Courted by Karma (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod)

by Ellen, Tracy

  I finished at 9:45, just in time for Jack’s clean-up crew to finish up and come tromping downstairs. I thanked them all profusely, and when they refused a tip, promised I’d give a good report to Chief Jack.

  Hurrying back to Anna in the living room, I could see my friend had been thinking hard about everything going on in my life while I spoke with Jack’s crew. Her face wore a frown and her lips were a tight line.

  “Not that you aren’t always cuter than the proverbial button, but why the scary look?”

  Anna threw aside the pillow and hopped up. She held up a finger and said, “Hold that thought. I need a drink.”

  I was about to follow her to the kitchen when my phone buzzed. It was another text plea from the grocery grabbing gourmand.

  Cow’s milk cheese or goat?

  Crookie was an extremely strange man. I shrugged. Goat cheese tastes gamey to me, so I texted back: Cow and I’m not kidding…

  I followed Anna and grabbed a juice from the fridge for my parched throat. Talking was thirsty business. I didn’t know how some women could do it for hours on end, day after day. Already physically exhausted, I was now mentally exhausted.

  She gulped down some water and said, “I don’t like that Svetlana one bit, Junior, and I don’t like that she’s at Luke’s farm. That shit with the neon underwear? That’s just wrong.”

  I was excited at Anna’s response about Svettie. “That’s what I thought, too! Is she after Luke? Does she think he would like fluorescent bras and panties?”

  Anna eyed me over her glass of water. After she drank, she wiped her mouth and said, “Guys don’t care what color bras or underwear women wear. They care about boobs and butt, Junior, and who’s going to give it up. Wearing that crazy colored crap under a white shirt only draws attention to the boobs and butt, but in a way that the girl can act all innocent about. You see what I’m saying? ”

  I nodded, musing. “Yes, I do. Hmm, that’s pretty smart of her, actually.”

  Anna snorted. “This is cage fighting extreme, my friend, not a time to admire the brains of the opponent. Svetlana needs a bare knuckle takedown.”

  “Well, geez Anna, do I really want to fight over a man that would fall to the tactics of a woman like Svettie?”

  Anna stated unequivocally, “There isn’t a man out there invincible to an attractive woman staying at his house 24/7 and intent on fucking him, Junior. That includes Luke Drake.”

  She took another drink while I stewed all over again at the idea of Svettie staying at Luke’s when I’ve never been invited to step one, tiny foot inside the damn house. Saying you’ve spent the night in a man’s barn somehow didn’t have the same élan.

  Anna then smiled at me and added the coup de grâce, “Plus, she’s foreign and that means sneaky.” Her eyes were sparkling and the grin kept growing. “And yes, I think you should fight for a man like Luke.”

  “You do?” I repeated, a little nervous at the look on her face.

  “I do. Guess what, Junior?”

  “What, Anna?” I responded cautiously.

  “Reggie is sooo in love with me.”

  “No way!” I teased.

  “Yes way. Guess what else, Junior?”

  “What else, Anna?” Now I was getting scared at the wild look in her eyes.

  “Reg and I are getting married in Vegas on New Year’s Eve.”

  “Holy Jumping Jehoshaphat! No way…” I responded faintly, leaning against the stainless steel fridge.

  “Yes way. Guess what else, Junior?”

  “What, Anna?” I’m not too proud to admit I felt terror at what this crazed woman may reveal next.

  “Luke is sooo in love with you!”

  I ran over to the kitchen sink and threw up.

  Chapter IX

  “Knights of Cydonia” by Muse

  Wednesday 11/21/12

  10:00 AM

  It was more like the dry heaves. Blaming my barf attack on Anna’s quiche wasn’t very nice, but neither was ambushing me with foul suppositions about Luke. After spewing the bilious anxiety her words caused, and after assuring her my upheaval was in no way tied to her wedding announcement, I tried to use logic on her. My friend was starry-eyed. It’s a sad fact, but she was now forever deaf, dumb, and blind to the voice of reason. The poor woman’s lost her senses to love.

  I quickly explained to the openly skeptical Anna what Luke had assured me of only two hours before. When she saw how relieved it made me that my dark prince charming wouldn’t be expecting me to stupidly fall into a happily-ever-after relationship with him because he’s never faithful to a woman, Anna looked at me weird. Eventually, she slowly smiled and nodded. I didn’t wholly trust her smile because it seemed a little evil to me, but I let it go.

  Anna tried to ask a million questions about everything she’d heard, especially more details on the sexy stuff and the comeuppance of the Candy Coater.

  Instead of going there, I begged her for all the details about her proposal from my brother. Inside, I sighed dejectedly at losing my new confidant of only thirty minutes, but I fully comprehended that the love-struck Anna would have no logical advice to offer me. I desolately saw a near future where Anna and Mac became best friends. They’ll talk smugly about dinner plans and their newest pair of flat shoes while they rock Stella’s baby on the front porch.

  Shrugging good-naturedly at being put off, Anna followed me into the bathroom and happily talked nonstop. I gargled and brushed my teeth, put on my new lip stain, and fluffed my hair while nodding where appropriate at her ecstatic excitement. This excitement I could understand. It’s a shock they were marrying so quickly, but if I could be happy about anybody’s nuptials, it’s Anna and Reggie’s. They’ve known each other for over twenty years and were perfectly suited. I’m more surprised at my own calm response than I was at the actual news of their imminent wedding. Well, maybe this was another tie, too.

  On our way to go downstairs to the store, I impulsively hugged Anna on the landing.

  Grinning, she hugged me back. “What was that for, Junior?”

  “Oh, for being you and because,” I smiled broadly, squeezing her again, “we’re gonna be sisters for real, Anna. How awesome is that?’

  Anna grinned back. “Way freakin’ awesome. Don’t ever tell Reggie, but it was one of the reasons I said yes.”

  “Heck, Anna, my brother’s not that dumb. He has to know it was the biggest reason!”

  Cracking up so hard we needed to hold onto each other, we tripped down the rest of the stairs two at a time. Anna started calling out our version of a childhood battle cry and I joined in. It was the cry all of us girls used to give Reggie in fair warning before we’d tackle him to the ground en masse. Generally, the tackling takedown was for no other reason than sharpening our pack hunting skills, and Reg happened to be our lucky little brother.

  “Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, we smell the blood of an Axelrod bum!” Anna and I sang out into the echoing stairwell.

  Now that I think back on it, I should have suspected destiny was hard at work between these two. Anna was my brother’s first choice when copping his first feel at age nine to Anna’s developing twelve. She went slap happy on him in blushing outrage at his questing little paws. We all laughed and rooted her on while Reg never lost the stunned, dazed grin on his face the whole time he held her off.

  I made sure my apartment door was secured behind us, and then opened the lobby doors. Outside was a rare beauty of a November day. Lifting my face and taking a deep breath, I felt the sun’s warming rays energizing me with my seventh or eighth wind since I woke up over thirty hours ago. My aches were fading and I was feeling almost human. The sky was a dazzling robin’s egg blue that made me long to snatch up a paintbrush, but I paint worse than I whistle. In steady rivulets, the snow piles were continuing to melt off the side of the streets now bustling with activity. After a moment of watching the traffic and waving greetings to a few people, I turned back to help Anna. We each grabbed one of the beveled glass doors l
eading into Bel’s Bookstore and opened it wide, locking them into the open position.

  Anna put her finger to her lips and confided, “We’re going to announce our wedding at dinner tomorrow.” Crossing her arms to contain all her excitement, she squealed, “Then we’ll pass out all the info on the Vegas trip for everyone! Wait until you see where we plan to have the wedding dinner! ” She shimmied and danced around a few steps.

  Smiling softly at my childhood friend, her unrestrained joy to be marrying Reggie was contagious. I was very pleased for my brother. He’s getting a woman that will shower him with love and affection, can cook like nobody’s business, and has not one living relative. Its true Anna’s bloodline was questionable, but for this once I was actually recalling Aunt Lily with an emotion other than repulsion. No doubt she’s caning somebody in Hell over this development aboveground here in Northfield, but the Behemoth couldn’t have timed her death any better if she had tried.

  Grinning over this thought, I responded quickly, “Don’t tell me anything more because I want to be surprised tomorrow, too.”

  Not that I couldn’t already recite every detail down to the last teal blue monogrammed napkin. Anna’s dream plan has always been a destination wedding in Las Vegas, and a wedding dinner catered by one of her favorite chefs.

  Like most women I know, Anna has talked for years about her future wedding plans. I know I’m a crushing disappointment as a traditional best friend. However, not even my staring at her and yawning openly in a combination of excruciating boredom and blank horror fazed her once she got going with the wedding talk. It seemed the groom was often considered a minor detail, but not one other detail was ever considered too minor to deliberate over for hours. This obsessive female pursuit of perfecting the Dream Plan for that one single day in their life has always seemed counterproductive to me.

  If a girl needed to obsess, I’ve always thought that it would work to a woman’s advantage to flip flop those priorities around to the exact opposite. Wouldn’t it be much more fun to obsess over your groom and consider the wedding a detail so minor that it needn’t even occur? Now, that’s always been my idea of a Dream Plan, but I sure didn’t force Anna to sit and listen to me for hours.

  ‘Maybe Anna should look in a mirror and see she wasn’t so great of a best friend herself!’

  I started to go into Bel’s, but Anna startled me by slapping herself in the forehead.

  “What the… Anna, didn’t that hurt?”

  She brushed aside my laughing question and put out an arm to stop me. “I can’t believe I almost forgot! I haven’t even told you what Reg said happened at breakfast today.”

  “Something happened?” I repeated, stepping closer. I was curious what Reg’s take would be on any of the He-Man undercurrents from Mike and Luke’s mental arm wrestling.

  Flashing her nervous, furtive smile that means she knows something I don’t, Anna milked it and said airily, “Oh, maybe just a little something.” I squeezed Anna’s arm and she grinned. “Mike told Luke he’s winning you back. Mike said you guys made out last night, so it was obvious you were still interested.”

  I felt myself freeze. This was so not mental arm wrestling.

  ‘Why, that little troublemaker Mike is turning into a big, fat troublemaker!’

  I wasn’t sure if I was more pissed or amused at Mike’s declaration of open season on Anabel. He was always a go-getter and very open about his feelings when we were younger. This morning’s wordplay on the sidewalk was a reminder that Mike would use any ammunition in his arsenal to win. He’s a man that obviously has no problem stretching the truth so far right; you were nearly left with a lie. I bet he was a great lawyer.

  ‘The blasted Shyster!’

  Anna shook my arm and chortled with glee. “Reg said it went dicey when Luke got that cold look on his face. You know, when he looks all British and 007, the Daniel Craig way?”

  My eyebrows climbing, I interrupted in amazement, “Reg said that?”

  Anna’s laughter trilled, and her high pony tail jiggled with her shaking head. “No, I’m the one saying that’s how Luke looks. Can’t you just picture him?”

  Anna made a face that was her idea of Luke Drake as a cool James Bond. I laughed out loud while thinking Luke would be thrilled to know he looked like a sick chipmunk with a severe underbite.

  “No, all Reggie said was that Luke was cool.” Anna waved off my brother’s lack of imagination and glanced around us to verify we were still out of earshot. “Okay, so then Luke tells Mike to try all he wants, but since it was common knowledge Mike fucked around on you with your own cousin, you were much too smart to fall for such an asshole.”

  Anna laughed at my wide eyes. “I know, right? So then Mike sneers back at Luke. He tells Luke that it’s obvious he sure as shit doesn’t know you very well. Mike says that if Luke thinks you’d party with him alone up in your apartment last night if you believed Mike had fucked you over with your own cousin, then Luke was the biggest asshole around.”

  Anna was grinning widely. She loves this stuff and I do too, up until two minutes ago. It’s not so funny when it’s about me. She held up a hand when I started to speak.

  ‘Ah, crapola! There was more?’ This was so not good for the good guys. The mean mommy voice snickered, but everyone else was quiet in breathless anticipation of what Anna would reveal next.

  “Then Luke tells Mike that he’s the supreme asshole at the table. If Mike made out with you like he claims, it wasn’t very impressive since you left Mike to go to Luke’s farm.”

  Seeing my mouth drop open, Anna quickly added, “Wait, this is going to tear you up. This is when, out of the blue, Crookie stands up and informs Mike they are leaving. Reg said Crookie hadn’t been paying much attention to the altercation between Mike and Luke. He was too busy looking over some list he had and muttering. Reg said it surprised the hell out of the guys when Crookie stood up.”

  Anna shot me a laughing, sympathetic look and I cringed at what must be coming. “Crookie seemed to realize that he had interrupted their conversation. To show the guys he was paying attention, Crookie was very loud when he said that Luke was right. Crookie stated he clearly remembered giving you a ride out to Luke’s farm at one in the morning. I’m sorry, June, but I guess everyone in the café heard him.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Anna. She didn’t sound very sorry when she giggled.

  “According to Reg, everyone now knows you were trashed, laughing like a maniac, and barely dressed. Crooks lectured everyone about hypothermia and gave Luke a hard time about his lane being in terrible shape. Crookie then grabbed Mike’s arm and hustled him out of Goodbye’s because he was freaking out he was late grocery shopping!”

  Anna’s voice rose in disbelief at these last few words. She could barely continue over her own laughter. “Reggie said…Reg said he was worried there for a minute towards the end, but after Mike left, Luke calmly finished eating his breakfast. He only said one thing to Reggie about all that had happened and it was, ‘Those cheap bastards stiffed us.’ Reggie says he wants to be just like Luke when he grows up!”

  I did crack a smile at that, and at the idea of Crookie being his seemingly oblivious self. A mad scientist didn’t have anything on my friend, or was it a sly fox? Either way, I hated knowing I was now a public carcass of contention.

  Anna wiped her eyes and seeing I wasn’t laughing so much, said brightly, “Oh June, don’t worry about the public humiliation. Just think of all the other publicity you’ve had over the last few days. This is nothing!” She gave me a knowing smirk. “Luckily, neither of these men likes you very much.”

  Casually rubbing my cheek with a middle finger, I officially welcomed Anna into the family as Reggie’s chosen mate.

  Acting offended, Anna was giving me grief that I needed to defer to her in all things from now on because she’s the sensitive Bride-To-Be when Crookie walked into the lobby.

  Cheeks flushed with success at his shopping adventure and exclaiming ov
er all the good buys, he was loaded down with straining grocery bags. Crookie waited with his usual happy equanimity while I walked over to assist him and opened the apartment door.

  Peering up at him closely, there was nothing in Crook’s affable expression to hint that only an hour earlier he’d broken up a potential man fight and outed me to a café full of strangers.

  After Crookie assured me with a cheerfully blank look that there wasn’t anything he wanted to talk about and that he would be busy upstairs on his laptop, I shrugged slightly and shook my head. Behind me, Anna dissolved into musical laughter. She waved her hello and goodbye’s before leaving to get to work.

  I promised Crookie to save some reports for him to do later when he came to play Store, and went to work myself. Stopping by the herb troughs on the entry table, I stuck a finger in the soil, but they didn’t need watering. I ran my hand over a tight mound of purple basil and sighed over the released aroma. I could roll in a field of basil and die happy.

  At my office, Stella and I met as she came out of the door. We stopped to discuss some business about Bel’s December schedule and then a few customers came in. She went off to help them, right as my possessed cell phone vibrated again. Looking at the screen, I felt my heart skip a beat.

  I waved to Billy and Trent at the Fare counter before closing my office door behind me.

  “Hi, Luke.”

  “Hi, how are you feeling? Did you get in another shower without me?” his deep voice was quiet.

  “I did, but you’ve ruined me for showering alone,” I replied, smiling.

  “I should have come up with you.”

  I sure wished he had, for several reasons, but only said, “Hmm, that’s funny, but I don’t recall issuing an invitation.”

  “Anabel, don’t you know me better by now?”

  I laughed. “What? You don’t need an invitation?”