Close Your Eyes

by Rachel Abbott

  Rob seemed as if he was about to object, but Tom saw Becky give him a fierce look. He might appear to have boundless energy, but fatigue would catch up with him eventually, and everyone needed to be on their A-game.

  Tom pushed the key into his front door, glad to be home and looking forward to a long cold drink in the back garden. He was disappointed he wouldn’t be seeing Lucy. It would have been the first time in months he’d seen her in the flesh and not on a screen, and ever since he’d heard she was on her way back he’d been looking forward to it. But Kate said jet lag had caught up with them both, so they wouldn’t be coming round. He’d offered to drive out to the hotel to see them, or to pay for a taxi for Lucy, but Kate was adamant.

  ‘Our flight got in at four o’clock this afternoon, Tom, and we’ve been up for nearly forty-eight hours. You can’t expect her to stay awake for another four or five hours until you can get here. Anyway, she’s fast asleep.’

  There was no way he could argue with that, and maybe he wasn’t in the best frame of mind tonight anyway. He’d made Kate promise that if Lucy woke any time before midnight, she would FaceTime him.

  He closed the front door and made his way into the kitchen. Louisa was sitting in an armchair in the corner, dozing. He didn’t want to disturb her, so he quietly opened the fridge to hunt for a bottle of wine. He poured himself a glass and was about to tiptoe into the garden when his phone burst into life. Louisa jumped in her chair, a startled expression on her face.

  Tom gave her an apologetic smile and looked at his phone. FaceTime – but from Kate’s phone, not Lucy’s.

  He sat at the table, propping his phone up against a glass candleholder as his ex-wife’s face appeared on the screen.

  ‘Kate. I thought you’d be sleeping. Is Lucy okay?’

  ‘Of course she’s okay. Better than I am, it has to be said. Long flights don’t suit me at all. We should have come back by ship, but there wasn’t time before Lucy has to go back to school, and I don’t suppose you’d have approved of her having a couple of weeks off.’

  Tom decided not to comment. ‘Can I speak to her?’

  ‘She’s sleeping, and that’s not why I’m calling.’

  Tom saw Louisa bite her lip, trying not to laugh. She knew how frustrated Tom got with Kate.

  ‘What can I do for you? I know things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to in Australia, and I’m sorry about that. I hope you’re feeling okay about it all.’

  ‘Are you relishing my folly, Tom? I hope not, because right now I’m trying to think what’s best for our daughter.’

  ‘Not at all. And we both want the best for Lucy.’

  ‘I’ve come out to reception because I don’t want her to overhear, but I think you and I need to get together to discuss where we go from here.’

  Tom had no idea how much money Kate had left from the sale of her house. Had it all gone? He didn’t want to ask because it wasn’t his business, but he felt sure she was about to make it his business.

  ‘I don’t think I can afford to buy in Manchester now. I did a bit of research, and Durham seems affordable, as are parts of Scotland.’

  Tom managed with difficulty to keep his voice even and reasonable. ‘Lucy left all her friends to move to Australia. Do you think she would be okay with starting again, from scratch, for the second time in six months?’

  ‘She’s got no choice, has she?’ Kate’s voice was rising. ‘I’ve got no choice. What do you expect me to do?’

  Tom took a large swig of his wine. ‘I don’t know, Kate. I just want to discuss the options.’

  ‘And what are the options?’

  Here we go, Tom thought. She was waiting for him to make the first move.

  ‘I need to understand what you’d like to see happen, what Lucy wants, and then work out how we can accommodate that. We want to see as much of Lucy as we can, as does her little brother, who hasn’t had any contact with her since he was a couple of weeks old.’

  ‘Well, you can hardly blame me for that. You put your daughter in danger!’

  Tom looked at Louisa, who could hear every word, and raised his hands, palm upwards, in a hopeless shrug, forgetting that Kate could also see what he was doing. They’d had versions of this argument endless times, but once Kate discovered that Tom’s brother, Jack, was alive and still being hunted by his old enemies, she had been adamant that Lucy had to be whisked away to the other side of the world.

  He turned back to the screen. ‘I’m not blaming anyone. I need to understand how you’re thinking, and then I want to speak to Lucy. She’ll be leaving home for university in a few years – if that’s the route she decides to take – or be heading off to follow whatever ambitions she has. We need to make these years as good as they can be, so she grows up to be a confident and happy young woman.’

  ‘I can tell by your face and your body language that you’re irritated with me, Tom. I’m happy to give this some thought, but unless you want to see your daughter brought up in a one-bedroomed bedsit – which is all I can afford in Manchester – you’ll need to be creative. I’ll be in touch.’

  With that, she hung up.

  ‘Christ, that woman is irritating!’ Tom leaned back in his chair. ‘Why can’t I deal with her?’

  Louisa smiled grimly. ‘She’s your ex-wife, and when you split, emotions ran high. She knows she made a mistake, and it’s irked her ever since – especially when you decided you wouldn’t take her back. All you can do is bear in mind she’s probably humiliated by it all.’

  ‘So what do I do?’ Tom got up and walked back to the fridge. He hadn’t been planning on drinking more than a glass before eating, but he hadn’t even noticed the first one go down, let alone savoured it.

  ‘You know what she’s getting at. She’s pleading poverty, and you’ve already told me you’re going to have to sub her in some way.’

  ‘What,’ Tom said with mock horror, ‘with money sullied by the hands of my reprobate brother? Are you suggesting she would take his money even though he’s such a danger to us all?’

  Tom had barely touched Jack’s considerable wealth since he had ‘died’, and there was no way to give it back because Jack was still technically dead, and anyway, he was adamant he didn’t want it.

  ‘Let’s both try to remember that the cancer nearly killed her, and she’s living in fear of it returning,’ Louisa said. ‘It’s hard, and I want to throttle her for the way she speaks to you. But we have to keep the peace for Lucy’s sake, so all you can do is talk to them both and find a solution that keeps Lucy close and doesn’t piss Kate off too much.’

  Tom topped up his glass and said nothing for a few moments.

  ‘Fine. But if she wants money to move to bloody Aberdeen or the Outer Hebrides, she can whistle for it. Shall I make a start on dinner?’

  Thursday

  51

  MARTHA

  I wake up early, my body drenched in sweat once again. I’ve been dreaming. I saw the blood, smelled it, practically tasted it, and I stared, entranced, at the knife in my hand. The voice whispered in my ear, telling me it was the only thing I could do. It was the right thing to do. And yet how could it have been right? I can’t remember when I lost control of my own will, but with the benefit of hindsight, I realise that it was eroded over many years.

  Now, my thoughts and memories of life at Lakeside are interrupted as Alfie stirs beside me. I reach over and stroke his soft cheek and he shuffles around, makes a purring noise, snuggles closer and settles again.

  My chest feels tight and I raise my hand to push the hair from my hot forehead. Until Genevieve’s murder, I’d thought I was safe – hidden behind my fake identity. I have no way of knowing if Aram has carried out the threat he has been holding over me for years and has exposed me for my sins. If he has, the police could already be hunting me down. A fear no less acute has always been that one of Aram’s army of supporters would find me, and I would be dragged back to Lakeside, where my son would grow up to believe it’s no
rmal to strive endlessly to please one person, to dread causing their displeasure, to have no thoughts or desires of his own.

  Since gaining my freedom, I’ve realised that the total domination of one person over another, or a group of others, is not confined to the kind of life I led as I grew up. It can happen within a family, within a place of work, within a group of friends. Anywhere where one person dictates the rules without fear of dissent.

  I should have escaped sooner, when I was twenty years old and still had the chance of a normal life. I had a golden opportunity, but I threw it away.

  LAKESIDE

  My favourite spot at Lakeside was by the huge weeping willow at the edge of the lake. Sometimes I would sit far back, cocooned in the shelter of the trailing branches, invisible from the house, but the final time Leah found me there I was sitting right by the water, enjoying the sunshine. Without a word, she sat down beside me. I glanced at her, and her face was serious. Sad, almost. I knew then that she had come to tell me she was leaving.

  We didn’t speak for a while. We just watched the moorhens glide silently across the still water.

  When she broke the silence, Leah’s voice was quiet. ‘It’s time for me to go, India. I’m sorry, but I’ve done what I came to do.’

  I felt a pressure in my chest. She’d been with us for three months – not long, but for someone as starved of love as I was, long enough for her to mean everything. She was the only friend I’d had in ten years. I couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving me.

  ‘Has he asked you to go?’

  She gave a soft laugh. ‘No. It’s my choice, and I haven’t told him yet. So please… I understand it’s hard for you, but I don’t want him to know until I tell him myself.’

  I was stunned. When people left, it was usually because Aram had decided they had nothing to offer to our community, and so he sent them on their way, more broken than when they’d arrived.

  ‘You can’t leave! You’ll lose everything you brought with you.’ I held my breath, hoping she would say I was right, but she didn’t.

  ‘Don’t worry about that. I’ll get it back. And if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. My mother would be proud of me for using her inheritance for this.’

  I had no idea what she meant, but I had been conditioned not to ask questions and was already feeling bad about my outburst.

  She leaned her shoulder against mine. ‘Do you want to come with me?’

  Leave Lakeside?

  I had often wondered what it would be like to live the life that Leah had described to me, where people broke every rule that had been drilled into me and indulged in those emotions provoked by the desire to possess: jealousy, greed, envy. Did I want to live in a world where possessions meant more than cooperation, sharing and equality? But that same world would allow me the freedom to have my own thoughts, love whoever I wanted to love, go to the cinema, bars, nightclubs, without fear of retribution. I pushed those thoughts away.

  ‘What would I do?’ I asked. ‘I’m not really good for anything.’

  Leah tutted. ‘Honestly, India, you underestimate yourself. I’ve watched how you organise the running of Lakeside. Aram might – theoretically – take care of our souls, but you’re the one that makes everything work. You’re only twenty years old, and although you don’t realise it, when things need fixing everyone comes to you.’

  Me? She couldn’t be serious. I just did the things I was given to do, as everyone did. Mum took care of the kitchen. A man who had joined us a few years ago had been in the building trade, so he looked after the maintenance. We all fell into the roles that suited us the best. It had never occurred to me that I was good at something.

  I was quiet for a moment as I wondered if maybe she was right. But no. I was sure she wasn’t.

  ‘You know, it’s okay for you to ask me questions,’ she said. ‘I won’t think you’re prying, being nosey, any of those forbidden traits.’ She smiled to take the sting out of her sarcasm.

  ‘Tell me why you’re leaving.’ The words burst from me before I could stop them.

  ‘I thought you might ask that.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I think it’s time I was honest with you, but for everyone’s sake, India, you mustn’t repeat any of this. If I tell you, will you keep it to yourself? I’m not asking you to lie. I appreciate that would be too difficult for you. But as no one will know what questions to ask, you need to assure me that you won’t volunteer the information. Is that okay?’

  Secrets were not part of the framework of my life, although I had kept a few just to spend time with Leah over the past weeks. But I nodded, scared of knowing something I couldn’t share, and, keeping her voice low, she told me why she had come to Lakeside.

  ‘There was nothing wrong with me when I came here. At least, nothing more than is wrong with any other person. We all have insecurities, faults, characteristics that are less than perfect. Most of us accept that and do our best, but some – like the people here – are constantly searching for ways to feel better about themselves, to be healed.’

  She paused, and we watched the lake for a moment as I waited for her to find the right words.

  ‘I came here for my mother, India. She died just over a year ago, and left me her house, which is how I was able to buy my way in here, but she also asked me to do something for her. She wanted me to expose Aram Forakis for who he is.’

  I could hear my own breaths, short and sharp, as if I’d been running.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, putting her arm around my shoulders, waiting for me to settle. ‘I know you think he’s wonderful, but that’s only because you’ve been conditioned to think that way, as everyone here has. He preys on the weak, controls them by degrading their self-worth. It’s disgusting, and he can’t be allowed to continue.’

  I stared at her in horror. ‘Are you saying what he does is against the law?’

  ‘Not his preaching or his ideology – at least, no more than many belief systems. Aram demands obedience, as many religions do. He makes his followers confess their sins, then shames them and forces them to take their punishment, and he promotes an ideology which is at odds with the outside world. Again, he’s not alone in any of that. So no – what he does is not illegal. But the damage he causes is immeasurable.’

  ‘He doesn’t believe in worshipping any god,’ I mumbled. Her words had shocked me, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to defend him.

  ‘Of course he doesn’t. Because then he would only be a messenger and have to adhere to some holy laws that don’t match his. That’s not his style. His followers would have to believe in a divine being superior to him, and that would never do.’

  I heard the sarcasm in her tone again, and I didn’t know how to handle it.

  ‘So why come here?’

  She squeezed my shoulder. ‘I had an older sister. She went to university in Manchester, like I did, but she got involved with a group of people who were essentially a cult.’

  She must have seen how puzzled I was, and she grabbed my hand and pulled me gently round to face her.

  ‘It may not be a word that you know, India, but what Aram is running here is a cult – a group in which the leader uses psychological coercion to indoctrinate people with his values. There are hundreds of cults in England – far more than anyone would think. People are recruited because they’re looking for something in life, something that’s missing. Religion used to be the most common way to ensnare people, but now it can be therapy, self-help, even yoga. Some communities are vast, with hundreds of members; others are small, with only a handful of devotees.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I said, panic gripping me. Was my entire life part of some evil plot?

  ‘Aram controls you by intimidation, by shaming you. He’s created a dependency, a dominance, by exploiting your fear of rejection. First he makes you feel you’re the most important person in the world, and then slowly but surely you’re made to question your own judgement. He does everything he can to lower your self-esteem
. Look at you, India. You’re beautiful, but you don’t know it. You’re smart, but I’ve heard him tell you publicly that you’re stupid. He’s isolated you from your parents, and them from each other. You all have to kneel at the altar of Aram. Exactly as my sister did.’

  We were both quiet for a moment. I knew what I had to ask. She’d said, ‘I had an older sister.’ Past tense.

  ‘What happened to her?’

  She paused as if she was going to say something, and then gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head. ‘He destroyed her. Aram made her feel worthless. She cut herself off from us – from me and Mum. She said we were a bad influence, and she could have no more to do with us. My dad was long gone, and I was young. I didn’t understand what was happening. We lost her.’

  I dropped my head. I knew how it felt to be destroyed by Aram. But he had always pulled me back from the brink when I was at my lowest ebb by showering me with affection. Until the next time.

  ‘Doesn’t he recognise your name?’

  She smiled. ‘My sister had a different father – a different surname. She was Jordan Callahan; my name’s Medway. Aram has no idea who I am. I’m going to leave here, India, but I’m not going empty-handed.’

  I spun towards her. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’ve got evidence – not of what Aram did to my sister; no one can prove that. But I can prove he’s guilty of extortion, fraud, call it what you like. He convinces people that by handing over their property, they’re guaranteed some form of utopian existence, free from all the sins in the world. He’s making false promises in return for money.’

  I couldn’t speak, because at the back of my mind, I had known all of this. I had seen the paperwork.