I wish I had known I was the fuse.
I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry, to explain why I was here, to beg him to forgive me. I didn’t get a chance to say any of it because he lost it. He looked like he could barely stand up straight, but he had no problem hitting his target when he tossed the glass at the big cowboy’s back.
I couldn’t hear what he said to the man, but it must have been bad because the cowboy charged at Sutton like a bull. The rest of the occupants of the room lost interest in me and got caught up in either cheering on the two men or trying to pull them apart. I watched the bartender vault over the top of the bar like it was nothing and push himself between the two men. I didn’t realize I’d said anything until Sutton started to go down. Those moss-colored eyes of his rolled back in his head and his big body turned into dead weight as the bartender struggled to hold him up.
A couple of men held onto the struggling cowboy who was calling Sutton a pussy and screaming at him to get up and fight like a man. Sutton was deathly still, his pallor a sickly shade of white, and there was blood leaking out of his nose.
I hated violence. I was never a fan of confrontation even before Wyoming had changed my life forever. But after my last trip here, I swore I never wanted anything to do with blood and bullets again. My mind was screaming at me to turn around and walk back to the stupid car and get as far away from here as the broken rental would take me. My body was telling me to move, to get out, to flee before I was the one who ended up hurt. But my heart, the stupid, shattered thing, pulled me through the room of confused, gawking strangers until I was on the other side of Sutton from where the bartender was saying his name.
I thought my biggest fear was being hurt again, that it was being surrounded by angry men who were so much bigger and stronger than me. I thought the terror that chased me from one place to another had to do with having my control stripped away and being forced to submit to someone else’s will. I honestly believed my nightmares couldn’t get any worse than a stranger’s hands touching me and the feel of that knife digging into my skin over and over again.
I was wrong.
Watching Sutton die again trumped all of that.
I dropped to my knees next to his still form and gently reached out shaking fingers to see if I could feel for a pulse on the side of his neck. The bartender looked at me sharply, fear and concern clear on his face. He was a startlingly attractive man up close, with clear blue eyes and a head full of wavy brown hair. He looked a little rough, and a lot rugged like most of the men in these parts did. Before he could ask who I was, or what I was doing, I told him softly, “He still has pieces of that bullet inside his chest. It was so close to his heart and his spine, they couldn’t get it all out without putting him in more danger.” I remember the doctors at the hospital in Billings filling me in on his condition when I was practically inconsolable over putting him in that position in the first place. That other cowboy had shoved Sutton hard, right in the place where he was the most vulnerable.
The bartender grunted. “Idiot. I already called the sheriff to deal with Joel. I called the ranch, too, so someone is on their way. It’s a toss-up if they’ll be here before the medics show.”
“He needs to get to a hospital.” I was shocked how calm and matter of fact my voice sounded. I’d been hysterical the last time I watched this man bleed because of me.
The bartender nodded. “Only one here in town. We’ll get him there.” He looked up as the crowd around us parted and another large man made his way into the room. I remembered Rodie Collins from my last trip here. The sheriff had been in and out of the hospital while I was still waiting for Sutton to pull through surgery and wake up. He had been working with the DEA and other local officials to clean out the secret marijuana grow fields we had accidentally stumbled on. Everything had gone to hell so quickly, and all of us were lucky to make it off that mountain alive, but as I looked at Sutton’s unmoving form I realized some of us had been luckier than others.
The sheriff tipped the brim of his black cowboy hat up and looked down at Sutton. A muscle ticked in his jaw as his gaze shifted over to me. I saw a flare of surprise in his eyes when he saw me kneeling on the floor next to his friend.
“Em. I didn’t know you were coming back to town.” He put his hands on his hips and glared at the bartender. “Cy is gonna rip you a new asshole when he hears you let this shit get out of hand, Burke. He told you to quit letting Sutton have a free ride.”
The man across from me gritted his teeth and climbed to his feet. I refused to pull my fingers off the faint pulse that I could feel in Sutton’s neck. If I kept touching him, kept that heartbeat in my hands and nurtured it, I knew he was still alive.
“I’ll tell you what I told Cy last time he was in here trying to get me to eighty-six his brother. It’s better Sutton sits his dumb ass somewhere where a friend can keep an eye on him. I don’t let him drive out of here. I don’t let him leave with anyone. I don’t let him drink any more than he can handle. This entire fucking town has been babysitting him for the last six months. If I cut him off, he’s going to go someplace where no one gives a shit and things will end up way worse than they did tonight.” The man named Burke was angry the sheriff questioned his judgment and his ability to do his job. He seemed angry that he was getting the finger of blame pointed at him for Sutton’s current condition when it was obviously the blond cowboy’s own fault he was out cold on the floor.
There was the wail of sirens outside, but the only reason it was heard was because an eerie hush fell over the room as the door swung open and Cy walked in. There was simply something about the man that demanded attention and respect. Everyone watched him as he made his way through the crowd to get to his brother. His sharp, silvery blue eyes nodded to Rodie who was snapping handcuffs on the struggling cowboy who had attacked Sutton.
He paused in front of the struggling man and told him softly, “Be by later to have a talk with you, son.” It wasn’t a threat, it was a promise.
The sheriff didn’t bother to tell Cy anything different as he started to haul his prisoner out of the bar. “I’ll be by the ER as soon as I get this one handled.”
I felt Cy’s frosty gaze land on me as he made his way over to my side. I looked up at him, still touching that faint thump under my fingers. I didn’t realize I was crying until Cy reached out and ran one of his knuckles over the edge of my cheek. “You wasted enough tears on his sorry ass, gorgeous.”
I gave my head a little shake. “He’s hurt.”
Cy sighed and reached out a hand. He placed it on the center of his brother’s chest and closed his eyes in relief when he felt the same thing I did. That barely beating heart. “He is. But the only person who can make Sutton stop hurting is Sutton.” I nodded slowly as Cy lifted his head to look at the man standing on the other side of his fallen brother. “You and I are gonna have some words, Burke.”
The bartender snorted. “Expected as much. Let me clear this place so the paramedics can get in and out.” The man turned on booted heel and started barking orders at the remaining customers. It seemed like if you stayed for the drama, the last drinks were on the house because Burke wasn’t wasting any time cashing out open tabs.
I felt the heavy weight of Cy’s arm settle around my shoulders and I let myself lean on the man who had become everything to my best friend. His strength was welcoming, his patience and calm were infectious. I closed my eyes and counted Sutton’s heartbeats. Each one was more precious than the one before.
Quietly I told Cy, “If he tries to throw me out of the hospital again, I’m not going.”
There was a low chuckle and I felt him give me a slight squeeze. “Good to have you back, Em. We missed you.”
He wasn’t talking about me coming back to Wyoming.
I’d been lost, running and scared. But as soon as I saw Sutton, I knew it wasn’t the forgotten piece of me that I’d left here that I needed to find. It was a new piece, a different piece that would fit in the
hole that had been hollowed inside of me. I wasn’t foolish or naïve enough to think that piece was going to be an easy and effortless fit. For the first time in my life, I was willing to work for it. I wasn’t running ever again.
Somewhere I Shouldn’t Be
Sutton
“I feel like I got kicked by a horse.”
Since I’d taken a hoof to the chest on more than one occasion, I knew exactly what I was talking about. The center of my chest was on fire, pain screaming across my clavicle and up each side of my neck. I couldn’t turn my head, but the beeping machines next to me and unmistakable smell of antiseptic clued me into the fact that I was back in a hospital bed.
There was the sound of boots hitting the floor and the shuffle of a body moving. I wasn’t surprised to see my older brother’s face as he leaned over the side of the bed. He looked tired and pissed off, which was pretty much how he always looked when he was dealing with me. His eyes were always sharp and cutting, not missing a damn thing. Now they were resigned, and there was something working behind the silvery blue that I knew I wasn’t going to like. Cy had spent the last six months letting me spin my wheels and crash and burn. He pulled my ass out of the fire when the flames got too hot and he tried and failed to force some sense back into me. There was no doubt in my foggy, sluggish mind I had finally pushed my older brother past his breaking point.
There was rustling from the other side of the bed as my younger brother popped up on the other side. Lane was the only one of us who had an easy smile and a teasing twinkle in his eyes. Neither of those things were present as he wrapped his hands around the rail of the hospital bed and glowered down at me. It looked like it wasn’t only Cy who had had enough. A tick started in Lane’s cheek letting me know his teeth were clenched and he was fighting to keep control of his smart-ass mouth.
I let my gaze shift between the two of them.
We’d always been a team, the Warners against the world. Sure, Cy and I butted heads frequently, but that was par for the course when it came to the fact we ran a business together and lived in such close proximity. Throw in the fact that neither one of us ever wanted to back down or admit the other was right, and you had a classic case of sibling rivalry. At the end of the day, though, we would all die for each other; we would do whatever we could to protect one another. It had never been me versus them, and I froze for a moment, realizing that this was exactly that. They were teaming up and I was the odd man out.
“How long have I been here?” My guess was a while. My legs were stiff and my mouth felt like it was full of cotton balls. I shifted under the thin material of the hospital gown that covered me and groaned as the movement sent shots of white-hot pain shooting through my chest. My eyes felt like they were coated in sand each time I blinked so I locked my eyes on Lane figuring he would take pity on me and cut me some slack.
I was wrong.
“A little over forty-eight hours. They had to pump your stomach to make sure you didn’t die. Burke know you were popping all those pain pills while you were trying to drink yourself to death?” Lane’s tone was biting and there was no apology for his harsh words. His knuckles were turning white where they were holding onto the edge of the bed frame. “You didn’t black out because that asshole knocked you around. You blacked out because you were right on the edge of a fucking overdose.” His barely contained fury was evident. I had no doubt that if I could withstand it, he would kick my ass from here to the next county.
I ineffectively licked my lips and cautiously rolled my eyes over to my other brother. Cy was a big bastard, and when he stood over me, arms crossed over his chest, eyes unflinching and hard, I knew he wasn’t going to be any help. He was fighting just as hard as Lane had been to keep himself in check.
“Burke doesn’t know.” Which was the truth. I might not have any problem letting him see me falling down drunk, but I didn’t want anyone to know just how sideways I’d let myself get the last few months. I was standing squarely at the corner of addiction and destruction, unsure which was a better path to take. “I’m not lying. He has no idea.” Cy was already angry at his old friend; I didn’t want their relationship to completely implode because I was acting like a garbage human. Like trash.
“Do you know they were worried your heart was going to stop?” Lane’s furious voice drew my attention back to him. “They wouldn’t have been able to shock it back into rhythm because of all that shit floating around inside of you. They worried about even performing CPR. If your heart stops, no one knows if they will be able to get it started again, Sutton. You’ve been pumping poison into it knowing that.”
It was common for people to misjudge Lane as nothing more than a harmless flirt. His affable personality and mellow demeanor lured people into thinking he was the least dangerous of the three of us. They were wrong. Lane was far more perceptive and cunning than anyone gave him credit for. He had perfected the art of showing people what they wanted to see. If they already had set expectations, then Lane didn’t bother trying to prove to them he was any more or less than they assumed. When his temper unleashed, when his razor-sharp tongue got loose, no one was prepared for it. No one expected it, but Lane had been my second shadow since he could walk, so I knew. All of his ire and frustration was shining out at me. He was pissed and there was no getting around the fact he had the right to be.
I felt the wave of both his fury and his fear wash over me. He’d been playing the good cop the last few months, content to let Cy play bad cop. Clearly, he was done being the nice guy in this scenario.
“Daye already has one parent who is too drunk and self-absorbed to take care of her. She doesn’t need another one.” Lane bit the words out, not reacting when I swore and tried to sit up at the sound of my daughter’s name.
“Where is she? Who’s watching her?” I’d fought for years to get primary custody of my daughter. Her mother, Alexa, was a mistake. One that I, unfortunately, made repeatedly until I realized she was never going to be the mother Daye needed. My little girl was three years old when I walked away, and I’d been fighting for her ever since. After her last run-in with the law, the court had finally agreed I was a much better option, so I had Daye most of the time, but Alexa still had her more often than I was comfortable with. Alexa had been a fully functioning alcoholic when we started dating, something she managed to cover up for a long time. She cleaned up her act when she found out she was pregnant, which was the only reason I agreed to stick around. After the baby was born, it was an endless cycle of broken promises and relapses that wouldn’t have mattered to me if Daye weren’t the one who suffered for it. I’d stopped caring about Alexa long before I left her. She was a train wreck who had endangered my daughter’s life, and the fact that my little brother was comparing me to her burned exactly the way he intended.
“You wouldn’t have to ask that question if you were home with her like you’re supposed to be, Sutton.” Cy’s voice was calm but there was no mistaking the accusation and censure in it. “She’s back at the ranch with Leo and Emrys. She was worried sick when we told her you weren’t going to be home for a few days. She remembers seeing you in that hospital bed after you got shot. She didn’t think you were going to make it. She was terrified she was going to have to go back to her mother full-time.” Daye had turned six a couple of weeks ago. She was getting old enough to understand that just because someone loved her, it didn’t mean they were always going to do right by her. Her mother had failed epically . . . and lately, so had I.
I tried to clear my throat but it made my chest burn. I lifted a hand with a bunch of tubes taped to the back and rubbed it over my mouth. In an effort to change the subject from my lackluster parenting as of late, I asked, “That wasn’t a dream? Em is really here?” Now I was the one who sounded like I was accusing them of doing something wrong.
Cy gave a stiff nod and moved to the side of the bed so he was copying Lane’s pose. “She is. She called Leo a few days ago and told her she wanted to come visit.”
I snorted and closed my eyes. “Why the fuck would she want to come back here?”
“The only person who can answer that is Em. She stayed here yesterday. She wanted to make sure you were going to open your eyes, but she was beat. Leo said she flew here from somewhere in Europe and then drove up from Denver. She was dead on her feet.”
I gritted my teeth and peeled my eyes open to glare at my older brother. “I don’t care why she’s here. I want her gone.” My hands curled into fists at my sides and I felt my sluggish heart start to pound.
Cy shook his head. “Too bad. What you want doesn’t matter anymore. Been trying to let you burn this shit out of your system on your own, Sutton. Did my best to be patient and understanding.” The blue in his eyes was burned away by hot silver, and I knew he was more than pissed at me, he was done. “I love you, little brother, more than anything, but you are a grown ass man who can take care of himself and you know that your actions have consequences.”
I felt something in my chest squeeze as a chill raced over my skin at the look on Cyrus’s face.
“This is a small town. Word’s already getting around about how you’ve been acting. No one is gonna miss the fact you were pulled out of the Big Horn on a stretcher. Alexa is gonna have that information in no time and she’s going to use it to put you through the wringer.”
I opened my mouth to argue but Cy kept on talking over me, cutting me off. “We’ve done our best to protect you, to help you out of this tornado of a downward spiral you seem hell-bent on riding to the end. But there’s someone more important we need to worry about keeping safe now. Daye needs to know she’s protected. She needs to know she has family she can rely on. She needs to know there are adults in her life who will always put her and her needs before their own. You want to fuck up the rest of your own life, Sutton, have at it. I will not let you take that little girl down with you.”
Shelter ~ Jay Crownover Page 4