I moved to lunge for him. I wanted to grab him by the front of his Harley t-shirt and smash my face into his face repeatedly. Even when I was in the best shape of my life, there was no way I could win against Cy. He was too big and too mean, but the anger I had coursing through me didn’t care. I struggled until Lane grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me back down on the bed. He kept a hand on the center of my chest and burned holes into me with his eyes as he told me flatly, “You spent her whole life trying to protect her from her drunk of a mother. Only now, you’ve been acting the same as her. Daye deserves better than you. She deserves better than this.” He inclined his head to indicate the hospital room. “We’re done with this, Sutton. All of us are. You’ve put us in the position where we have to worry about protecting your daughter from you.”
I struggled to catch my breath. Both my brothers’ stoic faces blurred out of focus and the ringing in my ears got louder. My throat felt like it was closing off and that pain in the center of my chest wound its way through the rest of my body. I’d been drinking and popping pills to stop everything from hurting. I wanted to be numb. Right now, I felt everything I’d been trying so hard to block out all at once. It hit me hard enough to take the wind out of me. I forgot how to breathe for a second.
“You aren’t taking my daughter away from me. I won’t let you.” My brain was spinning in circles. All I could see was grabbing the adorable little blonde girl who looked just like me and disappearing with her. I’d take her somewhere no one would find us. I’d hide her away where no one could hurt either one of us ever again.
“Jesus, Sutton. We don’t have to take her. You didn’t even know where she was when you woke up. You spent a full day unconscious in this room. If she hadn’t already been at the ranch she would have been with Alexa, and you damn well know that bitch wouldn’t have let any of us take her. You’re the one putting her at risk, not us.” Lane sounded disgusted and the expression on his face let me know that was exactly how he felt.
My eyes burned with unshed tears as the truth twined its way down my spine and across my soul. I was looking to leave memories and mistakes behind, but somewhere in doing all that I’d managed to drop the ball on being a good dad. I’d done exactly what Cy accused. I put my own need to escape ahead of what Daye needed.
The worst. I was the actual fucking worst.
“Don’t do whatever it is you’re thinking of doing. I’ll handle Alexa if she tries to use this shit against me.” I hated that my voice shook even harder than my hands were. I didn’t want to be the weak link in our chain. I didn’t want to be the reason our family finally broke after everything we’d all been through. I needed to get my shit together . . . and pronto.
They both sighed and Cy ordered me to lift my head and look at him. His mouth was set in a hard line and there was no forgiveness or compassion in his cold gaze. “You can’t handle Alexa. You can’t even handle yourself anymore. This is the end of the road, little brother. No more booze. No more pills. No more wallowing in self-pity. Clean it up. Come home and act like a civilized, rational human being. We’ll talk when you can prove that you actually give a damn about that little girl and how your actions affect her.” Those weren’t suggestions. Cy had issued his orders, and everyone in the room knew if I didn’t toe the line I was going to turn from family to foe real quick. I knew what happened when someone went up against a determined Warner . . . they lost . . . always.
“I can’t believe you’re threatening to take my kid away from me.” I could hear the betrayal and belligerence in my voice.
Lane sighed again and leaned down so we were eye to eye. “Never thought we would have to. You think any of us wanted it to come to this? You think that either of us want to be in a goddamn hospital room hoping you’ll open your eyes again? We had enough of that in Billings. This is all on you. You’re the one who brought us here.”
Fucking Lane. He was the most ruthless of all of us. That brutal truth tore through me deeper than those bullets. “I’m not gonna lose my kid. I’m not gonna let her end up back with Alexa. I will fix this.” I had no idea how, but I would.
Lane looked skeptical but Cy dipped his chin down silently letting me know he was giving me the benefit of the doubt. He uncrossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow at me. “Burke has officially eighty-sixed you from the Big Horn. I talked Rodie into encouraging Joel Hammond not to press charges against you. Emrys is going to be at the ranch until she decides she wants to be somewhere else. I’m not telling you that you have to pretend to be the woman’s best friend while she’s here, but I am telling you that if you can’t play nice and be respectful around her, you will be finding yourself a new place to live.”
I gave a dry laugh that had zero humor in it. “So, you’re gonna take my kid and my home away if I don’t come to heel?” Sadly, the idea of being kicked off the ranch didn’t sting nearly as bad as I thought it would. It rankled to have my big brother telling me what to do, but there was no denying he was right about everything.
Again, his chin dipped in acknowledgment. He wasn’t budging. I knew Cy well enough to know he didn’t bluff. “Yeah, I am.”
Lane grunted and moved so he was sitting in a chair next to the bed. “You were working on losing both those things permanently, anyway.”
He wasn’t wrong.
Cy lifted a hand and rubbed it over his dark, styled hair. The man spent more time in front of a mirror fussing with his hair than his woman did. “I have to go check on the girls. When I come back to get you I would plan on Em coming with me. She was upset when you went down yesterday. That was not the welcome back to the ranch that I was hoping for her.”
I scoffed. The pain in my chest at the mention of her was entirely different than the one from taking that cowboy’s hit. “I’m not particularly interested in making her feel welcome.” I’d banked on never seeing her again.
Cy’s eyes narrowed and I heard Lane call me a dumbass under his breath. “She’s important to Leo, so that means she’s important to me. You really want to push me?”
No. No, I did not. If I pushed him anymore he was going to dismantle my entire life even though I hadn’t been doing very good living it lately. I gritted my teeth and gave him a level look. “I’ll keep my shit together.”
He gave a noncommittal grunt and turned on his heel to walk out the door. I looked over at my younger brother and noticed his grin was back and his baby blues were shining bright. In a huff, I demanded, “What’s got you looking so damn chipper?”
He chuckled and put his hand on his flat stomach, kicking his feet up so his boots rested on the edge of my bed. “Watching you try and keep your shit together around Em is going to be way more fun than watching you try and drink yourself to death.”
I was confident I would survive the booze and the pills. Things had just gotten a little out of hand. I’d gotten a lot out of hand.
The woman . . . there was no way I was going to survive having her underfoot. I couldn’t get her off my mind even when I had no idea where she was. How was I supposed to forget her—to chase away the memories of all the times I’d failed her—when she was standing right in front of me?
The thought made me crave a drink, even though my mouth was sour from all the damage the last one had done.
Someone Special
Emrys
Something shifted and rustled letting me know I was no longer alone in the quiet, rustically decorated guest room. I wasn’t a deep sleeper even before the attack in the mountains. Now, any little thing that went bump in the night pulled me awake and away from the reoccurring nightmares. I saw Sutton die a million times when I closed my eyes. I felt the burn of that knife against my skin and angry hands in places they shouldn’t be as I tossed and turned endlessly. However, last night after Leo strong-armed me into leaving the hospital when Sutton still wasn’t awake, I was too tired to fight the pull of oblivion. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out and I didn’t move. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in f
orever.
I peeled my eyes open as that peaceful escape was disturbed by the feeling of being watched. I knew Leo was worried about me. It was there in her eyes and in the fierce way she hugged me. She watched me like a hawk and had offered to put me up in one of the bunkhouses they used for the guests who came to the ranch for wilderness retreats, careful not to remind me that I was the reason we’d booked the wilderness retreat in the first place. She was being cautious with me. Not wanting to rush me or push too much on me at once. I was sick of my own company and gladly agreed to take one of the empty rooms in the massive ranch house that served as both the home base of the luxury vacation business as well as Leo’s new home. I needed to be around people. I needed to remember how to function with those who cared about me and those whom I cared about. I was done letting one single moment, no matter how horrific it was, dictate the rest of my life.
I got what I asked for.
I definitely wasn’t alone anymore. I blinked against the sun shining into the room and rolled over to come face-to-face with a pair of curious green eyes that were the exact same forest green color as her father’s.
The little girl was holding a stuffed unicorn with a glittery saddle on its back. She had her head cocked to one side and was looking at me like she was cataloging everything about me. She couldn’t be more than five or six, but her intense scrutiny made her seem older and had me lifting a hand to my sleep-rumpled hair.
“Hi.” I cleared my scratchy throat and pushed the covers back so I could swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I ran a hand over my face and cocked my head to match the little girl’s pose. “I’m Emrys. Who are you?”
There was no mistaking she was Sutton’s child. The little girl was the spitting image of her dad. She had sunshine-colored ringlets that stuck out in wild disarray and the same wary, untrusting slant to her mouth. Plus, there was no missing those eyes.
“Emrys?” She muttered my name, drawing out the riss at the end like she was a hissing snake. I lifted an eyebrow and grinned at her.
“You can call me Em, if it’s easier. Everyone else does.”
She nodded solemnly and stuck out one of her hands, which I promptly shook, melting a little on the inside. She was utterly charming. “I’m Daye. You’re real pretty.”
I let her hand fall and cleared my throat. I was pretty, but it was a different kind of pretty than I had been before. When I looked in the mirror now, it took everything I could do not to obsess about the way my right eye dipped a little lower than the left due to the surgeries I’d needed in order to erase the scars the knife had left all over me. I had a naturally golden complexion thanks to my Hispanic heritage, so the thin, white lines that crisscrossed my cheek and curved around the side of my jaw were never going anywhere. Still, even though they were barely noticeable to anyone else, especially when I wore makeup, sometimes they were all that I could see.
“Thank you. You’re very pretty, too.” I watched as the little girl preened under the compliment.
“I know. My daddy tells me I’m the prettiest girl in the whole world. This used to be his room. He’s sick right now.” Her lower lip trembled and she squeezed the stuffed animal in her arms so tightly that I was worried the stuffing might pop out of it. “I miss him. I want to see him, but Auntie Leo won’t let me.”
I ran my fingers through my long, dark hair and cringed. I wasn’t touching that one with a ten-foot pole. I was also going to kill Leo for sticking me in Sutton’s room. She’d mentioned that he’d moved into one of the bunkhouses permanently when he finally came home from the hospital after he’d been shot. She didn’t mention I was sleeping in the same room where he had grown up.
“I’ve known your Aunt Leo for a long, long time. She’s a smart lady. If she says you shouldn’t see your daddy right now, I bet she has a good reason.” I put my hands on the edge of the bed and leaned closer to the little girl, lowering my voice conspiratorially. “I wanted to see your daddy, too. I didn’t get to either.”
Cy had given me a minute with his unconscious brother before relegating me to the waiting room. He insisted Sutton wouldn’t want anyone to see him at his lowest, but I knew the oldest Warner well enough to know that he was the one who didn’t want anyone to witness Sutton’s downfall. He was the family protector. He was the shield anyone had to penetrate to get close to the Warners, and now Leo, as well. He took his job seriously.
Daye’s dark green eyes widened and she dropped the stuffed animal so that she was holding it by one arm, the rest of it dragging on the floor. “You know my daddy?” The excitement and adoration was evident in her voice. This little angel clearly believed her dad hung the moon and the stars. I felt a sizzle of annoyance pop along my spine that Sutton had been drinking himself into a stupor at that bar instead of being at home, cherishing this precious child.
I got to my feet and lifted my hands over my head so I could stretch out muscles stiff from both the long plane ride and hours-long drive. When I did, my oversized t-shirt rode up on my stomach and the jagged, puckered scars that still lived there showed. I saw Daye’s curious eyes land on the ravaged flesh and braced for her innocently invasive questions. It had taken six months to fix my face, to erase the daily reminders of what had happened. I still had scars across my chest and running up and down my stomach that told anyone looking close enough that I was lucky to be alive. It was on my to-do list to get them looked at and see if there was any way to lessen their impact, but until then, I was stuck answering questions that made me uncomfortable and catapulted me back to the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
I didn’t get a childish inquisition. Instead, Daye grabbed my hand and told me that Brynn had made French toast, which was her favorite, and if I didn’t hurry her Uncle Lane was going to eat it all. Brynn Fox-Warner was the brothers’ much younger stepmother. She was also Lane’s best friend from high school and the caretaker of both the home and the ranch. It was a weird dynamic, one that had a complicated history, but at the end of the day she was a Warner and that was all that mattered to the brothers. Daye was tugging on me insistently, telling me all about Brynn chasing Lane out of the kitchen once already, and as much as my mouth watered at the idea of hot, buttery French toast and eating Brynn’s cooking again, I needed a shower and a minute to think before I could pretend to be human.
I dropped down to my knees in front of the little girl and gave her a brief hug which she immediately returned. She was so cute and looked so much like Sutton that it was doing funny things to my insides. “I have to get ready and then I’ll be down. Tell your Uncle Lane I’ll fight him for the last piece of French toast.” I twisted one of her ringlets around my finger and grinned at her. “We’ll gang up on your Aunt Leo and see about going to see your daddy. I’m sure seeing you will make him feel much better.”
She smiled at me, eyes shining. “Will Daddy be happy to see you, Em?”
I bit my lip to stop from blurting out that I was the last person he wanted to see. Luckily, Leo appeared at the top of the stairs and saved me from having to lie to the little girl. “Daye, go down and eat breakfast with Lane and Brynn. Your dad is feeling better today so we’re gonna go see him as soon as everyone is ready.” Daye squealed in delight and bolted toward the stairs, stopping to give my best friend a hug before her sneakered feet pounded down the steps. I watched her blonde curls bounce until she was out of sight. I heard feminine laughter and the lower rumble of a male voice, indicating she had found her uncle and Brynn.
I climbed to my feet and put my hands on my hips, narrowing my eyes at Leo. She was the kind of woman who would eternally be classified as cute. She was on the short side with a curvy figure and wild, strawberry-blonde hair that seemed untamable. She had freckles across her nose and warm brown eyes that were deceptively kind. Leo was more barracuda than bunny rabbit, but no one would ever know that based on her looks alone.
“Sutton’s room? Really? There was no other place in this big ass house you could have put me?” I raise
d an annoyed eyebrow at her as she shrugged unabashedly.
“One of the rooms is Daye’s. Cy won’t let her stay in the bunkhouse with Sutton. We had a regular guest room, but every time Cy and I got into a fight I would try and sleep in there. He got sick of hauling me back to our bedroom. One day I came home from a meeting and noticed he’d emptied the room out. No bed, no dresser, nothing. One of the rooms is Brynn’s and one is Lane’s. There are two more, but neither have furniture or are ready for guests. Cy keeps telling me I can do whatever I want with them, but I haven’t decided yet. Sutton’s old room is the only one that had a bed and an attached bathroom. I didn’t plan on Daye spilling the beans. I wasn’t going to tell you it was his.” She shrugged again. “I forget how smart that little girl is. I should have known she would be curious about what was happening in her dad’s old room.” She gave me a lopsided grin. “Kids. I’m learning as I go.”
“She’s adorable and very sweet.” I wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know.
Leo nodded. “She’s very special. We’re all hoping Sutton isn’t too far gone to remember that.”
Leo had never been the type of woman who spent hours pontificating about getting married and having kids. She was fiercely independent and often isolated. She was driven, successful, and determined to make it on her own. That was part of the reason I’d glommed onto her when we were younger. Leo always seemed to know exactly what she wanted out of life, she never questioned her path. Her confidence made me feel less like I was untethered and flailing out in the wind. Being around someone as together as Leo always had been up until her ex, Chris, got into her head and played with her heart, made it easier for me to fake having my own shit sorted. A failed relationship and an undeniable attraction to Cy Warner had changed everything about Leo. My best friend was still successful and driven, but now she was the furthest thing from alone in the world. She had more family surrounding her than she’d ever had, and she’d never looked happier.
Shelter ~ Jay Crownover Page 5