Almost Hitched

by Kylie Gilmore

  They high-fived with first one hand, then the other, and then both.

  Nate scowled.

  “Welp,” Ian said, “good game. Now I’ve gotta collect my lusty woman.”

  Nate huffed. “I can’t believe we did so poorly.”

  Ian tried really hard not to laugh. “Them’s the breaks.”

  “I thought you knew sports,” Nate said.

  Ian finished his beer and stood. “I know more than you.”

  Nate started typing on his cell phone, probably looking up the answers now that he had an Internet connection. Time to go.

  He headed to the other end of the table, where Kate was, in her direct honest way, giving Mike advice on women.

  “You’re really a wonderful partner,” she was saying. “There’s no reason why any woman in this bar wouldn’t like to join you.”

  Mike blushed and stared at the table. “Thanks, Kate,” he mumbled.

  “There’s two things you need to do before you can attract a partner,” Kate went on matter-of-factly. Mike’s head snapped up. “You must wash your hair.”

  “I do wash my hair,” Mike protested.

  It really didn’t look like it. The greasy strands hung lank and too long.

  “Then you must up the frequency,” Kate said.

  “More than once a week?” Mike asked.

  “Yes, I would suggest an every-other-day schedule,” Kate said. “Alternatively, you could get a buzz cut and go for every three days.”

  “Oh-kay,” Mike said slowly. “If you really think it would help.”

  “A woman gives you woman advice,” Ian put in. “That’s gold.”

  Mike nodded and shoved a hank of hair out of his eyes.

  Kate went on. “And while I understand the attachment to old comfortable T-shirts, some of mine are seven years old—”

  “This is ten years old,” Mike said proudly, holding out the shirt by the hem that was stained in multiple places with what looked like pizza sauce.

  “You need shirts with no stains,” Kate said. “I’ll email you a link to an online store where you can stock up on multiple colors for a very reasonable price.”

  “But new T-shirts aren’t broken in,” Mike said.

  Kate cocked her head. “Would you like to attract a mate? I sensed despair and desperation in your plea that no one ever wanted to partner with shlubby Mike.”

  Ian bit back a smile. Kate kept surprising him. She was reading between the lines and acting accordingly. Maybe he could mess with her a little more and she’d get the joke.

  Mike blushed. “I’m not desperate or whatever.”

  “When was the last time you were with a woman?” Kate asked. Ooh! Nut cruncher. Poor Mike.

  When Mike didn’t answer, Ian worked on looking like it was all business as usual. “No judgment here,” Ian said.

  “It’s been a while,” Mike admitted.

  Kate grabbed her coat and purse. “Okay. Next month at trivia night, I want to see you with clean hair and a clean shirt, and then we’ll approach a nice woman and invite her to be your partner. I will vouch for your skill and for your general awesomeness.”

  Mike grinned. “You’re on.”

  Kate waved to the group. “Bye, all! See you tomorrow.”

  “Bye, Kate!” the men chorused.

  “Next time you’re on my team!” Nate called.

  “Oh, Nate!” Kate laughed and shook her head. “See you tomorrow!” She headed for the door. “He’s so ridiculous,” she whispered to Ian. “He’s better at trivia than I am.”

  Ian dropped an arm over her shoulders, pulled her close, and kissed her cheek. “You’re amazing.”

  She turned to him, eyes wide. “Why would you say that?”

  He held the door open for her. “You really helped Mike out in a way that probably no one else could. Very direct and honest.”

  Her brows scrunched together. “I don’t know how to be any other way.”

  He joined her outside and took her hand. “And that’s to Mike’s benefit.”

  She smiled up at him. “That’s to everyone’s benefit. Everyone should be honest.”

  He ran his thumb across the underside of her wrist. “How’d that beer make you feel?”

  “Lusty. You’re up, Furnukle.”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “I love you, Kate.”

  “I love you too. You up for it?”

  He grabbed her and nuzzled into her neck, breathing in her fresh soap and fruity grapefruit scent from her shampoo. “Always for you.” Her cheek touched his, and he realized she was smiling.

  She pulled back and met his eyes. “Thanks for not making a big deal about joining Nate’s team. I just thought Mike really wanted to play for once.”

  “No problem. It was fun.”

  “Really? I thought you didn’t like him.”

  He cocked a brow. “And why wouldn’t I like him?”

  “I don’t know. Because he’s coming with me to Geneva, because he adores me, because he said you and I shouldn’t need a trial run.”

  “Well, I think he’s swell,” he replied in his best oh-golly sarcastic voice.

  She giggled and started walking again. “I’m anxious to do our trial run. Have you ever had a roommate?”

  “Not in a long time. Since grad school. I’m sure you’ll be the best roommate I ever had.”

  “How do you know?”

  He grinned. “Because you’ll be my first roommate with benefits.”

  “Should we devise a schedule for our living arrangement?”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  She nodded vigorously.

  “Benefits every night and every morning.”

  “You don’t think you’ll get tired? I mean, that’s great for a vacation, but do you really have the stamina for it?”

  He stopped walking and mimed plunging a knife through his heart. “You wound me.”

  “Not that you’re old or anything.”

  “I have the stamina. Geez, Kate, I’m only twenty-eight. I’ll slow down when I’m dead.”

  She gave him an impish smile. “I’m just saying there’s a reason they have those little blue pills.”

  He yanked her flush against him, kissing her long and deep, letting things heat up right there on the sidewalk. She let out a needy moan, wrapped her arms around his neck, and, a moment later, lifted her leg to wrap around his. He loved when she climbed his body. It meant she wanted him bad.

  He shifted to speak in a low voice near her ear. “Let’s go. I’ve got something to prove now.”

  “I hope you’ll hit a ten.”

  “I always hit a ten.” He stopped, taking in her mischievous smile. “You!”

  She stopped smiling. “What?”

  “You’ve been teasing me with that ten stuff. I’ve always been a ten. You’re just egging me on.”

  She put a hand on her hip, all sassy. “What if I am?”

  He grabbed her and tickled her. She laughed like crazy and wiggled away from him. “I can’t believe you!” he exclaimed. “You know how hard I work every time to measure up?”

  She threw her arms around him, went up on tiptoe, and whispered in his ear, “You’re the inspiration for the rating system. You’re the perfect ten, from the very first time, which no one else has ever measured up to.”

  He got choked up. He was her first, and she’d never had better after him. He set the bar. That meant something to him. “Kate,” he managed, his voice gruff with emotion.

  “Come on,” she said, leading him back toward her apartment. “I can’t wait for your next ten. And no slacking!”

  He swatted her bottom, and she yelped. “You’ll be eating those words.”

  Chapter Nine

  May in Boston…

  The ordeal begins. Ian had no sooner helped Kate move all her luggage into his one-bedroom apartment than she settled on the living room sofa, opened her laptop, and announced, “I have the experiment and all relevant data points wo
rked out.”

  It was Sunday afternoon, and for some crazy reason he’d thought maybe she’d want to go out. Or, even better, go straight to bed. Not start the science stuff right away. They had all month. Spring in Boston was glorious—seventy degrees with a light breeze, blue skies, all the flowering trees in bloom. It was a short walk to the beautiful Boston Common from his apartment. He really should’ve known better. But over the last month and a half when they’d been long distance, she hadn’t mentioned the experiment once. He’d kinda sorta hoped—

  “I’ve prepared everything we need,” Kate went on seriously. She gave him a quick glance. “Please take a seat.” Her tone was formal, which meant she was worked up about this experiment. She gestured in a jerky, stiff motion to the far end of the sofa away from her.

  He crossed to the sofa and tried to sit next to her. She shoved his butt. “You can’t be too close. You know how you trip my circuit. I need all my mental power.”

  He turned, slid his hand into her hair, and leaned down to her. Her eyes drifted closed, and he brushed his lips over hers. “That can wait. I missed you.”

  She leaned back and then replied in her direct way, “We’ll make love as soon as we’ve completed part one of the experiment.”

  He got a really bad feeling. “How many parts are there?”

  “Twelve. Please take a seat so we may begin. The sooner we start, the sooner we can move things to the bedroom.”

  He stifled a groan and sat at the far end of the sofa.

  She pushed her glasses up. “This first part I estimate will take an hour, or more if the discussion topics open up other relevant areas we should explore.”

  This felt like that high-stakes game of questions she’d put him through on the plane ride to Chicago back in March. He hadn’t done so well. “Kate, we don’t have to do all that.”

  Her brows scrunched together. “We don’t?”

  “Let’s just play it by ear. We’ll live together for a month and see how it goes.”

  She scowled. “But I’ve prepared so much. Not only the twelve-part experimental investigation, but also a five-part relationship compatibility test compiling the best of the Internet’s relationship questions and the most common reasons for divorce.”

  He suppressed a shudder. Then he reached over and shut the laptop. “Just ask me whatever it is you’re concerned about.”

  She rattled off her concerns in a barrage of questions. “How do you see our future? Where will we live? Whose career will take precedence? Will we have children? Who will be the caretaker? Who will keep up with domestic responsibilities? How will we handle money decisions?”

  He felt light-headed. “Whoa.”

  “I want a tenured position at a university. Would you move to where that is?”

  He cleared his throat. “Or alternatively—”

  “We have a long-distance marriage.”

  He was getting a headache. This was their argument from a few months ago. “No long distance once we’re married,” he said firmly. “We need to explore all the options and find a compromise.”

  “And if there is no room for compromise? Who gets priority? The one with the higher salary? Some other objective measure of importance?”

  He thought about that. How did you decide job priority in a fair way? He’d never considered it before. “We need more information,” he finally said. “Let’s wait to hear on your fellowship application.”

  “Fine. I should hear by May twenty-sixth at the latest.”

  “Then we’ll go back to that one.”

  She nodded once. “Next, will we have children?”

  He relaxed a little. “Yes, two would work, but no rush.”

  “That works for me too.” She met his eyes in a direct gaze. “And let me stop right here to say not only do I look forward to making those children with you, but I consider you the ideal father.”

  His chest puffed with pride. “Thank you.”

  She pushed her glasses up. “No need to thank me, it’s simply a fact. You have great genes both in physical attractiveness and intelligence with a pleasing easygoing temperament.”

  He was beginning to feel like a breeding stallion. Maybe she’d like to check his teeth next. He bit back a sarcastic remark and merely said, “Uh-huh.”

  “And you come from a loving family with a father who set a good example both as a provider and a caretaker.”

  “Yes,” he managed over the lump in his throat. He still missed his dad, a brilliant mechanical engineer and a loving dad with a playful sense of humor. He’d died six years ago from a heart attack. Kate had never met his dad, but she knew about him from his family’s stories.

  “So we need to decide,” Kate said, “if we both have day jobs, who will be our children’s caretaker. Babysitter? Daycare?”

  “I thought you’d take time off.” His own mom had stayed home to raise him and his two older brothers.

  “I thought you’d take time off,” she fired back.

  He jolted. He’d never considered that. “Me?”

  “Why not? Of the two of us, you’re more nurturing. I certainly didn’t have that example in my family.”

  “But I’m the guy.” He didn’t know any guy who did that, not his own dad, not his friends, not even his older brother Barry, who adored his daughter.

  Kate’s eyes flashed. “You’re the guy in the twenty-first century.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yes, ouch. Should we move on to money?”

  He swallowed. “I guess.”

  “Joint account?”

  “Sure.”

  “Who decides what to spend it on and how much to save?”

  “We both do,” he answered confidently.

  She opened the laptop and clicked a few times. Then she turned the screen toward him. “Here’s a spreadsheet I’ve made of estimated future earnings, timing of children, factoring in time off for pregnancies and postpartum care.” She met his eyes. “I’ve created three scenarios for zero, one, or two children. I don’t think it’s wise to let the children outnumber the adults so…” She turned back to her spreadsheet and clicked. “Here’s what I estimate we’ll have to earn to accommodate a mortgage, two kids, college savings, and future retirement.”

  He felt light-headed again.

  “Ian, are you okay?”

  He saw spots. Suddenly dizzy, he put his head between his knees.

  A moment later, Kate knelt at his side and rubbed his back. “I can see you’re not ready for a committed future with me.”

  He spoke from between his legs. “I thought we’d be talking about who does the laundry.”

  “We’ll discuss that after we’ve worked out our financial future for our mutual life expectancy.”

  “This is so serious,” he croaked.

  “Life is serious.”

  He lifted his head, rested his elbows on his knees, and focused on breathing until the light-headed feeling passed. “What if we just said whatever happens happens?”

  “Chaos.”

  “Fun.”

  “I’m uncomfortable with this scenario.”

  His lips twitched. “I’ll ease you into it.”

  “Ian, I’m pregnant.”

  He passed out.

  ~ ~ ~

  Kate stared down at an unconscious Ian flopped sideways on the sofa. She sighed. If he’d just gone along with her experiment, she could’ve eased him into the tough questions. She went to the kitchen, filled a cup with a small amount of cold water, grabbed a paper towel, and returned to Mr. Cold Feet.

  She threw the water in his face.

  He sputtered and shook his head. “What happened?”

  She handed him the paper towel to dry off. “That was a test. I’m not pregnant, and you’re clearly not ready for a permanent commitment.”

  He wiped his face with the towel and tossed it aside. “A test?” he asked with an edge to his voice.

  She eased back a step, but he snagged her by the hips. “Ian!”

/>   He pulled her on top of him. “A test? Do not test me, Kate!” He swatted her bottom lightly, and she giggled. “Let’s test you, shall we?”

  She met his warm brown eyes. “Please do.”

  “Aww, Kate, I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she said, her whole body filling with warmth at the words that she meant with all her heart. Or maybe that was Ian’s body heating her up.

  He pushed a lock of hair over her ear. “Let’s just keep doing what we’re doing. I’ll even work from home part-time this month to maximize our time together. Isn’t living together the best way to see if we’re compatible?”

  “I don’t know. I fear you passing out is a red flag that I can’t ignore.”

  He grimaced. “I’ll admit I’m not ready right now for kids and a mortgage, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to be engaged. One step at a time.”

  She considered that. Perhaps she had jumped ahead. She enjoyed having her future mapped out, but maybe Ian needed a looser framework. Still, she’d prepared so much for her experiment, she hated to see all that work go to waste.

  “What about my spreadsheet on our financial future?” she asked.

  “Table it until we have more data.”

  “And my compatibility quizzes?”

  “I’ll take one.”

  She beamed and kissed him. “Thank you.”

  He ran his hands under her T-shirt and stroked the bare skin of her back. Warm tingles radiated everywhere he touched her. She told herself to focus before the short circuit shut down her brain completely.

  “Can we still do my twelve-part experiment?” she asked urgently. Her bra sprang open. She hurried to add, “I think it’s solidly constructed with potentially useful results.”

  “Can we condense it a bit?” he asked. His hands stroked up her sides, pushing her bra up out of the way, and her sharp focus softened along with her body.

  “How?” she breathed.

  “One experiment topic a day?” he suggested, brushing along the sides of her breasts. A rush of shivery pleasure went through her.

  “Yes,” she said on a sigh. “Twelve days in a row. Knock it out.”

  His hand slid down her spine to her ass, cupping her between the legs. His fingers curled in, pressing at her entrance through her jeans. A rush of dampness and pleasure surged between her legs. Somehow he always hit the right spots even through her clothes. Short circuit tripped, she melted against him.