The Man of My Dreams

by Stephanie Aviles

  Elena couldn’t help but feel a little envious that he got to take care of his father in his last days when she had been robbed of hers. But she wasn’t resentful toward Daniel anymore—he had only been trying to protect her in his own way. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “I’m sorry too. He was a great man and an even better father. I didn’t want to completely separate from the Air Force, so I joined the reserves.”

  “And how do you like it?”

  “I love it. I still get to do what I love and serve my country doing it.” He took a bite of his pizza. “How about you? Why did you get out?”

  Leaving the Air Force was a decision she had struggled with for years, but there came a time when the uniform no longer fit what she wanted for her life. “It was time for me. I had other dreams to follow.”

  “Like writing?” he questioned.

  “Like writing,” she agreed. “By the way, thank you for what you did for me the other day. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  “You looked like you were doing just fine,” he laughed.

  “I was not,” she said laughing. “I was totally just making it up as I went.”

  “And I guess that’s what makes you a great writer.”

  Elena leaned back in her chair. “How do you know I’m a great writer?”

  “Because I know you. And I know anything you do you do well.”

  “I wish you would have thought that seven years ago,” she said, remembering the numerous arguments she had had with him about the pettiest things. She remembered him in his uniform and how handsome he looked in it. Once she had seen him get out of his jet and she had admired him silently from afar.

  “I never said you didn’t do your job well.”

  “Well, you sure gave me a hard time about it,” she said, and then she remembered what he had told her—it was the only way he knew how to keep away.

  “I was a fool back then,” he confessed.

  “Then?” she teased.

  “Okay, maybe I still have a little of that trait left,” he agreed with a boyish smile. His blue eyes beckoned Elena like a siren’s call.

  “You ready?” he asked. “There is somewhere I want to take you.”

  “Yes,” she said.

  They walked down the strip to the Venetian. When they entered the hotel, Elena admired the magnificence of it. Daniel led her toward the grand entrance of the canal shops, and she was transported to the magical world of sixteenth-century Venice. “I’ve always wanted to go to Italy,” Elena said. “I never thought I would find it in Vegas.” She looked at the gondolas in the waterway with the gondoliers serenading the couples as they made their way down the canal.

  “We should put these vouchers to use.” He waved the gondola tickets in his hand.

  Elena looked at the couples and the romantic setting. “I don’t think that’s such a great idea.”

  “Come on, it will be fun, and it’s free,” Daniel insisted with a smile.

  Elena really wanted to get on one of the gondolas—it was something she had always wanted to do—but she felt like it would be betraying Alex, especially if she got on it with Daniel.

  “Listen, it’s just a gondola ride. You were willing to jump out of a plane with me; I think you will be safe riding in a little boat,” he teased.

  “Okay,” Elena agreed with an eager smile.

  They went up to the attendant to board the gondola, and Daniel handed him the vouchers. They were the only ones on the boat when they took off, and the gondolier started singing to them as they rode through the canal. “This is pretty nice,” Elena said.

  “You should go to Italy one day and enjoy the real thing.”

  “When did you go to Italy?” Elena asked.

  “After you left Japan. Things were pretty lame without you harassing me about not turning in my reports on time, so I went TDY to Aviano Air Base for a couple of months, before my dreadful assignment to Minot AFB,” he teased. “I have to admit it’s one of the most beautiful countries I have visited. I immediately fell in love with it. You see it has an essence of its own; it has a very rustic and enchanting charm about it that just consumes you. In a way, it reminded me of you.”

  “What?” Elena was starting to get nervous. This was getting a little too personal. She wasn’t ready for Daniel to say something she had been afraid to hear.

  “You’re unique. You have a lot of life in you, and you’re not afraid to follow your dreams. I admire that—just don’t ever let someone take that away from you.”

  Elena was amazed by how well this man knew her. “Thank you, that means a lot. It’s hard when you tell people you’re going to follow your dreams. I sometimes get these fake smiles in return, and I know they think I’m just a dreamer, but who cares, right?”

  “Screw them,” he said.

  They both laughed.

  When the gondola ride ended, Daniel stepped out of the boat and held his hand out for Elena. She accepted his hand without any of the reservation she would have felt a month ago. “Thank you. It was very lovely.”

  “Anytime,” he said holding on to her hand longer than needed.

  “I think we should start heading back. We have an early morning tomorrow,” she suggested.

  “You’re right, we should head back, but how about just one drink before we call it a night? I mean we have these nice resort vouchers that are begging to be spent.”

  Elena looked at him skeptically, not trusting her own judgment at the moment.

  “It’s Vegas. You have to have a drink,” he persisted.

  She was surprised by how easily Daniel was able to convince her. “Just one drink,” she agreed. This man could make her agree to anything.

  They walked back to the hotel, making small talk and admiring the nightlife Vegas had to offer. At the bar, Elena ordered a glass of red wine and Daniel ordered a bourbon.

  The lights were dim in the bar, and a pianist played a song in the background. Couples sat at intimate small tables across from each other enjoying the ambiance. She glanced over to Daniel. What was it about him, she thought? He seemed to pull her toward him. She couldn’t compare Daniel and Alex to one another because they were as different as night and day. Alex was kind and romantic and generous beyond means; he looked after others before himself. He had confessed his love for her and had expected nothing back in return. Daniel, on the other hand, was fearless. He was arrogant and courageous at the same time. One moment he could be the biggest, most selfish jerk on earth and then turn around and save her from whatever she had gotten herself into. She wasn’t in control of her emotions when she was around him. He had a way of clouding her judgment and making her feel free of fears and repercussions like the world was hers for the taking.

  “Would you like to dance?” Daniel said, interrupting her thoughts.

  Elena looked at the dance floor where two couples were already dancing. She knew she shouldn’t, but her heart and her common sense weren’t agreeing right now. “Why not?” She smiled and followed him to the dance floor. She was about to play with fire as she placed her hands in his.

  “You know, the first time I came here, I was a second lieutenant straight out of the academy. I got so drunk I passed out and missed my scheduled flight the next morning. I was in deep shit with the commander for that. I swore from that day on that I would never get drunk like that again.”

  “And did you?” she asked.

  “Only once,” he admitted.

  “When was that?”

  “The day after you left Japan,” he said with a husky voice.

  “You celebrated that much,” Elena teased.

  “On the contrary,” he said. “I was pissed at myself for sending you away. For letting you go.”

  Elena could no longer take the subtle hints; she needed the truth once and for all. “Then why did you?”

  His eyes burned into hers. “I told you why I did it.”

  “You told me it was because of Steven, but why did yo
u care?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” he questioned her.

  “No, it’s not,” Elena pushed. She knew she was treading in a dangerous zone right now, but she had to know once and for all.

  “Because you’re my Italy.”

  Chapter 22

  Elena’s heart swelled with a passion unknown to her. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

  “It wasn’t the right time. I was an officer, and you were an enlisted.”

  Now she understood the reason behind his behavior. “You didn’t want to ruin your career,” she concluded.

  “My career wasn’t the one I was worried about. I didn’t want to hurt you, Elena. You were a rising star, and you had a lot of promise ahead of you. I didn’t want to be the one to interfere with that. So I tried to be the worst me so you would hate me. It made things easier for me. It was the only way I knew how to stay away.”

  Those familiar words rang in her ears. Now it all made sense to her. The way he tormented her but protected her from those who would put her to shame. “I’m with Alex now, Daniel,” Elena whispered.

  “And you’re with Alex now,” he said. “You know he will never make you happy.”

  “Stop saying that, please,” she begged.

  “Why? Because it’s true?” Daniel questioned, pulling her a little closer to him.

  Elena looked away; she didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes for fear he would see the truth of his words.

  “I know I haven’t been the greatest person, but I’ve tried my hardest to do right by you no matter how much you’ve hated me at times because, in the end, I knew you were worth it. I’m not the nice perfect guy Alex is, and I will probably never be.I have a past that would make the strongest person cringe, but one thing that is true from the depth of my soul is that from the moment I met you, I knew I would move hell and earth for you.”

  Elena looked at him, and all the walls she had built up inside to protect herself from him came crumbling down. She looked at him, and the hunger in his eyes was enough for her to forget any resolve she had. She wrapped her arms around his neck, he leaned in at her invitation and claimed her mouth in a passionate kiss. His hands embraced her waist, and she felt like she was holding on to him like her life depended on it. Her mind was screaming, this was wrong, she shouldn’t be doing this, but her heart said otherwise; it said this is exactly where she needed to be.

  The dance slowed down, and they both stood there holding each other. At that moment, no barrier existed between them. The world had disappeared around them, and everything was right, but why did it feel so wrong? “Daniel, I can’t do this,” Elena confessed. The reality of her situation was setting in. She couldn’t do this to Alex; he deserved more from her.

  “Elena don’t…” he pleaded.

  “I’m sorry.” She pulled away from him. “This should have never happened.”

  She left the bar, walking blindly through the crowd of people and the cloud of cigarette smoke from the casino. She felt like such a horrible person. How could she do this to Alex or Daniel? It just wasn’t fair. She had let her emotions get the best of her, and in the end, she would end up hurting them both. She made her way to the elevator. “Come on,” she said, impatiently pushing the elevator button. She knew she was running away like a coward, but she was afraid that if she stayed, it would go beyond a kiss and the guilt of giving in to him and betraying Alex would consume her. The door opened, and she ran in, not even waiting for the people to come out of the elevator.

  She tapped the elevator button impatiently. She looked out, waiting for Daniel to come running in any minute. The doors finally started to close, and Elena was able to start breathing again.

  Daniel walked out of the bar and into the street. He felt like he had sliced open a newly healed wound. She didn’t want him, and she would never choose him. He wasn’t good enough for her, and he knew it. The rejection had been harder than he had thought. He had dared to hope, to confess his feelings for her, and for a moment, he thought she felt it too, but she had closed that door on him. He walked down the street toward nothing in particular. He just wanted to get away from it all. He felt beaten down, and old feelings of loneliness and rejection that were all too familiar tried to crawl back in, but he refused to be weak. He would weather this just like he always had.

  After walking for endless hours, he ended up at another bar in some random casino. He stared into his drink, and all he could feel was the touch of Elena’s lips on his. He had wondered for years what it would be like to kiss her, and it had felt like he had finally found his home. He laughed at himself for being such an idiot. What did he expect? For Elena to confess her undying love for him? He drank the rest of his drink. He reached into his wallet to pay and saw the folded envelope containing the letter from his mother he had put in there, not having the courage to read it. “Well, today is a day for rejection, so why not one more?”

  He grabbed the envelope and quickly opened it. A faded picture fell on the counter. Daniel picked it up and looked at the picture of his mother holding his hand. He had forgotten how beautiful she was. She was smiling in the picture, and he was next to her, probably about four years old, and he was holding her hand and looking up at her. He carefully put the picture back in the envelope. He took a deep breath and opened the letter from his mother:

  Dear Daniel,

  Words will never be able to express the deepest pain a mother feels when leaving a child. Not seeing you grow up and being there for all your first moments has haunted me these many years. My life is near an end, and I have so many regrets. Regrets of not being the mother you always deserved. I have felt a sorrow in my heart for you that at times has been impossible to bear and my only consolation is to hope that you had a happy life.

  I made so many terrible decisions in my life, and I didn’t want you to be plagued by the mistakes that I made. I knew I had become a danger to you when I left you at the store when you were only four years old. I was so high on drugs I didn’t remember I had brought you along. The cops brought you back home to me. I was in a panic not knowing where I had left you. It was then I realized that I was putting you in harm’s way. As a mother, I had to protect you, even if it was from myself. The decision to leave you and your father was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I thought I would be able to get better and return to you, but it took many years for me to find the right path and many ups and downs after that. By then you were eighteen years old, and you had been adopted by a nice family. As much as I yearned to reach out to you and hold you in my arms once more, I didn’t want to interrupt the stability you had finally found in your life. I was just putting my life together, and I couldn’t bring you back to the madness that mine still was.

  I learned of all your struggles with your father and I blame myself for not being strong enough to fight the devil within me and be the mother you needed me to be and protect you from him. Daniel, I want you to know that I have thought about you every single day of my life and have mourned the loss of that young little boy I left sleeping so many years ago. I want you to know that of all the many wrongs I did, you were one of the right things that I did well in my life.

  I have always loved you, my dear boy, and I hope that you will live life to its fullest and not let the mistakes of your parents rule how you live your life. I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me, and if you ever remember one thing about me, please know that I never stopped loving you.

  Love you,

  Mom

  * * *

  Daniel read the letter two more times before folding it back up and putting it back into the envelope. He wasn’t sure if he felt any better now than he had before. She said she had never stopped loving him, but then why did his sister not even know of his existence? Was she ashamed of her past? He wasn’t a parent and didn’t know how hard it was to leave a child, but he vowed he would never abandon his own flesh and blood. He looked at the picture once more, at the young woman
he remembered as his mother, her laughter, kisses, and hugs. When had it all gone so wrong for her? Why hadn’t he been enough to make her want to get clean? Daniel shoved the envelope back in his wallet. He wasn’t ready to forgive yet. He wasn’t ready to let go of a lifetime of anger, resentment, and abandonment. Maybe it was for the best that Elena had chosen Alex. But he knew he couldn’t just stand by and watch her make her life with someone else; he made a promise to himself he would find another job as soon as they got back. He laughed at the irony that in the end, she got what she had wanted from the beginning: for him to disappear from her life.

  Elena walked into the conference room where everyone was setting up for the day. She looked around and spotted Daniel at the end of the room; he was busy getting everything together. She sighed, relieved he was okay. She hadn’t slept all night waiting for the door to open and for Daniel to walk in, but he had never shown up, and she worried where he had spent the night. “Looks like you’ve been busy.” Elena didn’t know what else to say. Everything between them was awkward, but that is how their relationship had always been going: from one fire to another.

  “I wanted to get an early start.” Daniel avoided looking at Elena and kept busy by rearranging things on the table that had already been set.

  “Daniel, you must be exhausted. Why don’t you go to the room and sleep for a while; I can take care of things down here.” She wanted to reach out to him and touch his arm, but she knew it wouldn’t be received well and she would be sending him mixed messages.

  “I think I might go up and take a shower to clean up.” He hesitated as he started to leave. “Listen, I’m sorry if I put you in an uncomfortable position last night. It won’t happen again.”

  “Daniel, you don’t have to apologize; I am flattered by what you said.” As soon as she said the words, she regretted them, but it was too late to take them back.