Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24)

by Lillianna Blake

  Chapter 2

  As I drove back toward my apartment, I continued to sink lower and lower. On a day that was supposed to be about liberation I felt as if I’d just had all of the air let out of me. At the last minute I decided to drive in a different direction.

  I needed some support to get through the day. Instead of making the turn toward my apartment, I headed toward Max’s house.

  It wasn’t very often that I went to his place. Even though he had a key to my apartment and was welcome to come and go as he pleased, it felt different for me to go to his place. There was always some concern that I might be walking in on something I didn’t want to see. It wasn’t an unfounded concern, considering that Max was a bit of a ladies’ man and very rarely spent a weekend night alone.

  At least, that’s what I imagined. He was kind enough not to go into too much detail about his love life.

  When I knocked on the door I heard a rummaging sound. Right away I wondered if I’d really interrupted something. A moment later the door swung open. He wore his running gear, and the sweat on his brow made me think he had just come in from a run.

  “Sammy!” His eyes widened with surprise. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “I know. I should have called. I’m sorry.”

  “No, absolutely not. You don’t have to call. Ever.” He grabbed me by the hand and tugged me inside.

  Max kept a neat house but it was also very plain. He didn’t have much color in his decor and even less in personal touches. “What’s going on?” He grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge.

  “I just did something I never thought I would do. I just needed to get my head on straight.” I met his eyes and took the bottle of water.

  “What did you do?” He raised an eyebrow. “Not skydiving, I hope.”

  Max had witnessed the majority of my adventures since I’d started my bucket list. “No, not that. I quit my job.”

  Max spit out the sip of water he had just taken. I ducked out of the way just in time to avoid the spray.

  “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He handed me a napkin.

  “It’s okay, you missed me.” I was a little amused that such embarrassing things happened to other people and not just me.

  “I thought you said you quit your job.” He shook his head. “I must have heard you wrong.”

  “No. You didn’t hear me wrong. That’s what I did. I just gave my two weeks’ notice. Actually, Patricia cut it down to a week.” I frowned. “I guess it’s not going to be that difficult to replace me.”

  Max’s lips curved into a soft frown. “That’s not true, Sammy. You know that.” He reached out and took my hand again but this time he held it. His warmth surrounding my hand felt both comforting and electrifying.

  “Do I?” I pursed my lips to hold back the chaos that was swirling inside of me. “I mean, how hard is it to replace the manager of a laundromat? That’s all I’ve been.”

  “Sammy!” Max tightened his grasp on my hand. “You’ve been much more than that. For one, you’re a great friend and mentor to all the employees you’ve worked with. Not to mention that everyone in the neighborhood knows you and can rely on you when they have a problem.”

  “Sure—if you got your favorite shirt messy at wing night, go see Sammy.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not exactly world-changing stuff.”

  Max looked into my eyes. “It can be for one person at a time. You’re always so kind and ready to help. That makes a bigger difference than you realize.”

  “I guess.” I looked down at my feet. “I know it’s the right thing to do, but I’m going to miss it.”

  “Of course. You just have to get excited about the new job.” He paused a moment. “What is the new job?”

  “I don’t really have one.”

  “Huh?” Max narrowed his eyes.

  “I mean, it’s going to be writing. That’s how I’m going to make my income from now on.” He was silent as he stared at me. I tried to figure out what he was thinking but it was impossible to read his expression.

  “I think it’s the right thing to do.” I shook my head. “I guess you don’t agree.”

  “It’s not like I don’t think you’re an amazing writer, because I do. I guess this was just so unexpected. Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

  “I didn’t want to lose my nerve.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I know it sounds silly, but I needed to be able to do it because I wanted to do it, not because of anyone else’s advice. Do you think it was a mistake?”

  Max smiled and I noticed his facial muscles relaxing. “Not at all.” He brushed his fingertips across the back of my hand. “If this is your true passion, then it is what you should be doing. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m happy that you’re ready to start changing things.”

  “I have been in a bit of a holding pattern.” I smiled a little. “I guess I just expected the entire world to stop spinning or something. I mean, this is probably one of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life since college.”

  “I’m sure it is. But you deserve to be happy, Sammy. If this is what is going to give you that satisfaction then I fully support you. Besides, now I’ll be able to drop in on you any time.” He grinned.

  “You already did that at Fluff and Stuff. I intend to hole myself up in my apartment and write, write, write.”

  “Oh no, none of that.” He shook his head.

  “Why not?”

  “I’d miss you.” His lips pushed out in a playful pout. “Besides, the world needs you. If you’re not going to be spreading your good will at Fluff and Stuff, then you have to be out in the world in other ways.”

  “I’ll have to come out once in a while to buy groceries.” I grinned.

  “I’m going to hold you to that.” He hugged me.

  Chapter 3

  With Max’s arms tight around me, I thought I could melt right into the floor. I rested my head on his shoulder and hoped that he would not let go. When he finally did pull away I realized I had let the hug get long and awkward.

  “Thanks for your support.” I looked away from him as my shyness reared its ugly head.

  “Sammy, you always have my support. Always.” He waited until I looked up at him and then smiled. “I can’t wait to read what you’re writing.”

  My heart skipped a beat at that idea. I wasn’t sure that I was going to live up to his expectations.

  “Oh, you probably wouldn’t find it very interesting.”

  “I am interested in anything you do.” He ruffled my hair.

  “Stop that!” I swatted at his hand.

  “Seriously, I’m happy for you.” He tilted his head toward his bedroom. “But I need to take a shower.”

  My throat went dry at the thought of Max standing in the shower with droplets of water striking his delicious skin.

  “Sammy? Are you okay?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh yes, uh, huh, I’m fine.” I nearly walked into the wall as I turned toward the door.

  “Are you sure?” He laughed and placed his hand on my back to help guide me away from further injury. “That looks like it could use some ice.”

  “No, I’m fine. Enjoy our shower.” I gulped the moment I heard my own words. “I mean, your shower.”

  “Okay.” He waved to me as I hurried out the door. Luckily Max was so used to my strange behavior that I was sure he wouldn’t think twice about my antics. Still, that slip of the tongue was a little too close to the truth.

  I did feel a lot better as I drove back to my apartment. I wasn’t sure if there was ever going to be a time that I didn’t get distracted by my crush on Max, but his support meant so much to me, regardless of whether he would ever return my romantic interest.

  When I got back to my apartment I dropped my purse by the door. I made my way to the computer. My mind was occupied by the hope that Blue might have sent me a message. I knew that it was a little much to expect, as it had only been about an hour since I posted the new entry. But I still couldn’t wait
to see if he had written.

  Right away I noticed that there was an e-mail from him. I opened it up, full of anticipation. The words that filled the screen brought tears to my eyes.

  SWF,

  I can see that your journey over the past few months has led you to a new chapter in your life. I think it’s amazing that you are willing to be so brave, to step out from your comfort zone. I hope that you realize the future you will have. There are no limits. Just hold your head high and keep on going. This might sound funny to say, but I’m proud of you, and I can’t wait to see where this new path in your life leads.

  Blue

  It meant so much to me that Blue was as happy about my choice as I’d thought I would be. With both Max and Blue offering their support, the meeting with Patricia began to fade away. I was making the right choice. It was just going to take a little time for me to get used to it.

  When I showed up at Fluff and Stuff for my shift later that day, my chest tightened at the thought of my routine’s changing. It wasn’t grief that I was feeling as much as it was anxiety.

  What if I couldn’t write a word? What if I ended up hanging out in my room eating snacks and regaining all of the weight that I’d lost?

  As customers came and went I felt the push and pull of my choice. I was sure that Patricia would accept it if I told her that I’d made a mistake. But was it? I stared at a load of clothes that was spinning around in one of the dryers. That was how my heart felt as I muddled through my thoughts. I wanted more. I wanted to devote my life to my writing, but I also didn’t want to end up with nothing. I had no husband and no prospects—which meant I might not have any children—which meant I could end up locked away in some old folk’s home without a penny to my name.

  “No I don’t want to watch ‘Wheel of Fortune’!”

  My random outburst drew the attention of Anisa, who was folding clothes. Anisa was fairly new but she had the skills to be able to take over my position.

  “Okay.” Anisa stared at me. “You don’t have to, I guess.”

  I blushed and looked away from her. Anisa was petite in a way that put supermodels to shame. She had long thick dark hair and bright almond eyes. She was, in my opinion, drop dead gorgeous. She was also well aware of it.

  “I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”

  “About ‘Wheel of Fortune’?” She laughed. “You need to get out more, Samantha.”

  “I know, I know.” I sighed. “But no. That’s not really what I was thinking about.”

  “Then what?” Anisa folded the last pair of jeans in her pile.

  “I’ve turned in my notice.”

  “Notice of what?”

  “That I’ll be quitting.”

  “Huh?” Anisa’s eyes widened. “Why? Is something wrong?”

  “No. I just want to try my hand at being a writer.” I cringed as I looked at her. “Do you think that’s crazy?”

  “No, not crazy at all. I mean, there’s a lot of people out there that want to be writers. That doesn’t mean that you won’t do well.” She shrugged. “If that’s what your heart wants you to do, then do it.”

  “But what about bills and the future and retirement?” I shook my head.

  “Listen, Samantha, all of that is in the future. Sure, it’s a risk to try to make a living as a writer, but if it’s what you want you should go for it. Life is short and not to be wasted on fear. I always tell myself, Anisa, if that’s what you want, you go and get it. If I don’t, I only have myself to blame.”

  “Don’t you ever worry?” I frowned. “I feel like I spend ninety percent of my time worrying.”

  “That’s a problem, girl. You’ll die from it.” Anisa clucked her tongue.

  “What?” I laughed. “I don’t think it’s going to kill me.”

  “Oh, yes it will. The number one killer in America is stress.”

  Chapter 4

  Anisa nodded with all of the confidence of an expert. “Most of the diseases and health problems that people have are related to stress. And think about it, when it comes to diet, what do you do when you’re really stressed or worried?”

  I clenched my teeth for a moment. I didn’t know if I felt comfortable admitting the truth to Anisa, who was so tiny. I was sure she would find my stress behavior repulsive.

  “Well, I’ve gotten a lot better about it, but yes, I still have the urge to consume comfort food when I’m stressed.” I cleared my throat.

  “Comfort food?” Anisa raised an eyebrow. “Samantha, I’m talking about grease-loaded, sugar-coated, salt-drenched, cheese-saturated sweet relief!” She shook her head. “I used to scarf down a pizza like it was an appetizer, all because I was so worried about life.”

  “You?” I laughed a little. “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Do you?” Anisa shook her head. “You know, I guess I can be straight with you since you’re quitting. I get a little weary of bigger women looking at me like it’s so easy to be this size. If I gain ten pounds I look huge. There’s no extra room on this body. To maintain this weight I have to watch every little thing I eat. I have to exercise all of the time, and even then when I look in the mirror there’s always something that doesn’t look right. At least if you go out and eat a carton of ice cream, no one’s going to notice.”

  I winced a bit at her harsh words, but I did hear the truth in them. She was right. I did automatically judge slender people as having it easy. I didn’t think they ever had to worry about their weight or stress about diet and exercise.

  “No offense intended, Samantha. You’re beautiful as you are. That’s the point. If we get caught up in all of this worry, it only puts us in this cycle of becoming unhealthy. So if you want to be healthy, sure, diet and exercise will help, but getting rid of stress will make the biggest difference. Maintaining a diet isn’t so hard if you don’t feel the need to bury your feelings in food.” She cringed as she looked at me. “I hope I didn’t upset you. I have a bad habit of telling it like it is.”

  “No, you didn’t upset me at all. In fact you opened my eyes.” I smiled at her. “Thank you, Anisa. I never really thought about it that way. I’ve been craving peace in my life, but I stress myself out every time I look in the mirror, or slip up on my diet.”

  “It’s not worth it, girl, trust me.” Anisa shook her head. “The real truth is, life is going to happen, no matter how hard we try to control it. You could stay at this job and the place could go out of business. Then what? You could become a writer and not sell a thing. Then what? You can’t see the future. If you could I’d be paying you to read my cards.” She grinned at that.

  “I see your point.” I looked back at the swirling clothes in the dryer. Suddenly I didn’t see chaos. I saw the natural flow of life. I didn’t have control. The only thing I could do was make choices that fulfilled me, rather than limited me.

  I was grateful for the conversation I’d had with Anisa.

  After speaking to Anisa, I made a new decision. I was going to celebrate each day of my final week at Fluff and Stuff. Instead of growing more sad or anxious, I would spend my time honoring my time there, and my decision to leave. Part of this process would require my writing each night to remind myself of why I was leaving the job.

  When I got home from Fluff and Stuff that night I was prepared to write whatever I could. When I turned on my computer, however, I was drawn to read over my interactions with Blue. He was my great white whale, in the sense that he was both alluring to me and dangerous. I wanted him to be part of my life, but I was terrified of making that known.

  Was that part of the stress that drove my anxiety?

  I sighed as I read over his kind words. Everything he said to me indicated that he might be interested, but it was so hard to believe. I didn’t think I was ever going to be brave enough to make it known that I wanted the chance to be with him. More than anything, I wished I could pick up the phone and just call him. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to know what he thought about the conversation I’d had
with Anisa that day. I didn’t want him to be a spectator at my life, I wanted him to be part of it.

  Before I could stop myself I had sent him an e-mail that simply said:

  I miss you.

  It was ridiculous, and after I sent it I wanted to take it back. But there was no way to.

  Right away I began to think of excuses for it. I could just tell him that I sent it to the wrong e-mail address, or that I was drunk, or that I’d had a stroke.

  Before I could decide on which excuse to use, I got an e-mail back from him.

  I miss you too.

  Blue

  Chapter 5

  My heart ached at the sight of those words. Blue didn’t ask for any explanation. It was as if he understood what I was feeling. I started to type a response but my ringing phone interrupted me. When I saw that it was Max I picked it up right away.

  “Hey, Max.”

  “Hi, just thought I’d check on you.”

  I smiled a little. He always seemed to know when I needed to hear from him. I felt a little guilty. Not just for not writing Blue back, but also for writing him in the first place. My feelings for both Blue and Max often left me more than a little confused.

  “How did today go?”

  “It went well. I talked a lot with Anisa.”

  “She seems nice. The few times I’ve talked to her she always had something positive to say.”

  “She’s an interesting person. What she said meant a lot to me.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Just that I need to stop worrying so much.” I laughed.

  “Huh. I wonder who has said that to you for years and years?” Max laughed too.

  “Oh, Max, you know you always make me feel better. But it’s good to hear it from someone else now and then.”

  Max was silent for a few moments. We often had lulls in our conversations so I didn’t think too much of it. When he spoke again, his voice had a strange tight quality to it.

  “Is that what you want, Sammy? To hear it from someone else?”