by A. J. Pryor
We hung up and I felt sick, my stomach cramping up in knots. I should have left things alone. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Jessica. The stillness of her empty house wasn’t helping calm my emotions. I needed to figure out where she was, talk to her, and fix this.
She must have felt punched in the gut when she saw that video. I would have lost my shit if our places were reversed. Sitting around obsessing over it wasn’t going to do me any good. I forwarded everything to Mason then headed home.
My phone rang as I was walking through my front door. “Jessica?”
“Sorry, bro, it’s just me.”
“What’s up, Mason?”
“In my preliminary look, this video is ancient. I’ll be able to get a time frame on when it was filmed by tomorrow morning, but wanted to let you know and see if that eased your mind a bit.”
“Not really but thanks anyway.” Of course, that video was old; I hadn’t touched Luana in almost five years.
“Have a drink and get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Right, get some sleep. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to sleep again.
pulled into the Santa Monica airport and met him outside his hanger. The plane was on the runway, ready to takeoff.
“Please,” I said, “tell me you have something for me.”
He hugged me and patted me on the back. “Hey, bro, you look like crap.”
“Thanks. I feel like crap.”
“Yeah, I have some information. We can talk inside before I take off.”
I followed him up the stairs. Mason’s plane was amazing. Leather seats, and a full bedroom in the back that I knew he and Casey used on a regular basis. Mason told me Casey joined him on business trips just for the thrill of being in the mile-high club.
He laid out a document in front of me showing grids and dates. “First of all let me just say, you’re lucky as shit Luana didn’t post this thing to YouTube. She’s had it for a long time and easily could have brought you down. I’ve got some people making sure it doesn’t surface online and ready to knock it offline if it does post, but just know, so far you’ve dodged that bullet.”
He had a point¸ but as much of a head-job as she was, a sex video posted to the entire world would disgrace her family and I didn’t think she’d go there.
“Okay, here’s what I have: the video was taken about five years ago. Probably from a mini spy camera that she could have purchased online and strategically placed in your hotel room when you were out surfing.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
He grinned at me. “I had Jaxon analyze the video last night.”
“Seriously? Jaxon? This is so fucked up.”
“Roan, he’s the best, you want him on this and Jessica trusts him so if the information comes from him, she’ll believe it. Don’t focus on Jaxon; focus on how the hell we’re going to get you out of this.”
He was right and I knew he was right, but it still sucked. She should believe me.
“Did you tell him everything?” I had buried this a long time ago. There were people other than myself that needed to be protected and I didn’t need this shit getting out now.
He looked at me insulted. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I know. Sorry.”
I looked at the grainy images on the computer. “How do you know the video’s from five years ago?”
“Each time a video is taken there is a time stamp. It takes some work to get to and it’s complicated, but we can tell, it’s what we do for a living. Luana worked at the resort right?”
I nodded in affirmation. That’s how I’d met her in the first place.
“So she easily could have accessed your room when you were out, set up the camera, and left it there for when you returned. Anyway, Jaxon’s writing up a report and then when Jess decides to resurface, you’ll have all the proof you need this video was shot years ago.”
Shit, this was crazy. “I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.”
“What do you mean?”
Looking up at the ceiling, then back at Mason, I told him everything. “Mason, Luana and I didn’t have a vanilla relationship.”
“Yeah, I kind of know that.”
“Did you watch the whole video? Did you see me tell Luana that I loved her?”
His jaw dropped.
“If I hadn’t watched that video yesterday, I wouldn’t ever have remembered those words coming out of my mouth, but I heard them with my own two ears and so did Jessica.”
He sat back startled. “Did you love her?”
“Hell, no! I honestly thought I’d never see her again after that night. If memory serves me right, I only said them to make her feel better about my impending departure, but I’ve told Jess countless times she’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. So now, not only did she have to watch me ruthlessly banging some other chick, she thinks I’m a fucking liar. This changes everything in her eyes.”
Mason sat back and looked at the ceiling. He rubbed a hand over his jaw then brought his eyes back to mine. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know man, but you’ve got to fix this. Casey is literally freaking out on me. Jessica won’t talk to her either and that just can’t happen so close to our wedding. I’ll do whatever you need, Roan, you know that. Say the word and I’m there, but fix this.”
“I wish I could say I should have stayed away, not touched her like I’d planned all those months ago, but now I’m wishing I touched her sooner. Then at least I would have had three months of her instead of only a few weeks.”
“Roan, you’ll get her back. You’re Roan Anders for fuck’s sake. You always get the girl.”
I looked over the stilled video again, in disbelief that this was suddenly my life.
t had been a week since I’d arrived in Sun Valley. I spent Thanksgiving curled up in a blanket in front of the fire trying to figure out how to move forward. After three days, I finally broke down and turned on my phone. I texted Casey to let her know she could now reach me. She must have told Roan because he started to call me constantly and Casey texted me daily saying she had some sort of proof that Roan hadn’t slept with that girl while in Fiji recently.
The thing was, I already knew that. Against my better judgment, I’d played that video repeatedly, trying to get some sort of understanding of what I was seeing. The wristwatch actually wasn’t the one I’d given him. I’d zoomed in and stared closely at it. Roan’s a surfer and I’d be a fool to think the watch I gave him was the first tide watch he’d ever owned.
His hair was different, blonder and cut shorter to his head. He didn’t have the pieces that fell in his face as he does now. I had already moved on from the thought that Roan had been unfaithful to me.
What I was struggling with was how he so easily threw aside a woman he once loved. A woman he shared an intimate sexual relationship with. I was by no means a prude, but I’d never dabbled in that type of sex. I’d heard about it, read about it, but to watch my boyfriend engage in it with someone else—it made my stomach roll. They had some sort of kinky relationship that they both clearly enjoyed. With me, he had taken charge in the bedroom, but in the most gentle and loving way.
He was hurtin’ that girl and seemed to relish every part of it. Did he need that dominance or did she? Either way, he’d hidden this relationship from me. Luana was different from all the others and he’d never trusted me enough to share that part of his life. I’d given him access to all of me and he hadn’t paid me the same respect.
I felt like I was missing something, and couldn’t move forward until I figured out what it was.
Lee Brice’s “I Don’t Dance” was currently playing out of my iPad. Roan was right, these songs were depressing. There was a knock on the front door. I sighed and got up to answer it. Occasionally one of the neighbors stopped by to see how I was doing. My daddy had made sure to let them know I was here.
Therefore, I was shocked to find Jaxon on the other side of the door. My heart
felt a little lighter seeing such a friendly face. “Jaxon, how did you know I was here?”
He shrugged. “Jess, I’m a computer freak. I can find anyone. Are you going to let me in or leave me outside to freeze?”
I laughed and brought him into the house then into my arms. “It’s so good to see you, Jaxon.” He held me tight and I couldn’t help the tears that escaped down my cheeks. He released me and his shoulders sagged.
“Oh Jaxon, explosion was an understatement. What happened was more like a nuclear reaction.”
He chuckled and pulled away from me. “Jessica . . .” His thumbs wiped the tears away and he continued. “Come home. Everyone’s worried about you.”
“I can’t. I just can’t face him, Jaxon. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at him again.” I walked further into the house and Jaxon followed. We sat down in the living room where I had a fire blazing. He placed a bag down next to his chair and ran his hands through his hair.
“How long are you staying?” I asked since it looked like he’d packed enough for a few days.
“As long as you need me to.”
I smiled and turned back toward the fire. “I can’t get those images out of my mind, Jaxon. They haunt me and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this. I think Roan and I might be done.”
“Well, I can show you how I figured out that video was taken about five years ago, and I can tell you how devastated your man is, but erasing memories is not one of my specialties.”
I looked his way and smiled. “Really? You know all of that?”
“I do know all of that and, if you want, I can show it to you, or we can hang out. Whatever you want, Jess.”
I wasn’t interested in the proof Jaxon had brought. I didn’t need a reminder of the reason we were here in my parents’ favorite vacation house. So we spent that evening and the following day playing Backgammon, watching movies, and taking long walks in the snow. Jaxon even let me teach him a few more dance moves, which he may or may not master. He was a comfort that I desperately needed.
On the second day of his visit, my mother appeared out of nowhere. She opened the front door, letting in a cold blast of air, as we were finishing a competitive game of Scrabble.
“Mother, what are you doing here?”
She looked at me then over at Jaxon and frowned, puzzled by his presence.
“I needed to talk to you. I didn’t realize you had a friend.”
“Mother, this is Jaxon Price; his dad is publishing my cookbook. He came to check up on me and show me some documents you may be interested in seeing yourself.” I nodded to Jaxon to get his folder on Roan from the other room.
My mother made her way over to me and hugged me. “Jessica, I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know that, but you also didn’t want me dating Roan and you got your wish.”
My mother’s face fell. “The last thing I ever wanted was to see you torn apart like this, Jessica. I know heartbreak. I know exactly what you are feeling. I have spent your whole life trying to prevent you from experiencing this type of loss.”
“Then you should have left Roan alone, Mother. Because everything your private detective uncovered was a lie.”
“Jessica, sit down with me and let me tell you a story.”
“Are you finally going to tell me how you know so much about heartbreak and loss?” I couldn’t help the sassy tone of my voice.
“Jessica, you need to hear this.”
Frustrated I turned and looked out the window as she began to speak.
“I know you and your sisters think I’m crazy with the way I try to help you all pick the right man.”
I held my tongue.
“But I have my reasons,” she continued. “We need to protect you, and we need to protect ourselves.”
“Oh, yes, the joy of being rich!” I chided.
She took a deep breath and walked over to the living room window. Staring out into the abyss of our property, my mother finally opened up to me.
“It’s not only about the money, Jessica. We need to find men who keep our hearts whole, not shatter them.
“When I was a little younger than you, I had a boyfriend very similar to Roan. Things didn’t work out as I’d planned, and the life I’d thought I was going to live with him turned out not so great after all. I was left single, broke, and pregnant.”
I sat up a little straighter. I wondered if Daddy even knew what my mother was about to tell me.
She continued, “I was waitressing in a diner, trying to make enough money to pay my medical bills and secure some sort of life for my unborn child, when your Daddy sat down at one of my tables. He was handsome and charming. He came back every day to see me and eat lunch. Repeatedly, he asked me out. I was pregnant with another man’s child, and Jim still wanted to date me. It baffled me.”
I was shocked. My whole life my mother had been the picture-perfect wife, priding herself on her high society ways. I knew her parents died when she was young and that she never had much growing up. But to get herself in trouble like that? I never would have guessed
“One day I finally said yes, and we went out. I dated him all through my pregnancy, wondering what was going to happen once the child I was carrying was born. I never found out—I lost the child far into my pregnancy. Because I was over six months along, I needed procedures I couldn’t afford. Your Daddy took care of everything, and we were married not long after that.”
I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks. How could my mother have never told any of us this story? “Momma, I’m so sorry you went through that.”
She wiped away a stray tear as she turned to look at me. “It was a long time ago, Jessica, but, as your mother, I need to protect you from men like Roan. Hopefully one day, when you’re a mother, you’ll understand why I looked into Roan’s past and be able to forgive me.”
“I forgive you, Momma. But it doesn’t make this any easier or less painful.”
She took a big breath and sat back down beside me. “I know, Sweetie, but in the past week I’ve come to understand Roan is different from the man who left me. Roan’s not giving up on you. He found your Daddy’s number and has been calling him for days trying to find you. He told your Daddy everything and even had Mason call him.”
“I can’t tell you what to do, I realize that now. However, I need you to know that if you decide to go back to him, if you choose to forgive him, I promise not to stand in your way. That video was shocking, but maybe there is an explanation that will ease your heart. You clearly love this boy and without meetin’ him, I can tell he loves you too. And that’s all I want for you, Sweetie, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for my girls.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I told her, “Momma, I’m not sure that having his love - for now - is enough. I won’t end up like that girl, broken and on my knees begging for a man to love me back. That’s not who I am and I don’t ever want to be in that position.”
“Give yourself some time, Jessica,” she said as she stroked my hair in the same way she’d done when I was a child.
After a fitful night’s sleep, I came to some conclusions. While my heart was drowning in a sea of pain, I had my cookbook to look forward to and, even if I couldn’t be with Roan, I had great friends in Los Angeles. My home was there with Casey, Ashley, and now Jaxon. I had an entire life before Roan—I could certainly have one without him. Determined to move on, I decided it was time to go home.
If my mother could overcome heartbreak then so could I.
Daddy scheduled the jet to fly Jaxon and me back to Los Angeles that afternoon. I even booked a surf lesson for the following Monday with some guy named Grant Ryan. He had come highly recommended by a few friends of mine. I didn’t need Roan to teach me how to surf. There were other qualified instructors. I was going to move forward with my life, and in the meantime, figure out where Roan would fit into it, if at all. Casey’s wedding was in two weeks, so I had a little time before I had to see him. When Ja
xon came down for breakfast and saw my bags packed, a smile spread across his face.
“We going home?” he asked.
“Yep, pack your bags my friend. We’re taking the family jet!”
“Cool.” He sat down next to me and poured milk over his Cheerios.
“Hey, Jaxon?” He looked over at me, his dimples exaggerated by the huge grin he was sporting. “Thank you. You’ve been an amazing friend.”
He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head.
“I have one more favor,” I said.
“Shoot.”
“Please don’t tell anyone I’m back. I could use a few more days of peace in my own home.”
“Of course. Your secret is safe with me.”
n the twenty-four hours I’d been home, my phone rang incessantly and my emails were piling up. I played Roan’s messages and read all his texts and emails, but couldn’t get myself to respond to a single one - not ready to end us, but not ready to move forward without him either. At this point, there wasn’t anything to say.
I was at the gun club on Saturday morning, blasting out some of that pent-up tension. My arms hurt from shooting and I had to head home to catch up on errands. As I turned to make my way back to my car, Bill stopped me.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ve seen you more in the past three months than in the two years we’ve known each other. Why does that boy have you so torn up?”
My lips curled up in a smile. “It’s that obvious?”
“Yes. I have three daughters. Remember?”
Bill was so much of my daddy, I didn’t want to dive into all the details, but over a cup of coffee I did give him enough of the story.
He was silent for a minute, drinking. “Jessica, people make mistakes, but they deserve a chance at explaining themselves. This boy you’re telling me about, he doesn’t sound like someone who would intentionally hurt you.”