3
Jasper
Jasper was sitting in his shared office alone, staring at text that had become blurry. He wasn’t even sure what book he was reading anymore. Maybe it was the quantum mechanics textbook. It could also have been the Magi History in ancient Babylon. He had no idea and it didn’t matter.
He knew everything in it. He was just hiding in the book now.
His mind wandered as he turned the page. Hiding. There was no better term for it. They had come back from the Amazon, and he’d dug in and hid from her. Not that she realized that. They all believed that school was kicking his ass, even though it had never done so before, so he ran with that and just pretended everything was too much.
Now she needed them, having openly admitted this was going to be a rough time for her. That was a big step for her. He never thought he’d see the day when she would just come out at breakfast and say something so personal was bothering her. It had made him feel guilty as shit. Here he was, avoiding her, and she needed him.
No. She needed them, not him. Not just him. She really didn’t need him at all, no matter what she said. Sombra helped her with her nightmares nearly the exact same way he could. She didn’t want his advice about seeking professional help, and she had plenty of guys to go to for a companion. He felt expendable, and it was eating away at him. He didn’t have Zander’s pure sexual charisma, or Vincent’s darkness that seemed to call to her like a moth to flame. He wasn’t unique or special in any way like Quinn. He wasn’t even Elijah, who gave off an easy smile when he wasn’t all messed up in his own head.
“Fuck,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. He knew better than to let these thoughts take him over. He knew they all just cared for her as much as he did and she wasn’t a liar, not about them. He was just riddled with insecurities, like he always had been. First it was his limp, his disability, and now it was…everything else. Her.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, trying to put the thoughts away, when someone knocked on the door. That removed two possible options for who it could be. Zander would have just walked in, since it was also his office, and Sawyer still enjoyed spooking them by walking through the door.
“Come in,” he called, closing the book in front of him. He didn’t even glance at the title as he dropped it on the floor, not caring anymore about it.
Elijah walked in and fell into the chair across from him.
Jasper frowned at the cowboy leaning back in front of him now. “Do you need something?” he asked warily.
“Nah. Just wanted a change of scenery.”
Liar.
“Okay.” Jasper just stared at him, confused. Elijah just didn’t hang out in the offices all that much. At this time of year, it was more common to find him in the workshop, working on something in sweltering heat that Jasper couldn’t tolerate.
Minutes dragged on in an awkward silence that he didn’t know what to do with. This was strange, unusual for the cowboy. Things had been weird with him for weeks, and this was just another example of it.
“Elijah, why are you here?” he demanded, finally tired of the silence.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What?” Jasper didn’t like the slightly lost way he’d said that. It sounded not just bored, but nearly depressed.
“You heard me,” the cowboy snapped. Just like that, the hint of depression was gone and the agitated cowboy they had been dealing with came back. “And since you’re hiding in here, I decided to come hide with you. We can wallow together.”
“I’m not-”
“You’re hiding from her and so am I, so we’re going to hide together. Sorry, did I just ruin your little secret? School is fucking easy for you and I know it. While they’ve all been panting over her, I’ve noticed you.”
Jasper didn’t respond. He should have known. Elijah had always been the one in the house to really look out for how everyone was feeling. With a job like theirs, it was important that one person was paying attention to their mental states.
“Yeah, I called you out.” He said it in a taunting way, and Jasper gritted his teeth. He was looking for a fight? Why?
“Go make something,” Jasper told him, hoping the cowboy would just leave now.
“I don’t know what to make. That’s part of the problem. I don’t know what to make, what to draw, what to do.”
“So you’re going to come in here and give me a hard time?” He narrowed his eyes on the hazel-eyed cowboy. This was not normal for them. They might not have been the closest two of the team, but this sort of interaction wasn’t typical.
“Well, the little lady is getting mad at me now. She doesn’t bother you, so if I hide in here, she won’t bother me.”
“She’s been getting mad at you,” he corrected, muttering it with annoyance. “Maybe you should just tell everyone what’s wrong and we can deal with it.”
“Nah, I’m not willing to air my shit like that right now.”
There was another piece of unusual for Elijah. He was normally the open one, the one who wanted them to air out the dirty laundry and find solutions. Now he was just stewing and no one really understood why. Well, he didn’t. He figured Quinn or Vincent probably knew more than him about it.
“You like her,” Jasper said quietly, glancing at the door. He hoped no eavesdroppers were around. “Why don’t you just admit it? You were torn up when those two were left in the jungle to save you and the soldiers. And now we’re back and you’ve shut down. Just talk to her.”
“She gets really close to dying a lot,” the cowboy pointed out, trying to make it sound casual. “Of course I was worried about her in the jungle. That place was a shit-show.”
“She gets about as close to dying as any of us do. Even Quinn. He nearly didn’t walk out of that jungle either.”
“Yeah…” He shut down.
Jasper watched as his friend’s mind drifted and knew the conversation was over. “I don’t get what’s going on with you. I’ll make you a deal, Elijah.”
“Oh really?” With that, the cowboy was focused on him again. “They won’t be bad ones like she likes to make, right?”
“No, this one will be pretty simple. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Just between the two of us.”
“I know yours.”
“No, you don’t,” he fired back.
“You are scared of being a virgin and she likes sex.”
“That’s a base way of putting it. I’m not elaborating until you agree.” He knew better than to tell Elijah too much without the promise of something in return. It was a game they all normally had to play with Vincent, but Elijah was just as good at it. Their two ‘leaders’ had different uses for the game. Vincent used it for interrogations, when he needed information about something beyond them all. Elijah used it to make people admit secrets about how they felt and what they were dealing with.
“Fine, I’ll take the deal. Why is Golden Boy hiding from the love of his life?” Elijah waved a hand around, beckoning him to talk.
“She doesn’t need me,” he admitted. By the expression on Elijah’s face, it wasn’t the answer the cowboy thought he would get. “It’s not just the sex, either. It’s everything. She gets everything from everyone else.”
“You help with her nightmares when none of us can.”
“Sombra can do that same thing I do, and through the bond, so very little could stop that cat from touching her Magi’s mind,” he reminded Elijah.
“Uh…Damn. You don’t really think that, do you? She’ll kill you if she learns you’re stewing in here, thinking you aren’t worth a damn. Because you are, man. You’re on this team and a valuable part of it.”
Was he? His magic was average. His abilities were decent, but nothing that combined to do any good work, like Sawyer’s set of impressive and cohesive abilities, or Quinn’s. His problem wasn’t just with Sawyer. The jungle had made him feel weak in comparison to all of them. What had he done out there? He’d been targeted by peo
ple they should have been working together with, over an injury, like always. He was a weak link.
No, he didn’t think the team needed him either. There it was, another problem for him. Another thing he needed to deal with, another truth he felt like he couldn’t convince himself out of. He felt worthless and nothing he did, nothing anyone was saying, helped ease the anxiety he felt over it.
“Look at her and Zander. They give each other passion they need. Vincent gives her a dark refuge she needs. Quinn is Quinn. What role he plays for her is beyond my understanding, but those two are…great for each other, just look at them in the same room. Where do I fit? I’m just here. I’m smart, sure. I’m a guy. I take her on dates. So does Vincent. She lets me in while she sleeps, but Sombra is also doing that. She doesn’t…need me.”
He needed to feel needed for some reason. He needed to know he had a place, and more and more, he felt like he didn’t have one.
“I’ll think on what you’ve told me,” the cowboy said quietly, pushing himself out of the chair. “I’ll come back when I have some advice, Jasper.”
“Wait.” Jasper pointed at the chair Elijah had been sitting in. “Stay there and complete your half. I told you mine.”
Elijah groaned and fell back in the chair.
“I’ve loved and been to a funeral before,” he admitted. “I’m not willing to do it again. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between either admitting my feelings to her and hoping for the best or just pushing her away until I know there’s no chance she gives a shit about me. Maybe if she hates me, or doesn’t care, I’ll get over her.”
“Now who’s being ridiculous? She’ll kill you for that, for trying to make her feel a way she doesn’t want. She looks at you like her only real friend here. The safe place from the rest of us. Sure, we’re her friends, but we’re also her lovers.” She’d said as much. Something about how he might tease, but there didn’t feel like any expectations either.
“Oh yeah, that’s part of it. She looks at me as a friend, maybe a fuck-buddy. A fun romp when she gets bored of all of you. If that ever happens. I’ve always been okay with the distance Quinn and I kept from a romantic perspective, but not from her. From her, it kills me. I just want her to know how I feel, but damn, I don’t want to go to her funeral. I don’t want to experience being with her, only to watch her slip through my fingers.”
“Would rather to have loved and lost-”
“Don’t give me that shit. None of you know what it’s like to give a piece of your heart away and watch it die,” the cowboy snarled out at him. “You lost family and that fucking blows, but they were biological. They should have been with you this very day and further. Zander was abandoned. Vincent had probably the shittiest family I know and deals with that. But I…I gave a piece of myself away, of my own free will. I gave away other shit to be with someone. There was nothing forcing me to love Taylor. And he’s dead. I’m not sure I can do that again. I’ve done the loved and lost shit. Let me tell you, it fucking sucks.”
Jasper had nothing to say to that. It made perfect sense, in a way, and none in another. Elijah was scared. The haunted look in his eyes said that much. The pain was obvious.
He was downright terrified.
“We…” Jasper tried to find something to say but Elijah snorted.
“See? A bit harder to just say ‘do it anyway,’ right?”
“Give me some time to think on it? I’ll give you some advice later?” He offered Elijah the same thing he’d been offered in return. “Maybe together we can figure this all out?”
“Sure,” he mumbled, staying seated. “So, can I hide in here?”
“Only if I’m allowed to hide in your workshop.”
“Deal.”
“Is that really all that’s going on with you? Just her? Just you trying to figure out how you feel and how to deal with it?” Jasper couldn’t imagine Elijah, the free-loving cowboy, really getting so hung up.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is. And now Quinn has gone and signed me up for a date with her. I told her it was between friends, but I’m not even sure. You like the dating thing and I want this low-key like your dates. What do you think?”
“Really? You’re asking me for dating advice with her?” Jasper could have laughed, but he decided to help. “You’re taking her to that place in Atlanta, right? You’ve wanted to. That’s going to be an all day trip. Four hour drive there and again back here. You might as well make it a day thing, I guess. Show her the city again, how much it’s changed since she left as a teen and barely saw it later. Get a hotel to crash in after dinner. I don’t know if she likes dancing or anything, but we know all the Magi-centric clubs. That might be fun. I know she deprived herself of that culture when she was in hiding.”
He was just throwing out random ideas, really, but Elijah was soaking them up. He was nodding wisely as Jasper talked. “I was thinking all of the same things, but it seems like it’s turning into a romantic weekend getaway and I’m not sure I want to give her that impression.”
“Maybe that’s exactly the impression you need to give her. I don’t think you’ll get over her just by making her dislike you. I think either way, you’re hung up. Might as well take the risk?”
“Like you have?”
“I’ll remind you that I kissed her first.” Jasper crossed his arms. He wasn’t going to let Elijah forget that it was him who made the first move. He would never forget it either. He’d been shocked by himself, but he would do it again in a heartbeat.
“Damn, you got me on that. That was months ago." Elijah tapped his chin. “I’ll think about that. When did you get so smart?”
“I thought I got over her years ago and I didn’t. I don’t think someone like you would be able to either.” Jasper shrugged. The smart comment was a subtle, but friendly, dig at him that he chose to ignore. “Hey, on a more serious note, while I have you here…have you heard from James? I was wondering if there was any news I’ve been missing out on while hiding in here.”
“You’ve missed out on a lot, but I can’t blame you. We’re supposed to be on a vacation, not even thinking about work.” Elijah sighed, shaking his head. “Vincent and I have talked to him a lot, actually. Now that things have calmed down, he caught us up on what’s going on with Axel. We haven’t told anyone else on the team. It’s not like it’s important to us. He just wants us up to date on what’s going on with it.”
“What is going on with it? Last word was he was sentenced to execution, which would come when he was done being useful to them.” ‘Them’ being the WMC. He once had a lot of respect for them, but that had changed in recent months. Councilwoman D’Angelo had done her best to get them all killed. That had a way of changing someone’s perspective.
“He’s being very useful. We might be on vacation, but the rest of the IMPO isn’t. Three major arrests in November alone. There were more in September and October. We’re talking entire trafficking rings have been broken up.”
“That’s fantastic news. At least that evil fuck can do something good for once.” Jasper, wanting to relax more, began to unstrap his prosthetic. He dropped it on the desk and leaned back in his chair to get comfortable. “How’s the remaining power vacuum? That’s a big hole to be left over.”
“Well, since we’re arresting all the big guys, none of the smaller ones want to step up. They know it would be very easy for their old bosses to sell them out later on for reduced sentences. Right now, analysts don’t know who is going to try and fill the hole left in the middle of the criminal underbelly of the Magi. Honestly, I’m just waiting for someone to and don’t care who. We’ll always have a job.”
“Of course we will. If not organized crime, there’s some killer out there no one has stumbled on. Or another assassin. Or any other thing we’ve run across.” He wondered how anyone maintained a positive view of the world in their job. He found it hard. He reminded himself of the numbers. Tiny portions of the population are truly evil. Many are morally ambiguous, but trend towards go
od. Crime rates decreased every year, regardless of what the news made it feel like.
“I hope there’s no more assassins. One is more than enough,” the cowboy complained. Jasper couldn’t stop a twitch of a smile and covered his mouth. Elijah was similar, a grin fighting to break out.
They both devolved into laughter at the same time. That belly-rolling, chest-expanding laugh that meant the world was good.
“More than enough,” he agreed, trying to catch his breath.
4
Sawyer
The shower was hot and long, refreshing and comforting. It felt like it washed off more than just her sweat. Sawyer stepped out, knowing she probably used most of the hot water in the house, but didn’t care. She wrapped herself in a towel and walked into Quinn’s room, where she’d laid out clothes to change into. He was lying on his bed, looking quite pleased with himself as she dropped the towel and grabbed her underwear.
“Enjoying the view?” she asked innocently.
“I am. Personally, I think humans should go back to a time when we didn’t wear so many layers.”
“Why is that?” She figured she knew the answer. She wasn’t looking at him as she pulled up her pair of clean sweatpants, but she could hear him moving on the mattress. When she did look up, he was closer and reaching for her.
“Because then I wouldn’t need to get rid of all of them when I want to be with you,” he murmured, grabbing a handful of her sweats and pulling down on them. She grabbed them before they could drop and held them up. He released them, smiling.
“You don’t understand the idea of a strip tease, then. The anticipation of seeing, of experiencing something you can’t touch.” She stepped back from him, hoping to prove her point. She hooked her thumbs in the waistband and pushed them down enough to tease a view of her thong. “There’s a certain want for something not available. Leaving things to imagination and playing with the maybes. Slinky dresses that show off the figure but not the details, certain clothing that enhances the look of different parts of the body. All of it coming off slowly, being relished. A show. A game. Even a present. Unwrapping a gift that made itself just for you.”
The Redemption Saga Box Set Page 103