Joyful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  At last, she stopped, then looked around the kitchen. “Where’s James?”

  “He’s not here.”

  Bernie’s brows rose. “Where is he?”

  The alarm she’d been doing her best to keep at bay rose up in a frightening way. “My mamm took him to my brother and sister-in-law’s haus.”

  “You didn’t inform me of this.”

  “We didn’t realize we had to.” Folding her arms across her chest, Judith added, “I had a high fever. We didn’t want him to get sick.”

  “I see.”

  “Bernie, I do not. What is wrong?”

  Laying both of her hands flat on the table, Bernie looked at Judith directly. “There’s no easy way to say this. Kendra passed away last night.”

  The shock, combined with the sight of Bernie’s tear-filled eyes, spurred her tears, too. A dozen questions entered her head, the first of which was why and how. But the words stuck in her throat, her questions fading, compared to the hurt she was feeling. Poor Kendra, dying in prison, away from her family and friends.

  And poor little James. If there was one thing Judith was completely certain about, it was that Kendra had loved her baby very much. Now the boy was going to grow up never knowing that love.

  Belatedly realizing that Bernie was waiting for her to make some kind of response, Judith sighed. “This is heartbreaking, Bernie.”

  The social worker tossed her glasses on the table and dug in her tote bag once again. When she pulled out a packet of tissues, she wiped her eyes. “I still can’t believe it. I heard the news late last night and spent this morning trying to learn what happened.”

  “Did you find out anything?”

  Bernie nodded. “Kendra developed some complications. A fever spiked, she slid into unconsciousness, and then her heart stopped beating.” Swiping her eyes again, she said, “I can hardly believe it.”

  “It seems the Lord was impatient for her to join him in heaven.”

  Bernie stilled. “Do you really think that?”

  “I hope so,” Judith said, slowly realizing that she did, indeed, believe those words wholeheartedly. “It’s not for us to try to understand why things happen,” she added, realizing right then and there that her mother had said this to her time and again when she’d been recovering from her miscarriage. “I will admit that wanting to believe something and accepting it are two different things. It’s faith to give up one’s power to God. But it’s easier if you do. He has it anyway, you see.”

  With a little sniff, Bernie reached out and clasped one of Judith’s hands in her own. “I can’t believe this. All night I wondered how I was going to be able to tell you the news. And I’ve been so angry. Kendra had made mistakes, but she was so young. She had a whole lifetime to be the person she wanted to be.”

  Grabbing one of Bernie’s tissues, Judith swiped at her eyes. “I might understand, but it still makes me terribly sad.” After another sniff, she said, “How does this affect James’s future?”

  “That is the other reason why I came over so early, Judith. Kendra’s sisters are really struggling with Kendra’s sudden death. They want to see James as soon as possible.”

  “How soon, do you think?”

  “Judith, they asked to come over here tomorrow.”

  “What? But I thought Kendra was going to make her feelings known.”

  “I’m still investigating, but whether she wrote a note or not, as of this morning, her sisters want to contest her wishes. I’m to escort them to meet James and you and Ben tomorrow.”

  “Couldn’t you ask them for at least one more day? I’m sick, Bernie. Truly, I am.”

  “I’ll do what I can, but there’s a strong possibility that they won’t care about that. They’re impatient. I think if they could have arranged things, they would have tried to come to Sugarcreek today.”

  “And I’m not allowed to have any say in when they get to come over here?”

  “Not without getting a lawyer.” Her expression pained, Bernie added, “I know this is a shock and it doesn’t seem fair. But we have no choice. They’ve already contacted a lawyer. Judith, they want custody of James, and from what they’ve been saying so far, they’re willing to do just about everything they can think of to get him.”

  As Judith stared at Bernie in shock, she felt everything she’d worked so hard to attain fall away. Her composure, her hope. Her dignity. Her sense of peace.

  All she felt at the moment was a deep sense of hurt mixed in with a good portion of bitterness and dismay.

  Right this second, it didn’t matter if she truly believed that God was in control or not.

  All she really knew was that if she lost custody of James, she wasn’t going to care for His decisions.

  And she should have remembered that, when she thought things were bad, why, they could always get worse.

  Randall had now been in bed for the majority of the last three days. After today’s visit to the doctor, he was relieved to know that while he was going to be bedridden for at least one more week, it didn’t look as if surgery was going to be necessary.

  In addition, his new fiberglass cast was a marked improvement from the temporary one. Now he didn’t feel as if he could do permanent damage if he turned the wrong way in his sleep.

  He was sitting in bed, trying to get interested in either a farming magazine—courtesy of Neil—or a mystery—courtesy of Micah—when Levi popped his head in.

  “Care for some company?”

  “More than anything. I’m not tired enough to sleep, but too tired to read.”

  Levi sauntered in and sat on the side of his bed, his bare feet swinging off the side of the mattress. “I’m pretty sure that no one would want to read either of those choices. You should have gotten something else to do.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know . . . cards?”

  When they were far smaller, he and his brothers had spent many an evening playing UNO. Then they’d moved on to hearts, and finally poker. Junior had learned to play from one of his English friends, and it had been exciting to do something forbidden.

  The memories brought a smile to his face. “Me and Junior sure had some good times when we were supposed to be sleeping.”

  “You hardly ever played with me.”

  “That’s because you were so much younger.”

  “How about I bring in a deck of cards later?” Looking especially mischievous, he added, “We can play for pennies.”

  “Deal.” He stretched his arms. “How’s everything at the job site?”

  “Abraham still feels real bad about your fall. You’re not supposed to know about this, but he’s started a fund for you. He’s collecting some money to help pay for your expenses.”

  “That’s real nice of him, though it wasn’t his fault. My foot slipped.”

  “I’ve never known you to slip or fall, ever.”

  “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.” Rubbing one of the abrasions on his arm that was almost healed, he added, “It’s my fault. I’ve been up on those joists so often I became a little too cocky. I should have been concentrating more on my safety. Let that be a lesson to you, little brother.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.”

  “Gut.” He hoped his expression matched his tone, because he had just remembered what he had been thinking about when he’d fallen—one Elizabeth Nolt.

  “You know what? I think Lizzie and her grandmother have settled right in,” Levi said, just as if he’d read Randall’s mind.

  “Oh? What have they been doing?”

  “What haven’t they been doing! Anna Mae cleaned out Mamm’s old cupboard.”

  “What one is that?”

  “You know the one. The one that had all her trays and cups and saucers.” Grinning, he said, “Listen to this: At first Anna Mae was worried that we might not want anyone fussing with our things.”

  “It’s been more like none of us ever wanted to peer inside.” Just thinking about t
he dark secrets that had lain hidden in the back of that cupboard for years and years made him shudder. “How awful was it?”

  “I don’t know. When Elizabeth showed it to me, everything inside was sparkling clean and neatly organized. It could have been in Miriam’s kitchen.”

  “I guess that will be money well spent, then.”

  Levi nodded. “Elizabeth said it was gut that they have been living with us. She said if she’d been here alone and had to clean out dirty cupboards like that, she’d have to charge a pretty penny.”

  Though it made no sense, his feelings were a little hurt. He’d thought they’d gone beyond her thinking of his family as just a job. “She said that?”

  “I think she was joking.” He stretched his legs. “Anyway, I think they’re real happy here. Anna Mae said she likes all the commotion. Said it’s too quiet at her house.”

  “I guess it would be a change.”

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m just getting tired again. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

  Levi scrambled off the bed. “I’ll let Elizabeth know.”

  “Why does she need to know?” Why did everything go back to that girl?

  “Because she was about to come in and bring you something to eat. Now I’ll tell her to wait.”

  “You can tell her to bring me something.”

  “No, I think I’m going to ask her to wait. You’re far too grumpy to be around the rest of us,” he said with a hurt expression in his eyes. “Honestly, Randall, you’re worse than Junior ever was when he was stuck on Miriam.”

  “I’m not stuck on Elizabeth.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I’m not. She and I are through.”

  “You just keep telling yourself that, bruder,” Levi said as he left the room. “Maybe one day we’ll all believe it.”

  The moment Levi closed his door, Randall tossed the farming magazine on the floor and punched his pillow.

  Something needed to be done about him and Elizabeth. They couldn’t continue as they were, each wondering if they were about to get back together or drift even further apart.

  However, this needed to be done in their own time frame, and not with his whole family in the middle of it all.

  Not while he was stuck in bed.

  What they needed was some time to talk about things and the space in order to do it. Which meant that it was time to ask her to leave.

  chapter twenty-three

  “Whatever you do, don’t go see Randall for an hour or two,” Levi said as he walked through the kitchen.

  Looking at the tray she’d just prepared for him, filled with Swiss steak, peas and carrots, and homemade rolls, Elizabeth frowned. “What am I supposed to do with this, then?”

  “I’ll eat it,” Kaylene said from her spot at the kitchen table, where she was dipping pretzel sticks in white chocolate and then in assorted candies.

  Her grandmother shook her head. “As much as it would please me to see you eat everything on that plate, you need to wait until it’s supper time.”

  “When is that?”

  “One hour.”

  “Forever.”

  Anna Mae lifted her chin to meet Elizabeth’s eye. “It’s easy to forget how slow time goes through a child’s eye.”

  “Maybe you should try one of your finished pretzel sticks, Kaylene. You know, simply to tide you over until suppertime.”

  When the little girl promptly picked one up and chomped on the end, Elizabeth smiled. “How does it taste?”

  “Wunderbaar.”

  “When you finish that, you need to wash your hands and then do your chores.”

  “Can’t you do them for me?”

  “I could, but I’m afraid your brothers would get mad at me for doing them.”

  “I wouldn’t tell them.”

  “But I would,” her grandmother said. “Your brothers are all doing extra chores because Junior is out of town and Randall is hurt. You mustn’t be selfish, child.”

  For a split second, Kaylene’s bottom lip popped out, looking for all the world like she was about to argue, then she scooted off her chair, washed her hands, and ran out of the room.

  Elizabeth observed her in a bit of awe. “Mommi, you’re amazing.”

  “Nee, child,” she said as she pointed to the doorway. “I believe it is Junior who is.”

  Startled, Elizabeth swirled around. “You’re back!”

  “We got home late last night. How’s our patient?”

  “The doctor said he won’t need surgery and gave him a permanent cast.”

  “That’s mighty gut news.”

  “Levi said he was sleeping, though, so if you came to see him, you might be out of luck.”

  “I came by to see how you two ladies were doing. Miriam said she could spend the day over here if you’re eager to leave.”

  “Already?”

  “You’ve already been here four days. I have a feeling it’s probably about three days longer than you wanted to be here. I know our clan can be a handful.”

  “Not for me,” Anna Mae said. “I’ve enjoyed being around a big family again. And of course, spending time with Kaylene has been a delight.”

  “When she’s not taking advantage of you.”

  “She’s been a good girl.” For a moment, Elizabeth considered telling Junior that she would be happy to stay longer, but what was the point?

  She was still going to have to eventually leave. And no good was going to come out of becoming more attached to life in the Beiler household. Things between her and Randall were up in the air.

  Just when he’d make it plain that anything romantic between them was long gone, he’d smile at her, they’d exchange a few flirty words, and then she would be more confused than ever.

  “If Miriam could take my place, that would be good,” she said finally. “I am anxious to return home, and both of us are ready to return to our own beds.”

  While her grandmother raised her eyebrows, Junior stared at her long and hard. At last, he nodded. “I’m glad I stopped by. I didn’t want another hour to go by without making sure everything was settled between us.”

  While Elizabeth gaped at him, because there was no reason she could discern that everything wasn’t settled, Junior pulled out his wallet.

  As she watched, embarrassment making fast friends with the knowledge that she had bills to pay, Junior reached inside the leather billfold and pulled out several one-hundred-dollar bills. “Neil and I talked, and we thought this amount would cover your time here.”

  Her hand hovered over the money before she accepted it. “Danke. I appreciate this.”

  “Don’t thank me. We owe you this. As far as I’m concerned, you earned every penny.” With that adorable smile that he was so famous for, Junior continued, “Don’t forget, Claire and Beverly and I managed things between the three of us for years. As far as I’m concerned, you two have been doing the work of three.”

  Her grandmother held up her hands. “Please, don’t include me in that. I’ve only been helping out where I could.”

  “It’s all appreciated. Now, I suppose I better go check in on Randall.”

  “Don’t wake him up.”

  He winked. “Don’t worry, Elizabeth. He’s annoying, but he’s still my little brother. I won’t wake him from his nap.”

  When he left the room, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Elizabeth sat down with a sigh. “That Junior is a force of nature. I’ve known him for years, of course. But until now, I’ve never really noticed how hard he works to keep his family running smoothly.”

  Mommi’s eyes narrowed. “You do realize that you and him aren’t that different, don’t you?”

  “Of course we’re not alike. He has seven brothers and sisters to look after.”

  “You have me.”

  “Mommi, it’s not like that. We have each other.”

  Her lips pursed. “I don’t feel good about watching you take that money.”
<
br />   “I earned it honestly. We earned it.”

  “Child, you and I both know that you would have done the exact same thing as a favor for them. It’s in your nature to want to help others.”

  Afraid their voices would carry, Elizabeth lowered hers. “It’s also in my nature to pay my bills. This will allow me to do so. And I have to admit that I am going to feel mighty proud when I pay the bills on time this month.”

  “Of course, dear. Forgive me. I seem to be always saying the wrong thing these days.”

  Feeling more uncomfortable than ever, Elizabeth stood up. “There’s nothing to forgive. I love you, Mommi.” She clapped her hands together. “Now, how about we make a chocolate cake before we leave? I’ve yet to meet a group of men who like desserts as much as these Beilers.”

  “I’ll get out the eggs, butter, and sugar.”

  As the tension between them eased, Elizabeth got busy measuring flour and baking chocolate. And finally admitted to herself that her grandmother hadn’t said the wrong things at all.

  Actually, she’d been exactly right.

  The buzzer on the top of Pippa’s stove went off at the same time that Bud knocked at her apartment’s front door.

  “Just a minute,” she called out as she reached for the timer and turned it off.

  On her way to the door, she couldn’t resist pausing to look at her reflection in the antique mirror that hung in her entryway.

  Yet again.

  She’d bought a new dress for the dinner. It was blue cotton and had short sleeves. It was deceptively modest, though it fit her like a glove, showing off her figure.

  Of course, she’d already taken it off two times that afternoon, switching to her usual uniform of jeans and a T-shirt. But in the end, she decided to err on the side of dressing up too much instead of too little.

  The worst thing that could happen was that Bud would think she went to a lot of trouble for him. Which she had. Looking at herself critically, she smoothed back her long black hair and wished, as always, it had a bit less curl. But of course there was nothing she could do about it.

  Just as she couldn’t help her giddiness when she prepared to open the door. Tonight she was cooking for Bud. It was a real date, just the two of them.