“I think it would be great. I’ve been living in the same house all my life and hanging out with the same people. It would be a nice change,” said Jeremy.
“I want to play volley-ball on the beach and lay out and get a tan,” Kristy said.
Jeff was a little hesitant. “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think about it.”
Ashley ran around giving high fives to everyone even though she didn’t understand what was going on.
“I love you guys. Now let’s go to dinner,” Cary gestured towards the car.
After Cary flew back to California, I couldn’t wait to call Rosa and tell her the news. “He’s too nice to be a husband. Husbands are not that nice. He’s like a best friend.”
“Don’t you realize that ideally your husband is supposed to be your best friend?”
“That might be true. But I’ve never known anyone with that kind of relationship. No one has ever been good to me like Cary. Sometimes it feels foreign, even though I know the feelings we have for each other are real. Do you think our marriage will last? I don’t want to think about all the reasons it might not work.”
“That’s where your faith comes in. I believe God brought this wonderful man in your life and he will give you the tools you need to have a long and happy marriage.”
“I needed to hear that, thanks Rosa, I value our friendship.”
Soon after Cary asked me to marry him we made sure to counsel with my Assistant Pastor every time he was in town. It was easy to talk to Coleman about our plans. He helped me to understand that God had truly forgiven me for my past and he no longer wanted me to dwell on mistakes or feel guilty about them. He too, could see the genuineness that exuded from Cary’s heart and the love and loyalty Cary felt towards the kids and me.
At our next meeting, I decided to explore my feelings even further. “I have been reading the co-dependency book you recommended and it said: Co-dependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. The codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing his or her own needs or desires, which leads to a lack of fulfillment. I wanted to get your opinion. Do you think Cary or I fit the description?”
“From what you and Cary have shared with me, I can see that neither one of you is unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. Cary encourages your independence and wants you to share your needs with him. What do you think, Cary?” Coleman asked.
“For me, I don’t feel like I need to have somebody in my life to take care of, to make me feel good about myself. I have done just fine all these years as a bachelor. I have always been confident in my own abilities. And I certainly don’t want to control anybody. But I never knew what I was missing until I found my soul mate.” He reached over to me and took my hands into his. Looking deeply into my eyes, “Debbie fulfills my desires and I believe I fulfill her desires as well.”
“I agree, I have noticed how Cary encourages you to express your needs and wants. Debbie, you have come a long way since I first met you when you were married to Lee. I can see a real change in you, and I know God has something amazing planned for your life.”
As we moved forward in our incredible friendship, Cary continued to bond with the kids, writing letters to them telling each one of them how important they were to him. “Write to me about the kind of house you’d like and that’s what we’ll try and get.”
The kids were beginning to believe they would never have to worry about anything with Cary in our lives. His constant love notes and phone calls continued to bring even more restoration in our lives. I began to see Cary as our healing balm, as he confirmed his unconditional love to each of us over and over, I was even more convinced God had brought this man into our lives.
They wrote their letters often, each one asking for a house with a fireplace and a swimming pool. The kids had grown up with hardly any luxuries, and they often wore hand-me-downs. Their shoes had to last until I could afford to get new ones twice a year. It was a treat for me to be able to take my children to a fast food place on paydays, and then they were only allowed to order the cheapest thing on the menu. Often, after cashing my check, an indulgence was the kids picking out their very own TV dinners. Afterwards, we’d make popcorn or bake cookies and watch movies together. They were always grateful for everything.
The first time Cary took us to eat at a fast food place they asked, “Mom what can we order?”
“You know you’ll have to get the cheapest thing on the menu.”
“Wait, wait a minute here,” Cary interjected. “You can get whatever you want.”
“But Cary they don’t need….”
“I want to do this. Kids, go ahead and order whatever you want, it’s my treat and I’m paying!”
Cary spoiled all of us. For my birthday, he sent me two bouquets of roses, one to my house and one at my job. A few months after we were dating my hours were drastically cut. I couldn’t pay all my bills and I was losing my house. It was hard to find another part-time job because I never had the same hours available each day. Calling Cary, I told him what was going on. “This will probably be the last time we can talk for a while because I can’t afford my high phone bills. I’m going to let them turn off the phone tomorrow.”
“What! Why didn’t you tell me, Darlin’? I will not let your phone get shut off. I’m paying the bill. The calls were all made to me, weren’t they?”
“Well yea, but I’m not expecting you to pay it.”
“Nonsense, don’t you even worry about it. I’ll take care of it. I can’t go one day without talking to you and the kids.”
It was hard for me to accept his generosity, but each action thus far had demonstrated that he was honest and caring. It felt good the way he took care of me and I knew I was not taking advantage of his generosity, I was extremely grateful.
One day, on one of our frequent phone calls, I said, “I feel like God is healing me. For the first time in my life I’m attracted to a man who has no unhealthy qualities.”
My family was happy for me as Cary and I celebrated our first Thanksgiving together. “Darling, being with you and the kids is amazing. I am certainly looking forward to spending Christmas with you.”
36
Third Time is a Charm
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:20
During the holiday season, Cary made an announcement. “Darlin, I want to take you out to look at rings after you get off work.” Later that afternoon, while working in the seafood department, I accidentally cut my ring finger and had to get stitches. Although it was all patched up, we didn’t let that deter our plans and we took Kristy with us. Her ring size was the same as mine. I picked out the ring I liked the best and she tried it on. It had a diamond in the middle and surrounding it on either side were two rubies and two smaller diamonds.
“Look Cary, the big diamond represents God and the two rubies are Jesus and The Holy Spirit, the two smaller diamonds are you and me. This is my favorite so far.” We looked at many more rings that day and ended our time with a nice lunch.
Our first Christmas together was memorable. After ripping open the presents we spent the morning hanging out then prepared to eat dinner with the whole family at my mother’s house. Later that evening we decided to head out-of-town. We threw a few clothes in a bag and drove to Denver to spend the night with Cary’s brother and family. All the kids played well together and I enjoyed getting to know Lance and his wife, Lou. The next day we drove to Wyoming and Cary introduced us to his cousins, uncles, and aunts. Cary handled all the kids and schedules with ease and patience. As evening drew near we hopped in the car to head home, the kids had fallen asleep in the back seat.
“Darlin’ my life feels complete now. I did not know how lonely I was till I
met you. I have my family in the back seat and we’re listening to good music. Can life get any better than this?”
I snuggled close to him. “I agree! We are so blessed.”
After spending fourteen days together, it was nearly time to end our visit. We had never spent that much time together and it was even harder to say goodbye, when I dropped Cary off at the airport. The weeks passed slowly and for the first time since we met my Prince Charming was not able to come out for a visit. We continued to talk every night and write letters to each other. About a month and a half later the ringing of the phone woke me up from an early sleep one evening. “Darlin’ I have been so busy at work and I’m missing you in the worst way. With everything going on right now it would be easier for you to come here for a visit. Is that even possible? It’s been six long weeks and I need to see you.”
“Yes, I think I can arrange that. Jeremy and my family can take care of the kids and I can probably get the time off of work.”
A few days later, I hugged each one of the kids when Jeremy dropped me off at the airport. I boarded the plane that would take me to my Knight in Shining Armor, while my stomach did summersaults in anticipation. After the plane landed, I surveyed the crowd, it felt magical watching Cary walk quickly towards me.
He held me close and looked deep in my eyes. “When I take one look at you my heart does flip-flops. You are stunning. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
Afterward he took me to the University where he had a temporary office, gave me the classified section of a local newspaper, and said, “Do you want to look for a house to rent while I work on this proposal?” (Although we still hadn’t discussed a date for our wedding.)
“La Mirada, California that has a nice ring to it. I used to listen to a Christian radio show called the Biola Hour years ago. Where is that?”
“Silly, we’re in La Mirada and this is Biola University. Did you find something already?” He asked, gently taking the newspaper from my hands. “Oh, it’s right up the street. Do you want to check it out? I can meet you there when I take my lunch break.”
He wrote directions for me and I walked up the street a few blocks to the house. Looking in the big picture window I noticed it had a fireplace and a huge dining room, and it was two stories. Excitedly, I strolled across the street where the gated community pool and tennis courts were. Cary drove over at lunchtime and we met with the landlord. We immediately liked everything about the house.
“It’s much bigger than the one I have back home. And the kids will love the fireplace, four bedrooms and three bathrooms. Wow! The pool is an added bonus, too. It’s perfect!”
Cary signed the lease that same day. We celebrated our first Valentine’s Day a few days later. While we were eating dinner at a nice restaurant, a friend of his walked toward our table holding a beautiful bouquet of red roses. “Happy Valentine’s Day. You must be Debbie.”
“This is Scott, he works for me, he is also the son of my boss, I asked him to hand-deliver your flowers so you could meet him.” Cary said.
“Finally, I get to meet the woman who has changed my boss’s life,” he said as he reached out to hug me.
Later that evening I expressed my appreciation to Cary. “I am so impressed by your displays of affection towards me. Not only do you wine and dine me and buy me flowers, it’s obvious by the way you look at me and tell others about me that you are in love with me. I am so happy.”
“Never doubt how I feel about you.” Then he took me in his arms and held me close. “You can take that to the bank!”
I was nearing the end of my visit with only one more day to go when Cary suggested we get dressed up and go to an expensive dinner. Later, Cary seemed a little nervous while we shared our dessert. After we ate, he took my hands in his, while gazing in my eyes he drew me close. “Darlin’ will you marry me?” He slipped the engagement ring, (the one with two rubies and three diamonds) on my finger.
Without hesitation I screamed, “Yes!” Then we kissed passionately.
Afterwards, roaring laughter escaped his lips.
“What is so funny? By the way, when did you get the ring? I know you didn’t buy it the day Kristy tried it on.”
“Now, I can tell you what is so funny. There is a story attached to your engagement ring. I sent Jeremy the money a few days ago and he had it shipped to me Federal Express. Did you wonder why I made you wait this evening when I said I had to pick up my dry cleaning and I was gone for an hour?”
“Yes, I couldn’t understand why it took so long, I knew your dry cleaner is right near your apartment building. Why what happened?”
“My dry cleaner is also located right next door to my post office box. I went to check my mailbox and the door was locked up tight. Feeling anxious, I looked through the window, knowing your ring was right inside and I couldn’t get to it. I didn’t understand why the store was closed, then I remembered today is President’s Day. Fortunately, the same person who owns the dry cleaner owns the mailroom. I called her up and explained the situation. Luckily she was home and she drove over and opened up the mailroom so I could get your ring.”
“What a great story to tell the kids,” I laughed.
The rest of the evening was perfect as we dinned and danced late into the night.
The next day I couldn’t hide the sadness I felt leaving my love once again. Unhappily, I left Cary’s loving arms, and stepped onto the airplane but at the same time, I was excited to get back to my children. I couldn’t wait to show off my ring, and share about my adventures in California.
Less than two weeks after I had been home Cary called me with an important question. “Can we get married this Sunday? I’ve already moved into the house and I can’t wait to have you and the kids here with me.”
We hadn’t talked about a date and my head started to spin. “I can’t think of anything better. I’ll call Coleman and see if he can marry us in between services.”
“Sure, this Sunday before the evening service will work out. One-thirty will be perfect,” Coleman said.
We had already talked to Dave about getting married at his house. It was where Cary had looked deep into my eyes and realized his life and mine would never be the same again. A friend baked me a wedding cake. My sister bought me a beautiful dress and made me colorful silk flowers to hold. Hours before, Jeremy had driven all the kids to Dave’s house to help get it ready for the wedding. Cary had flown in on Saturday but I had not seen him yet. Lance and his family traveled from Denver. Lorraine, Cary’s mom, couldn’t make the trip from Nebraska although she expressed her delight in welcoming the kids and me to the family. Rod, Cary’s oldest brother, who lived in Portland and his family were unable to attend but they were all eager to meet us one day. All my loved ones would be there to celebrate the blessed event.
It was finally Sunday, my sister and I drove to Dave’s. As I walked to the front door, I heard Kristy playing a song on her flute, Wind Beneath my Wings, by Bette Midler. It was time! Never had I felt so loved! Slowly I descended down the stairs to the basement, which had been beautifully decorated. There stood Cary, my Soul Mate, my Knight in Shining Armor, grinning. His eyes never left mine as he watched me walk towards him. It was as if time stood still.
It was over too quickly as we looked into each other’s eyes and professed our undying love. We cut the cake, drank champagne, and toasted to our new life together. We danced to the very first song we had first danced to nearly six months previously. My children surrounded me and looked up at Cary with love and trust in their eyes for him.
This time I knew my marriage would be different from anything I had ever experienced before. The greatest gift Cary had given me was unconditional love and acceptance. I knew God was revealing to me through another person how he felt about me and I was finally able to understand and receive it.
The kids were happy, as they had long ago sensed Cary’s genuine l
ove for them. The words I had read in the Bible began to make sense to me.
“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean.” Ephesians 5:25
That is the kind of sacrificial love Cary had been showing me since the beginning of our relationship. Our wedding was a simple ceremony, but it would change my life, and the lives of my four children forever.
37
California Here We Come
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:19
We spent the night at an amazing hotel and ordered room service. That was a first for me. While we were gone, Jeremy and his friends loaded the moving van. The next day we said our tearful goodbyes to my family and drove out to begin our new life in California.
Pulling up to the house we had rented, the kids jumped out of the car and explored our new home. It was more than they had asked for. In early March, it was too cold to go swimming in Southern California, but all of the kids put on their bathing suits anyways and jumped into the freezing water at the community pool. Before settling in for the evening, we picked out a strawberry cake, lit candles, and celebrated Ashley’s 4th birthday.
A few days later I enrolled my children in school. Jeff was in elementary, Kristy in junior high and Jeremy in high school. Immediately, Jeremy applied to work at Bon Appetit in the cafeteria at Biola University. Thankfully his school and his job were easy to get to on foot, just around the corner from where we lived.
I was grateful I was able to be a stay-at-home-mom, which is what I had always desired. It felt so good not to have to share Ashley anymore. Or so I thought. Two weeks later, Lee came storming back into our lives. Our peace was shattered! Regrettably, Ashley would be torn apart emotionally for many years, feeling loyal to her biological father yet grasping on to the bond of love she felt towards Cary. But through the years we all learned to deal with it and it wasn’t long before he left and returned to Colorado. Fortunately for my older children, Kenny was not ever in the picture. Cary was able to become the loving, nurturing father they never had. Although they continued to call him Cary they referred to him as their “dad.”
Something About Those Eyes Page 29