by Nikki Wild
"Dance Moms marathon starts at 7," she said. "If you can stand it."
"I'm game," I said, following her out of the room. "Want me to heat you up some lasagna?"
"Duh," Aly said. "And bring the ice cream. And the cheez-its. And I think we have some Famous Amos up there, too."
So it was going to be that kind of night.
Good.
Chapter 24
Two Weeks Later
Lucya
"If you were a fish, what kind of fish would you be?"
"Hmmm," Amy hummed, face twisting up into one of total concentration. Fair enough, since the question was a particularly important one. "A jellyfish."
"A jellyfish? Why a jellyfish?" I asked.
"Because I like peanut butter," Amy said firmly. The kid wasn't even joking. I loved it.
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather be an angelfish?" Sinner observed.
"No," Amy said, her eye very clearly drawn to a big turtle statue, crawling with other kids. "That's dumb. Can I...?"
"Sure," Sinner laughed. "Go ahead. Play nice."
We watched Amy skip over to the statue and immediately make a new best friend.
"An angelfish? Really?" I teased, grabbing Sinner's hand in mine. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't that comfortable. His hand was so big compared to mine that it kind of felt like my fingers were being stretched out. But it was good. I could take the discomfort, because the closeness was so nice. All around us, the room was a dizzy spin of fish. Bright orange, neon yellow, glowing green - the dark-lit room created a perfect atmosphere.
"It was worth a try," he grinned, pulling me closer and positioning me in front of him. My back against his chest, his chin resting on my head. Slowly, he swayed. "This is nice."
"Yeah," I agreed. "It is. She seems really happy."
"She's doing better than I thought," he said. "I was worried she'd miss Danielle. And she does, but...not the way I thought. She's a little braver these days, I think."
"I'm so glad," I said, fully meaning it. Amy deserved to have all the happiness and bravery a five-year-old heart can hold. I turned my head to look up at him. "You're a good father."
"Yeah? You think?" Sinner's eyes flashed in a way I recognized. A way that drove a sharp tickle down my spine. He leaned down to murmur in my ear. "Later, I'll show you what else I'm good at."
"As if I don't already know," I whispered back, reaching around to give him a subtle squeeze on the ass. He laughed. "Hold your horses, cowboy. We've still got three hours of family-friendly before we can move on to x-rated."
"I like family-friendly too," Sinner said, letting me go. I spun around and caught a different kind of look in his eyes. Reaching forward, he brushed a lock of hair from my cheek. "You look good today. Real good."
"What'd I tell you about X-rated?" I fake-complained.
"No," he said. "I mean you look beautiful. Usually, you just look like pure sex on a platter. Today, you look beautiful."
"Am I supposed to be flattered?" I laughed, glad for the darkness that hid my blush.
"Woman, you know what I mean," he growled. "Take the compliment. Let's go see the penguins."
"I'm not letting you off the hook that easy," I said, but I followed him anyway, walking towards the turtle statue, waiting for his reaction. He dead-panned me, turning slowly on his heel.
"Off the hook? Really?"
"It was worth a try," I mimicked, and snapped up on my toes, kissing him quickly and changing the topic before he could get the last word in. "Do you think it's really a good idea to go to Legal Seafood after this? I kind of feel bad eating Nemo's brother after meeting him in person."
"Yes," Sinner said, sliding an arm around my shoulder. We got close enough to the statue for Amy to notice us and run over. Somehow, she'd managed to procure braids in the past five minutes. Impressive. "You still want to eat lobster, don't you Amy?"
Amy held up her hands like two little lobster claws before running off into the next room, which was as close to an answer as we were going to get. We followed her, laughing. It was a good day. A great day. One of the best. We snuck off to Boston that morning, Amy in tow. It was the first time we could meet outside the safety of a hotel room, and it felt sweet just to walk amongst the normies.
I was happy to spend time with Amy again, and see how she'd recovered from her injury - and the pain of separation from her mother. Maybe I was also kind of anxious for Sinner's daughter to like me, because a part of me had dreams of being a bigger part of her life in the future.
But once I started thinking that way, bad feelings started to creep in.
Alyona's words rang in my head. I was putting him in danger. I was putting them in danger. If anyone saw us...
But they wouldn't. Not in the big, sprawling, and mostly-dark New England Aquarium. Not at Legal Seafood, which was not a notoriously popular spot for mafia deals to go down. The chances of running into a boyevik who would even know enough to tell anyone what he saw was so astronomically low that I had no reason to worry. We were safe.
That day, we were safe.
But the next? The one after? How long could I say that?
"Hey," Sinner nudged me. "Where'd you go?"
I realized we were standing in front of a tank with very suspicious-looking octopus. They were amazing, all vibrant colors and silky, fluid movements. As we watched, one floofed itself into a shell that seemed half its size, arms and all.
"Amazing, right?" I said, pretending that I'd just been absorbed in the animals. I put a hand on Amy's shoulder. "Think you could do that?"
"Yeah, duh," Amy said with an exaggerated eye roll. "Watch."
Whatever Amy did after that, squeezing all her limbs against her torso and lying down on the floor, it wasn't quite as fluid or flawless as the octopus' performance. We applauded her anyway, and followed as she ran down the tank to see what else there was to see.
At some point, I knew, the axe would fall. Deda and Daniil wouldn't be able to hold Alexei in check forever. He'd come after the Rogue Tide in revenge. It would be bloody. It would be dangerous. And I wouldn't exactly be there to shield Sinner's body with my own. Not to say that would save him anyway, if Alexei decided I was expendable.
Was I the worst thing that ever happened to Sinner?
Everything good inside me shriveled as I thought of what would happen if...
"Lucya," Sinner's voice cut through again. "Do you have the map or not?"
"Oh, yeah," I said, not even realizing that he'd asked me for it. I pulled it from my purse. "What're we looking for again?"
"The PENGUINS, Lu!" Amy exclaimed.
"Right, right," I said, glancing at the map. "This way."
I could lead them with whole-hearted confidence to the penguin exhibit, but I couldn't lead them to safety. I knew what my gut was telling me. I knew what I had to do. This couldn't go on. I was no good, I was just hell on heels, waiting for it all to catch up to me...
"Holy shit, baby," Sinner said, suddenly grabbing me by the arms. "What's wrong? Can you hear yourself breathing? You're having a panic attack."
Even Amy looked concerned as she stared up at me. I wasn't aware I was about to cry until it was almost too late to stop it. I took a few steady breaths, trying to stop the train wreck of my mind. Breaking things off with Sinner would hurt more than anything, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It just wasn't the right time or place. Calming myself, I managed a weak smile.
"I'm so sorry, guys," I said. "I don't know what got into me."
"You're ascared of sharks?" Amy said, pointing to the tank we were passing, which was indeed full of sharks. Latching onto this excuse, I nodded.
"Terrified," I said.
"It's okay," Amy said confidently. "We're with Daddy. He won't let the sharks hurt you."
"That's right," Sinner said, squeezing me by the shoulder.
"I feel much better now," I said, forcing a smile. I looked down at Amy, thinking about how she was too damn sweet. I'd been so fucking sel
fish, not thinking of what this could do to her. "Thanks for reminding me, Amy. You're lucky to have such a big, strong Daddy."
"Yup," Amy said proudly, turning to continue our own personal march to the penguins. Sinner gave me a cautious look before following her.
Sinner could protect me from sharks. About that, I had no doubt.
But there was only one way for me to protect him.
I slipped my hand into his.
I had this one last day with them. My heart ached at that thought. But I was an adult, and heartbreak came with the territory. I had to deal with that, just like I had to deal with the sad reality that my love story would never be a beautiful one. The least I could do was enjoy this. This one last day. Then I'd tell him. Or maybe I wouldn't tell him - I'd just fade away. Because if I told him, he'd try to convince me. And all he'd need to do was put a hand on my cheek and look into my eyes, and I'd be convinced as hell.
He didn't realize what was best for him and Amy, but I did. Maybe that sounds condescending, but it was true. I'd never told him about what Alexei was capable of. I'd never told him about my parents, or the last guy I dated that Alexei didn't like.
One last day. There was something sweet in the ache those words left in my heart. How very Russian of me, getting off on the pain. Speaking of Russian, there was a full bottle of vodka in the freezer at home, and I thought of how much I'd need it that night as we finally entered the penguin house. Funny little men in tuxedos. Lucky little bastards. Watching Sinner and Amy laugh, I thought I'd rather sit on an egg through a whole Arctic winter than think those words one more time: one last day.
Chapter 25
Sinner
It was one of those moments I was glad that Amy slept like a rock.
"I can get someone to watch her," I said, the car idling in the parking lot. Lucya gazed out the window. Her car was right next to mine, where she'd left it that morning.
"No," she said. "Really."
"What happened?" I asked, brow furrowed. I hated that she wouldn't look at me. Fucking hated it. I couldn't see what she was thinking if she wouldn't look at me. Impatient, I grabbed her chin and dragged her face towards mine. "Tell me."
"Don't," she snapped, slapping my hand away. "I just can't tonight."
"Why?" I demanded. This was a bullshit way to end a day. It'd been fucking great, slurping chowder at Legal, ice cream after, Amy looking like she was on cloud nine all damn day. Until we got in the car to drive back to Vernon. Then Lucy clammed up - pun not intended. After that shit in the aquarium, I had to think something was up. Whatever it was, she needed to come out with it. If this was about the Bratva and the Rogue Tide, she needed to live up to her word and tell me. What else could be the issue?
"Well, we didn't make any plans," she said, voice getting a little high-pitched. "And I just don't want to!"
"You don't want to? Since when? Since when do you not want to..."
I remembered my daughter was sleeping in the back, and lowered my voice. I didn't even finish the sentence, just in case.
"I'm sorry, Sinner," she said, taking a shaky breath. She buried her head in her hands. "I've gotta go now. Kiss Amy goodnight for me. I had...it was the best day."
Her hand was on the door handle and she was opening it up before I could lunge across and stop her. It felt like she literally slipped out of my hands. Goddammit. Why. Why.
Why did every woman turn out to be crazy?
Watching her get into her car and drive away, I watched my knuckles go white around the steering wheel.
Maybe she was just going through some female bullshit. Cramps or whatever. Maybe that seafood and ice cream combination didn't sit well with her.
Or maybe she's just as much of a psychotic bitch as Danielle, said a horrible voice inside me. Maybe I should have fucking known better. Maybe this whole time she was just acting like the perfect goddamn woman, and now you're gonna have the honor of watching her true colors come out. Every shade of crazy. Just when you started letting her get close to Amy, too. Won't that be fun; telling your daughter why another woman she's attached to is suddenly out of her life. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I gunned the engine harder than necessary, and even the tires squealing didn't wake Amy. Carrying her up to her bed, all I could think was that I was going to try hard as hell to raise her right, so she wouldn't turn out like every other female I loved.
Oh, come off it, the logical part of me said. You have no idea what got Lucy's goat tonight. You're going from zero to sixty on her, and that shit makes you the crazy one. She's nothing like Danielle, and you know it.
Well, that calmed me down a little, but not as much as a whiskey would. And wouldn't you know it, I had a bottle waiting for me in the liquor cabinet. I poured myself a tall one, knocked it back, and poured another for good measure. Shit, I didn't have anything but a patrol the next day. Why not get good and drunk? Maybe I could see if there were any women in my phone willing to…
Damn. That thought was a sour one. So sour I didn’t even finish it. I hadn't wanted to bury myself in anyone but Lucya since I met her. Stormy Russian woman had me locked down. But if she was going down the same track as Danielle, I thought I should get back to normal sooner rather than later.
You coward, that good part of me said again. You lazy-ass coward. One bad night, and suddenly you're gonna call some random snatch over to ride you for a while? The girl had the runs from eating too much shellfish. Give her a fucking break.
I groaned, easing down onto the couch and clicking on the TV. Maybe there'd be some cut-rate thriller on. Before I could decide between a half-finished Michael Douglas flick and some made-for-TV bullshit with that guy from Hercules, my phone rang.
I don't pick up my phone unless I know the number, and I didn't know this number, so I didn't pick it up. I chose the made-for-TV bullshit. My phone chimed, indicating a voicemail. I did listen to voicemails, so I listened to this one.
Hi, a female voice started off. You don't know me, and if you're smart, you'll never know me. You need to stay away from Lucya Maximovich.
I sat straight up, pressing the phone to my ear harder than before. I even turned the television on mute, even though I could hear perfectly fine.
She's dangerous. You're going to get hurt. If you care about your own wellbeing, you'll listen to me.
Was this Danielle? Some chick friend of hers, calling to get me to dump Lucy? No; that didn't make sense. Danielle didn't know about Lucy and I, did she? They'd only met once, and fuck: if my boys didn't pick up on where I was going at night, I sure as fuck doubted Danielle was wily enough to. Then again, a crazy bitch is a crazy bitch, and you can never give a crazy bitch enough credit.
Just...trust me, she's bad news, you'll get hurt - really hurt, hurt bad, maybe killed. I...I'll make sure of it?
Uh. Was this voice threatening me?
Fuck, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. But you will get hurt if you keep seeing her. Break ties, or pay the price.
There was a click as the caller hung up, and then the automated voice asking me what I wanted to do about the message. Well, shit, I wanted to listen to it again. And again. And again.
When I finally stopped listening, the made-for-TV movie was half over.
Shit.
What the hell was I supposed to think about that? Was it Danielle, or was it for real? Something about the voice - how it sounded kind of young, kind of scared - made me think it wasn't Danielle. She wouldn't get someone to call me unless that someone was as crazy as she was, and crazy women don't sound young and scared when they threaten you.
Lucya had a sister. I knew she had a sister, because sometimes she wouldn't stop talking about her. Young, kind of timid.
Well, that brought up a lot of fucking problems for me. For one thing, it meant Lucya told someone about us. Which we'd both sworn on our fucking lives not to do. Because if anyone knew, it opened up a whole new avenue of bullshit we had to worry about. So even if that voice on the phone was no more than a 21-ye
ar-old girl who was scared for her big sister, it still meant that all that trust I put in Lucy wasn't worth a goddamn thing. And that pissed me off.
And shit. If her sister was scared enough to call me and leave a message on my phone, maybe that meant something. Like maybe I'd been a little too fast to let my dick do the thinking for me.
What a fucking way to end a nice ass day in Boston. What a fucking way to settle down with a drink and a movie. My little girl was sleeping one room over, and I was listening to something that wasn't quite a death threat, but came close enough to it.
Lucya's little panic attack, and her quick retreat from my car, took on a new and awful dimension. Maybe it wasn't her sister calling. Maybe it was someone else. Someone who knew that Lucy wasn't in this for the same reason I was. Maybe Lucy was in this because she was a goddamn Maximovich, and her family wanted to destroy mine.
Somehow, my drink wound up splattered on a wall, the whiskey dripping down the plaster, the glass shattered underneath it.
You've got to clean that up, said the father in me. Amy could cut herself.
So I did. With the whole bottle in one hand, and a dust buster in the other, I cleaned up all those bits of broken glass. I should have been keeping Amy safe this whole damn time. Not letting my heart cave to another woman, not letting my dick call the shots. This was my fault. Maybe Lucya was crazy, maybe she was double-crossing me, maybe she was a goddamn angel sent to goddamn earth.
It didn't matter, because she was a Maximovich. So she could never - should never have been a part of my life. I only had myself to blame. Me and that bottle of whiskey blamed myself all night long.
Chapter 26
Lucya
I came into the kitchen muttering, feeling bad. I’d meant to tell Sinner straight up, the night before. But it was wrong, doing it with Amy nearby, after such a perfect day. I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t let go that easy. If he was the drug that Aly thought he was, it would take more than a little willpower to put him down. So I just ran off, knowing that if I spent the night, it would only be harder to make a clean break.