Retribution (Book 3 of The Dominion Series)

by Lund, S. E.

  We drive home in silence. I lean my forehead against the cold window and bite my cheek to gain control over my emotions. Julien says nothing, but I can hear his breathing and it's fast, as if he's fighting his emotions.

  Soren created a clone of Marguerite? He trained the clone to be a proper submissive? He gave her to Michel?

  I can't believe what a monster he is.

  We arrive at our cottage, and I rush inside once Julien unlocks the door. I go to our bedroom and into the en suite bathroom to wash my face. I feel soiled, having been in Soren's presence and want nothing more than to get out of Luke's velvet dress and into my own clothes. I brush my teeth, staring at my bloodshot eyes, my nose still red from crying.

  On top of it all – the anger at Soren, the arousal seeing Michel fucking Gabrielle -- Marguerite, the despair at Michel's apparent happiness with her, I feel the need building in me for vampire blood. I need to feel Julien's arms around me. I need to feel that sweet oblivion that his blood and body give me.

  I leave the bathroom and he's not in our bedroom. He's not in the office, checking emails. He's in the kitchen standing at the island with a knife and a small crystal goblet. Blood drips from his wrist into the glass. When he sees me standing in the entry to the great room, he looks back down to the glass without a word.

  "What are you doing?" I say in shock.

  He doesn't reply. Instead, he licks the wound he's made. He picks up the glass and walks to me.

  "Here's your blood," he says, his voice low. Then he goes to the closet and takes out an extra blanket and pillow. He throws them both on the couch and sits down, removing his shoes and socks. "I'm sleeping here."

  "Julien…" I say, my voice breaking.

  "Don't talk to me, Eve. Just go."

  "Soren's done this to you," I say.

  "No, you did this to me."

  He can't understand. I drink down his blood quickly, then I go to him and kneel on the floor beside the couch where he lays, with his back to the room, the blanket over his shoulder. I pull the blanket away and run my hand down his arm. I take his hand in mine, threading my fingers through his. "Don't shut me out."

  He pulls his hand away quickly and then turns over to face me, but his expression is hard.

  "I thought you made a choice. It seems you still want Michel."

  "I chose you," I say. "But you have to understand…"

  "I don't understand, Eve. You say you love me, but why are you so jealous of Michel with Gabrielle?"

  I shake my head, unable to explain.

  "I loved him," I say weakly. "It's just too soon to see him with someone else. That's all, Julien."

  "I can't be with you tonight, Eve. Don't touch me again. Just go to bed. We'll talk in the morning."

  "No," I say, desperate now to have him forgive me. The blood has started to work on me, and I feel so warm and aroused, and he's so beautiful in his heart-broken way, his blue eyes huge. "Please…" I lean closer to him, wanting to kiss his mouth, but he turns his head away.

  "Don't," he says and pushes me away forcefully so that I have to sit back on my heels and steady myself on the floor with my hands. "Not tonight, Eve. I need time." He turns over, his back to me and pulls the blanket back over his shoulder.

  I struggle to get up and just stand by the couch for a while. Finally, I turn away and go to the bedroom. Perhaps in the night he'll come to me, forgive me. He has to understand. It's just too soon.

  Soren's just such a bastard.

  I lie in bed and squirm, for the blood is making me so aroused in spite of my sadness and regret. I squeeze my thighs together and think of masturbating to relieve myself, but I resist. I don't want to for if I do, Soren will win somehow. I toss and turn like this for an hour until finally, I have to get up to go to the bathroom to take a sleeping pill.

  When I pass by the door to the great room where Julien is sleeping, I stop and listen. I hear something – a soft sound, breathing, a bit heavy, deep. The sound of skin against skin. Breath being held and released.

  I tiptoe closer and then I know what he's doing.

  He's masturbating, the sound I heard that of his hand sliding over his erection, his breathing fast, his strokes faster.

  I cover my mouth and bite back a gasp of shock, sadness filling me. I should be with him right now, fucking him, giving him the pleasure he needs, receiving the pleasure I need. Instead, I'm too ashamed about my jealousy and unwillingness to stay with him at Soren's to go to him, stop him and take over. Would he fight me? Has Soren compelled him to fight me?

  I tiptoe back into the bedroom and lie in my bed, my face crushed into my pillow to silence my tears.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  "Love and desire are the spirit's wings to great deeds."

  Goethe

  The next day dawns, and when I wake, I'm still alone in bed. Julien is still on the couch, the blanket twisted around him, the pillow over his head, his feet sticking out over the armrest. I go to his side and listen to his breathing, which is deep and slow. I wonder what Soren said to him last night – what new bit of compulsion he's inflicted on Julien in an effort to manipulate him and through him, me. I kneel down beside the couch and rest my hand on Julien's arm, which hangs out from the blanket, his hand resting on the floor. I try to read him, but can't.

  "Julien," I whisper. I run my hand down his arm to his hand and take it in mine. "Wake up."

  He jerks awake, and removes the pillow from his face, turning his half-closed eyes toward me.

  "What is it?" He sits bolt upright as if something's wrong and then he sees his hand in mine and pulls it away. "Don't touch me."

  "Julien!" I try to take it back, but he resists. "Why are you being like this?" I try to connect with him again, but for some reason, I can't. "Are you blocking me?"

  He says nothing for a moment, just runs his hands through his hair, his eyes not meeting mine. Finally he speaks, his voice low.

  "You shouldn't touch me. You can't connect with me either."

  "Why?" I try to take his hand once more but he turns away from me and stands up, trying to hide his morning erection by pulling his t-shirt over it.

  "Just don't even try," he says, his voice harsh.

  He leaves the living room and makes his way to the bathroom. I follow him, my gut in a knot. Has Soren compelled him to avoid touching me?

  When Julien reaches the bathroom he starts to close the door. I stop him with my shoulder, sticking my foot inside. He glances down at my foot and then at me.

  "Don't come in."

  "Julien!" I'm really angry now, and push against the door, trying to get inside. "We need to talk."

  "I have to take a piss."

  "So?" I say, pushing the door all the way open.

  He lets me in finally and turns his back to me, standing at the toilet for several long minutes before I finally hear the sound of him urinating.

  "What do you want?" he says, his voice a bit shaky.

  I stand behind him while he pees, waiting for him to turn around. He finishes, then goes to the sink to wash up. I just watch him, wondering what I can say.

  "Soren's compelled you to stay away from me and not let me connect with you."

  He says nothing while he washes his hands and then throws water over his face. He dries off, glancing at himself in the mirror before moving his eyes to my reflection briefly.

  "Did you hear me?" I say, my voice near breaking. "I said Soren's compelled you to stay away from me. Not let me touch you. For us not to connect."

  "Are you going to class this morning?" he says, sidling past me to the closet, where he takes out a clean shirt and then to his suitcase for a clean pair of jeans.

  "Julien!" I say and grab his arm.

  He glances at my hand on his arm once more like it's some foreign thing he doesn't recognize. He turns away, pulling his arm from my hand.

  "Don't," he says, his voice low. "You can't touch me."

  "Why not?"

  He shakes his head as if
he doesn't know the answer. "You just can't."

  "Julien, don't you realize that Soren's compelled you not to let us touch? It's just to punish us. To torture us."

  He pulls his jeans on and zips up awkwardly, then pulls on his white shirt, saying nothing while he buttons it. Finally, he looks at me, his face hard, but he says nothing.

  "Don't you want to touch me, to connect with me?" I say, stepping closer. "Don't you want to kiss me?"

  He says nothing for a moment. Then he sighs, exhaling loudly.

  "Of course."

  "Then do it."

  "I can't."

  I grit my teeth. That bastard…

  I step even closer and the closer I get, the more uncomfortable he appears, his face showing actual panic.

  "Please," he almost hisses.

  "Kiss me," I say and take another step. Now he's pressed against the wall.

  "Eve, don't do this. I can't kiss you."

  "Why?"

  "I just can't!" he says, chopping his hand down between us as if to demark where I may not pass.

  "What will happen if you do?"

  He slides away from me and I follow him to the kitchen where he starts filling the coffee maker with water. I come up behind him and slip my arms around his waist and he inhales, his breath sounding as if he's in pain. He pulls my arms away as if my touch burns him and steps away backwards. He holds his hands out, palms forward, like he's trying to ward me off.

  "Eve, you can't touch me. I can't touch you."

  "But you want to, right?"

  He nods after a moment. "God, I want to, but I can't. You can't. I can't let you."

  "Soren's done this."

  It's like he doesn't hear me. I try something. I pull my nightgown off and stand in front of him, completely naked. I run my hands down my body from my shoulders to my breasts, which I cup momentarily, tweaking my own nipples, and then slide my fingers down to my hips.

  His eyes widen. "What are you doing?"

  "I want you, Julien. I need you. "

  I watch his response, his nostrils flaring as he takes in a deep breath, watching as I move my hands over my belly, one slipping to my mound, which I touch lightly.

  "I can't touch you," he says, his eyes glued to my fingers, which slide between my now-parted thighs.

  "Can you touch yourself?" I say, all breathy.

  He frowns for a moment and then his hand is on his fly, unzipping his jeans. He pulls them off, and in his haste, almost trips on the pant legs around his feet. His boxer briefs follow, discarded on the floor and he's gripping his already-erect cock, but his shirt covers him up.

  "Take off your shirt," I say, one hand on my breast, the other between my labia.

  He does, throwing it on the floor, eager to get his hand back on himself.

  "Fuck," he says. "I want you, but I can't touch you."

  "I know. We can't touch each other," I say and lick my lips seductively. "But we can touch ourselves."

  I go to the bedroom and lie on the bed, my thighs spread wide, my legs hanging off the edge of the bed. I lay completely back, one hand on my breast, the other stroking myself. He stands a foot away from me at the side of the bed, his eyes are wide as he strokes his erection.

  "Oh, God, Eve," he says, his gaze moving over my body. "I need you."

  "I need you." I sit up and he almost jumps back, as if there's some danger zone that I can't come within.

  "Do you want some of my saliva?" I say, then gather up my spit in my mouth.

  He exhales heavily, and nods. "But don't touch me." He holds his erection out and I keep my head a foot away and let it fall onto the head. This seems to really excite him and he closes his eyes for a moment and spreads the fluid over his erection, then strokes firm and fast.

  "Touch yourself again," he commands. "Bend your knees on the edge of the bed."

  I do, lifting my feet to the sides and return to touching myself.

  "You like when I do this?" I say, whispering.

  "Fuck, yes."

  He stands there, stroking while I do as well. "Put your fingers inside of you," he commands. I do and he closes his eyes for a moment, his hand moving faster.

  "Lean over me," I say.

  I open my thighs wide and he keeps a foot of distance between us, putting one hand beside me on the bed, careful to keep it some proper distance away. At least now, we're almost eye-to-eye. I look between our bodies, and see both of us rubbing and stroking furiously, and the look in his eyes is almost ecstatic as he gets closer to his release.

  "I want to come on your pussy," he says and I smile, almost laughing, because Soren hasn't beaten us.

  "Do it," I say.

  "I'm going to," he says, his voice wavering, his breath ragged. "Spread yourself wide. I want to see your pink."

  I do, and he finishes, his body flexed forward, trembling as he ejaculates on me.

  "Oh, God, oh God…"

  He stands breathing heavily for a moment, slowly stroking himself. Then, he leans over me, his hands on the bed beside my shoulders, a safe distance away. I continue stroking, my fingers inside of me, watching the delight on his face from beneath my lashes. His gaze is riveted to my hand and body but while I come, he watches my face, his lips parted, breath still fast.

  "That's so good, Eve," he says while I lie there, recovering, my fingers slipping out of my body. He stares down into my eyes, and slowly, that lopsided grin starts. "You're a genius."

  I smile back. "That bastard is no match against pure lust."

  "I want to kiss you so much," he says.

  "I do too," I say. I touch my lips with my fingers and blow him a kiss. He mimes catching it and presses his fingers to his lips.

  "One day, I'll kill him," I say.

  "If I don't first," he says, smiling. We just remain like that for a moment, our eyes locked together.

  The school day passes quickly without incident and my shift at the Cove is really busy. Before I know it, I’ve cleaned my twentieth table and it's almost ten. Julien shows up and is sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender while I finish up and sign out.

  “How’d it go?” he asks as I get in the car. “Think you can manage two shifts a week? I was thinking we could stretch our stay here so you could at least finish one semester, get some credit. I don’t want you working too hard so that it affects your grades.”

  I shake my head. “It was fine. Boss said if I work out OK, I could pick up a shift or two as a hostess. Get me out of bussing.”

  “Yeah, they like keeping the sweet young thangs for the front, attract the customers in.” He glances at me, smiling.

  I want to squeeze his arm but don't. “And the hot young studs behind the bar.”

  He laughs.

  "Hardly young or hot. I mean, temperature-wise." He has that playful sparkle in his eye.

  I'm glad the tension has been eased between us and he feels able to speak to me now that we had our little mutual-masturbation encounter. But he was right before when he said I could easily get caught up in the whole university junior world if I let myself. I’ve always told myself my lack of normal didn’t matter. That I had a larger purpose in life – to protect our world against vampires. But in truth, in my secret heart of hearts, I really just wanted it all to go away, and for me to be ordinary. To have had my real family, friends and a boyfriend who loved me.

  Julien knows how I feel. He understands how and why I'm so different. As much as I want to escape my previous life for normal, I know I can't ever really do it, so being with him is a comfort.

  I don't have to pretend with him. He knows me, inside and out.

  “Eve, you have to understand that, every now and then I forget what you are,” he says as we pull in the driveway at the cottage. We sit in the car for a moment. “I have to keep reminding myself that you’re actually very strong. Competent. Dangerous.” He turns to me, his expression serious. “I look at you and see this sweet young girl-woman who’s seen too way much blood and violence, experienced
way too much heartbreak. I want to protect you. I’ve got to remember that you’re my partner so,” he says and looks away. “That’s my mea culpa. My confession.” He holds his hands up. “You said I was over-protective? Guilty as charged. I have to back off a bit.”

  “Thanks,” I say, warmth spreading through me at how honest he's being.

  I shower and dress as quickly as possible, but my hair is still damp despite the blow dryer. I put on this little black lace top, my jeans and heels. I put on some drop earrings and a bit more makeup than normal.

  “How do I look?” I say as I turn in a circle in front of Julien. “Will I pass muster?”

  He shakes his head as he looks me up and down. “You look,” he says and hesitates. “Good enough to eat. I might just have to take a shotgun into the pub with me.”

  I laugh at that. “You look pretty nice yourself.” He wears a black sweater and jeans, with a black belt and looks like he might have stepped out of GQ with those whiskers growing fashionably on his jaw and the dark hair. I allow myself to see him as a man. The other female students will swoon over him.

  If they knew he was a self-described day-walking super-warrior-vampire-hunting vampire killer, I wonder how they’d feel.

  That's someone only I could love.

  Julien drives to the fourth pub on the list after I finish getting ready and we enter and walk into the dimness of the bar. There's a small dance floor and a VJ had set up with a big screen playing music videos. Some students are dancing while others stand around in small groups. I stop beside Julien at the edge of the dance floor and watch, my heart beating faster than it usually did when I was in a fight. I think of how different this is from last night at Soren's. This is where I really belong – feeling nervous and awkward at a college function, not an organized vampire and slave orgy.

  I scan the floor looking for people I recognize, but don't see Nate – thankfully. I see Sarah Rhys and Brenda as well as several others at a table. Brenda waves at me and motions for me to come over. I nod and make my way through the dancers to their table, Julien behind me.