Wade finally gave in. “You think the need to track down threats and fight the good fight goes away?”
Gabe let out a low humming sound before he started talking. “Well now, that’s a different thing. You can win over the man. I’m not sure how you take the CIA agent out of him.”
The comment rang out like warning bell. “That’s my worry.”
“It should be.” Gabe scooped up the folder again, half rolling it in his hand. “Bit of advice?”
“I probably need it.” Even though it was the last thing Wade wanted from Gabe or anyone else. Not when it came to Eli. Wade didn’t need a translation dictionary or deciphering. He understood Eli just fine.
“Keep him away from Jennings.”
Since Wade didn’t know that man, that might be tough. “Okay.”
Gabe visibly swallowed and his dark eyes grew darker. “I mean it.”
Message received. And as soon as Wade figured out how to block Jennings’s access to Eli, he’d get right on that.
***
Andy had been right about one thing. Now that Jennings had tracked him down, he was not taking no for an answer. It had been forty-eight hours and the calls and deliveries at work had already started. Eli had spent the day sitting at his desk in Bast’s office suite and ignored every phone message with a reference to Jennings.
But that was not an easy task. Jennings mentioned a mission in Somalia and Eli felt that familiar tug. The need to grab his go bag and get on a flight. The ramping up inside him as he pored through intelligence and developed strategy. As his feet hit the ground and adrenaline surged through him, preparing him for what came next.
It was a fucking sickness. He’d tried to be honest with Wade. Not fall back on fake denial. Truth was, Eli wavered. One day he missed, not the job exactly, but playing a part in a bigger game. The next he couldn’t imagine living under that cloud again.
In both options, he couldn’t tolerate the thought of living without Wade, and that trumped everything. The one thing tethering him to sanity was Wade. Eli looked at him and all the pieces clicked together. The world made sense and the only answer was to be right where he was, spending more nights lounging on the couch and none running for his life.
More than anything, Eli knew he could not lose Wade again. Which was why the gulf that kept cracking and opening between them scared the shit out of him.
They’d broken up and gotten back together. But doubts lingered there, just out of reach. He could see them in Wade’s eyes. If they didn’t figure out how to get past all the baggage, they’d be ripped apart. It would be one more thing Eli fucked up, and this would end him.
When the door to Wade’s condo opened and he walked in, Eli could feel the tension rise. All the calmness from the night before disappeared. Something had happened.
“Hey.” Eli offered the greeting but didn’t get up. Continued to sit there with his feet propped up on the coffee table, one ankle crossed over the other.
“You’re here,” Wade said in a flat tone. He appeared more interested in flipping through his mail than giving eye contact.
For some reason that acted like a waving red flag of war to Eli. He felt his defenses rise and couldn’t get a clamp down on them fast enough. “Wasn’t that what we agreed to?”
“I guess so. You’re not exactly predictable when it comes to being here.”
This had to be about the other night and him bugging out just after four in the morning. Eli thought it was a fucking miracle he’d made it that long. Eli had lain there until the memories of the breakup echoed in his head. He’d raced out of bed to keep from screaming. Wade hadn’t said anything or questioned Eli’s need to put his clothes on at a time when any normal person would be snuggling down in the covers.
Last night had been an attempt to make up for that. To show Wade how much he meant and that they were about more than sex and fighting, but Wade clearly didn’t see it that way. It looked as if whatever reprieve he’d earned from date night had ended. If so, Eli just wanted to get to the fighting. “Just say it. Whatever the fuck is on your mind.”
Wade dropped the mail on the table next to the couch but didn’t come any closer. “You know how to make a man feel welcome in his own damn house.”
All the frustration simmering inside Eli exploded. He sat right on the verge of saying something he’d regret. To avoid landing in a new pile of shit, he stood up. “Right. I should go. This is the wrong night.”
“For what?”
As if he didn’t know. Eli kept walking. Did a swing to grab his keys off the kitchen table, then headed for the door. “Us.”
“Eli.”
“I thought after last night . . .” He did not have the strength to get through this tonight. Not when he came here thinking things had been smoothed out. “Forget it.”
“Stop.” Wade hadn’t moved. He stood in the center of his family room with his hands loose at his sides.
Talking about this now was a mistake. Eli knew that much as he reached for the door. “I’ll clear my head and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Eli, do not walk out of this fucking condo.” The anger rose with each word. But there was something else in his tone as well.
The thread of panic stopped Eli. His hand dropped off the knob and he turned back around to face the one man who meant everything. “Why is this so hard?”
“Because you’re not an easy guy,” Wade said, shooting the answer right back without any hesitation.
The words sliced into Eli, but he didn’t let the injury show. “Thanks.”
“Neither am I.” All the heat had left Wade’s tone.
That eased the ache in Eli’s chest but not by much. “Remember that you’re the one who said it.”
“But you’re thinking it.”
Eli balled his hands into fists, because it was either that or reach for the door again. “I’m trying really hard not to have a fight here.”
Instead of responding, Wade sat on the armrest of the couch. He leaned in and balanced his arms against his thighs. Let his hands dangle between his legs as he stared at the floor. Didn’t say anything for almost a minute as he breathed in heavy enough for his entire body to move.
“When we first got together I used to walk this tightrope. Measure my words because I worried I’d say the wrong thing and you’d use it as an excuse to run away.” Wade shook his head as he glanced up at Eli. “You were so raw back then. So angry. Blamed everyone for your CIA career imploding, including Becca.”
Eli remembered all of it. He hadn’t been a big Becca fan until their work relationship ended. For so long he’d tagged her as the reason major missions failed. Now that the smoke had cleared, Eli knew their old boss, a man named Todd, had destroyed everything, including their CIA cover. “She got a shitty deal just like I did.”
Wade’s eyes widened as his head shot back. “See, that’s different. The Eli from months ago would never have admitted anyone had it as bad as he did. He never would have set up a movie date. Probably would have bolted if I suggested one.”
It was true. It was all true, which led to the most obvious question. “Why the hell did you stick with me?”
“It started out as a heavy case of lust. The way you look, the things we did together in bed . . . Jesus.” Wade whistled. “I’ve never known anything like it.”
That made two of them. “Some days that’s all we were good at.”
“True.” Wade got up and started walking. Didn’t stop until he stood right in front of Eli. “But then I saw something else. Behind all that fury stood this guy. Damaged and vulnerable, though you would never admit it.”
“You make me sound like a fucking prize.” Not that the description was wrong. It just sucked. Made Eli wonder what was wrong with Wade to get wrapped up in something so messed up.
“I think you’re pretty amazing.” Wade’s voice caressed just like his hands where they rubbed up and down Eli’s arms. “Perfect for me, actually.”
Eli nearly poun
ced. God knew he couldn’t say anything. Not now.
“That drive that made you good at your job is about more than being trained to fight. It’s about being decent and honorable. You work for Bast. You tried to save my sister when our idiot father showed up.” Wade ticked off perceived positive points.
Eli knew those all came down to one very fine point—he would do whatever he needed to make Wade happy. “That was for you.”
“In part, but it also was because under all that bluster and tough talk, you are a rescuer.” Wade’s hands slipped around to Eli’s back. “A good guy who spent his life chasing bad ones.”
Eli wanted that description to be true, but it didn’t sound like him at all. Some days he felt so empty. Just this shell, and he worried every minute that Wade would wake up and see that he could do so much better.
“Do you really believe that?” The question stuck in Eli’s throat, but he got it out.
“Every single day.”
“Andy means nothing to me. God, I need you to know that.” Out of context and he’d said it before, but in that moment Eli was desperate for Wade to believe it. Eli didn’t want frustration and jealousy to eat away at Wade over nothing. All Eli had left for Andy was an unhealthy mix of nostalgia and remorse.
Wade shot Eli a half smile. “I know.”
The agreement came so swiftly it knocked Eli off stride. To make sure they truly understood each other he tried again. “I treated him like shit and he deserved better, and I probably should apologize, but there’s nothing there.”
“Most of me knows that. The insecure part wants to throw him off a building.” Wade frowned, made a face. Ran through most of his gestures that telegraphed his discomfort. “But I do feel for the guy.”
That was news to Eli. “Since when?”
“I know what it’s like to love you.” Wade’s hand moved to the side of Eli’s face and his thumb moved over Eli’s lips. “Frankly, it can suck sometimes.”
“If you think it’s only sometimes, we’re probably doing pretty well.” Eli grabbed on to Wade’s shirt at his sides and refused to let go.
That fast heat washed over him. He morphed from teetering on the edge of the abyss to something very different. All that energy pinging around them, fueling the fights and the doubts, redirected. It was all Eli could do to concentrate on his words and refrain from dragging Wade to the floor with him.
“Optimist,” Wade said.
Eli heard the slight tremble in Wade’s voice. He might look in control, but his nerves were jumping. Eli would bet everything he owned on that. “I do love you.”
“I know that, too.” Wade let out a harsh laugh. “Some days it’s all I have to hold onto. But I’m positive about how I feel about you and how much I want you. When all else fails, I grab onto those and don’t let go.”
Eli didn’t know if Wade wanted more talking or something else. Eli was ready to give him anything. “I’m thinking pretty positive right now.”
Heat washed through the room. “Oh, really? About anything in particular?”
“It involves you getting on your knees.”
“Interesting.” Wade’s knees started to bend and his body slowly sank. With every inch, his arm dragged down Eli’s body, touching and touring him. “Like this?”
Eli blinked, trying to believe the sight in front of him. This amazing man, so strong and solid, kneeled in front of him with his hands on Eli’s belt buckle. He wanted Wade to rip the leather apart. Use his teeth if he had to. “It’s a start.”
Through his pants, Wade planted a kiss on Eli’s growing erection. “Tell me what you want.”
Eli pressed Wade’s hands tighter against him. “I’ll show you.”
Chapter Seven
The ringing wouldn’t stop. Two hours after the make-up sex, Eli stepped into the bathroom. Right as the door closed, Wade heard the faint sound. At first he ignored it, convinced it was nothing more than some kind of offshoot from his post-sex haze.
The sound stopped, but then it started again. Wade sat up in bed, letting the sheet fall to his waist as he tried to pinpoint the direction of the noise. Definitely a phone, and not his. Not one he recognized either, and he heard Eli’s all the time, because working for Bast, being the right-hand man to and an investigator for a well-known lawyer with an expertise for making serious and sometimes secretive problems go away, meant being on call almost all the time.
Wade threw the sheet off and walked across the bedroom to the doorway, not bothering to get dressed because what was the point? There wasn’t any part of him that Eli hadn’t touched and tasted. They’d passed the shy phase long ago, though he didn’t remember ever having that issue with Eli.
Wade flicked on a light by the couch. Abandoned clothes were strewn across the floor. Eli’s shirt there. His shoes there. Stripping Eli out of his clothes was one of Wade’s favorite things, and he did it often.
The ringing stopped again.
This time a buzzing started. Wade picked up Eli’s pants, felt around the pockets and found his cell in about two seconds. Looking at the screen, Wade could see notifications about messages from Bast and other work-related things but no recent missed calls.
He tried to remember the security code so he could do a deeper search. Eli had told him but . . . The ringing started again. And not from the phone in his hand. This came from somewhere else.
Wade’s bare feet squeaked against the hardwood floor as he spun around in a circle, trying to track the sound before it stopped again. The gym bag. The one Eli carried because he liked to fit in a workout at lunch or after work, before Wade got off for the night. He squatted and undid the zipper. The ringing cut off, but this was it.
He shifted the contents around, ignoring Eli’s sneakers and still damp workout shorts. There, at the bottom, a black phone. Not expensive and not familiar. Wade read line after line of missed call notices on the small screen. No names were referenced and the lock code Eli usually used didn’t work.
Wade couldn’t move. He’d dealt with Eli hiding from who he was and from all he’d lived through before they met. But this blew well past those issues. This was about him hiding a part of his life as it played out now, and Wade would not fucking tolerate that.
“What are you doing?” Eli’s voice rang out from the doorway to the bedroom.
Funny, but that was the same question running through Wade’s head. He didn’t play games or run around the topic, hoping Eli would come clean on this own. No, this called for a confrontation.
Wade stood and held up the phone. “Want to explain this?”
Eli’s gaze bounced from the cell to the bag on the floor, then to Wade’s face. “You’re looking through my stuff now?”
No way would Wade let them get derailed. He hadn’t been snooping. This wasn’t about trust or Andy. This was about the foundation of who they were together.
“Enough with the damned questions. Answer one.” The longer Eli stood there, not wearing anything except that blank look on his face, the more the anger swelled inside Wade. He almost crushed the cell in his fist but shook it instead. “What is this?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
A furious heat flushed through him. “Are you cheating on me?”
“What the fuck, Wade? Of course not.” Eli took a few steps and grabbed the phone. “I have told you over and over that I only want you.”
It wasn’t that simple for Wade. Eli could not push this aside or wipe it away with his mouth or another round in bed. Wade needed answers. Real answers.
Wade stood up and faced Eli down. “Then tell me why you have a second phone. One you’re hiding from me.”
“I wasn’t.”
The shorter and more cryptic Eli’s answers got, the more pissed off Wade became. Fury washed over him. He felt it in the thundering of his heart and the clenching of his stomach. Everything depended on the next few minutes. Eli had to know that.
“You can’t see your face.” But Wade could. Eli kept his expression b
lank, but there had been a blip. The slightest widening of his eyes and flash of panic when he saw the phone in Wade’s hand. “You’ve clearly been found out.”
“This thing where you assume the worst in me? It’s getting old. I’m tired of being on the defensive all the time.” Eli threw the phone—more like whipped it—sending it flying to land on the couch.
He could get as angry as he wanted to. Stomp around and throw up roadblocks. Wade was done. “No. We’re not doing it this way. If it’s a work phone, just tell me.”
Wade offered the out, hoping Eli wouldn’t take it. The setup might not be fair, but Wade knew to his soul that this cell, the one that lived in secret at the bottom of his bag, had nothing to do with Eli’s job. The actual one where he went to an office and earned a paycheck.
“It’s not work,” Eli said. “It’s not from Bast or the firm.”
Relief lapped over some of the frustration brewing inside Wade, but he still didn’t have a real answer. “Okay.”
Eli visibly swallowed. “Jennings gave it to me.”
The name now held a certain power over Wade. He had to fight to keep from closing his eyes in dread. Just the mention of the man and everything inside him ran cold. Froze solid as he waited for the conversation to turn. “Jennings? The same guy everyone talks about like he’s the fucking devil. That guy?”
“He’s not—”
“What? Tell me what he is and what he means to you.” Wade couldn’t fight what he didn’t know, and right now Jennings was a faceless threat. A dark nothingness that waited to take over everything.
“It’s not sexual, if that’s what you’re trying to say,” Eli said with anger edging his voice.
There they stood, a few feet apart, naked and verbally throwing punches. Wade just wanted the constant turmoil to end. If only all of their relationship could run like those precious minutes after sex when they lay there, talking and joking. When everything felt so good and right and complete.
But that wasn’t reality and Wade was not ducking this. “Keep talking.”
“You know I used to work with him. You know he’s dangerous and you know he wants me to work with him again.” Eli threw his hands out to the side. “That’s it.”
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