The Scarlet Letter Society

by Mary McCarthy

  ‘The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clearing, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in the abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation. The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace.’

  “Yeah, the sea is fantastic,” said Eva. “Right up until you drown yourself in it.”

  “But this one doesn’t seem to off herself as much out of guilt,” said Maggie. “She’s stronger.”

  “’Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one’s life,’” read Lisa. I also like the line, ‘but whatever came, she had resolved never again to belong to another than herself.’”

  “She does seem more likeable as a feminist character,” said Eva. “Too bad she has to die over it.”

  Zarina delivered the platter of small muffins, then the coffee.

  Suddenly Wes came dashing into the coffee shop. He greeted the other women but headed directly to Maggie.

  “Sorry for interrupting your little Ho-prah book club,” he said,. “But I have news. Alfred and I have decided to celebrate the passage of gay marriage in Maryland by getting gay married!”

  There were screams of joy and applause.

  “Holy Big Gay Wedding!” declared Maggie. “Are you serious? That’s amazing! Congratulations!” She jumped up from her spot on the couch to hug him.

  “December 31 at midnight, the moment the marriage equality law goes into effect in Maryland,” said Wes, beaming from ear to ear as he looked around the coffee shop. “And you’re all invited!”

  December 2012

  “There’s a girl right next to you/And she’s just waiting for something to do.

  When you can’t be with the one you love/Honey, Love the one you’re with.”

  -Love the One You’re With, Stephen Stills

  Monthly meeting of the Scarlet Letter Society.

  Canceled

  See you on New Years Eve!

  With Christmas and a wedding this month, we’ll skip the meeting and take Wes out for a groom’s lunch instead. It’s like a bridal shower, but with a hot gay groom.

  “The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread.”

  -The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne

  * * *

  from: Kate kfredericks@CarrollCollege.edu

  to: Maggie mags@wingsvintage.com

  date: Tuesday, November 20, 2012, 11:07 PM

  subject: Hey gorgeous

  How was your day? Can’t stop thinking about you. Another lunch soon?

  Xo

  Kate

  * * *

  Maggie lay on her sofa in her flannel pjs, Tosh.0 on the tv in the background, her cats Steinbeck (the mouser) and Grizabella curled up with her and her soft blanket. Her Orange Pekoe tea rested on the table beside her. She had cleaned the apartment for the Thanksgiving arrival of her two girls the next day. Dave was already in New York picking up Lilith from Syracuse; they’d drive back to Maryland in the morning. Maggie knew Lily was ready for the break from her freshman year. Erica, a senior at Western Maryland University, would be driving home in the morning.

  The girls would be staying in Maggie’s spare bedroom tomorrow night. There were two twin beds for the rare occasion they were home at the same time. Normally, they stayed with Dave. The stone Queen Anne Victorian on Clark Avenue in Keytown had remained unsold after the divorce. Dave still lived there, and the girls’ original bedrooms remained intact. They’d gotten rid of most of the nasty old stuffed animals, but a few remnants of their childhood remained. The girls would stay there after Thanksgiving dinner. Dave had invited Maggie to eat dinner with them, and she had accepted. Normally they split their time with the girls, but it would nice to have a meal together as a ‘family’ even though technically their family had been broken years before. It would be peaceful now.

  from: Maggie mags@wingsvintage.com

  to: Kate kfredericks@CarrollCollege.edu

  date: Tuesday, November 20, 2012, 11:14 PM

  subject: Hey there

  Super busy with girls coming home from respective higher education establishments. Catch up next week sometime. Happy Thanksgiving!

  Maggie

  * * *

  Maggie knew the tone in her email didn’t match Kate’s flirtier one. She felt bad, but she was unsure of what tone to use in the relationship. Kate was obviously interested in continuing their affair, and Maggie was confused about what she wanted. It had been fun to try, she liked Kate as a person, and she didn’t want to rule out anything in the future. Really though, she didn’t think she wanted to have an ongoing love affair with a woman and wasn’t sure what to do with the relationship while she figured out what was going on with the rest of her complicated love life. She didn’t think it was going to be a long-term thing, and there wasn’t any easy way to be friends with Kate without the sex. They’d only been together a few times, and Maggie had been turned on by it, but the intensity of the new relationship had scared Maggie a bit, especially while she was in a state of confusion over how to handle Ted.

  She didn’t want to completely shut Kate out of her life, but her instinct now was to buy time until she could figure it all out. For now, she just wanted to watch Daniel Tosh with her purring cats and wait for her beautiful, somehow-all-grown-up girls to get there.

  She sipped her tea and closed her laptop.

  “I love the idea of a New Year’s Eve wedding,” said Wes, “a new beginning.” Knowing they both loved her vintage stuff, Maggie had invited Wes and Alfred to come over to the shop and pick out a few fantastic vintage tuxes for free as her gift to them.

  “Especially on the first night of the state’s legalization of gay marriage,” Wes continued, “even though it will be a mad rush to throw the whole event together. What a fantastic time to celebrate; the turn of a new year, to turn a new page.”

  “Well I’m glad we will at least be living in one of only 9 states in the country to legalize what should be common SENSE law in all 50,” said Alfred as he flipped through a floral design book they’d brought to Maggie’s shop.

  Alfred hadn’t loved the idea of people making a big deal out it, or even the idea of a big wedding. His parents were gone, and his brother was a homophobic conservative Republican who didn’t acknowledge Wes’ existence. The whole wedding would be about 25 people, which the men agreed was the perfect size for two aging gay theatre geeks.

  “I can’t believe you have actual choices in vintage tuxes that are close enough to our sizes. And we even have enough time to get a few quick alterations and have them ready in time for this wedding,” yelled Wes from the dressing room.

  “Yeah, well you’re lucky I have a seamstress on speed dial willing to work a rush job at Christmas,” yelled Maggie back.

  Wes came out of the dressing room in a midnight blue velvet tux complete with ruffles and bow tie, and the way he worked the room like it was a fashion runway made her laugh hysterically.

  Alfred rolled his eyes.

  “You’re seriously going to wear that to our wedding?” he said.

  “Only if it pisses you off,” said Wes, laughing at his Brad Pitt look-alike husband to be. “Of course you will need a matching apricot colored one so we look just like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in ‘Dumb and Dumber.’”

  “That sounds perfect for a Big Gay Wedding,” said Alfred,. He was about to go into the dressing room with a more traditional black Frank-Sinatra style tux. When he came out of the dressing room wearing a more casual shirt, unbuttoned and no tie, Maggie and Wes gasped.

  “Yeah, I know,” joked Alfred. “I’m smoking hot.”

  They all laughed.

  One of Maggie’s customers was what Maggie called “some kind of hippie reverend who probably does more Reiki and yoga than reverend-ing,” but she was legal. She’d introduced the woman to Wes and Alfred, who were planning to writ
e their own vows for the brief ceremony.

  A bunch of actors and set designers from the theatre had volunteered to decorate the location: Catoctin Cottage was a lodge style log cabin with a single enormous room: huge stone fireplace, vaulted beam ceilings, and an amazing view of the mountains. The state park system normally had it closed for the winter, but as a favor to Maggie, Dave had made a call from his historic preservation office over to the park service and they’d agreed to let them use it.

  Lisa was going to work with a caterer friend (and of course she was making the cakes; there would be small wedding cakes at the center of each table) to put together a small reception after the ceremony. The room was actually big enough to have the ceremony in front of the fireplace and the reception in the other half of the room. Simple, easy, small. That’s what the grooms wanted.

  Wes was beaming. He told Maggie he was happiest about Alfred moving in. Rings and license papers aside, he loved that they wouldn’t have to exist in their separate spaces anymore. Their toothbrushes would be together. They hated the nights when one of them would leave, and they couldn’t wait until they wouldn’t have to leave ever again.

  Ron opened the door to his Dupont Circle apartment and stepped aside to allow Eva to enter. He closed the door behind them. She held a bag containing their breakfast: bagels and cream cheese and lox, two large coffees.

  “Thanks for bringing breakfast,” he said. He was dressed for work, though his shirt was unbuttoned. When he’d gone to button it a few moments earlier he realized that was probably a silly thing to do under the circumstances.

  She put the breakfast on the table and walked over to him. Stepping up on her tippy toes, she kissed him on the cheek and tousled his hair. It was an odd gesture, one that reminded her of the exact thing she did to her teenage sons after a lacrosse game or before they left for the day. Calvin never minded; Graham always shook her off—he didn’t want the Axe products in his hair disturbed. When she’d started seeing Ron, she had quickly calculated the age difference between him and her sons. It was a comfortable 16 years, but she was still practically old enough to be Ron’s mother.

  He kissed her. It was a gentle, lingering kiss and she returned it with the same slow pace. They hadn’t been seeing much of each other. Since her mother’s death, she’d taken leave and had spent most of her time either at the cottage sorting through belongings or home with the boys. She hadn’t been in the DC office in weeks and was headed there today.

  “I’m more than happy to bring breakfast,” Eva told Ron. “It’s been awhile.”

  “I missed you,” said Ron.

  “I missed you, too,” said Eva. “But my life got a little crazy there for awhile.”

  “I am so, so sorry that you lost your mom,” said Ron. He walked to the table and spread out the breakfast for them, grabbing mugs to pour the coffee into so they wouldn’t have to drink out of paper cups.

  “Thanks,” said Eva. “It’s been a tough time, but it gave me a lot of time to myself to think about my life and where it’s headed.”

  “Did you come to any conclusions?” said Ron.

  “I work too much,” replied Eva. “I want to spend more time with my boys because before I know it, they’ll be gone. Even though part of me is sad about it, I want my marriage to officially end. No marriage at all is better than the façade of a marriage. Joe has agreed to a divorce.”

  “I guess you knew that was coming eventually,” said Ron.

  “Yeah, something about my mom’s death made me realize I can’t go through life in some kind of coma as though I have no control over my own outcome,” said Eva. “I need to be happy.”

  “You do,” said Ron. He walked over and hugged her. “You deserve to be happy..”

  “And I should thank you,” said Eva. “Because you have made me happy in the months we’ve known each other.”

  He kissed her in response. Talking about their relationship was not something he was comfortable with or good at. She attributed it to his age. Normally, this was fine. They were too busy having sex to sit around and discuss their feelings. But now, she was in a place in her life where she needed to know where things stood, or to decide to put them there herself.

  But his hands were on her blouse now, and she felt herself get aroused. She decided to allow herself the luxury and the escape of being with Ron again, even though for some time she’d known it wouldn’t last. She knew this was goodbye sex, and she decided to enjoy it. He suddenly lifted her up and took her to the bedroom.

  “Guess we’ll need to warm up that coffee in a little bit,” said Eva.

  “That’s what microwaves are for,” said Ron.

  He placed her gently on the bed. She ran her hands across his chest, down that great “V” towards his stiffness, and she undid his belt. While he took off his pants and shirt, laying them neatly on a chair, she got up and took off her own work clothes.

  They made love to each other, not with the great passion and urgency they normally had, but with tenderness and caring. Theirs had been an amazing love affair, one they would each always remember fondly and even though neither of them talked about it ending, each of them knew it would. There was no reason for a bitter breakup, nasty words or drama. They’d each appreciate and remember the time they’d shared together, and hold the memory of each other in their own hearts forever.

  After breakfast, when Eva walked down the building’s steps to her office a few blocks away, she remembered seeing the pair of earrings on the coffee table, the pink toothbrush in the bathroom. She knew it was time for Ron to move on, too.

  As Maggie was browsing through the racks of her own vintage dresses searching for something to wear to the upcoming wedding, the mailman entered the shop. She greeted him as she always did, and they chatted for a few minutes. When he left, she went to place the mail on the counter and noticed one of the letters was from Dewey, Cheetam and Howe. That wasn’t the actual name of the law firm, but it was how she always referred to them. Divorces were ridiculously expensive. You could spend more on a divorce than an actual marriage.

  Maggie knew what was in the envelope. It was the finalized copies of the executed, notarized divorce from Matt. They’d been married less than two years. Maggie cursed herself for entering into a marriage out of fear of growing old alone. She’d simply been tired of being single. It had been nearly a decade, and she had just wanted someone to take out the trash once in awhile so she didn’t have to do it every single time. She didn’t think it had mattered that she wasn’t in love with Matt. One night when he had suggested a trip to Vegas and an impromptu wedding, she’d agreed despite the feeling in the pit of her stomach. They were companionable enough and maybe it was time, she’d thought, to be with someone with whom there was no emotional drama.

  The price for passion was boredom, thought Maggie, and I was bored beyond words. She’d moved out of her two floor apartment and into the country. She was a city mouse trying to pretend to be a country mouse, and it didn’t go well. It was too quiet on the farm. She hadn’t known how accustomed she was to the sounds of her town she was until she didn’t hear them anymore. She hadn’t moved anything out of her apartment, almost as though she knew she’d be back soon, and one day she just told Matt she wanted to stay in the apartment because she had to be at work early the next day. And it had been as simple as that. She called him that morning, they went to lunch, and she told him she just wasn’t happy. She apologized. He was understanding, said he’d been happy to have her as long as he had in his life. This of course only served to make her feel more guilty.

  Dave had been shocked to hear of Maggie’s wedding, but pretended he wasn’t that surprised. Silly Maggie, he’d said, as though she ran off and got married on a regular basis. She knew he’d been hurt, and she hadn’t meant to hurt him. They’d made love a few times while she was married, and she thought it was funny she was cheating on her second husband with her first. She cheated on everyone with Dave.

  “Hey there, first husba
nd,” Maggie said, after dialing Dave. “Come over and have lunch with me to celebrate my divorce.”

  “The one from me or the other guy?” asked Dave. They hadn’t spoken for a while after the events in the vacant building and at the theatre, and they both seemed to glad to be “back to normal,” even though their normal wasn’t what most people considered it to be.

  “The other guy, dumbass,” said Maggie. “I don’t think you’re supposed to celebrate a divorce from someone with the actual person you divorced.”

  “Meet you at the shop in five minutes?”

  “Yep,” said Maggie. “I was just trying on dresses for the wedding.” She pulled out three great dresses from the 50s-60s era to try on in her own dressing room.

  Dave had been visiting a building nearby, and hung up the phone as he walked into the shop. He entered the dressing room without asking. She’d heard the shop door open but assumed it was a customer and called, “Be with you in a minute!”

  He lifted the heavy brocade curtain fabric aside and quickly walked into the dressing room without sliding the curtain open.

  “How about you be with me right this minute?” he said.

  She laughed. She was in a black bra and a black vintage slip, in between trying on dresses for the wedding. She play-slapped him. “Perv.” He turned her around to face the full-length mirror.

  “Look how beautiful you are,” he said. “You’ve been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen since the day I met you, a million years ago.”

  She smiled, looking in the mirror at their reflection. Many more wrinkles on those faces than there were all those years ago, but they still looked about the same, middle age hadn’t beaten them up too badly. She reached her arms up over her head to put them around his neck. His shaggy brown hair, glasses and beard combined with his muscular tall frame made him seem like a nerdy but sexy construction worker. He wore construction work boots each day because he entered so many dilapidated buildings, muddy stone cellars, and old barns, often documenting them right before their demolitions.