“We’ve had this discussion before.”
“Then you already know the answers. So, don’t ask the same questions.”
Cassie laughed.
“That’s my girl. Tell me. What had your brain working overtime?”
“That I’m already involved with a man I barely know.”
Tammy grabbed her arm and brought them both to a dead halt. “Uh, oh. That fast?”
Cassie swiveled around in discomfort and continued walking toward her car. “Appalling, isn’t it?”
“No, it isn’t.” Tammy called and then hurried to catch up. “It’s great. Why would you say such a thing?”
“Don’t you see?” Cassie unlocked her car. “He’s in it for the fun. I really like this guy.”
“Maybe he is and maybe your bad-ass fireman feels the same way.”
For a moment, Cassie’s pulse sped up. A pleasing thrill of delight warmed her chest. Then, just as quickly, her rational side squashed the sensation. “Be serious.”
“I am serious.” When Cassie opened her car door, Tammy shoved it closed. “All right. What gives?”
Anger and embarrassment at her earlier twinkling of hope, Cassie spoke in irritation. “Mike is hot. H.O.T. He can have any girl he wants.”
“He wants you.”
“For now. He wants an easy lay.” She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Saying them hurt. Made her aware of their accuracy.
“You’re not easy,” Tammy said with force. “Mike does not appear shallow to me. Have some faith in yourself.”
“As gorgeous as Mike is, he could have any woman. What have I got to offer him?”
Tammy’s expression registered shock. Rage took its place. “I get it. It’s that sister of yours again. I should kick her ass from here to China.” Tammy raised her arms flexing her fists. She sucked air in and huffed it out. “Ooooh. It’s a wonder you survived your childhood. We’ve also had this discussion before. When are you going to believe in yourself? You give so much and expect so little. I’ve seen you tear into kids who bully others. I’ve heard the praise you give to all students whether they are pretty, plain or downright ugly.”
“I’m a teacher.” Cassie shrugged.
“Bull crap. If you two were raised in the same house, how come you turned into two very different people?”
“I’ve wondered the same thing myself. Maybe we were switched at the hospital.”
“You are not dense. What about Mike? Hasn’t he told you you’re pretty or beautiful? The man swallows his tongue when he looks at you. It’s pretty obvious how he feels. My God, Cassie, if you don’t believe the mirror and you won’t believe me, then believe Mike.”
***
Fatigue encumbered every muscle in Cassie’s body, making the burden on her shoulders more stressful. Her mother had been in pain for too long and the doctors finally performed the surgery they should have done months ago. No thanks to her sister. Jennifer had let their mother lie on the couch and suffer for weeks. After a phone call from one of Jennifer’s friends alerted Cassie that her mother had been crying, she went to her mom and took her to the doctor. Cassie was the one who hounded the doctors until they developed a treatment plan. And then surgery.
It had been a long two days. Mom came through the procedure fine—one less thing to worry about. Family joined them in the waiting room and Jennifer held court like always. Cassie couldn’t take any more of her sister’s eye rolling, so she’d slipped down to the cafeteria for a coffee.
Enclosed in the elevator, she inhaled the aroma of fresh caffeine, willing away some of the tension that swamped her after spending too much time in her sister’s company. When Cassie noticed the lift had not moved, it dawned on her that she’d never pushed the button. With a shake of her head, she quickly pressed the number to her mother’s floor, wondering how she’d managed to get to the cafeteria and pour her coffee without burning herself. This time, she had not been preoccupied with Mike.
Her sister would be waiting. Who knew what nonsense she’d spouted to their cousins after Cassie left the waiting room? Some days Jennifer was tolerable. Even friendly. Other days, Cassie wanted to choke her. At the age of twenty-nine, Cassie supposed she should be used to her sister’s degrading insults. They bounced off her quicker now than they had in the past. Still, the constant jibes wore her down. That’s why she avoided Jennifer as much as she could.
Jennifer was four years older. They’d been raised in the same house, taught the same rules, morals, and mannerisms, but they were as different in their beliefs as two people could be. Jennifer had married for money. Twice. She’d received a handsome settlement from her first husband, and if she wasn’t careful, she’d be repeating the divorce experience a second time.
Thirty minutes later, the family was allowed to see her mother. Groggy from the anesthesia, Mom fluttered her eyelids and then slipped back to unconsciousness. Another hour and she was moved to a private room. Once she was settled comfortably, the cousins said their goodbyes.
Cassie stared at the pale woman. Asleep she looked peaceful. Last night she’d been so scared. After Jennifer had left, Cassie talked with her mom, discussing the surgery and trying her best to alleviate her mother’s fears. She’d sat with her through the night, dozing when she could. Mom woke once, but after seeing Cassie, she’d calmed. They held hands, shared a prayer, and blessedly, she had no trouble going back to sleep. Watching her now, seeing her even breathing, Cassie hoped her mother felt no pain.
“They’re gone now. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
Cassie glanced to her sister in confusion. “Pardon me?”
“Acting like you do so much for our mother.”
“What?” The word came out in a half-confused, half-disbelieving voice.
Not now.
“She’s going to need care. Don’t think you’re going to waltz off and leave me to do everything.”
Resentment flared like shooting flames after throwing gas on a smoldering fire. Cassie’s shoulders tensed and the hair stood on the back of her neck. Cassie had been the one to take their mother to the doctor. Cassie had spent hours at the hospital during x-rays and blood work and every test to prepare their mother for surgery. And now, Cassie was in no mood to put up with her sister’s bullshit.
“You’re going to do this now?” Cassie seethed. “While our mother lies unconscious in a hospital bed?”
“She’s asleep,” Jennifer said.
“I’m not doing this here.” Cassie sprang from her seat, madder than she’d been in a long time. “Come on.” How dare her sister start an argument only moments after their mother had left the recovery room?
“Where are you going?” Jennifer asked, following Cassie out into the corridor.
“Down the hall where we can talk.” Outrage fueled her steps. Livid, she kept her eyes straight ahead. At the end of the hallway, she saw a little alcove with three chairs and a small table. She threw her purse on a chair and spun around. “Why did you wait until now to do this?”
“I wasn’t about to have you put on a show in front of the rest of the family.”
“Like you? Pretend you’re so wonderful around our cousins and anyone else who will listen, acting like you were the only one who cared for Mom? Then, when it’s just you and me, you’re back to your nasty self.”
“I did no such thing,” Jennifer said with her usual air of haughtiness. “They know who is better.”
“Better? All you care about is how people see you. You’ve always put me down. You’ve always thought you were better than me. As for Mom, I know what I’ve done for her. And she knows. That’s all I care about.”
Jennifer looked at her manicured nails, diamonds ringed on each finger. “I took care of Mom.”
“For a few weeks while she lay in agony on your couch. And only because I have a job while you stay at home living off your rich husband. You have the room. You can be with her during the day. What do you want me to do? Quit my job to take care
of her while she’s recuperating? If I have to, I will.”
“Don’t be silly. She will stay with me, again.” Her air of dominance made Cassie cringe.
Frustration cramped Cassie’s stomach. She took in her surroundings, remembering they were in a hospital. She needed to keep her voice down. She had to think of Mom. She rubbed her temple, a throbbing headache coming on.
“Mother feels the tension between us,” she tried reasoning in a calmer voice. “It isn’t good for her.”
“Tension.” Jennifer gave a harsh laugh. “Try hostility. You’re jealous of me.”
Jealous? Was she serious?
“All you care about is money,” Cassie shot back. “If this is what money does to you, I want none of it.” Cassie loved her sister, but she was tired of being treated unfairly. “What have I done to make you so resentful? What do I have that you want?”
“You?” Jennifer eyed Cassie up and down, as if dissecting a bug.
Cassie couldn’t believe her sister was so ungrateful. “Everything you have was given to you. Your house and your cars were given to you by your rich ex-husband. The new one dotes on you. Giving you diamonds for every finger. You don’t appreciate anything. I wouldn’t blame him if he leaves you, too.”
Jennifer sprang from her chair in such a fury Cassie thought her sister was going to slap her. “How dare you mention my first husband! You wanted him for yourself. You stuck your big boobs in his face every chance you got.
Cassie was flabbergasted. “I did no such thing. You know how self-conscious I am of my size.”
Jennifer laughed, an unpleasant sound. “Flaunting your chest is not what I call being unsure of yourself. You’re just a bitch. You want everything I have. I’ve hated you since the day you were born.”
Cassie gasped like she’d been sucker punched. And she had.
All Cassie remembered of her childhood was criticism, chastisement, and blame. Jennifer’s bitterness had destroyed any sibling affection between them. She’d even taken their father’s belt to Cassie when their parents were not at home. Never praise. Never kindness, or being allowed to join in with her sister or her friends. Never welcomed, never included in outings. When they got older, Cassie foolishly thought adulthood would make things better. But her sister married a man who had money and still continued to play her games.
“I don’t want you back here when you’ve been drinking. The way you were with dad.”
“What?”
“Dad called me the night before he died. He said you were drunk when you came to his hospital room.”
It took a moment for Cassie to gather her scattered wits. Dad hadn’t known how to call from the hospital bed. He’d been so strung out on pain medication, he could barely tell the difference between the phone and the TV remote.
“You upset him. He was out of breath.”
“His lungs were black with tar. That’s why he was in the hospital. He was on oxygen.” This was just one of Jennifer’s attempts to catch Cassie off guard. And it was working.
“He said you were loud and obnoxious. He was ashamed. I asked him if you’d been drinking and he said, ‘You know your sister’.”
That specific evening arose in her mind crystal clear. She’d kidded with her father and tried to make him laugh.
Cassie refused to permit her oppressive sister to bully her any more. Growing up was bad enough. Mom loved them both. Cassie couldn’t figure out why her sibling felt insecure. She could not allow Jennifer to continue hurting her. She had to believe in herself. This was a discussion for another day and not while their mother lay in a hospital bed. She grabbed her purse and stomped away. Her sister quickly followed.
“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not finished.”
Cassie spun on the balls of her feet. “Well, I am. I am finished with you.”
The shock on Jennifer’s face should have given Cassie some relief. It didn’t. She headed to her mother’s room. Coming to a halt, she peeked in and found her mom sound asleep. By her slow, steady breathing, Mom appeared to be resting and not in pain.
Jennifer closed in, blocking the doorway.
“Do not say another word, Jennifer. Not one word.” Cassie brushed past her and practically ran from the hospital. By the time she slumped in her car, tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Unable to see, let alone drive, she broke down and allowed sobs to rack her body.
Anguish crushed her core. With every tear, she battled the heavy burdens weighing on her soul.
Grief for her dad, worry for her mom, heartache for the wasted years she’d tried to please her family.
Chapter 19
Cassie made it home without crashing her car. Having Mike and his team respond to a car wreck and find her would be a hoot, wouldn’t it? Between her tears and the buzzing in her ears, she could barely see. She unlocked her apartment door and dragged herself inside, the darkened room a relief to her pounding head. All she wanted was a shower. The blinking light on her answering machine caught her notice. She decided to ignore it.
Drained of energy, she kicked off her shoes and padded down the hall, more than a little weary. A soothing shower and then some coffee. No. Coffee would only make her more wired. Wine would do the trick. And some aspirin. With wine? She shrugged. What difference did it make?
When she reached the bathroom, she stood in the darkened doorway without turning on the light. In her mind, she could see her father on his last day in this world. To her knowledge, he’d never said a word against any member of his family. In his drug induced state, she supposed he could have spoken some sort of nonsense. Why did her sister have to be so spiteful?
Cassie flicked on the light, stepped to the tub and turned on the water faucets. When the temperature felt right, she removed her top, then the rest of her clothes and slipped under the spray.
Water rushed over her head, massaging her scalp. She wished it could wash away the pain. The headache and the stinging memory of the scene with her sister. She rotated her shoulders, the power of the nozzle kneading her muscles while she willed the stream to relieve the tension in her body. Her chest rose as she took a breath, inhaling as deep as her lungs would allow.
A long time passed before her body began to chill. How long she’d stood there, she didn’t know. She’d lost all track of time.
She dried off and wrapped a towel around her, folding one end just above her breasts. She picked up her brush and ambled to the bed. Unable to ignore the blinking light, she plopped down on the comforter and punched the button on her answering machine. Hoping she would not hear her sister’s voice, she brushed her hair as she listened to her messages. The hot shower had helped, but her black mood had not improved. On the third beep, she heard Mike.
Good Lord, the man’s voice was lethal. His vibrant tone penetrated every nerve in her body. Her need for him overwhelmed her senses. After the confrontation with her sister, she was vulnerable. She began to tremble. A delayed reaction, she supposed, from the encounter. Tammy’s words rang in Cassie’s head.
If you don’t believe the mirror and you won’t believe me, then believe Mike.
Could she believe Mike? When he told her she was beautiful? When he made her feel like he truly desired her and not just a woman to warm his bed?
Right now, she needed Mike. She needed his strength. She needed him to restore her confidence as a woman. To heal her bleeding heart.
Mike.
I need him.
Cassie lifted the phone and tapped in the number before she could change her mind. On the first ring, she panicked. What would she say? What if she started crying? What if he didn’t answer? What if he had another girl there? What if …
“Mike here.”
Oh God.
Silence.
“Hello.” His irritated voice came across the line. “If you’re there, you better speak.”
“Mike?” Her voice cracked.
“Cassie?” He sounded unsure.
“Yes, it’s me.”
&nbs
p; “Are you okay?” His voice softened and filled with concern.
“Mike …” Her voice broke. Oh hell. “I need you.”
“I’m on my way.”
No words had ever given her more security. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He simply told her what she needed to hear.
I’m on my way.
A man of fortitude, his words were spoken with grit, guaranteeing his strength and protection. Giving her the assurance he was there for her. He was coming to her.
She stared at the phone in her hand. She should get up. She should get dressed. Her limbs were too heavy. She had no energy, no will to move. Mike. She’d wait for Mike. Vague thoughts rolled around in her head until abruptly, she heard a loud pounding on her front door.
“Cassie. Are you in there? Open up?”
Jerked out of her fog, she flinched at the racket.
“Cassie. It’s Mike. Open up!”
Good Lord, the neighbors. She jumped from the bed and nearly lost her towel. Grabbing it with both hands, she ran down the hallway and stubbed her toe on a corner table. She shrieked.
“Dammit, Cassie. What’s going on in there?” He pounded harder.
Her toe throbbed, tears threatened and she worried her neighbors would call the cops. She half-stumbled, half-hopped to the door and threw it open.
If she didn’t already know Mike, the ferocious scowl on his face would have scared ten years off her life. With his arm in the air, he looked ready to break down her apartment door. She reached, got a fist full of shirt and hauled his butt inside. Which was no easy feat, since the man was rock solid. Refusing to stick her head out to see if her neighbors lined the hall, she slammed the door.
“Cassie. Are you alright?”
Mike’s face softened, but his chest heaved like he’d just run a marathon.
“My neighbors may call the cops. What were you thinking, pounding on my door like that?”
His brows drew together in a confused frown as his gaze slid slowly down and back up her body. “I thought you were in trouble.”
Realizing she stood practically naked with only a towel wrapped between them, she felt a rush of heat. Instead of desire, she saw his concern. Then his words sank in. She closed her eyes and shook her head.
MIKE The Firefighters of Station 8 Page 18