Beautifully Damaged

by Fiore, L. A.

  "I love you."

  I heard as he placed the knives down before he turned into me and wrapped me in his arms.

  "What was that for?"

  I knew when my eyes met his that mine were a little bright. He watched me tenderly as he wiped away a tear that had slipped from my eye to roll down my cheek.

  "Ember?"

  "You're an incredible human being, Trace Montgomery."

  It was confusion in his eyes but I pulled from him and wrapped his face in my hands before pressing a kiss on his lips. "I just wanted you to know that. Okay, so show me how this is done."

  He brushed his knuckles over my cheek as he smiled and then he turned and placed a cutting board in front of me before handing me a large knife.

  "This is a chef's knife and, personally, I think it's the best knife to have in the kitchen."

  I stood there learning about knives as a smile touched my lips because my inked avenging angel, was an excellent teacher.

  That night, as Trace and I snuggled up in front of the television watching Psych, the phone rang. Trace reached behind us for the receiver and when he spoke, being that I was resting up against his chest, I felt as his words rumbled up his chest.

  "Hello."

  "Hi, Shawn. ...really? ...when? One second... Em, you up for a trip?"

  I leaned up and turned to Trace before I asked, "What's up?"

  "Your dad and uncle located Darlene Moore. She works at a bar in Ramsey, New Jersey and they're on their way to talk with her and wanted to know if we wanted to join them."

  "Yes."

  He smiled as he lifted the receiver to his ear. "We're leaving now so we'll see you soon."

  Darlene was not at all what I expected. She was in her late forties but she looked much older. I couldn't help but wonder, as I watched her, why someone who had been a nurse was waiting tables at a bar. Trace and I arrived before my dad and uncle so we grabbed a table and ordered a drink. Trace was sitting at my side as his fingers lightly brushed over the back of my hand. The action was so unconscious that I didn't think he even knew he was doing it.

  "Dinner was delicious, Ember."

  "The Test Kitchen Gods never fail."

  He grinned at me as he leaned up and took my hand into his. "Just because you have a great recipe doesn't automatically mean you're going to make a great meal. There is skill involved, Ember."

  I smiled since I didn't necessarily agree with him but I moved from that and said, "You're a wonderful teacher, Trace."

  He blushed which had me leaning closer to him as I ran my finger over his cheekbone. "You're blushing."

  "No, I'm not."

  "You are and, wow, I understand now the attraction to the blush."

  He straightened in his chair and tried to look serious. "I am not blushing, Ember."

  I grinned as I sat back in my seat. "Okay, if you say so."

  "I do say so."

  "Seriously, though, Trace you really are a wonderful teacher. Did you ever cook at any of your restaurants?"

  "I was a sous chef at Clover before I bought it. I didn't like the head chef; thought he was an arrogant jackass who didn't know the difference between sauteing and frying. I replaced him with Chef when I bought the place."

  "I like Chef."

  "Chef likes you."

  "How do you know?"

  "He told me."

  "Does he know about us?"

  "Does he know that you are the very air I breathe? Yes, he knows."

  I reached for his hand and pressed a kiss in his palm. "I feel the same way about you."

  His smile was beautiful. "I know."

  We were silent for a moment and then I asked, "Why don't you still work at one of your restaurants?"

  "I like cooking but I think I like teaching more."

  "Have you ever thought of teaching at a cooking school?"

  He was silent a moment and I could tell, from the look on his face, that he had thought of that and then he offered, "I always wanted to open my own cooking school but who wants to be taught by the likes of me? What are my qualifications? Not to mention, I don't have the best reputation."

  "I think the only qualification that matters is that you cook like a freaking god, Trace."

  "It's not really practical, not for someone like me, Ember." His tone was one of finality and it was that, more than his words, that had the anger stirring. I wasn't mad at Trace, I was enraged at the lingering impact of his parents' neglect. His dream was to open a cooking school then, goddamn it, I was going to see to it that he had his school. I had no idea how I was going to make it happen but it had become my mission. Lucien was probably a good place to start since the man did own a Maybach and he invested, a lot. I was pulled from my plotting when Trace reached for my hand and pulled me from my chair.

  "Where are we going?"

  He said nothing, just continued to pull me to an area that I realized was a small dance floor before he turned me to him and held me close. His lips were right near my ear when he whispered, "Have you ever listened to the words of this song?"

  "What song is it?"

  "Everything from Lifehouse."

  "No."

  And then he started to sing to me as he slowly moved me around the floor.

  You calm the storms and you give me rest

  You hold me in your hands

  You won't let me fall

  You steal my heart and you take my breath away

  Would you take me in, take me deeper now

  And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

  Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

  And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

  Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

  Cause you're all I want, you're all I need

  You're everything, everything

  When the song came to an end, he pulled back to look at me only to see the tears that were clinging to my lashes and wetting my cheeks.

  "That song perfectly states how I feel for you, Ember."

  It was the magnitude of the love I felt for him that had me speaking the words that came directly from my heart.

  "Marry me, Trace."

  Shock flashed over his expression at first and then a smile spread over his face as he framed my face with his hands.

  "You're stealing my thunder, sweetheart."

  It took me a minute to process his answer and when I had my reply was anything but eloquent. "Wait, what?"

  He only smiled before he said, "Yes, Ember, I will marry you."

  I felt elation, total and complete joy, and then understanding settled over me. "You were going to ask me?"

  He moved so that his lips were just over mine before he whispered, "I'm still going to ask you."

  "But you already agreed to marry me."

  "Um..."and then he was kissing me. After a bit he pulled away and grinned as he reached for my hand and started back towards our table. He held my chair for me before taking his own and as his eyes found mine he reached for his beer.

  "I always imagined when the woman I loved asked me to marry her that she'd get down on one knee."

  I narrowed my eyes at him and he chuckled before he reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed my fingertips before his expression turned serious.

  "Teasing aside, you asking me to marry you is hands down the greatest moment of my life. Thank you."

  I moved closer to him so that our mouths were only inches apart before I replied, "You agreeing to marry me is hands down the greatest moment of my life. Thank you."

  At that moment, the door opened as Trace's eyes moved from me to just behind me as a smile touched his lips.

  "Your dad and uncle are here."

  "Are we going to tell them?" I asked.

  "Hell, yes!"

  Just then my dad came up behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders.

  "Hello, Emmie."

  He leaned over and brushed a kiss on my hea
d just as I heard Uncle Josh's greeting.

  "Hi Ember, Trace."

  Trace stood and reached his hand across the table to shake my uncle's hand and then my dad's before he said, "Ember just asked me to marry her."

  I put my head down and started banging it against the table. "Nice segue, Trace."

  His response was a grin, a completely unrepentant grin, before he added, "I said, yes."

  My dad's voice was filled with joy when he reached for Trace and pulled him in for a hug.

  "Welcome to the family, son."

  I sat back and watched as my uncle also hugged Trace and saw the look on Trace's face, a combination of happiness and embarrassment, and it was my turn for an unrepentant grin. And then I was being lifted from my chair and pulled into my dad's arms.

  "I am so happy for you, Ember."

  "When is the happy day?" Uncle Josh chimed in.

  "When can I expect grandkids?"

  I paled as my eyes moved to Trace who was watching us with a tender smile on his face. "Nine months after I get my ring on her finger."

  I was confused because he didn't want children and he seemed to understand what I was thinking, being the great mind reader that he was, as he moved to me and pulled me into his arms.

  "A child that comes from the love we have for each other, a child that is a part of both you and me, how could I not want that?"

  I reached up to touch his face. "You're healing, Trace."

  "I am and it's all because of you."

  Trace pulled my chair out for me as we joined my dad and uncle at the table. Uncle Josh reached for my hand and squeezed. "Congratulations, Ember."

  "Thank you."

  "Wait until the guys hear about this, Ember." My dad said and that thought had a smile curving my lips because a more masculine bunch of mothering hens I did not know.

  Our attentions turned to Darlene as my uncle stood. "She knows we're coming. I'll be right back."

  I was watching my uncle but my dad's voice pulled my attention to him.

  "Do you have any idea where you want to get married?"

  I looked over at Trace who was watching me with such love and the sight of him, in all of his hard-ass glory, looking at me with such tenderness took my breath away. I reached for his hand to hold in mine before I looked back at my dad.

  "If Trace doesn't mind, I'd like to get married in the chapel where you and mom were married."

  My dad covered my hand with his own.

  "I was really hoping you were going to say that."

  At that moment, Uncle Josh returned with Darlene and seeing her up close really showed that the years had not been good to her. Deep lines cut the areas around her mouth and eyes and her hair, at one time brown if her roots were any indication, was dyed in an attempt to look blonde but she wasn't keeping up with the treatments. She was thin, almost too thin, and her blue eyes looked very tired. Both my dad and Trace stood as the introductions were made. Darlene stared at Trace a moment too long and I assumed it was due to a sudden spike in her blood pressure at the sight of his male beauty before she settled at the table. Her eyes turned to me as a smile touched his lips.

  "You look so much like her. She loved you so much and used to talk about you all the time. She had a booklet of photos that she would whip out to show to anyone even slightly interested." Darlene's eyes moved to my dad before she added, "Both of you."

  Her eyes moved to my uncle before she asked, "What do you want to know?"

  "Right before Mandy died she was working on something. Do you happen to know what she may have been up to?"

  Darlene sat back in her chair and thought on it for a few minutes before she offered, "I do remember she was really off weeks before the accident. I never knew what it was that was bothering her but I do know it had something to do with her friend, Teresa Nolan; whatever it was it put an end to their friendship."

  My dad leaned up in his chair. "What do you mean?"

  "She and Teresa stopped speaking after their huge fight."

  "What fight?"

  "I wasn't there but I heard it was in the hospital cafeteria. Teresa was visiting some doctor that she was smitten with and something that Teresa said really upset Mandy. They had words and then Teresa stormed off. They didn't speak again after that and it was around that time that Mandy started acting oddly."

  "Meaning?" Uncle Josh prompted.

  "She seemed paranoid at times, secretive, and then there was the whole drug thing."

  "What drug thing?" Trace asked.

  "Mandy developed an unusual interest in the drug benzodiazephine: specifically the withdrawal symptoms."

  "What is that?" I asked.

  "It's a psychoactive drug, a really powerful sedative among other things. You know she was spending a fair amount of time with Dr. Cavanaugh, the head of the psychiatric department at the hospital. She could probably tell you more."

  My uncle looked over at my dad who was sitting silently, looking almost lost in thought, as he asked him. "Did you know Mandy and Teresa had a falling out?"

  "I suspected since Teresa stopped coming around but I wasn't really that upset about it because Teresa really wasn't much of a friend. She was more interested in what Mandy could do for her and if the grass was greener, she'd roam."

  His eyes turned to me as a slight smile touched his lips just before Trace offered, "Like mother, like daughter."

  Trace's comment had me turning my attention to him as a smile touched his lips before he added, "A friend who isn't much of a friend."

  "She really wasn't much of a friend. Teresa was self-serving and looked out for only herself. Mandy was generous to a fault, at times. You know the other thing I didn't understand about Teresa was that she claimed to be in love with this doctor, a man who was old enough to be her father, but the few times I saw her she wasn't with the doctor."

  Darlene's eyes moved back to Trace and I noticed something close to tenderness move across her expression before she added, "In fact, the man she was with looked a lot like you."

  I looked from Darlene to Trace and saw as he clenched his jaw as the blood drained from his face. My uncle reached across the table with his phone.

  "Was this the man?"

  Darlene pulled her eyes from Trace and looked at the picture and it was clear that she recognized the face but what was even more interesting was her reaction to seeing him -- her jaw clenched and her lips thinned -- before she offered,"Yeah, that's him."

  Trace's voice was hard when he said, "Douglas."

  "Yes."

  I rested my hand on Trace's lap as I leaned closer to him. "I love you, Trace."

  He leaned over and brushed his lips over my neck as he whispered, "I don't deserve you but I'll never let you go."

  I touched his chin and lifted his eyes to mine before I whispered, "...but you do and maybe one day you'll finally realize that."

  He didn't answer me except to lift my hand and press a kiss in my palm. He kept my hand in his as we both tuned back into the conversation in time to hear my dad say, "Teresa and Douglas, I wonder if Victoria knew?"

  "I doubt it since she was out of it all the time." Trace offered softly.

  "Wait! Trace you said your mom was zoned out that night you asked her for help but what if she wasn't zoned out, what if she was drugged? Think about it, my mom visits your mom and suddenly she takes an interest in the withdrawal symptoms of a drug that's a powerful sedative."

  Uncle Josh pulled a hand through his hair as he leaned back in his chair. "It makes sense. How much do you want to bet that Teresa was dating the doctor for the scripts? She was probably bragging to Mandy about her clever ruse that day in the cafeteria. It would be so like Mandy to visit Victoria to confirm for herself if the woman was really in harm."

  I looked at Darlene, saw a flicker in her eyes and wondered what she was thinking before I asked, "If someone was on that drug for any period of time could it make them almost comatose?"

  She didn't hesitate to answer. "Absolute
ly."

  "Do you remember the doctor's name, Darlene?" My dad asked.

  "Dr. Richard Grant. He heads up the cardiac division now."

  Uncle Josh noted that down as I turned my attention to Trace; he was livid.

  "It sounds like something my bastard of a father would do; drugging his wife to keep her oblivious while he spent her money and abused her children."

  "I never understood how your mother sat back and allowed the horrors but if she was drugged, Trace, she didn't have any control over herself. She was as much a victim as you and Chelsea."

  His voice was very flat when he replied, "I know."

  "Where is Teresa now?" My dad asked.

  "I don't know." Darlene said. "After Mandy died I never saw her again."

  I looked over at her and noticed that there were tears in her eyes as she looked at Trace.

  My dad turned to Uncle Josh. "We need to find that bitch."

  "Absolutely."

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  A few nights later, Trace and I were heading to a club to meet up with Trent and Lucien. We were sitting in a cab and Trace had my hand in his as he looked out the window. Trace had been distracted ever since the meeting with Darlene. Lord knew he had a great deal in which to distract him but I hurt for him because he still believed himself some how responsible for his father. I wished that there was some way I could take that burden from him but I knew that he'd never truly be free of it until he realized, finally, that he was nothing like his father.

  I planned on pulling Lucien aside that evening so I could pick his brain about starting up a cooking school since I didn't have a clue where to begin. While thinking about Lucien, I remembered Trace's comment about him. I turned to Trace and asked, "Why did you call Lucien a dangerous friend?"

  Trace's head turned to mine and I saw as his mind shifted gears from whatever he was thinking about to focus on me. A slight smile touched his lips before he offered, "Lucien Black is a bit of a gangster, Ember."

  "What?"

  "Yeah, I don't know all the details about him but I know that, though most of his businesses are legit now, they didn't start out that way."