So why am I focusing so much on the things that can never be?
She plastered a smile on her face. “Of course, I’ll be there,” she said, giving Elizabeth’s hands a squeeze. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And I would love to see this Marquess of yours for myself.”
“Oh, Matilda.” Elizabeth slapped her lightly, a blush staining her cheeks. “He isn’t my Marquess. In truth, I could be overestimating his interest in me.”
“Now, that’s not the kind of talk I want to hear. What gentleman wouldn’t’ want to court such a lovely and gorgeous lady like yourself?”
Her blush deepened. “You know you’re prettier than me. I wish you could have the same things I’ll have.”
I wish so too.
Matilda blinked. She shook her head, still wearing the smile through the alarm that rocked her at the sudden thought. She shouldn’t think things like that. She must focus! “I’m happy seeing you happy.”
“Are you sure?” Elizabeth stared at her in a way that made Matilda want to run and hide. Their father shared the same stare, one that could see under the surface. Matilda couldn’t tell how much Elizabeth was seeing right now, but she supposed it was enough to inspire suspicion in her. “Are you certain there isn’t anything else bothering you, Matilda? You know you can talk to me about anything.”
“There’s nothing…” Her gaze intensified, brows raising. “Well…”
“Yes? What is it?”
“It’s a little embarrassing…” Matilda looked away. What should she tell her? That she had shared a rather improper but passionate kiss with the Duke of Brentminster in the gardens? What sort of example was that setting?
“I think I know what it is.”
“You do?”
“You’re regretting the fact that you didn’t attend the last ball, are you? Father told you about my dance with the Duke?”
“Your dance with the Duke?”
Elizabeth sighed lightly. “The Duke of Brentminster. We danced out of sheer politeness but sometimes I wonder if Father wants us to court. It would surely prove beneficial if our families, and companies, merged and the Duke is quite handsome. The most handsome of all the gentlemen I’ve met actually. But I feel nothing for him.”
“Is that so?” Matilda’s tone was dry, her mind drifting. So he really did attend the ball. She was happy she didn’t go then. Who knew what might have occurred had they met again so soon?
Elizabeth fanned the air with her hand. “He is lovely to talk to though.”
“That he is. I spoke with him yesterday when he visited Father.”
“Oh, you did? Oh!” Elizabeth sat up straighter, eyes filling with apology. “He told you what we spoke about, didn’t he? Oh, Matilda, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking!”
“What are you talking about?” Matilda asked, alarmed.
“You know how difficult it is for me to keep my mouth sometimes. He was asking me questions about you and I happened to mention that you had no intentions of courting during this Season.”
“Why would you say something like that?”
The question broke Elizabeth and before Matilda knew it, her sister was burying her face into her lap. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I should have thought about it before I said such a foolish thing. I hope he doesn’t think any worse of you.”
On the contrary, her words might have spurred the Duke on even further. Matilda didn’t know whether she should be upset or not. Slowly, she lifted Elizabeth’s head to see true tears shimmering in her eyes. “Don’t cry,” she said softly, wiping the stray tears that spilled over her cheeks. “I’m not mad at you. If anything, I’m happy you said that. You know I prefer to be up front about everything.”
“But … I can’t help but feel terrible, Matilda. You’re suffering like this because of me.”
“Come now, does it look like I’m suffering? In fact, I’ve never known such peace before now. It’s quite nice just accompanying you when I can and taking care of our little bundle of joy.”
“Bundle of menace, you mean,” Elizabeth joked, laughing through the tears. “I wish things could have been different, Matilda.”
“Things worked out the way they should have. There’s no use reflecting on the past. Think about the future. You’ll be married to a wonderful gentleman who’ll treat you like a princess and you’ll have a wonderful family. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?” Elizabeth nodded slowly. “Then, that’s what you will have. I’ll make sure of it.”
They shared a smile. Conviction rose in her, determination bolstering the promise she’d made to herself a long time ago. Elizabeth had been stripped of her innocence in a way that could never be forgiven, but there were things they could do to go past it. They could swallow the past and look to the future, ensuring she got everything she wanted, deserved and more. And if it took not entertaining a certain Duke ever again, then that was what she had to do.
A cry ran through the manor, a sure sign that Jackson was up from his nap and wanted his favorite person in the world. Matilda watched bliss appear in Elizabeth’s eyes, even as she sighed. “I should go check on him.”
She rose and left the room, leaving Matilda staring after her. They were yet to figure out what they would do when it was time for Elizabeth to leave the manor for her new family. Everyone believed Matilda was the mother, so it would only make sense to keep him here, but she feared Elizabeth’s reaction. She loved Jackson dearly. Could she bear to part ways?
That was a part of the future Matilda didn’t care to think about right now. For now, she was content with knowing Elizabeth was happy, that she was enjoying herself. And though she was sure Timothy would be attending the next ball, she would do whatever she could to ensure that Elizabeth was happy, despite wanting to stay far away from him.
The moment his image popped into her head, that conviction wore to almost nothing once again.
Chapter 13
The Christmas ball was the most well-attended event of the Season. Everyone who was issued an invitation was attending and Timothy hoped Matilda would be among them.
“Oh, the decorations tonight are lovely, don’t you think, Your Grace?” Lady Nancy beamed up at him, blinking expectantly.
He nodded absent mindedly. He looked around, noting that she was right. Lady Hellen outdid herself with this one. “It certainly is lovely. Are you enjoying the festivities?”
“It’s certainly getting me in the Christmas spirit,” she said excitedly. “Oh, would you look at those quaint little elves by the entrance? I love them! I should convince Father to let me decorate the manor as well.”
At the mention of the Earl of Ferbriand, Timothy tensed. He’d been avoiding him for a few days now, knowing that when they got together, Timothy would be pestered with questions about the betrothal. He knew the Earl was eager to push things forward while Timothy wanted nothing more than to back out of it.
“Oh!” Lady Nancy squealed, drawing his attention back to her. “Do you think he will allow me to throw my own Christmas ball?”
“I think he’ll let you do whatever you want to do.” Which was the truth. The Earl doted on his daughter. She got anything she wanted. Timothy was a little surprised to see how sweet and down-to-earth she was despite all of that.
And she was a beautiful lady. He couldn’t deny that either. As he stared at her beaming up at him, he was hit once again by her graceful beauty and demure smile that always knew how to draw in the most stoic gentlemen. She was a well-sought-after lady, but she made it no secret that she wasn’t interested in anyone. Timothy didn’t think she was making their betrothal public knowledge, but the way she put other gentlemen at arm’s length showed him her dedication to him and this marriage.
Guilt rocked him. She deserved better, so much better than him. She didn’t deserve to be shackled to a man who knew he couldn’t love her, a man who only had eyes for another lady.
As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, that lady appeared before him. He blinked at her, surp
rised. “Miss Jones! What a … how are you?”
“I’m doing quite fine, Your Grace,” she said with a smile. He barely got the chance to take her in before she was dismissing him. She directed her smile at Lady Nancy, broadening it. “Lady Nancy, good evening. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Miss Jones.” There was a twinge of discomfort in Lady Nancy’s voice, heightening the discomfort in Timothy. The last thing he wanted was these two in the same place. It made him feel so guilty. “I didn’t know you would be attending tonight’s ball.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Dumbstruck, Timothy could only look at Lady Nancy as she grappled for a response. No doubt she had been expecting Matilda to say something civil, not challenge her.
“I …” Lady Nancy looked at Timothy for help. “I didn’t think you liked balls.”
“And why would you assume that, Lady Nancy?” Matilda asked, her tone light. “I like attending balls as much as anyone else does. And, I’m also here in support of my sister.”
“Your sister?” Lady Nancy looked over her shoulder, spotting Miss Elizabeth Jones on the other side of the ballroom. “Oh, your sister! I see now.”
But the confusion still lingered on her face. Timothy was just as confused. He knew Matilda was bold. After a single conversation with her, there was no denying that. But she was bold enough to approach him while he was speaking with another lady? The rumors were bound to be flying.
Matilda looked at him, then at Lady Nancy, then back at him. Then, she said, in an utterly regular tone, “You’re standing by the refreshments.”
The words didn’t register to him until a few seconds had passed. “Oh!” he said suddenly, stepping to the side. They were standing by the refreshments table. She didn’t come to him, after all. His disbelief melted into disappointment.
Lady Nancy said nothing as she stepped further to the side. She whipped out her fan, fanning herself gently, eyes roving around the ballroom. Timothy didn’t know if she was ignoring Matilda on purpose, but Matilda didn’t pay her any mind. She fetched herself a cup of lemonade then faced them again. “Your Grace. My Lady.”
“Miss Jones.” Lady Nancy’s voice was still kind, though he sensed a twinge of something else. He couldn’t be sure. He was too busy trying not to make his staring obvious.
Matilda looked at him before she turned away. It was for a second, but he could see that she wanted to talk to him but that she didn’t want to say a thing in front of Lady Nancy. He nodded and then watched her walk away.
“Hm,” Lady Nancy said once she was gone, “how odd.”
“What is?”
“Miss Jones. She isn’t what I expected.”
“And what did you expect?”
She shrugged just a little bit. “I suppose I expected more of a spinster.”
Timothy didn’t know what she meant by that and he didn’t care enough to ask. He quickly changed the subject. “Her father is quite the businessman.”
“Is he? I admit, I don’t know much about those affairs.”
Right. Why would she?
The Earl made sure to shield her from things that he didn’t think concerned her and Lady Nancy never made an effort to learn. “I should greet him before the night is over. It would be awfully rude of me not to.”
“You may be right about that. Oh, Jonathan should be able to keep my company while you’re gone,” she said, giggling.
He couldn’t bring himself to laugh. Jonathan was already dancing and Timothy mentally willed him to return soon. The sooner he came back, the quicker he could go to Matilda.
* * *
Matilda saw him the moment he set out toward her. She hadn’t looked in his direction since she left with her cup of lemonade, but she remained on edge, hoping to turn and find him standing there. She smiled and talked with her sister, she danced with a few kind gentlemen, but as time went by, Matilda could only focus on one thing: did he get her message?
She thought he did. It looked like he had deciphered the look she gave him and had expected to see him strolling toward her within a few minutes. Instead, an entire hour had passed and he was nowhere to be seen. Not until now.
Now, she was struck, rooted to the floor as she watched him weave himself through the crowd of people to approach her. Her father stood by her side and she vaguely heard him say something about the Duke as he came closer. Everything she’d planned to say to him fled her mind and all she could think was how handsome he looked.
How could he be interested in her? When he had someone as lovely as Lady Nancy by his side? Anyone could tell that she doted on him, though they were never inappropriate in their interactions, and Matilda wondered once again if there was truly nothing going on.
“My Lord.” He addressed her father first, holding out a hand in greeting.
Matilda watched her father give him the broadest grin he could conjure. “Your Grace. We’ve been running into each other a lot as of late. Almost as if we were meant to strengthen the relations between our families.”
Matilda ignored that. She’d rather not think about the possibility of Timothy becoming her new brother-in-law.
Timothy smiled graciously. “An honor that would be. But even so, I couldn’t let the evening pass without giving my greetings to you and your family.” He looked at her mother. “Lady Roburg.”
“Good evening, Your Grace.” she curtsied slightly. Matilda watched her eyes drift away as she fell back into her daze.
Timothy stared at her for a moment longer, but not so long that it would be deemed ill mannered. Her heart jumped when his eyes landed on her.
Oh heavens, those eyes. What would it feel like to have them stare at her with hunger?
“Miss Jones. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”
Matilda willed the inappropriate thoughts away. She was a lady, for heaven’s sake! She shouldn’t be so uncouth, even if they were thoughts only she could hear.
“The pleasure is all mine, Your Grace. I hope you’ve also come to ask me to dance?”
“Goodness, Matilda.” There was a mixture of surprise and resignation in her father’s voice. “The things you say.”
“What’s the matter? It only makes sense to be upfront with what you’re thinking, does it not?”
“Not all the time, it doesn’t. Your Grace, I must apologize.”
“No, no, it’s quite all right,” Timothy said quickly, laughing. “I find it very refreshing. It’s always a pleasure speaking with your daughter, My Lord. And yes, I, in fact, had plans to ask you to dance, Miss Jones. I’m sad you beat me to it.”
“Oh, well, there is plenty of time to make up for that later?”
What am I doing? Stop flirting!
Another round of surprise registered in his eyes but his smile was quick. “I’ll keep that in mind. Shall we?”
Matilda nodded, then bid her father farewell with her eyes. He looked both annoyed and amused, but she was sure that by the time she got back to him, only the amusement would remain. She was well aware that her father quite liked her outspokenness and since she knew he had no hope of her getting married due to her status, she believed he allowed her to say whatever, as long as it was appropriate.
She struggled to keep it together as she was led out onto the dance floor. The struggle was near impossible. He smelled glorious and when she drew close to him, she was hit with the urge to rest her cheek on his chest and forget about the world around her.
Yet, that wasn’t what she’d planned to do. Rather than come closer, she knew she had to take a step back.
“I was wondering if you got my message, Your Grace,” she said to him.
“You mean the moment you looked at me right before you walked away? Any other gentleman wouldn’t have thought anything of it.”
“And yet, I knew you would be different.”
“Perhaps I was simply overly eager to cling to any chance I could to dance with you.”
Those words made
her chest enflamed. She struggled to keep her face under control, to keep from smiling like a simpleton. “Well, then, it’s a good thing you did. I have something important I want to say to you.”
“Will you allow me to guess beforehand?”
“By all means, go ahead.”
“I suppose you want to tell me that it’s best if we no longer see each other. And that, for the sake of your sister, you’d rather if we pretend we were strangers.”
“Is reading my mind another one of your specialties, Your Grace?”
“I thought we agreed you’d call me Timothy.”
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 10