Later our family had an intimate dinner out. On the drive home Jeff farted the whole time. Suddenly, Cary slammed on the brakes. “OK who cut the cheese?”
All fingers pointed to Jeff.
“Ha,” Jeff laughed, and he did it again!
“We are going to teach your brother a lesson. Who’s with me on this?”
All hands went up as Cary marched Jeff out of the car and fanned his hand back and forth in front of his butt, pretending to air it out. Everybody laughed the rest of the way home.
We ended the evening chasing one another through the house with small water pistols. Everyone sighed when I announced it was time to go to bed.
Eleven-year old Jeff asked, “Mom, can Cary take us to see the hot air balloons at the park tomorrow since you have to work?”
I looked to Cary.
“Of course, Dave and I have already talked about it. I will drop your mom off in the morning then we’ll head over to your uncles and we will all leave together. How does that sound?”
“Yeah,” the kids yelled in unison while raising their hands in a high five towards Cary.
Nobody was ready to go to bed. Cary sat with me while I read a story to Ashley. Then we both took Jeff and Kristy in their rooms and listened to their prayers. Jeremy went to visit a friend while Cary and I went over the day’s events.
“I think your kids are great.”
“They were all so comfortable with you. They really like you, and so do I.”
“It is going to be real hard for me to leave tomorrow night.” Cary reached over and held me close.
Before we knew it, the weekend was over. I drove Cary to the airport and we hugged goodbye. Cary handed me the cutest, small blue box. I opened it and it was an expensive bottle of perfume.
“I’ve never received such a nice gift before. You make me feel special. Thank you! You are my Prince Charming.” I hugged him even tighter.
“Darlin’,” he said looking deep into my tear-filled eyes. “I’ve enjoyed these last few days with you and the kids. I am even more determined than ever to continue our relationship. I don’t know when I can come back, but I assure you I will be back soon!”
35
The Chase
“Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.” Song of Songs 2:2
The kids looked up at me and noticed the tears in my eyes as I watched the airplane take Cary over thousand miles away from me.
“Don’t cry Mommy, Care-Bear will be back,” my three-year old said, as she reached out to wipe my face.
“Well you guys,” I said composing myself. “What do you think of Cary?”
“We like him Mom. He is so nice to all of us.”
“How do you feel about me seeing him? I don’t want to hurt you by rushing into anything again.”
“Mom it’s okay, we like Cary. He’s different, and he seems really sincere,” Jeremy spoke for all of them.
Within a few hours Cary called me, “Darlin’, I made it home. I’m already planning my next trip. I hope you and the kids will be ready to see me in a few weeks.”
“My children really liked you. We can’t wait to see you again. Can you hear them calling your name in the background?”
“Let me talk to Care-Bear, Mommy,” yelled Ashley, as she pulled the phone away from me. Days and weeks went by, we continued to communicate through letters and daily phone calls. After I’d get home from work and spend time with my kids, we’d often talk until well after midnight.
One night after he flew into town for a date, we took a drive and stopped at a nearby elementary school. Holding hands, we walked to the swing, Cary pushed me on it and we laughed. It was so romantic, just like in the movies and I knew I was falling in love. He continued to show sides of him that made me melt. He was always so thoughtful and enthusiastic; quick to encourage and seemed to genuinely care for each of my children. Cary flew out to see us about every three weeks. Time always seemed to end too quickly whenever he was in town.
For whatever reason if Cary went two days in a row without calling me, my insecurities got the better of me. Old fears began to plague me. I wanted desperately to believe that all the nice things he said to me were true. I’d wait anxiously for the phone to ring, determined that I wouldn’t bug him by making a call to him first. If he really liked me as much as he said he did, then he would call me, right? I’d think to myself.
And then the phone would ring, “Sorry I haven’t called for a couple days, it’s been crazy with work.”
“It’s okay,” I said sadly, during one of those calls.
“Darlin’, is something wrong?”
“Nothing! Everything is fine, really.”
“You need to tell me what you’re thinking. I can tell something is bothering you.”
It was hard for me to admit my insecure feelings but with some coaxing I finally admitted to Cary what I had been thinking. “Since you hadn’t called for a couple days, I was convincing myself that my problems were too overwhelming for you. I was having doubts about how you said you felt about me. I understand if you want to end this now before it goes any further.
“What are you talking about? Don’t ever say that again.”
“I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you. I feel like I have too much baggage.”
“Hold on a minute. You never have to worry about me abandoning what we have together. I’m falling in love with you. I’ll do anything I can do help you with your problems. And the truth is, I keep asking God what I have done to deserve someone as wonderful as you. I’m here for you and the kids. You can take that to the bank.” It was a phrase he would use often in the early days of our romance.
“What does that mean?”
“That means you can count on me and you can believe everything I tell you. Everything’s going to be all right,” explained Cary. “Promise you won’t think the worst if I miss calling you for a couple of days. No, scratch that, I promise you I will call you every day. And you can pick up the phone and call me anytime.”
“I’m sorry, I guess I need to be reassured of how you feel about me. I know you are pretty busy with work and I don’t want to take up your time.”
“If you need reassurance from me please don’t hesitate to call me anytime believe me, I understand because of the way you were treated in the past. But I’m here to tell you I’m not like those other guys. I appreciate your honesty about your feelings. I wish you would realize what a blessing you are to me. Any time spent with you on the phone or in person makes me happy.”
I decided it was time for me to get serious about my issues and rise above them and trust what Cary had been telling me. As time went on, I realized how healing our long-distance relationship proved to be. It seemed easier to talk about everything when we weren’t seeing each other face to face. I wasn’t afraid to hold back in fear of his reaction because I couldn’t see him. He always encouraged me to open up to him. I worked at having a positive attitude and to get rid of negativity. Knowing that Cary and I would share our day’s events, I wanted our talks to be uplifting. But I also knew I could count on him to hear me if I was having an emotionally difficult time. Although it was challenging when we weren’t together and the kids and I missed Cary terribly, we knew God was using our time apart to teach us both something.
It was getting easier to be honest with Cary about everything in my past since he had been my brother’s best friend for over two decades. He knew all about my family, all the good and the bad. He knew what he was getting into. I was glad he liked all my siblings and he was especially fond of my mother. I felt lucky to have found a friend like him.
I was depending more and more on the Lord to heal my deep-seated feelings of self-doubt, insecurities and my unrealistic fears. It was getting easier to feel worthwhile when I had a man who constantly said kind things to me and showed me how much he va
lued me. It was something I had never experienced before. Most of our conversations ended with him saying, “You’re stunning, you are awesome, or Darlin’, you’re incredible!”
Sometimes when I was feeling discouraged, I’d try and convince him I wasn’t any of those things. “No, I’m not. I still get easily discouraged. And yesterday I was anxious and yelled at the kids.”
“Stop it! I see your heart and I love who you are.”
Soon I began to have a newfound confidence. I talked myself out of jealous or envious feelings when Cary informed me the client he was meeting happened to be a woman. I started to believe that he was different from the other men in my life who had needed constant affirmation and attention from the opposite sex. I started believing him after hearing him mention countless times how much he was committed to me. Cary continued to make me feel like I was the most important person in the world to him, it made me feel special and significant.
As our relationship continued, I approached the subject of religion. “Cary, you are such a nice person, are you a Christian?”
“I am although, I haven’t been to church in years.”
“Would you consider going to church with the kids and me when you come out to visit?”
“Yes, I would love to. I know how important it is to you and I want to make it more of a priority in my life as well.”
The next trip out, Cary accompanied us to church and it became a ritual every time he was in town. He encouraged me to share my faith with him, and we began to pray together as well. In turn, he began to grow in his relationship with the Lord.
The kids and I always looked forward to Cary’s visits. His integrity, compassion, honesty, kindness, patience, and generosity were character traits that would prove invaluable as we weathered the highs and lows of our relationship.
Time and time again, Cary proved to me he was genuine. He was a born optimist. His words to me when I was having problems with Lee were, “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be all right.” He was right of course; things always seemed to work out. His encouragement and stability helped me through the rough patches with my ex-husband. Cary was my strength, but the funny thing was, he was always telling me I was his strength.
Ashley had fun playing silly games with Cary and she always referred to him as her Care-Bear. Kristy was beginning to feel safe and secure with him. He joked with her and spend time just listening to her. He treated her with honor, the way she deserved to be treated. Since she was almost a teenager, I wanted her to realize she deserved respect from the opposite sex by watching the way Cary treated me. I wanted desperately to erase the awful lessons she had already learned from my other marriages.
My boys and Cary watched football games together and often talked about their favorite teams. For Jeff’s birthday Cary bought him a jacket representing his favored football team. No one had ever done anything like that for him before. Jeremy felt comfortable slowly giving up his role as the man of the house. It felt good seeing him relax and enjoy being a kid instead of feeling like it was his responsibility to fix everything.
The whole family enjoyed water fights, snowball wars, sharing dinners and playing jokes on one another. We looked forward to going to the movies, bowling and spending time with other family members whenever Cary was in town.
A few months after we started dating, Cary and I were lounging around my house when he asked, “Would you like to go for a ride with me?”
A block away, he unexpectedly pulled into the driveway of a vacant house, turning to me he took hold of my hands. “I love you, Darlin’ more than you know. Since the day you walked into my life, you’ve changed me. I want to marry you and I want to be the husband you’ve never had. I want to be a father to your children. Will you and the kids move to California with me?”
Not waiting for an answer, he reached over and held me in his arms, looking deeply into my eyes. “You bring out the best in me!”
I was speechless. He was too good for me. He had never been married. He had a good career. He had no baggage. What was wrong with him that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone like me?
“When I first saw you, I knew then. I had no control over any of this. It’s destiny!”
I tried to talk him out of it. “Come on, what’s your mom going to think? She was all ready for you to marry Becky, who is single with no kids. What’s she going to say about me, a woman twice-divorced, with four kids?”
“You are who you are because of what you’ve been through. My mom will love you. Everything’s going to be fine. The past belongs in the past. You’ve obviously learned from it and you keep moving forward. I am so proud of the woman you are.”
“How did you turn out so normal? I’ve never met anyone like you. What is your secret?”
“I don’t know, both my parents showed their love for me, and my dad was always involved in my life. He took care of me when Mom worked and he often took me to work with him. He was fifty when I was born, but he always made time for me. My dad accepted me for who I was. He supported me emotionally and encouraged me whenever I was down. He was never afraid to say I love you and he hugged me often. But I was thirteen when my mom and dad divorced and it definitely affected me.”
“That must have been really hard for you. Did you see it coming?”
“I have to be honest; I went through a tough time. In some ways, I think it was harder because I was older and didn’t see it coming. Even though I remember them arguing a lot. It took me a long time to get over the divorce. Then a few years later, when my dad died I went through another rough patch. It was hard. I had to come to terms with my past and how it had affected me. I never forgot how badly the divorce affected my dad and I didn’t want that to happen to me. I vowed I wouldn’t marry till I was old and gray. I thought, my wife would have to be someone who had a career and I was sure I’d only have one child. I have been married to my career, which has worked out well for me, until I saw you again. I took one look into your eyes and my world changed drastically. All my plans went out the window. Obviously, God had other plans for me.”
“I don’t know what to say. You’ve certainly been through a lot and I appreciate the man that you have become.”
He took me in his arms once again. “You haven’t answered me yet. Will you become my bride? Will you let me be your Prince Charming?”
My heart beat rapidly as I looked deep in his eyes, “Yes, yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
The devotion we felt for each other at that moment exploded, and he held me close while kissing me passionately.
We drew apart and I turned to him with a concerned look on my face. “But, I don’t know how the kids will feel about moving.”
“I know you and the kids will be giving up a whole lot. You’d have to leave your mom, your brothers, sister, your aunt and uncle, and your nieces and nephews. You’ll have to leave your job and your friends and start over with me. It’s not going to be easy but we will come back and visit as often as we can. Is that something you and the kids can live with?”
“I can’t imagine my life without you. The good thing is my brother Mike also lives in California. I would love to live by my brother and his family. It would be so great to get to know his children better, and my kids could finally hang out with their cousins. I know it won’t be as hard for me with my brother close by. But I can’t answer you yet without talking it over with the kids.”
“I will make a commitment to you right now, I promise I will move you back within five years and find a job here in Colorado Springs, if that’s what you need!”
He pulled me close to him. “Darlin,’ I have never felt this way before. I want you and your children in my life. I will always be here for all of you. You can take that to the bank!”
“You’re funny, you make me laugh with your silly phrases.”
“I did what my boss, Michael
said, and I looked you in the eyes and I fell in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Your children are amazing, it’s so easy to be with all of you. I’ve always lived for myself and have done whatever I wanted. I’ve gone to Hawaii when I wanted, bought expensive suits when I was depressed. You make me a better man and there’s nothing I want more than to take care of you and your children.”
I could feel the heat of my tears boiling up behind my eyes. “Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before. I am so blessed and I love you.” We held each other close for several minutes. I wanted that moment to last forever.
Then reality kicked in. “You know what happened in my past with Lee, I hardly knew him and jumped into marrying him. I can’t help but feel a little apprehensive. I don’t want to make another mistake. Of course, you are nothing like him. My older kids have been deeply wounded by the men in their lives and the wrong choices I’ve made. They were abandoned by their real dad and mistreated by Lee. They lived with alcoholism and verbal abuse as well as seeing me put up with abuse. Ashley was too young to understand what was going on but Lee has continued to build a wall around her to keep her from being close to the other kids. I keep trying to change that. I can’t afford to let my children go through any more pain because of my decisions.”
“I understand your fears, but put them to rest. I will never hurt your kids. I love you and each one of them, too. I told you before you can count on me. I know God is in this and I’m asking you to trust me. Take as long as you need, but Debbie Griswold, know that I will always be here for you.”
“I am scared, but I do want to marry you.”
I laid my head on his shoulder and he took my face in his gentle hands and kissed my lips. “Now let’s go talk to the kids.”
We drove back to the house. All the kids came running outside. “I want to marry your mom. What do you guys think of that?”
“Yes, yes, we want you to marry our mom.”
“How would you feel about moving to California, one day?” Cary asked.
Something About Those Eyes Page 28