Joyful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Yeah. Sure.” Slowly, she walked to the table.

  Though the baby didn’t complain about going to Ben’s arms, he turned his head so he could keep an eye on Judith. When Ben was about a foot away, James jutted out his bottom lip and reached out two chubby arms toward Judith.

  Kendra visibly flinched.

  And Judith laughed nervously. “You know how he gets, Kendra,” Judith said as she attempted to laugh away the awkward moment. “He probably doesn’t know what to think about this new room.”

  “Maybe so.” Kendra bit her lip, but smiled when Ben placed the baby in her arms. After a bit of squirming, he settled into her arms at long last. After pressing her lips to his cheeks, she cuddled him closer and murmured something into his ear.

  Ben returned to Judith’s side. She knew that he was feeling the same way that she did. They could sit in this room for an hour and not say a word. Kendra needed every second with James that she could get.

  After five minutes or so, Kendra shifted her attention to them. “Before you tell me about James, I think we’d better talk about things.”

  Judith nodded. “All right,” she replied. “Whatever you want to talk about is gut.”

  “I guess Bernie told you about my health?”

  Feeling slightly dizzy, Judith nodded again. “Jah. How are you feeling today?”

  “As weak as a kitten.” She grimaced. “Sometimes it seems like the treatment is making me sicker than the disease.”

  “I am sorry for that.”

  “I know you are,” she whispered. “You are a very kind woman, Judith Knox.” After a moment, she said, “Did you also hear that James’s father has come out of the woodwork?”

  “Jah. I mean, yes.” Glad Ben was right by her side, Judith added, “What do you want to happen?”

  “I don’t want him to have custody of James. I met with my lawyer here and we filled out some paperwork.” She swallowed. “And then there’s my older sisters.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. Listen, Katherine and Emma are nice ladies. They, ah, are nothing like me. They are married and have jobs. Emma has kids of her own.” After a pause, she added, “Until recently, they’d given up on me ever changing. Now, well, we’re a little better but it’s probably too late.”

  “I’m sorry, Kendra.”

  She impatiently shook her head. “This isn’t about me. Um, I’m telling you this, because I heard that they now want to see me and see my baby. Now that I’m dying and all.”

  Judith’s stomach dropped. She knew Kendra was sick, but she didn’t know that things had gotten that bad . . . that Kendra felt that hopeless. “You mustn’t talk that way, Kendra. We need to keep positive.”

  Kendra turned her head so she was focused on James. “You’re real sweet, but I’m not just talking. I am dying; it’s true. The treatments they’re doing aren’t doing much good—even the doctors are saying that I don’t have much time left on this earth.”

  Ben leaned forward. “We are terribly sorry for you, Kendra. We’ll pray for you.”

  “You know what? Thanks.” As a tear fell from her eye, she squeezed her eyes shut and hugged James tight. He squirmed and started to cry. “Sorry, baby. I think I squeezed you too tight.”

  James responded by squirming again and looking at Judith in a pleading way.

  Kendra frowned. “I guess he wants you now.”

  Judith pretended not to notice. “He’ll be all right, Kendra.”

  “No. No, he wants you, which is good.” She stood up and, after pressing her face into his neck for a second, handed him back to Ben. “It’s better this way.”

  Judith felt frozen. She felt so sorry for Kendra and was at a loss for what to do. She wanted to comfort James but she couldn’t bear to cause Kendra any more pain.

  “Thanks for coming,” Kendra said. “But I just can’t do this.” Before Judith had even stood up, Kendra was knocking on the door. “I’m done,” she whispered as she waited for the guard.

  Judith shook her head. “Wait, Kendra. Can’t we spend a little more time together? We usually have at least thirty minutes, true?”

  The door opened.

  “I know you mean real well, and I do appreciate it. But I just can’t be in here another minute.” As tears rolled down her face, she shook her head slightly. “I just can’t,” she whispered, then turned and left.

  As they stared after Kendra, James squirmed in Ben’s arms. When she caught his eye, he smiled a wet, gummy grin and laughed.

  Tears pricked her eyes. “Oh, James. Look at you.”

  Today was the first day James had actively reached for her, jas as if she were his mother. It was remarkable.

  As she took the baby from her husband’s arms and held him close, Judith realized that this was both one of the best and worst days in her life.

  She was a glutton for punishment. There was no other reason Elizabeth could think of to explain why she was back at the Beiler house.

  With an increasing feeling of trepidation, she marched up to the stately front porch and knocked on the shiny black door. Almost immediately, Levi opened the door.

  “You’re back! Neil and I were thinking you might not come over today.”

  If Levi only knew how close she’d come to staying away! She was determined, however, to put her best foot forward. So she opted for teasing. “Why would you say that? Because you all are such a mess?”

  “Because Randall can be such an idiot,” he replied baldly. “I’m glad you didn’t take him too seriously. None of us do, you know.”

  After Levi closed the door behind her, she rubbed her arms with her hands. The warmth of the house felt good after walking in the chilly morning air. “Randall wasn’t so bad.”

  “Sure he was.” Looking positively gleeful, he folded his arms across his chest. “Micah told him that, too.”

  “I can only imagine how Randall handled that.”

  Levi’s mischievous smile turned into a wily grin. “He hated it. But that’s all right.”

  “Oh?”

  “Sometimes we’ve all got to hear things that we’d rather not.”

  “That’s mighty perceptive of you.”

  “I’m growing up. Some might even say that I’m fairly grown-up for my years.”

  Last Elizabeth heard, Levi had been in the midst of his rumspringa and sneaking around a little too much. “Is some girl from the high school telling you that?”

  “Nee. I’m not interested in English girls.”

  “Are you interested in someone special?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Who?”

  “I’ll let you know in a couple of days.” After putting his hat on, he handed her a neatly written note. “We weren’t sure you’d come back, but we were hopeful. Neil and I went ahead and wrote everything out for ya.”

  She scanned the note. “Thank you.”

  “See you later.”

  Elizabeth walked to the window and watched Levi grab his bicycle and pedal down the driveway. Scanning his note, she saw that he was heading to his job at the construction site.

  After studying the note again, she set the kettle to heat on the stove. She washed a few dishes while it was heating, then added a tea bag and took a seat at the table. A hot cup of tea was going to come in handy while she planned her day.

  It looked like Micah was at the library studying, Neil had left early to go to an auction, and Randall had left hours earlier for his construction job. Kaylene was at school.

  And Randall had left her a hundred dollars in the drawer by the refrigerator so she could do some grocery shopping. Oh, and could she please make another cake or perhaps even a pie?

  Walking over to the drawer, she found an envelope with her name on it. Inside were five crisp twenty-dollar bills.

  It wasn’t an unheard of amount. After all, there were five people to feed, four of them grown men. But after scrimping and saving and watching every penny for the last two years, Elizabeth considered it a small fortune.r />
  It took some effort, but she forced herself to only take stock of the Beilers’ pantry and refrigerator and not imagine what she would buy for her kitchen if she had such a sum. Deciding to make a lasagna, broccoli, a layered salad, garlic bread, and two pies, she made a grocery list and mentally planned her day. After she cleaned the bathrooms, she would take their horse and buggy to the grocery, make her purchases, and then be home in time to work on the laundry.

  She had made great progress and was in the middle of the baking aisle at the store when Levi ran up to her. He looked both flushed and flustered.

  “Elizabeth, I’m so glad I found you.”

  “What’s wrong? Is it my grandmother?” Right away, she started imagining all sorts of things that could be wrong. Had her grandmother fallen?

  “It’s Randall.” After taking a moment to regain his composure, Levi said, “Elizabeth, I’m afraid there’s been an accident.”

  And just like that, her heart stopped.

  chapter fifteen

  Hardly aware of what she was doing, Elizabeth reached out and grabbed hold of Levi’s arm. “What happened? Where is he? Is he all right?”

  “He’s all right,” he soothed in a way that made him seem far beyond his sixteen years.

  “Sure?”

  “I promise.” Because they were garnering the attention of the other shoppers, Levi directed the cart to the back of the aisle.

  She was about to jump out of her skin. “Levi, tell me about Randall. Now.”

  Levi took a deep breath and looked deeply into her eyes. “Randall is in the hospital getting checked out, but he’s going to be okay. A couple of the men on the construction site took him right to the doctor as soon as he fell.”

  “Fell? Levi, what happened?”

  “Randall was up on top of the house, helping to set some trusses like he always does, when he slipped and fell. It was the strangest thing, to be sure.”

  “I can’t believe he fell.” She winced as she pictured such a scene. Randall was always so sure of himself on the job. He had never had any kind of accident, which was why he had been promoted to crew leader. While accidents could happen to anyone, she was shocked to hear about him falling on the job.

  “Me, neither, if you want to know the truth. Usually, Randall scampers around the shells like he’s a squirrel in September.”

  “How badly is he hurt?”

  “Last I heard, he’s got some cuts and bruises, but his leg got the worst of it. They’re pretty sure it’s broken.”

  “Poor Randall.”

  “Yep.” Levi shook his head. “Our foreman said accidents happen, and it’s usually no one’s fault. But it sure surprised me. I kinda figured he could do anything. Randall’s always been fairly nimble. It’s a real shock.”

  “Levi, you don’t look shocked. You look mighty composed!”

  He backed up a step. “We are in the store, you know.”

  “I know, but I can’t believe you’re so calm.” She wanted to rush out to the street, flag down a passing car, and order it to run her to the hospital. “We need to get out of here.”

  Levi nodded and grabbed the handle of the cart and started pushing. “If you want to know the truth, none of us was all that calm at first, but Randall’s been at the hospital for two hours now and the doctors and nurses don’t seem to be overly concerned. They think he’s going to be okay.”

  “He’s already been there for two hours? Levi, his injuries must be really bad.”

  Awkwardly, he patted her on her back. “Elizabeth, I’m sorry to say this, but I kind of think you need to settle down a bit. Like I said, Randall’s banged up and stuff, but he’s going to be all right. Right now you’re looking like you’re about to faint or something.”

  “You promise it’s not worse than you’re saying?”

  “I promise. We don’t have anything to worry about. At least, not yet.”

  “Not yet?”

  “Well, when I left to come find you, they were takin’ x-rays to see if he’s going to need surgery.”

  “Surgery?” Oh, but the news got worse and worse!

  Just then she realized that so far Levi hadn’t given her a word of explanation about why he’d tracked her down at the market. Surely if it was just to pass on the news about Randall’s accident he could have waited until she got back to the house?

  “Why did you come find me?” she asked. Hope filled her as she thought of what could be the only reason. “Has Randall been asking for me? Does he want me to come to the hospital to sit with him?”

  “Oh, no.” A line formed between his brows. “Well, I mean, I sure don’t think so. I came for a different reason. Because Micah asked me to.”

  “Oh? What did Micah want you to do?”

  He took a deep breath. “Elizabeth, we all hate to ask this of you, but could you stay over for a couple of nights?”

  “Why would you need me at your haus?”

  “If Randall does need surgery, we’re all going to be wanting to be at the hospital. And if he comes home, well, it’s obvious that we can hardly manage things when everything is going smoothly. I don’t know how we’d manage it with this going on.”

  “I see.”

  “We’re still kind of helpless, you see.” When she didn’t smile at his joke, he awkwardly continued. “And then there’s Kaylene. She’s still going to need to go to school and get her meals and such. I would ask Junior and Miriam to help with her, but they already have plans to go away for the weekend. We’ve all been trying to convince them not to cancel, especially since she has a baby on the way.”

  “I don’t know, Levi. I mean, I have my grandmother. She can’t see very well. And though she’s spry, I can’t let her stay home by herself.”

  He slumped. “Oh, of course not. I’ll let Micah and Neil know. I’m sure we could figure something else out.” Steeling his shoulders, he said, “Are you almost done with your shopping? If so, maybe I could ride back to the house with you. I ran over here from the hospital.”

  She knew what she could do. She could take Levi back to his house, fix them all a good supper, then walk home. What happened to Randall was a shame, but it wasn’t her problem. And though they’d asked her to help with Kaylene, the truth was that Levi or Micah or Neil could probably manage just fine. It wasn’t like she was a baby.

  But even though all of that sounded correct . . . she knew in her heart that it wasn’t what she should do.

  And that was to be there for Levi and his family. And yes, for Randall, too. Even though he might not love her anymore, she knew she’d never forgive herself if she ignored his needs. That wasn’t who she was, and it wasn’t who she wanted to be.

  “Levi, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you mind if my mommi came over to stay at your house, too?”

  His eyes widened. “You changed your mind?”

  She shrugged. “I suppose I did. The truth is that I would be happy to help you all, as long as I can look after my grandmother, too.”

  “Do you think she would come? You don’t think she’d fuss about leaving your place?”

  There was such hope in his eyes she almost laughed. “Actually, I think she’d enjoy it. She gets tired of sitting home by herself.”

  “That would be terrific.” He brushed a stray chunk of hair away from his face. “Elizabeth, how about we go by your haus on our way back?”

  “I think that sounds like a gut idea.” Looking into the cart, she added hesitantly, “Do you think your brothers will mind if we eat your food, too?”

  His brows raised. “I think they’d mind if you didn’t eat with us. Come on, let’s get your shopping done and pick up Miss Anna Mae. We’re all going to have our hands full as soon as Randall gets home.”

  Elizabeth giggled. “Levi, sometimes I think the Lord made a mistake when he made you one of the youngest in your family. You have a true gift for organizing.”

  “I’ve thought that a time or two myself,” he said around a grin.


  With Levi’s help, Elizabeth finished her shopping trip in record time. And, thanks to her careful planning, she only used a little more than sixty dollars.

  Putting the change in an envelope, she said, “Would you like to keep this, Levi?”

  “What are you talking about? That’s your grocery money. Randall left it for you.”

  “But don’t you think it would be better held by someone in your family? I don’t want you to have to worry about what I’m doing with it.”

  “Don’t talk like that, Elizabeth. You know we trust you,” he said as they deposited the groceries in the small area behind the buggy’s bench seat.

  Then, after letting Levi take the reins, they hurried over to her house. To her pleasure, her grandmother agreed wholeheartedly to go to the Beilers’ house.

  Levi had volunteered to stay outside with the horse so Elizabeth could talk to her grandmother in private. After she ran out and said that her grandmother would definitely be coming, she ran back inside and gathered some clothes, face soap, and her toothbrush as quickly as she could.

  The moment she opened the front door, he rushed up the walkway to greet them. “Hiya, Miss Anna Mae. I’m glad you’re coming over for a spell.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  They continued chatting the whole way back, Levi and her grandmother catching up like fast friends who had been apart for too long.

  When they arrived at the Beiler farm, Beverly and Joe were there to greet them. “Elizabeth, it feels like old times, seeing you here,” Beverly said.

  “I’m glad I could help out,” she said simply, not wanting to dwell on how things used to be.

  After getting her grandmother settled inside, a hospital van drove up. She stood on the porch and barely stifled a gasp when she recognized Aden Reese as he opened the side door. Then she remembered that he worked in the hospital as an orderly. Competently, Aden helped Micah lift Randall out of the backseat.

  Randall’s left leg was in a temporary cast. There were bandages on his face and a particularly large one on his left palm. “My poor brother,” Beverly whispered. “He looks even worse than I imagined.”