Seize the Day

by Curtis Bunn

  “You are just taken by this dog.”

  “I was there when he needed me. And he was there when I needed him. No telling what would have happened to him if I were not. So we’re kind of important to each other.”

  She said she understood, but how could anyone really understand if they hadn’t been told they are dying? It was a place I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Besides Moses, Kathy was the person I talked more openly about what was facing me. And she was better because she could talk back.

  “Sometimes, usually when I’m at my lowest point of that day—and every day, no matter what happens, there’s a low point—I think about whether it would have been better to just fall out and die from an aneurysm or heart attack or even a police officer’s bullet. That way, I wouldn’t have this daily agony I have.

  “The night I spent with you was one of the few nights in about two months that I did not cry myself to sleep.”

  “Well, maybe I should just be with you. I’ve thought about our night together a lot, Calvin. And it was a sweet night and emotional and important. I know you probably felt like I was comforting you, but you were comforting me. I needed to feel loved by someone who mattered to me. I am not proud that I’m married. But I’m not ashamed that I love you or about the time we had together.”

  “Me, either. But what are you going to do about your living situation?”

  “I’ve already done it. I found a place. It’s not far from where I am now, but it’s a great space and a great neighborhood. It will be ready in two weeks at the latest. I signed the lease. But the big thing is I told my husband that it was over.

  “It amazes me that men try to straighten up when you tell them you don’t need them anymore. He went through this long apology—and I let him go on and on so he could feel humiliated after he finished. But he said we just needed a fresh start and that we have a family and blah, blah, blah. When he was done, I said: ‘You’re right. We do need a fresh start. And that’s why I’m moving out.’ I got up and left.

  “He followed me into the kitchen. He said, ‘My boy saw you out with some guy. Didn’t think I knew that, did you? What’s up with that? Is he the reason for this?’

  “I told him, ‘He’s the reason I’m leaving, yes. But not the way you think. He’s the reason because he gave me hope that there is someone out there who will love and appreciate me the way I need and deserve. To make it crystal clear: I’m leaving because of you.’ And he could not say a thing.

  “So, thank you, Calvin—for the money, definitely. But mostly for loving me after all these years and showing me how good I should feel about myself and my future.”

  We talked for another thirty minutes about her kids and how she broke the news to them and how they were not as devastated as she thought they’d be. “Just be mindful that they could be holding things in because they love you so much,” I said. “Continue to talk to them and encourage them to be open.”

  Before we said goodnight, I told Kathy something that I thought was important. “In my next life, you will be my wife.”

  “Oh, Calvin. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

  We hung up and I looked over at Moses. “What’s up with you? Want to get a walk in?”

  It was close to ten and I was winding down. Figured I’d watch a movie until I broke down in tears and cried myself to sleep after I made sure Moses was good.

  We walked out to Piedmont Road and took the same route from when we met the homeless guy, Todd Jones. I looked for him, but did not see him. I wondered, after giving him that money, if I’d ever see or hear from him. My instincts told me I would, but the reality was that he was a bipolar, alcoholic, drug-user. The odds were that he overdosed rather than tried to clean himself up. I tried, though, and that was all I could do.

  The next day and a half were spent in the room with Moses. I was depressed. The grandbaby coming only magnified how messed up the little bit of life I had left was. I just wanted it to be over with. I felt like I was waiting on death.

  I faked it enough for Maya and Skylar to leave me alone and explore Atlanta. They went to the new Civil and Social Rights Museum, to the King Center, to the outlet mall up Georgia 400, to the Woodruff Arts Center and even saw a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert at Chastain Park.

  “Dad, I feel bad that you won’t come with us,” she said over the phone.

  “Your dad needs to rest; that’s what Dr. Ali said. I went to Whole Foods and got some smoothie stuff. I’m good. Moses and I are chilling.”

  She asked about what I was eating. “Smoothie with kale, spinach, carrots, ginger, apple, banana with flaxseeds maca, hempseed, moringa and peanut butter.”

  “Sounds interesting, but if it gives you what you need, then great. I will have one with you tonight.”

  “You don’t have to torture yourself. I’m good with it. But this experience has made me think you should really look at your diet—especially now that you have a baby coming in about eight months.”

  “Yes, Mom and I have been reading all kinds of stuff. I’m on top of it.”

  By that evening, she and Skylar had done their running around and Maya came to my room. We hugged and I looked down at her stomach.

  “What?”

  “There’s a baby in there. My grandbaby. That’s something really special.”

  “I know. I can’t wait until I start feeling him moving around and kicking. That’s gonna be so weird.”

  “Where’s your mom?”

  “She’s in the room. She wanted to give us our time together.”

  I made her a smoothie. She tasted it and made that face that people make when they ingest something disgusting. “Oh, my God. Dad… You like this?”

  “I don’t have to like it. I just have to drink it. It’s full of nutrients and it’s part of my clean-living deal.”

  We sat on the couch and chatted.

  “So what’s up with this boy—I mean, man? Terrell?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Is he the real deal or what?”

  “The only reason I think he’s the real deal is because he reminds me of you. First of all, he’s an assistant principal of a high school. Second, he’s smart. He loves the English language. He appreciates words. He’s probably too serious at times, but he’s fun-loving, too. He’s like, radical. Always looking at race and how it plays a role in what happens in the world.”

  “I like that about him.”

  “I figured you would. What I appreciate about you was that you lived a calm life; you didn’t do a lot. But you always encouraged me to travel and open my mind and to be aware of how race and racism matters. That has helped me as I work in corporate America and deal with these people. Some of them are racist and don’t even know it—or won’t admit it. So, anyway, you prepared me for life. All I can do as a parent is take what you and mom instilled in me, and instill it in my child. That will carry her through.”

  “Her? It’s a girl?”

  “I guess that was a Freudian slip. We don’t want to know what it is until he or she pops out.”

  I slid over close to Maya and hugged her. “You’re going to be a great mom. I know that.”

  “Thank you, Dad. That means a lot. And I know you’re concerned about us not being married. But I’ll tell you a secret: I think Terrell is going to propose.”

  “Really? Really? Is that what you want?”

  “I do. I believe he’s the one. It’s only been a year, but the connection is there.”

  “I know what I said, but do not rush into anything because of me or the baby. Marriage is a decision that has to be made purely based on what you believe is the thing to do. You should have your own criteria that you have to stick to.”

  “I will.”

  “And he’d better meet me and ask me for your hand in marriage before proposing. If he doesn’t, we’re going to have a real problem.”

  “I got you Dad. And he will. I know he will.”

  With that, we hugged and kissed and she made her wa
y to her room as I stood there with Moses watching her. Something in her gait, the confidence, the youthfulness snapped me out of my almost two-day doldrums. “She’s going to be all right,” I said to Moses, who wagged his tail.

  I left him in the room as Maya took me for my second appointment. The ride there was quiet until Maya livened it up.

  “You know, if Terrell proposes, you’re going to have to walk me down the aisle.”

  “I love your mind and optimism—about Terrell and proposing. I’m walking you down that aisle, by hook or crook.”

  I wasn’t all the way in on her getting married until I spent some time with that joker and figured out his angle. If he had game, I’d be able to detect it. More than two decades as a schoolteacher prepared me for a lot, especially detecting B.S. I could sniff it before it was shoveled out.

  We arrived at Dr. Ali’s and Maya pulled off and I made my way in. She was just as welcoming and reassuring. I told her that I felt much better and that I had no issues around the enema or my stomach. Unlike the first visit, when the coffee enema was first, we did the spiritual component for about an hour and then enema.

  I went through the process without issue. I enjoyed the meditation especially because I thought about my friend Kevin and my mother.

  Kevin left me a charge to live my life, and I believed he would be proud that I had. I wanted to do some of the things he wanted to do, but, in the end, I believed I had to do what was natural for me while still honoring him. He was a unique friend, one who gave without hesitation of his time, resources, opinions, even, in my case, an organ.

  I had a few people I called friend, but some of them were halfway in, halfway out. Call you when they were lonely or needed something. See you when it was convenient for them. Disappear when they think you need them. Kevin taught me how to be a true friend.

  My mother? I missed her and her laugh. She would laugh about most anything and had an infectious spirit that filled a room. But it was her grace I most admired. Everyone loved her because her disposition was charming without trying. She engaged everyone. Anyone. And her dignity stood out.

  When she passed, I was thirty-three and just grasping fatherhood. She was a big part of that, encouraging me through Skylar’s drama to keep my focus on Maya. Mom said: “The baby is important, not her nonsense. You will come through this. But you have to hold on to your love for your child. That’s powerful.”

  The emptiness left by her death could never be filled. My father raised me to be a man. My mother raised me to be a gentleman. While meditating, I could see my mother’s face and smile and it made me feel good. I prayed that the afterlife would put me in her presence and we could laugh together again. That would make dying worthwhile.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  AND SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS…

  I did not have another session with Dr. Ali until Monday, so I was determined to have fun on Saturday and go to church and relax on Sunday. Venus called and offered to take me on another motorcycle ride, this time to Stone Mountain. I accepted.

  She showed up in white leggings and an orange top, which illuminated her dark brown complexion. Beautiful. We chatted in my room for a while and she met Moses and made an observation.

  “That dog is so connected to you,” she said. “He watches your every move, like a child would his father. He loves you.”

  “And I love him. Never understood how people were so connected to a dog. Now I know. I really understand.”

  Venus readied the bike after I took Moses down to Skylar to keep until I returned. “Our daughter has worn me out this week. I need a break, so hanging with Moses will be fine.” I gave her my room key just in case he got hungry.

  Venus guided the motorcycle about thirty minutes through the city and Atlanta’s insanely busy highways to Stone Mountain. It was a prodigious site, but one that brought back all my knowledge of the Confederacy and the heinous crimes committed against black people. The South had come a long way since those times, but the slaughtering of young black men this year and last made us question how much more ground we had to cover.

  It was hot, in the low nineties, but somewhat cloudy, making it tolerable. “It’s a good day to take the lift up to the top of the mountain,” Venus said.

  And so we chatted and laughed about life and love while in line. Finally, we boarded the tram and made it to the top. The day was clear enough to see all the way to the Atlanta skyline. It was breathtaking.

  “You can’t help but feel closer to God up here. You see all that beauty out there and know it’s His doing. I’m not that religious, Venus. Really I’m not. I’m more spiritual. But I know the power of God.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that because, with what’s going on with you, I would think it could be easy to lose faith.”

  “It hasn’t been easy. But, you know, a pastor in D.C. told me: ‘Why not you?’ He said I was chosen by God because I could handle it and be a blessing to others. And as soon as I accepted it as that, all kinds of things began to happen.”

  Before Venus could respond, my cell phone rang. I was not familiar with the number, but I answered.

  “Sir, this is Mr. Todd Jones. We met several days ago on Piedmont Avenue, in the middle of the night.”

  “Oh, wow.” My heart skipped, I was so glad to hear from him. “I’m just calling to tell you that I have purchased a phone—I’m talking on it now. I checked into a hotel in Midtown. I cleaned up good, went shopping and even got a shave and a haircut. And I went to Negril Village and sat outside and ate a great Caribbean meal.”

  “I went to Negril Village, too. I’m so happy to hear this, Todd.”

  I asked him to hold while I told Venus what was going on.

  “So, how do you feel?”

  “Like a new person. Or, really like the person I was before, you know, stuff started happening.”

  “Todd, I’d like to see you. I told you I’d get you to a doctor to get you on the right meds and help any way I can. I’m going to uphold my end of that deal since you upheld yours.”

  “I don’t know why you would do this for me, but I’m grateful. I’m really grateful.”

  He even sounded better. I told him my room number at the hotel and asked him to meet me there at seven. I gave Venus more details.

  “Wow, Calvin, that’s so great. The homeless problem in Atlanta is bad. It’s bad everywhere. And I don’t see any urgency locally or federally to do something about it.”

  “This is, like, the other side of being sick, of figuring out that we’re here to live our lives but to also serve others. It doesn’t have to be big, either. I extended my hand to this man and he was moved by that. Said he hadn’t shaken someone’s hand in years.”

  “I tell you, I’m so glad we met. I really am. I hope to God you beat this. I know what the doctors said. But, still, I hope there is another miracle out there because the world is better with you in it.”

  I was touched. “Thank you for saying that. That means a lot.”

  We turned away from each other and looked out across the land from the mountaintop. We walked around some and finally went back down the mountain. I asked Venus to stop by Whole Foods so I could pick up some items. She had a better idea: DeKalb International Farmer’s Market.

  I had not seen anything like it. Fresh fruits and vegetables from around the world. There were five different kinds of tangerines and peppers and anything else, for crying out loud. Just an enormous place with all the fruits and vegetables and spices I needed. And much cheaper than Whole Foods.

  “I could live there,” I cracked.

  Since we were on her motorcycle, I could not buy but so much. But that was going to be my new shopping spot.

  When we got to the hotel, Venus asked to come in to use the bathroom. I let her in with the intention of going to Skylar and Maya’s room to pick up Moses. But to my surprise, Skylar, Maya and Moses were in the room—with a strange man.

  I showed Venus the bathroom. “What’s going on?” I aske
d with attitude. Why would Skylar have a stranger in my space? I looked at her for an answer, and she didn’t respond.

  “Sir,” the man said, “good to see you again. It’s me. Todd Jones.”

  I was floored. The homeless man had, indeed, cleaned himself up. He wore brand new jeans and a nice linen shirt. His face was shaven clean and his hair was cut into a nice fade. He didn’t look ten years older than me anymore. And he smelled of cologne, not the streets.

  “Oh, my God. Todd. You look great, man. I’m sorry. I did not recognize you.”

  “Well, to be honest, I didn’t either, when I looked in the mirror. But your dog is special. I could tell he remembered me.”

  “Calvin, he told me how you met, what you did for him and I thought it would be OK to wait inside instead of out there,” Skylar said.

  “Yeah. Of course. It’s fine. I’m so glad to see you. You met my daughter and her mom, I see. Thank you for honoring your word.”

  “Sir, I had no choice. You inspired me. And I did not do it because of other stuff you said you want to do. You’ve done enough. You got me off the mat. The rest is up to me.”

  Venus came out of the bathroom and I introduced her around. I noticed Skylar was not as warm as she could have been. Women. I hadn’t been in a situation where I was at the center of woman drama in a long time. Only once in my life, in fact, when I was in college.

  I hated it, but there was something empowering about a woman being jealous of your relationship with another woman.

  “I was with Calvin when you called,” Venus said to Todd. “So I’m really glad to meet you. Isn’t Calvin great?”

  “How long have you known Calvin?” Skylar chimed in with attitude.

  “What’s it been? A week.”

  “And you know he’s great that fast? Hmm,” Skylar said.

  Venus looked at me. I was going to answer, but Todd said, “This man is different from other people, I’ll say that. I hate that I have to run. But I contacted my daughter and she’s coming over to my hotel to meet me. I just had to come here to see you and say thank you in person. We can catch up next week, when it’s, uh, less hectic for you.”