Shelter ~ Jay Crownover

by Crownover, Jay

  I couldn’t tell her to go.

  I didn’t want her to leave. I was better when she was by my side, and I didn’t care if that made me weak or an asshole for knowingly putting her in danger. If we were going to walk through the fire, then we were going to face the flames and burn together.

  She settled me. The press of her body into mine kept me grounded and focused on what had to be done, instead of getting lost in all the worst-case scenarios that were crowding my brain. I needed to keep it together for my family and she was the glue that held all my jagged pieces together. She was the one standing between me and the edge of the cliff I was all too ready to nosedive off of. She made the chaos that consumed me seem comforting. This woman quieted the storms that constantly raged inside of me, and because of that, I could focus on the voice in the back of my head screaming that I needed to get to my daughter. I needed to find her and protect her. I needed to save her. She needed me and I wasn’t about to let her down again.

  We took off in a spray of gravel, the little pebbles biting into my bare arms and the dust making my mouth dry. Cy made a hand gesture that indicated he was diverting off and coming at the river from farther up the property than the route we usually traveled. We could cover more ground that way, but irrationally, I was worried about letting him out of my sight. I wanted everyone I loved right where I could see them. I wanted to be able to reach out and touch them, to feel their hearts beating and know they were safe.

  Emrys’s arms tightened around my waist as I took a particularly sharp turn that sent the quad careening dangerously off to one side. I shot her an apologetic look over my shoulder and received an encouraging squeeze around my middle in return. It wouldn’t do Lane or Daye any good if I took myself out of the game before we even started playing and I would never forgive myself if I knowingly caused Em any kind of harm. I took a deep breath and mentally ordered myself to move with more caution.

  The trip to the water’s edge took half the time than when we rode on horseback. As soon as we entered the clearing where the sound of rushing water muffled the noise the engine underneath me was making, I felt my heart leap into my throat and my stomach drop down into my toes. Lane’s speckled Appaloosa was standing alone next to the water’s edge. The big animal appeared unharmed and was startled by the sudden arrival of the four-wheeler. I knew there was no way in hell my brother would abandon his horse unless the situation was dire. Dread settled heavy and unmoving in my gut.

  I cast a look at Em over my shoulder and could see all of my worry and apprehension mirrored on her pretty face. Suddenly, she let out a strangled gasp and her fingers dug into my stomach. She inclined her chin in the direction of the horse and let out a string of dirty words as the animal moved, revealing the sight of an unmoving body halfway submerged in the water. There was no missing that head of dark hair or the solid build wrapped in a blood-soaked denim shirt. That was my little brother’s supine body sprawled out and bleeding under the wide Wyoming sky. It was the worst-case scenario and then some. Lane was clearly injured and Daye was nowhere to be found.

  I was shocked my quaking legs held me up when I climbed off the quad. I hit the ground running, calling Lane’s name at the top of my lungs. I took a breath and screamed at Em to call the house for help. Even from this distance, I could see that he was hurt far too badly to wait for help. He wouldn’t make the trip back to the ranch in this condition if he was still breathing.

  My boots splashed in the shallow water as I ran to Lane’s side. His face was turned toward me and he had an ugly gash on his forehead. It was bleeding profusely and covering the entire visible side of his face in red. His hair and clothes were soaking wet, and from the ragged, torn condition of his hands, it looked like my little brother had pulled himself out of the water by his fingertips. When I hit the ground next to him, I couldn’t hold back the broken roar that ripped out of my chest. It echoed around us, sending wildlife scattering from the surrounding trees.

  I put a shaking hand on Lane’s face and my fingers were immediately covered in slippery, crimson blood. His skin was a sickly shade of gray but his chest was rising and falling with jerky, sucking breaths. His pulse was thready and weak, but it was there. He wasn’t gone yet and that was what I was going to cling to. I ran my eyes over the rest of him and cringed when I noticed his shirt had a tear in the side right next to his ribs. There was a steady river of blood seeping into the fabric. I’d had a bullet dug out of the center of my chest not too long ago, so I knew what a bullet wound looked like. I also knew they could do a fuck ton of damage to the inside of a body even if the entry wound didn’t look that bad. Lane was clinging to life on borrowed time.

  I swore long and loud and let my head fall forward. It felt like it weighed a million pounds; grief and sorrow were anchors quickly pulling me down into a place so dark I was sure I would never see the light of day again.

  “Where is Daye, Lane? If you can hear me at all, please, I need to know where she’s at and if she’s okay.” They were ambushed. Someone had been waiting for an opportunity, an opening. Someone was tired of trying to ruin my life by taking my freedom away. Instead, they took my heart, ripped it away from me. My little brother might die because he tried to protect the very center of it: my daughter. He wasn’t going to let my little girl go without a fight.

  “I got ahold of Leo. She called search and rescue and the sheriff. They’re all on the way.” Em fell to her knees on the other side of Lane. Her lower lip trembled but the tears that were trapped in her golden gaze refused to fall. She pulled off the plaid shirt she was wearing over a black tank top and pressed it to the wound that was oozing on his side. “Is that a gunshot wound?”

  I nodded absently, fingers curling around Lane’s frozen ones. “Someone beat the shit out of him and shot him, then dumped him in the river but he managed to pull himself out. He’s always been the toughest of all three of us. He didn’t give a shit when our mom left. He was the only one who always said we were better off without her.” I swiped ineffectively at the blood covering his scarily pale face. “He took a bullet for my kid.”

  She made a soft noise low in her throat and gently ran her fingers through his wet and matted hair. “Of course he did.”

  When her fingers trailed across Lane’s cheek, the eye that was well on its way to swelling shut flickered under the blood and gore covering his face. He let out a wheezing sound that didn’t sound good and tried to lift his head.

  Emrys muttered soothing sounds at the same time I said his name over and over again. Em shook her head and gave me a worried look. “I think he’s got a collapsed lung. That’s bad. We need to find something thin and flexible to cover the wound to keep more air out of his chest cavity until they can airlift him out.”

  I blinked at her like an idiot. “What do you mean something thin and flexible?”

  She was talking to my brother in a low, soothing voice as she looked at me from under her furrowed eyebrows. “Cellophane would be ideal but I doubt there’s any of that on hand. The wrapping from a pack of cigarettes would work, but you’re not a smoker.”

  I wasn’t, but occasionally Lane would sneak one when he was particularly stressed out or pissed off about something. And with Brynn spending a good chunk of her free time with that other cowboy lately, I was willing to bet he had a stash in his saddlebags for when he went out on a ride alone to clear his head. Our dad had been a two-pack-a-day smoker and it ultimately had led to many of the health problems that took him from us, so none of us wanted anything to do with the habit on a regular basis, but maybe, just maybe, that vice would save Lane’s life.

  I clamored to my feet and ran to where his horse was watching the humans with cautious eyes. The animal nickered at me and stamped his front hoof when I got close enough to touch. I ran a calming hand down the side of his neck and muttered that everything was going to be okay under my breath. I hoped the horse believed me, because I didn’t. Nothing felt okay. It felt like it was spiraling out of control in the
exact same way it had when I lost myself. I could feel that abyss looming and it was so tempting to let myself fall forward into it, but I couldn’t. I had to find my daughter. She needed me and that was all that mattered.

  The horse danced sideways when I started to paw frantically through the leather bags that hung on either side of the saddle. Lane’s name was stamped into the leather and the sight had my throat burning and my made my hands uncoordinated and clumsy as I dug through the deep pockets.

  He had a flask stashed away, too. I found a flashlight and a canteen. I dug out a charger for his phone and a bottle opener. He had a lighter and matches. He also had a picture of him and Brynn from when they were kids in a small, silver frame buried in the very bottom. I didn’t have time to stop and think about what that meant. On the other side, right on top of an extra shirt, was a half-finished pack of smokes. My fingers shook as I shook the cardboard free from the clear wrapping around the outside.

  I ran back to where Emrys was bent over Lane still talking softly to him. She looked up in relief when I dropped back down across from her. She made a ‘gimme’ motion with her hand and told me to take off my shirt. I handed over the cotton t-shirt and followed her orders when she barked at me to pull up Lane’s saturated shirt so she could see the wound. Carefully, she used my t-shirt to sop up as much of the trickling blood as she could. We both held our breath as she carefully tore the thin plastic and laid it over the sucking wound. I felt my eyes widen as Lane’s chest rose and then fell, his breathing stuttering and stopping before leveling out. He still didn’t look good and he sounded like he was trying to breathe underwater, but that swollen eye twitched less and the gurgling sounds stopped.

  I dropped my forehead so it was resting on his shoulder and sent up a silent prayer to whatever higher power had been on my side so far. We’d had a lot of close calls in our family lately and this was as close to the edge as I ever wanted to be.

  “B. .ur. .ke.” I jerked my head up and looked down at Lane who was struggling to get words out.

  “Burke?” I looked over at Emrys who was frowning down at my younger brother. “What about Burke, Lane?”

  His lips moved without any sound and his head lolled to one side.

  Emrys and I stared at each other in shock until she whispered, “You should call him.”

  My fingers felt too big and I dropped the phone twice while trying to scroll through my contacts to find Burke’s information. She was watching me closely, waiting for me to break so she could put me back together, but I was feeling surprisingly steady. Daye needed me to keep it together, so I would—I had to—until she was back home. Once I knew she was safe and unharmed, I’d let myself blow apart.

  The phone rang and rang.

  I nearly crushed the stupid thing in my fist when Burke’s voicemail picked up. When the recorded voice told me to leave a message I barked, “call me,” without bothering to leave my name. My arm tensed, ready to chuck the phone across the river, but I wasn’t able to follow through with the outburst because Emrys was there, her hands rubbing softly across my face and through my hair like she had done for Lane.

  “If you throw it, he won’t be able to call you back, and if he does have Daye, you don’t want to do anything that might inadvertently piss him off.” Her arms looped loosely around my neck and the turbulent, churning things that were swallowing me up stilled for a split second. I could hear my heart screaming for my daughter and the rush of fear between my ears, but all the hopelessness and despair that tended to suck me under and suffocate me when I was feeling out of control was gone. I wanted to fight and I wanted to win. Giving up wasn’t going to get me anywhere, and I had a lifetime of happiness to find. I’d spent far too long waiting for it to find me.

  The phone rang from where it was clasped between the two of us and made both of us jump. Emrys’s amber eyes popped wide and her breath stuttered in short bursts as we looked at the small silver device like it was a snake poised to strike. I grabbed one of her hands in mine and took a steadying breath when Burke’s name flashed across the display. I touched the screen to answer with a shaking finger. “Burke.”

  There was a moment of drawn-out silence before the other man spoke. When he did, I couldn’t stop a full body chill from shaking me so hard that my teeth clicked together.

  “When she was little, I wondered if she could be mine. I asked Alexa over and over again if Daye was mine, told her I would give her all the things you couldn’t. I promised her I wouldn’t leave her high and dry the way you did, but it wasn’t enough. She always picked you.” The other man let out a twisted laugh that made my spine snap straight and my blood run cold. “When Daye got older and looked exactly like you, it broke my heart. She was a constant reminder that you had everything I wanted, and you simply threw it away. The only reason I came back to Sheridan was because she told me you left her. She didn’t tell me she was still pining for you . . . that she still loved you. I uprooted my entire life for that woman.”

  I squeezed Em’s hand so hard I felt the bones press together in her fingers. Her eyes were huge in her face and she was pale under her natural tan. “I understand why that would piss you off. No man likes to be jerked around, but none of that has anything to do with Daye. She didn’t do anything wrong. She was hurt by Alexa just as badly as you were, Burke. She’s innocent.” I wanted to scream at him to give me my kid back, that I was going to kill him for what he had done to Lane, that I was going to put him in the ground right next to the woman who was still making my life a nightmare from the great beyond. “Tell me where you are so I can come and get her.” The plea was clear in my voice and I didn’t bother to hide it.

  “You left but it wasn’t enough. You were still around. You were still the only thing she talked about, the only one she wanted. Did you even know she quit drinking after you got shot? When you got out of the hospital and went off the deep end, she wanted to be there for you the way you were there for her all those years. She was doing her best to be what you needed and you didn’t even notice. It broke her heart.” Burke sounded furious and I could practically feel the venom he was spewing through the phone. The man hated me and he wanted to hurt me. Unfortunately, he had a sure-fire way to do that and there was nothing I could do about it. I had to get my daughter away from him. “And then she broke mine. I asked her to marry me, bought her a ring and everything. I told her we could be a family, I’d be the kind of father Daye needed . . . and she laughed at me. Laughed right in my face and told me all I was good for was a stiff drink and a quick fuck. There is only so much rejection a man can take. Only so many times he can come up short.” He exhaled slowly and I could feel his rage trying to reach me through the phone line. “I don’t remember pulling the gun from under the bar and I don’t remember pulling the trigger. It was an accident. I never meant to hurt her; I loved her. I do remember all the blood and thinking that everything was your fault, Sutton. If it wasn’t for you, Alexa would have loved me. If it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t be dead. I should have known Rodie wasn’t going to arrest you for her murder. You’ve been friends for too long. It’s a shame poor Cyndi Hammond had to pay the price for the sheriff’s loyalty to you.”

  I wanted to scream at him that putting a bullet in someone was never an accident, but there was no reasoning with a man as far gone as Burke.

  “Alexa and I had been out of each other’s lives for a long time. I didn’t notice much of anything when I got out of the hospital, Burke. You were there to witness just how far I’d fallen. I wouldn’t have accepted her help because I didn’t want to be helped. It didn’t have anything to do with her. I was fucked up, I am fucked up . . . but I’m working on it.” I was trying to remind him that I was human, that I was just a man, the same as him. I was wounded in a different way than he had been, but pain was familiar and I hoped our common ground would make him realize he didn’t need to hurt my daughter in order to punish me. I’d done a damn good job of hurting myself without anyone’s help.

&nb
sp; “You fell down but somehow you always managed to get back up. You drank yourself into a stupor and someone always came and peeled you off the barstool, no matter how nasty and ungrateful you were. You knocked up the town drunk and got a beautiful child out of it. You nearly got a woman killed and she fell in love with you. You’re the prime suspect in two murders and even with everyone in town thinking you’re guilty, you still get off scot-free. Nothing touches you. Like water off a duck’s back, nothing bad ever sticks to Sutton Warner. Even a drink laced with enough opioids to kill a horse didn’t slow you down. Nope, you bounced back from that like you were made of goddamn rubber.” He was starting to sound angry. He practically spit out the admission that he’d drugged me.

  Suddenly, I was aware that Em and I were no longer alone in the clearing. Cyrus and Ten came flying down the side of the river; both of them had their gazes locked on Lane’s still form. From their matching expressions of fury, they knew the situation was bad and getting worse every minute. I was stuck on the phone with a madman.

  “I didn’t OD? You drugged me.” I couldn’t keep the ferocity out of my voice. I’d trusted him when I was at my most vulnerable and he’d taken advantage of my blind faith.

  Burke let out another ugly laugh. “At first, I thought I’d help you get hooked. You were well on your way already. I thought it would do you some good to know what it’s like to be an addict since you had no trouble walking away from Alexa when she needed you.” He grunted. “But then, I realized if she was ever going to give me a shot to be who she needed, you had to be gone. It was nothing more than dumb luck that Joel picked that night to throw down with you. If he hadn’t, you would be the one everyone in town was talking about instead of Alexa. You would be the one your daughter is crying over . . . not her.”

  I sucked in a breath through my teeth and rubbed my hand over my forehead. I was sweating and shaking, each of his words poked at my skin and my paper-thin composure like tiny daggers. “Where are you? Where is my daughter? You can’t possibly think you’re going to get away with any of this. Rodie is going to get the video from the bar on the night of the fight. He’s going to know you tried to set me up. He’s going to see you taking my hat and spiking my drink. Not to mention that Lane is going to be able to ID you. Warners are hard to kill. None of this is going to end well for you Burke, and none of it is going to bring Alexa back.”