachelor party going on. It must have been a huge party because even the dance floor was full.

  Tyf leaned toward me. “Okay, birthday girl, what will it be? Beer, wine, or a cocktail?”

  “A beer sounds great.”

  There was a commotion toward the front door and when I looked over, I saw the guys from Raging Urge walk in. Max had his arm around a beautiful brunette. Tim and Jake were flanked by blondes, as was Ryker. I had never seen her before, but he looked as though he didn’t have a care in the world; very different than he was at my house. I just stared and let out a sigh.

  Tyf nudged me, “Hey, don’t worry about them.”

  I nodded and looked in her eyes as she looked at Max and I felt horrible. She’d had a relationship with him and had a right to feel sad; I’d only fantasized of what I wanted. “I’m sorry Tyf. I didn’t know he’d be here with someone.”

  “It’s fine. Let’s get our drinks and mingle. Your guy should be here soon.”

  “He’s not my guy, but I think I we should order a pitcher of beer.” I was overcome with the sudden desire to have more than a few; which was a first for me.

  We were about to grab our pitcher and a few glasses when my phone buzzed; it was Bobby telling me he had a table near the dance floor. With drinks in hand we made our way through the crowd of rowdy guys. They were starting to file out- apparently they were bar hopping, according to the drunk guy who was yelling they needed to go to the next place.

  My eyes landed on
Bobby and relief washed over me. He was a really nice guy as far as guys go. I never really thought of him as any more than just a friend since my heart was possessed by someone who didn’t care about me. He stood and smiled wide when he saw me.

  His shoulders were broader than I remembered, and he appeared taller than he had in high school; he aged nicely. “Hey there, stranger.” I set the drinks down and he gave me a quick hug.

  “Hey there yourself. This is my friend, Tyf.”

  Bobby extended his hand, “Hi Tyf, I’m Bobby. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Tyf shook his hand and we all sat. I felt a tap on my shoulder and Max was behind me, alone. “Hey there.” I stood and hugged him. I introduced him to Bobby and they exchanged pleasantries.

  “Hey, Tyf. How are you?” Max’s voice was so deep that if he wasn’t my closest friend I would be weak in the knees.

  Tyf smiled, though I knew she was still disappointed when she saw Max walk in with someone else. “I’m great. Thank you. Where are your buddies?” Tyf started looking around which made me turn my head to see they were at a table not far from ours. Tim and Jake were talking to their dates or whatever they were and Ryker’s woman was sitting on his lap drinking a beer. I also noticed the girl that was with Max wasn’t there anymore.

  “They’re over there. We go on in about an hour.” Max was acting jittery which made me uncomfortable.

  I moved the empty chair out with my foot. “Sit down. You’re making me dizzy.”

  Max laughed and looked at Tyf, who nodded. The four of us sat together, not saying a word. I took a sip of my beer and savored the tart liquid sliding down my throat.

  “I’m surprised you’re drinking beer tonight,” Max said. “I figured you for wine or something fruity.”

  I shrugged. “Tonight seemed like a good night for beer. Plus Tyf and I wanted to celebrate, and I can handle beer.” I raised my glass to her.