After the Hurt

by Shana Gray

  “You’re full of shit, Pepper.” His voice was flat, emotionless. Tank checked his watch for the second time; when he looked up she was frowning.

  “Am I holding you up?”

  He met her gaze and raised his eyebrows, doing his best not to react to the sweet sound of her voice. “As a matter of fact, yes, you are.” Then he smiled like he didn’t have a care in the world and slapped his hand on the bar, making her jump. “Drink’s on the house, babe. Come on, off you go. Paying guests are coming, and you’re not on the invite list.” He pointed behind her and said, “There’s the door. See yourself out, please.”

  The stunned look on her face wasn’t quite as satisfying as he thought it might be.

  “Tank! We were talking.” Was that desperation he heard edging into her voice?

  Ignore it, buddy.

  “You might be, but I’m not. I have way too much to do right now and have no time for you.” Turning his back to her, he walked away and swore he could feel her eyes boring into him as he rounded the cooler and opened the door to his office.

  It wasn’t a hint for her to leave; it was a directive. Dropping the clipboard on his desk, he rubbed his hand over his head and sighed, doing his best to not let all the wonderful memories of their times together distract him from his resolve. He didn’t want to remember how sweetly she fit next to him when they were in bed. After a few minutes, sure she’d be gone by then, he left the office only to walk right into her. Pepper threw her arms around his waist, tottering on her stupid heels.

  “What the fuck…” Tank caught her, then pushed her away as if she’d exploded into flames and scalded him. “You shouldn’t be back here.”

  “Of course I should. I’m part owner, remember?”

  And boom. There it was. Finally, she’d exposed herself. Now he knew exactly why she’d come home. And that hurt.

  “Ah, I see. There’s the truth of it. You think you can sashay in here after all this time and insinuate yourself back into the business? Pick up where you left off?” He growled the words in a low voice and took a menacing step toward her.

  It made him furious to think about all the turmoil he’d dealt with getting the Octagon up and running, with no help from her. He was well aware if he didn’t get a grip he’d likely say something he’d regret so he clamped his mouth shut. It was time to talk to Meg about getting the official papers drawn up. Having a lawyer for a sister did have its advantages. Tank towered over Pepper. She held her ground and didn’t appear intimidated—not that he wanted to intimidate her, but, shit!

  She cocked a hip, stood fast, and crossed her arms, which only made her tits strain the buttons on her blouse. Nice tactic. Tank refused to let his attention be drawn from her face. Pepper didn’t say a thing and simply looked at him with her eyebrows raised. He thinned his lips, trying to ignore the sexual fire boiling inside him. Crashing into her moments ago hadn’t helped the situation either.

  Seconds ticked by. Their gazes locked. Silence. A true Mexican standoff. Then, just like that, she seemed to deflate. As if the fight went out of her. Pepper sighed, breaking their connection to look at the floor. She pinched the bridge of her nose before rubbing her hand down the back of her neck. A tiny part of him softened ever so slightly.

  She spoke softly. “Tank. You and I need to talk.”

  The tone of her voice had lost all its fire. She muttered, as if putting words together was a great feat. Though he felt sorry for her, he refused to let her sudden vulnerability affect him.

  “Look, I have things to do. It’s going to have to wait.” He took her by the elbow, leading her to get her things at the bar. Tank held up her coat and shook it out. “Climb in. You’re leaving.”

  She turned her back and thrust her arms into the sleeves. Tank helped her along and hoisted the jacket up over her shoulders. Pepper spun to face him and flipped her hair out from under the coat’s collar. It cascaded in waves around her shoulders and as much as he tried to not remember its silky texture, it was impossible to forget. He’d let the strands run through his fingers, loving how smooth it felt in his hand. His gaze was drawn to her hands as she jerked the edges of her coat together and buttoned it up, the motion bringing back a rush of memories. Times when she’d striptease for him, brushing her fingers over his body…Stop! He cleared his throat and took her arm once again, guiding her to the front door.

  When he leaned forward to pull the door open, Pepper stepped closer. She tilted her face, her eyes open wide and, as usual, he was drawn into the deep violet depths. He barely heard her next words as he fought to keep his composure, completely thrown off balance by her nearness.

  “I’m glad to be back, Tank.”

  Snap out of it, man! But before he could push her out the door and close it behind her, Pepper grabbed his arm and her lips were on his. Her achingly wonderful scent surrounded him. She smelled so damn good and familiar; he wanted more of her. The touch of her lips, soft and inviting, was ecstasy.

  Memories rolled over him. Sweet, wonderful memories. Memories that broke his heart all over again. Tank kept his mouth hard and unyielding even though deep inside he longed to push his hands into her glorious hair and seal his lips over hers. He knew he was at risk of breaking down, but he held rigid. As her lips parted and the tip of her tongue brushed his lower lip, a tremor shook his body and the fire inside ignited. Tank broke down and moved his mouth ever so slightly over hers.

  Neither closed their eyes at first, staring into each other. She pressed against him. Sighing, she inched her hands up his arms. Tank didn’t move; he couldn’t move; he felt powerless. This was not what he wanted to happen on so many levels. His resolve began to crumble and he couldn’t let it. If he didn’t do something now…But the closer she pressed against him, the more intensely he craved her.

  Tank dropped his hands to her hips, and she gave a little gasp at the touch. He tightened his grip and pulled her imperceptibly closer until the air between them hummed. But not close enough to feel her belly against his hard-on. She was immobile, and stood with her lips fused to his. He shifted on his feet, then clasped her upper arms in his fingers. For the briefest moment he almost enveloped her, wanting to hold her tight and never let her go again. He didn’t.

  Instead he pushed her away mid-kiss. The air between them, which seemed to sizzle a moment ago, quickly chilled. He felt her shiver. It was only when she was a few steps away from him, blinking in surprise, that he realized he’d kissed her back.

  “I said you have to leave.” His tone was just as frosty as the air that seeped through the outer door. But it didn’t dampen the heat inside of him. A cold shower and a few shots of scotch would have to take care of that.

  Pepper stood taller and pulled at the strap of her duffel bag. Without another word, Tank stepped back and held the door wider. The icy blast from outside struck him with a frigid bite, and even though she grimaced when it blew around her, he forced the words from his mouth.

  “Out.” He did his best to try not to care that the snow blew into the restaurant or that he was sending her out into it.

  Pepper glanced outside, then back at him and then down to the floor. If she didn’t get out now he feared this would go from bad to worse. He’d feel guilty and let her stay, which he simply couldn’t allow. She bit her lower lip and he was glad when anger flashed across her face. Privy to the hot temper she’d been born with, he was well aware she’d been trying hard to keep it under tight rein. A hard edge crept into her voice as she said, “I’m not leaving, Tank.”

  “Yes, you are.” He opened the door wider.

  Pepper walked to him and repeated, “I’m not leaving, Tank. We have to talk. You know that.”

  “Out.” His lips pulled into a hard line; he wished she’d just be on her way. Let him alone so he could carry on as he had. Alone.

  “I have no money.” She didn’t look away from him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” What game is this now? Fuck.

  “Simple. I have no
money,” she repeated.

  He snorted and shifted to the other foot. “That’s bullshit.”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t believe you. That’s not like you.”

  Pepper pursed her lips. “Well, I don’t.”

  His eyes narrowed. He didn’t believe her, but he didn’t look away. Pepper was the one who managed their books, being the budget-conscious one of the two of them, and she was damn good at it. For her to be without any money was unbelievable, though she held his stare with her chin thrust out.

  “Not my concern. You changed that when you left.” He held the door open and raised his eyebrows with a nod to the street.

  “I had to, Tank. I guess you just don’t understand that.”

  His gaze flickered over her face. Really? No explanation as she’d gallivanted across the world, after he stood by her side during the bad times and all of the pain she went through dealing with her mother’s death—could anybody understand that? “No, I don’t. Now, off you go.” All the reminders of the heartache and pain he’d suffered because of her made it easier to kick her out.

  She turned and took a long look around the room before facing him. “Why don’t I stay here—”

  “Not going to happen.” He reached into his pocket, pulled out a wad of bills, and peeled off a few. “If you really have no money, then here. But I want you gone.”

  She looked at the money he held out and chewed her lip before taking the bills. Their fingers brushed briefly, and Tank hesitated a moment before he lowered his hand, knowing this could be the last time they ever touched. She counted the money then tucked it into her pocket.

  “Thank you. I’ll repay you.” She walked out the door and paused on the threshold, looking back at him. “I’ll be back, Tank, and you’ll have to talk to me then.”

  Chapter 3

  What a totally fucked-up night.

  Tank balled up the bar rag and threw it in the sink. The party had been a hit, sure, and the rave reviews over the food and service were what he’d wanted. The cleaning staff was busy doing their thing, so that meant he could head upstairs and relax. After pouring himself a drink, of course. He sure needed it tonight. Right now all he wanted was to turn on a fight, chill, and shut the world out. That usually recharged his batteries and made him feel better.

  So why was he miserable?

  Pepper, that’s why. Seeing her poked at emotions he’d thought long since dead and buried deep. Too deep to ever be excavated. But, he’d thought wrong. They were still there and very much in charge. Pepper’s fiery beauty and her demanding, fun, stubborn, and impulsive nature were what drew him to her. His normally reserved and peaceful personality had lit up under her bright light. Her spontaneous and unpredictable traits had kept him on his toes since they were teenagers. She drew something out of him that he hadn’t known was there and was a big part of why he’d made it to the top of his game in the ring. They say behind every successful man is a woman—well she’d been that woman. He sighed, remembering the first moment he’d laid eyes on her and how he’d nearly lost the football game because of her. Her vivacity reached across the field and snared him. All bouncy cheerleader moves and flying red hair, he’d been captivated by her back then, and fuck if he still wasn’t now.

  Tank pulled a bottle of Lagavulin from the top shelf and filled a glass. He’d grown to crave the peaty, rich, and full-bodied flavor. Staring down into the amber liquid almost made him feel lost, and the drink seemed the only way to diminish the fire Pepper ignited in him. He tossed back the generous pour, reveling in the fiery burn. It did nothing to quell the hurt inside him. Tank poured another glass to take upstairs.

  Tank was really a peaceful kind of guy except when it came to the ring; fighting had been his passion. But when he wasn’t fighting, being at home with a good book or watching sports on TV had been his idea of a good night. Tonight, though, he needed some time alone to reflect on the goat fuck of an evening he’d just had. He locked the office and walked to the back of the restaurant, hoping to evade any last-minute questions from the staff. He pushed open the heavy door to a small entryway then went through another door to the back parking lot and a set of stairs leading to the apartments on the second floor. He climbed the steps, anxious to escape into his haven. Tank cocked his head to the side when he heard strains of music coming from above. That didn’t make any sense. Positive he’d not left the stereo on, he knew it meant someone was in his apartment.

  Had Pepper come back and somehow gotten in? He’d received his share of threats over the years—most were harmless whack jobs, but there had been a few scary episodes—so he took any intrusion seriously. It had been a while since he’d had anything of real concern happen so he’d become somewhat complacent. Tank leapt up the stairs preparing to do battle. He didn’t back down from anything.

  If it was Pepper, what would he do? Kick her out again or let her stay? He was still angry with her for leaving and for coming back so unexpectedly. It pissed him off that he was still attracted to her. Not that it was a surprise, as she was a very sexy woman…and had been his for most of their adult life. Until six months ago. His simmering state of arousal had been like a ball and chain all night, keeping him distractedly off his game and edgy.

  Thoughts rushed through his head of the complications that presented themselves now that Pepper had come back. He admitted to himself he’d hoped it would happen, eventually. Only, he hadn’t really thought through what the implications would be if she did. Shit, if only he’d listened to his sister and had all the documents ready to buy out Pepper’s share of the business. It was handy having a lawyer in the family but only if you listened to them. But he hadn’t been ready back then. If he had been, their separation would be easier now. He could have presented the papers, had her sign them, handed over a check, and been done with it. Meg had hounded him about it and he’d never given her a reason why he’d procrastinated. He hadn’t wanted to admit to anyone, least of all himself, that the paperwork was like a divorce; the business had been the one thing that kept them together. Once the papers were signed, there was no going back.

  Now that Pepper was here, there was no way around it. He wasn’t sure he was open to reconciliation after what she’d done. How could he trust her to not take off again? For them to be together and not be together, well…that was just too inconceivable to contemplate.

  Tank entered the apartment with caution. He fully expected someone to leap out yelling, so when he saw candles were lit and a fire burned in the large brick fireplace he’d built along the west wall, he was confused.

  “Pepper?” Tank called, ready to tear a strip off her for not leaving and making herself at home in his private haven. Instead he was stunned to see a woman he’d dated just three times before he’d ditched her rise off the couch. Olivia had been a mistake. A big mistake that he was paying for now. He couldn’t get rid of her, and he was having a hard time making her understand they were done. What blew his mind was they’d never even really started! She kept texting and calling and had shown up at odd times. Mostly he ignored her, wishing she’d just go away.

  “Olivia, what the fuck are you doing here?” Could this night get any worse?

  She sashayed around the couch. Tank sighed when he saw what she was wearing—a pair of low-slung lounge pants and a tight tank top that showed her taut, tanned belly. Olivia was an attractive, sexy woman but Tank was uninterested. When they first met he had been trying to get over Pepper and thought maybe he could make himself move on by dating someone else, but he was now, as he was then, totally unmoved by Olivia’s attempt at seduction. Tonight he’d had enough.

  “How did you get in here?”

  She shrugged. “No one stopped me.” Giving him a tight smile, she continued, “I thought you might be tired, and I wanted to be here for you.”

  “Olivia, I don’t want you or need you. How many times do I have to tell you that?” He shook his head, flabbergasted that
she refused to understand he did not want to be with her. Three dates! That’s all they’d had. And thank God he hadn’t fucked her. The emotion he’d kept so tightly checked all night reared up. His vision darkened around the edges and anger sprouted faster than a weed. He was suddenly spoiling for a fight and his hands curled into fists. For the first time in a very long time he burned to be in the ring. His heart pounded, about to explode. It almost frightened him how much he missed the ground and pound, the impact of flesh against flesh. Dominating in the ring and the sport, releasing pent-up energy. He checked himself and wished he had a match scheduled to blow off some steam.

  Olivia held out a glass of wine for him. He looked behind her and saw she’d opened one of his favorites. One he’d been saving for a special occasion. His anger flared again.

  “You’re leaving.” For the second time tonight he had to get rid of a woman.

  “What’s the matter, Tank?” she asked, her tone borderline whiney.

  He took the glass from her and set it down on the table beside him, along with the tumbler of scotch he’d carried upstairs. “Why don’t you ever listen?” His voice rose and he knew he was close to shouting. Tank tempered his emotion and took a step back from her. She stood in front of him and seemed completely unaware of how aggravated he was. Had she even heard him call out Pepper’s name? The difference between the two women had always been evident to him. Small and dark versus fiery brightness. He much preferred the fiery heat of Pepper, even though he wasn’t prepared to be scalded by her again.

  Olivia furrowed her eyebrows before speaking in a low, almost condescending voice. “Tank, I don’t understand why you’re so upset.” Then she met his gaze dead-on. What frustrated him most was her unconcerned demeanor. Like all this was okay.