“Oh, you’re going to do more than try.” Chuck pointed his thick finger at me. “You’re going to work hard and we’re going to make sure that you are pushing yourself. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that you never lose as long as you’ve really given it your best.”
I wasn’t sure whether to be excited or frightened. I thought I was probably a little bit of both.
My classmates kept to their word. Each time I got frustrated they were there to cheer me on. Soon I was getting the hang of the technique.
“Okay, Samantha, let me see you swim across the pool,” Mira announced.
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Sure you can!” Chuck clapped his hands. “Just try.”
I nodded a little. It did help to have their support.
I began to swim. I swam as fast as I could. I was so focused on being fast—and not doing anything to embarrass myself—that I lost track of my rhythm.
Chapter 8
I broke through the surface of the water and gasped for air. My lungs burned. I felt as if I hadn’t taken a breath in years, not mere seconds.
“How was that?” I gulped out.
“Great—if you plan on drowning.” Mira shook her head. “You have to come up for air, Samantha. If you swim too far without taking a breath, you’re going to mess up your rhythm. You have to pace yourself.”
I sank down a little in the water as she spoke. I had been quite excited by the idea that I’d done a good job and gotten a great time, but she was right. If I had to swim even a foot further I might have passed out. I was still greedily inhaling air.
“I know you want to go fast, but you have to think about the whole race too, not just speed. You need to have stamina.”
Her words really sank in. But surprisingly I didn’t think of them so much in terms of swimming as I did of life.
Was that how I’d been treating my bucket list? Was I trying to rush through it as fast as I could without ever taking the time to take a breath? Maybe the reason that I struggled to maintain my diet was because I never allowed myself to take a breath of fresh air. It was okay to let the weight fall off gradually.
I wasn’t even taking the time to enjoy my swim class, because I was so focused on beating Max.
“Okay, I’ll try again.” I took a deep breath.
“Not right now you won’t. I want you out of the water and resting a bit. You don’t realize it when you’re in the water, but swimming is actually a very intense exercise, and the way that you’ve been going at it today, I’m fairly certain that you might have overdone it.”
“But I want to practice more. There’s still fifteen minutes left in the class.” I couldn’t keep the annoyance out of my voice. I wanted to win, and even though I knew what she was saying was probably true, it made me feel defeated to think of getting out of the pool to rest, when all I wanted was to be better—to do better.
When I got back to my apartment, I was so sore from swimming that I could barely walk across the kitchen. If I didn’t feel such a deep need for water, I might have stayed right where I was. However, my throat was so parched that I was desperate for liquid.
I hobbled along using the kitchen counter for support. When I made it to the refrigerator, someone began knocking on the door. I groaned. There was no way I was going to hobble all the way to the door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me—Max.”
I sighed with relief. At least I wouldn’t have to make my way over there to open the door. Then I realized I couldn’t let him see me like this. If he knew how sore and tired I was, he’d either be upset that I was pushing myself so hard, or gloat about how he was going to win the race. It depended on his mood, really.
I straightened up and cleared my throat.
“Come on in, Max.”
I grabbed a water out of the fridge. Then I leaned heavily against the counter. As long as I didn’t have to move, I thought I would be just fine. I opened the lid on the bottle and took a long swig as Max opened the door.
When he stepped inside I spit ninety percent of the water I had just drunk right out of my mouth. He was wearing nothing but a tiny fluorescent green Speedo. With the way I was undressing him with my eyes, he might as well have been naked.
“Oops, don’t choke!” Max laughed.
I coughed up some of the water that had slid the wrong way down my throat. Of all the things I was expecting to see that day, Max nearly naked in my living room was not one of them.
“I’m sorry, I was just surprised.” I grabbed a napkin to wipe up my face.
“I bought it for our race.” Max grinned so slyly that I got the impression that he’d planned the entire unveiling of his new suit. “Don’t you like it?”
“Oh, well—uh—it’s nice.” I blinked and did my best not to stare.
“The saleslady said it’s the latest thing.” He frowned. “She didn’t lie to me, did she?”
“Well, I wouldn’t know. I don’t exactly keep up-to-date on men’s swimwear fashion.”
“But it looks okay, right?” He stuck his rear end out a bit. “It doesn’t make my butt look too big?”
I licked my bottom lip and forced myself not to laugh. “Your butt looks perfect.”
“Aw, thanks.” Max smiled. “Only a few more days!”
“Only a few more days.” I smiled back. Inside, I was wondering how I was ever going to remember to breathe when Max was wearing something like that.
Chapter 9
Over the next few days of class, I had another problem. Every time I closed my eyes to swim, I saw Max in his tiny Speedo. I either sucked up water from gasping, or choked on water from laughing. All of my classmates shot me strange looks. I couldn’t help it. The visual was burned into my brain.
Each time I tried to swim, I tried to push the image away. I knew that Max had crawled into my head, and that if I didn’t get him out, I would never win the race. I tried to focus on the technique, on my rhythm, on anything but his new suit. But as soon as I got into a flow and began to relax, he was sticking his bottom out asking me if it looked fat. Then I had to burst out laughing, whether I had my head underwater or not.
“Get your head in the game, Samantha!” Mira called from the side of the pool.
I hung on to the side of the pool and closed my eyes. I visualized a big “No Max Allowed” sign. If I had any chance of winning the race, I had to be able to focus.
Every time I started to think about him, I visualized the sign. It worked very well until near the end of class. We were all taking turns swimming across the pool. When it was my turn, I settled into my rhythm. As soon as I relaxed, Max started wandering around in my head. I visualized the “No Max” sign. But Max climbed right over it and shook his imaginary bottom at me.
I burst into laughter and swallowed a good helping of pool water. Luckily I’d already reached the end of the pool.
“You did it, Samantha!” Mira cheered. “You got the fastest time of anyone. I officially declare you a swimmer!”
I felt my heart swell with pride. Despite all of the distractions, I’d managed to accomplish what I set out to. As I climbed out of the pool my classmates all clapped.
“You’re going to win that race!” Darlene smiled at me. “Just remember to keep your focus, pace yourself, and breathe!”
“Thanks, guys. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I had almost drowned because of the imaginary Max in my head.
That night I had a hard time sleeping. I was sore enough and tired enough to pass out, but my mind kept returning to the upcoming race with Max. The next day was the last day of class, and after that would be our race. I wondered if I was foolish for even trying to beat him. I fell asleep, thinking about whether I might end up taking Isaac’s advice after all.
My eyes flew open. It was the last day of swim class. I knew that it was my last day to get a good practice in before I had to confront Max. I
was nervous about it. Of course Max would be willing to call it off with a good attitude, but I didn’t want to have to do that. I wanted to show him that I was getting more in shape every day.
Mira walked across the pool deck toward the class.
“You have all done a great job in this class. I have to say that I’ve taught a lot of students over the years, and this group has been the quickest at improving.”
Mira smiled at me. I knew that the entire class had rallied around to support my competition with Max. Even though they barely knew me, they all knew what it was like to feel inadequate and to want to overcome a challenge—not just for the fun of it, but to prove that they could. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to beat Max, but with all of the help and support that my classmates had given me, I felt fantastic about my chances.
“I think everyone should know that there is one more task we need to complete. It’s the least favorite activity of most of my students, but it’s very important when it comes to swimming safety.”
I looked over at her with some trepidation.
“Today we’re going to practice water rescue. This will help you to understand what to do if you find yourself in trouble, and also what to do if you see someone else in trouble. So we’re going to pair up. One person will be the victim, the other will be the rescuer. Then we’ll switch off.”
I felt uneasy at the idea of being responsible for rescuing someone. I felt a lot more confident that I would be able to keep my own head above water. I was paired with Chuck. He looked at me warily.
“Do you think you’ll be able to rescue me?”
“Without a doubt.” I smiled in return. As I stepped closer to him, I slipped on a puddle of pool water. A second later, as I tried to catch my balance, I tackled him into the water. All of the attention was on us as we splashed into the pool.
“I didn’t say start!” I heard Mira yell.
Both Chuck and I were floundering like injured fish. Chuck grabbed my arm and in a panic started to pull me down. I heard Isaac’s sharp whistle just before my head went under water. I tried to push Chuck off of me but he was terrified and clinging on. I remembered what Mira had said about staying calm and maintaining my breathing. I focused on Chuck’s body. I managed to get my arm around one of his and turn him away from me. Then I swam up to the surface. Isaac was swimming toward us. With Chuck against my chest I swam to the edge of the pool. All of my classmates cheered.
“That was an excellent rescue!” Mira applauded me as well. “Good job, Samantha.”
Isaac winked at me as he swam away. I felt more secure than I ever had in the water.
Chapter 10
The morning of the race I was more than excited. I still didn’t have a lot of confidence that I would win. But I was excited over spending time with Max and seeing him in his swimsuit again.
I didn’t have to wait long, as about five minutes after I arrived at the local pool, Max came sauntering up. I had to bite the tip of my tongue to keep it from hanging out as he walked toward me in that dinky suit.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Max smiled at me.
“I’m sure.” I slipped my shoes off. I did my best to keep my eyes above his belly button.
The water was sparkling in the sunlight. I was used to training indoors, but it was nice to feel the heat on my skin. “Are you sure you’re ready to lose?”
“I’m sure.” He laughed. “I’m hungry too.”
“Well, you just keep that hunger to yourself, because you’re going to be paying the bill.”
I dove into the water, knowing that he was watching me the whole time. As I felt the cool rush I heard him splash in behind me.
“No fair. You don’t get a head start.” His hand swept through the water, creating a large splash. I tried to duck the water, but it caught the side of my face.
“Hey!” I splashed him back. He dove out of the way of most of the impact.
“Can’t catch me!” He splashed me again and then started to swim across the pool.
I swam after him. I put all of the fun and the distraction of being close to him out of my mind. I focused only on each stroke of my arms as they sliced through the water. I felt the steady rhythm of my kicking feet. Then, just like in class, I started to lose my pace.
To be fair, I couldn’t help it. Max had pulled out in front of me and all I could see when I lifted my head out of the water for a breath of air was his fluorescent-clad butt. It’s hard to breathe and gasp at the same time.
I started to lose my momentum. I felt a hint of panic set in. With a few more determined curls of my arms I knew what I had to do.
Isaac had been right—there was one way I could win the race.
I knew that it was wrong. I knew that if he had done it to me, I would have likely tried to drown him. But with his fluorescent rear end waggling in my face, I just couldn’t resist.
I reached out and grabbed the waistband of that Speedo. I gave it a good solid yank until quite a large portion of Max’s bottom was exposed. Then I swam as hard and as fast as I could to the edge of the pool. I heard splashing and sputtering behind me. As I touched the wall I turned to see if I had truly won.
Max scowled as he swam the remaining distance to the wall.
“You cheated!”
“I’m sorry? Did my hand catch on something?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Stop it, you know what you did.” He swam dangerously close to me. “I guess it might be time for paybacks.”
“Don’t you dare!” I nearly jumped out of the water.
“And why not? You crossed the line first.”
I could tell that he was trying to hide a grin.
“Actually you did. What were you thinking when you bought that tiny little swimsuit?”
“It’s not that tiny.”
“It’s skimpy.”
“Skimpy, not tiny.”
“Whatever. You know you did it to distract me.”
“Oh?” He swam closer to me again. “And why would my skimpy swimsuit distract you, Sammy?”
I smiled saucily at him. “You are fully aware of the power of your derriere.”
“No, I’m not. Tell me, what’s so distracting about it?” He wiggled his eyebrows.
I splashed some water right at him and swam away.
“You didn’t win!” He swam after me.
I laughed when I reached the other side of the pool. I had swum the entire length again and was still feeling pretty good. I was proud of myself, even if I had cheated a little to win.
“Okay, I won, but I’ll still buy you dinner.”
He leaned against the side of the pool beside me. “Should I wear my swimsuit? Or will you get too distracted to order?”
I splashed him again and climbed out of the pool. As I turned back to look at him I grinned. I recalled considering whether having Max in my life as a friend was limiting my romantic options. In that moment as he smiled up at me, I knew it didn’t matter. Nothing would ever be better than having Max in my life.
After dinner I decided to update my blog. I pulled out my bucket list as well. I drew a tiny version of Max’s skimpy Speedo next to the “learn to swim” item and checked it off. Then I skimmed through the other items on my list.
One that stood out to me was to go on a meditation retreat. I was sure that was something I would enjoy doing. At the time that I wrote it down, the purpose was just to give myself a chance to clear my mind, but now I wanted to do it for another reason.
I wanted to know myself—from the inside out. I wanted to know what I truly hoped for in life. I figured the best way to find that out was to learn to listen as closely as I could. I drew a bright green circle around that item on my list, then I began working on my blog.
I didn’t use Max’s name, but I had to include that I had won a race with a friend. Of course, I left out what he was wearing—and exactly how I had won.
A minute or two after I published it I received a new comment from Blue.
It’s good to know that I can plan to whisk you away on a tropical vacation.
Blue
I smiled at his words. My heart skipped a beat. Did he mean it?
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
21 Learn to Meditate
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
It was a beautiful day. I’d staked out a perfect spot in the middle of the small park a few blocks from my apartment. I was enjoying the warmth of the sunlight and observing the people around me, when I spotted her—a woman who appeared to be a few years younger than me.
She was sitting on a blanket—just like me. She was warmed by the sunlight—just like me. But she had a serene smile on her lips. Her eyes were closed, her shoulders were relaxed, and her hands were splayed open against her crossed legs. I felt drawn to her for no other reason than my envy of that peaceful state.
A big part of my weight loss journey had been about introspection and relieving my anxiety. Although I’d made a lot of progress with the help of the bucket list, I still didn’t feel completely familiar with myself. It was a mystery to me how my life would progress. I couldn’t even pinpoint exactly what I wanted.
Yet this woman was centered. She seemed content in her own skin. I was sure that there were people in the world who had absolutely everything figured out. I was also sure that I was not one of them. But I wanted to be. I wanted all of the questions and worries that plagued me to disappear as easily as the sun giving way to a new day.
The woman before me seemed to have all of that figured out.
The sight of her and others like her was the reason I was interested in meditation. I’d read several self-help books during my journey, and some had helped. Most recommended meditation as a tool to remain focused and balanced in life.
I’d added learning to meditate to my bucket list, but it had been one I had overlooked on many occasions. I could always think of something a bit more exciting and challenging to try. Meditation seemed like a rather boring thing to spend my time on.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 59