Chapter 4
I turned back to face the man who had begun pacing in front of the group.
“I think we all know why we’re here.” He smiled. “I’m here for the same reason. Everyone has a dream.”
He paused and swept his gaze over the crowd. “Really think about that for a moment. That person bagging your groceries has a dream. That police officer writing you a ticket has a dream. Every little boy and girl has been asked multiple times what they would like to do when they grow up. It’s been programmed into us to think about the future, to hope for the future.” He spread his hands out in front of him. “But what happens when that dream seems as distant and foreign as it did when we were just kids?”
I considered his words. I had spent a lot of time in high school trying to figure out what I would do with my life. Nothing ever seemed to fit. Was I the odd one out that didn’t have a dream? Or was it that I just never considered being a writer a possibility? Even as a child I turned to writing as my favorite way to express myself. But I had only ever seen it as a hobby, not something that I could do for a living. Now I had no doubt in my mind. It was my dream to become a successful author. I listened closely as David continued.
“The truth is, I have never met someone who did not have a dream. Sometimes it takes a little bit of conversation to get to it, but everyone has something that they truly desire in life. I’ve met men and women who have given up on their dreams. Life had gotten in their way and they believed that it was far too late to change their path. Or perhaps they did not feel worthy of living their dream.
“Whatever the reason was, it all came down to the same thing. Fear.
“‘I’m afraid to step out of what I know and into the great unknown. If I venture too far, will I be able to find my way back?’ The business of dreams is not for the faint of heart. But the business of living in fear will never lead to anything but more fear.
“So the question is, are you willing to take a risk and let go of those fears? Have you let them root you to the ground long enough?”
A few people actually responded to the question. David seemed to encourage the interaction. I observed that he didn’t seem to hold himself above the people in the crowd.
“I know what it’s like to be afraid of the bills coming in the mail. I know what it’s like to have friends and family questioning your decisions. When I first started on this journey of motivational speaking, I did so because I had found that I could have an influence on a large amount of people. I wanted to wake people up to their dreams, to remind them that life is for living, not for getting by. I wanted to reach into their hearts and minds. Why?”
He smiled and shook his head.
“Well, it was because of my mother. She was a single mom, who raised me on her own with the help and support of her family. She was a good mom, but she was a tired mom. I remember seeing her arrive home from work with such a deep exhaustion in her eyes. She did her best to play with me, to guide me, but underneath it all she was sad. At school one day I was asked that fateful question: ‘David, what do you want to be when you grow up?’ I didn’t have an answer. So when I got home that day, I asked my mother: what made her decide that she wanted to be a cashier at a gas station?”
He raised an eyebrow that drew a few laughs from the crowd. “You see, at that age I didn’t even conceive of the idea that she might not be living her dream. She might have had a bad day, or she might have wanted to protect me from hurt, but she looked me in the eyes and said, ‘David, dreams are for the rich. What you need to do is go to school and get a good job.’ That moment changed me. Not the way you might think. Instead of following my mother’s advice, I went in the opposite direction. I became determined to live my dream and to help others live theirs as well. Because dreams are not for the rich, they are for everyone. They are for anyone who is willing to try.”
I smiled at his heartfelt story. I didn’t question its authenticity. He really got through to me in the sense that I had spent most of my adult life in a job that I was simply content doing. It wasn’t a job that made me feel as if I was living my dream.
“I know, I know, you’re all thinking, it’s not that simple.” He looked across the audience. “You’re right. It isn’t that simple. Because there’s this pesky little thing called anxiety. Anxiety is fear’s way of spreading itself out. Instead of being terrified, we’re just anxious. You’d like to change careers, but then you get anxious about whether it will work out, if you will like your new position, if there will be financial consequences. These anxieties just build and build until you get to a point where it is much easier to simply not make any changes. So how do we combat anxiety? In my opinion, we must fight anxiety with bravery and confidence.”
I nodded in agreement. As he continued on with his speech, I was taken in by the world he described. A world where I could simply make a decision and move forward without being crippled by the “what ifs.” Of course that world was far from my current reality, but I was eager to find out if the seminar might change that. What if, the next time I saw Max, I wasn’t afraid to tell him the truth about how I felt about him?
Chapter 5
After the introduction of his theories and a general get-to-know-you session, David led all of us out to the campground. I was looking forward to some quiet contemplation time, or maybe some mantras.
David walked right into the woods.
A few moments later we reached a small clearing. In the middle of the clearing were two large wooden poles. Stretched between the poles were two ropes, one a few feet off the ground, the other several feet above the first. Beneath the ropes was a wide expanse of dirt that had been flooded with water.
I heard a few people muttering to each other, but I didn’t pay attention. All I could focus on was that mud. I was starting to think that I should have looked at the brochure more closely.
David turned around to face everyone. He smiled.
I wondered if he was a little sadistic or if he was really that cheerful all the time.
“Tonight we’re going to work on a trust exercise. Now I know that you may think that this is about trusting others—and to some extent it is—but this particular exercise is more about trusting yourself. You see, we’re not alone in this world. If we were, our decisions would be a lot easier to make.
“Each of you probably has someone who relies on you. Maybe you have children. Maybe you have a spouse. Or maybe you just have friends and family who have certain expectations of you. Some of these people might not even be in your life yet.
“I know that many people worry about what their future spouse will think of their job, or whether it will be stable enough to provide for future children. All of these things are valid concerns. But they pile on top of our minds and hearts, like weights that draw us down. They create barriers between our natural instincts of what we want, and what society and the people around us tell us we should want.
“So, tonight we are going to walk together across this rope. We are going to trust ourselves to hold the weight of not just ourselves, but those that rely on us as well. We’re going to see that we can be successful if we just give ourselves the chance.”
I stared at the tiny rope stretched across the huge puddle of mud. I was fairly certain that there was no chance I was going to make it across.
“To start us off, we will need an anchor. I will choose someone to be the first person on the rope. That person will hold on to the pole and keep the entire group steady. Although the person who is the anchor may provide us all some stability, it will only take one person slipping to bring down the whole line. How is that for pressure?” He laughed.
Sadistic, I decided. Definitely sadistic.
“You!” He pointed at me.
I looked behind me. There was no one standing there. I looked back at him.
“Samantha, come up here.” He gestured toward the rope.
“Uh. I’m not actually experienced in being an anchor.” I took a step back.
/> “I don’t think anyone is. But I think you will do a great job. Come on up.” He gestured enthusiastically at the rope. I did my best not to point out that he was flat-out wrong.
“To be honest, I don’t have a very easy time keeping my balance.” I cringed as I thought of all of the times I had tripped, stumbled, or even tackled someone as a result of my lack of coordination.
“Then this is the perfect role for you. The anchor position is all about balance—keeping yours, and maintaining a balance with others. Let’s go.”
I noted a hint of determination in his voice. For just a moment I wondered what would happen if I flat-out refused. Was he going to continue to try to coerce me? I was about to find out, when I remembered why I was there in the first place.
I was responding to David’s challenge the same way that I had been responding to life lately. He was giving me an opportunity and I was drawing back, because it wasn’t something that I was used to. If I was ever going to break free from my rut, it meant I had to take a few chances here and there.
“Samantha, what’s it going to be?” David extended his hand to me. There it was, my opportunity. Was I going to reach for it or was I going to pull back and stay in my comfort zone?
“Alright.” I placed my hand in his. “I’ll give it a shot.”
The others around me burst into applause. I felt a little embarrassed by the applause until I noticed all of the supportive smiles. It was as if I was demonstrating for them what it would be like to conquer their fears. Too bad I was going to end up face down in the mud. David helped me up onto the rope. I grabbed onto the pole with both hands. Even though I was holding on, I still had a hard time staying on the rope.
“Find your balance.” David watched me from beside the pole. I tried my best to find it.
“Okay, Wendy. You’re going to be the next one on the rope.” David gestured to a woman who was half my size.
My first thought was concern about squishing her when we both inevitably fell into the mud. Wendy walked up without hesitation.
“Now, Samantha, you’re going to have to let go of the pole with one hand so that you can help Wendy up onto the rope.”
I looked at David with wide eyes. I could barely keep my feet on the rope. I was slipping and sliding all over the place.
Chapter 6
Wendy was doing her best to be patient, but I could see her impatience beginning to build. Just when I was about to give up and jump off the rope, I felt someone take my hand. I looked up and right into David’s eyes. He had climbed up on the rope beside me.
“Feel your root.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. I didn’t know how I could feel rooted when I was standing on a rope off the ground.
“I’m trying.”
“That’s the problem.” He looked right into my eyes. “Don’t try. Try implies that you might fail. Do. You cannot fail, Samantha. You must be confident that failure is not a possibility.”
I couldn’t ever recall a time when I thought that failure was not a possibility. Success seemed much more impossible than failure to me. Suddenly I understood what he was trying to teach me. Confidence made the difference.
I straightened my legs. I felt my body shift into a more balanced position. I held the base rope with a strong grasp.
David smiled. Then he gestured for Wendy to step onto the rope beside him.
One by one each of the students of the seminar climbed onto the rope. The rope swayed. People shrieked and wobbled, but no one fell off.
“Know your strength. Know your balance. You are capable of anything that you put your mind to.”
David looked down the line of faces. “Before we climbed onto this rope, I bet most of you didn’t think that this was possible. Now you see that what you feared wasn’t so frightening after all.”
I basked in the glory of my success. I felt a bit like a superhero for being able to stay up on the rope the entire time.
Much to my surprise, David suddenly released my hand and gave my back a light shove. I gasped and swung forward off the rope. I reached for David’s hand and only succeeded in pulling him down with me.
As the rest of the group toppled into the mud, I was horrified. Not only had I gotten myself covered in mud, I’d made everyone else fall in too.
But David had pushed me, hadn’t he?
As everyone began to recover from the fall, David laughed and scooped up some mud. “Now you get to see that failure isn’t so bad either. It’s just a place to start again from. Things aren’t always going to go exactly as you plan. It’s how you react to your setbacks that makes the difference between failure and success.”
As I stood there covered in mud, I couldn’t decide if I liked his methods, or if he was just a madman. I did see his point. But I wondered if he could have made it without the splash in the puddle.
“That was wild.” I muttered my comment to myself, but Gail heard me.
She laughed and nudged me with her muddy elbow. “If you think that was wild, wait until you’re walking across hot coals tomorrow.”
“What?”
“Yes, that’s the final activity. Didn’t you read the brochure?”
I wished I had.
Once I was cleaned up and changed from the mud bath, I found the brochure I’d been given. I looked through it this time without skipping anything. Just as Gail had said, the last activity was walking across hot coals.
The very idea made me cringe. I wasn’t a fan of pain and I wasn’t a fan of fire and I wasn’t a fan of my bare feet on hot coals. Who was?
As I walked toward the campfire where the rest of the group had gathered, I felt let down. I had really started to think that I could get something out of the retreat, but there was no way I was going to walk across hot coals.
It was funny because a lot of my blog readers had started posting their own bucket lists to share, and the walking on hot coals item seemed to be a big one for most people. I hadn’t had the courage to add it to my own list.
If I couldn’t do this final activity, what was the point of even staying at the retreat?
I saw David stand up in front of the fire. I decided to let him know that I was leaving and I would need my things. Before I could speak to him, he launched into another motivational speech.
“Anxiety is what prevents us from being who we are.” He began to pace back and forth in front of the flames. The way the light flickered across his features made what he said seem even more dramatic.
“Anxieties haunt us from the time we wake up until the time we go to sleep—and for many of us while we are sleeping as well. We don’t wake up with gratitude for the morning, for the breath in our lungs, for the opportunities we have in our day.
“We wake up thinking about what went wrong the day before or what might go wrong today. We wake up thinking about all we have to do. Before we even stand up, we’re exhausted by the anxieties that plague us. How can we live out dreams if we never escape the nightmare of anxiety?
“Tonight, when you go to sleep, I want you to think about all of the things that you are grateful for—and all of the things that you are proud of yourself for. Think about what your life would be like if you made your choices based on confidence and bravery, rather than fear.
“In the morning, see how you feel. Battling anxiety isn’t something that happens overnight, but overcoming it can make a huge difference in your lives.
“I want to thank all of you for your participation in tonight’s activities. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you tomorrow. Please feel free to enjoy the campground.”
Chapter 7
As David walked away from the fire, my mind raced with everything that he’d said. So much of my decisions in life were made out of fear. Although I’d tried so many new things, I had to convince myself each time to take the risk. I always thought about what could go wrong. Before I’d even stepped on the rope earlier that night, I had planned on ending up face-down in the mud. Was I setting myself u
p for failure on a regular basis?
As I sunk deeper into my thoughts, I didn’t notice the other campers wandering off to do their own thing. I was left alone in front of the fire.
How many years had I let go by without confessing the truth to Max? Was it really because I valued his friendship so much or was it because I was afraid of the change that might occur?
Then there was Blue. We had come so close to meeting, but I’d not pushed it. Why not? He was a wonderful person. I wanted to know him as more than a screen name on my blog. Again, it was easier to leave things as they were than to take a risk.
Although I still didn’t think I would be walking across the coals the next day, I decided to stay. Already David had broken through a few of my barriers. I was interested to see what would come next.
That night as I settled onto a cot in the communal tent, I was a little unnerved. I hadn’t slept around other people in a long time. There was the option to move our cots outside for more privacy, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to get that up close and personal with the bugs.
Instead of fretting over the unusual circumstances, I decided to try what David had suggested. I closed my eyes and started to think of everything I’d accomplished over the past few months. As I thought about all of the adventures I had been on, all of the weight that I’d lost, I could hear the quiet noises of nature all around me.
I thought about the things that David had said. He was a very inspiring speaker. I wasn’t so sure that he was inspirational enough to make me walk across hot coals, but he did make me think about my fears.
I thought I had confronted so many.
I had dealt with my feelings of inadequacy about my body. I still had my moments of low self-esteem but I had given myself the tools to deal with that.
The fears that he had reminded me of went much deeper than that. I think that I had a deeply rooted fear of success. Perhaps that was why I’d always been so content at the laundromat. It was a decent job; it gave me plenty to live on and I liked it. So I stayed. While all of my friends began moving forward in their careers and personal lives, I stayed put. The only real change I’d made was the adventures I’d had from the bucket list.
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