The Three Count

by Jimmy Korderas

  Notice that I referred to us as the road crew. That is because we were not only responsible for setting up the ring, we were also entrusted to set up the protective barricades, help with erecting the stage and whatever else needed to be done to get the show ready. The crew and I were always friends but when I joined them on a permanent basis, we all became very tight. We all had each other’s backs and really looked out for one another. Jack Doan, Mark Yeaton, John D’Amico, Mike Chioda, and Tony Chimel were all fixtures as part of Steve’s Event Operations team. I was now a part of that team and they accepted me as such.

  Being on the road so much again took a lot of getting used to. Flying to and from work every week, driving from town to town, and living out of a suitcase is not an easy lifestyle. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to survive life on the road. I had no problem with that while living the dream. It felt like the road and I were meant for one another. It didn’t hurt one bit that being on the setup crew came with added perks. Those of us on the crew were paid for travel days to and from every tour. For example, we would be paid for the day we left home as well as the day we travelled back home. We were also paid a daily rate for setting up for the show. We were provided with rentals to get from town to town and our hotels were paid for as well. Add to this, for those of us who also refereed, getting paid for that as well and there was absolutely no reason for anyone to gripe. It was a great gig if you could get it, and we were the fortunate few that did get it. We were the select few and you just knew that with this motley crew, stories and lifelong memories were just around the corner.

  Chapter 9

  Road Worriers

  When you are on the road as much as we were, and especially with the cast of characters I was involved with, there were bound to be too many funny occurrences to keep to oneself. Here are some amusing stories I would like to share with all of you. They will not be in chronological order as I will tell them as they pop up in my head. Where do I begin?

  Probably the one person I spent the majority of my time with on the road was ring announcer/road crew member Tony Chimel. Chimel and I would eventually become constant and almost permanent riding partners. We were dubbed Waldorf and Statler by the others in the crew. I guess we reminded them of those grumpy old men who sat in the balcony trading barbs and heckling everybody on The Muppet Show. We both had similar likes and dislikes — the one thing we both genuinely loved was the wrestling business, but that didn’t stop us from jokingly making our comments about everything. Most of our comments were reserved for the car rides. When discussing the day’s activities on our ride to the next town, we would ultimately end each sentence with the phrase “Stays in the car!” No one was immune from the friendly jabs we took at just about everyone. It was all in fun, but you never know how some might take it, so we just waited for our car ride to comment.

  Many times we would have a third and even a fourth in the car but that didn’t stop us from our usual routine. Here’s how a normal trip would go. First we, or more accurately I, would pack our bags in the car. I had a knack for utilizing every square inch of truck space to avoid having bags in the seating area of the car. As Chimel would often say, “Korderas, you are one hell of a packer!”

  Of course I would be behind the wheel almost 100% of the time because I preferred it that way. Chimel didn’t mind that one bit and neither did any other passenger who happened to ride with us. Once on the road, our first order of business was a convenience store stop. We would stock up on healthy (yeah, right) snacks. For me it was normally a pack of smokes, a Pepsi or two, and some kind of munchies. As I stated previously, as long as I have those goodies with me, I can drive all night long.

  From there, the conversation turned to a critique of the show that evening. We started from the opening match and went over what we liked and what we didn’t like. Naturally there were some comedic undertones to our analysis. Well, it was funny to us anyway. Depending on who was in the car with us, we were very careful what we said and about who. When it was just us two, no one was off limits. A select few passengers were privy to our banter. Not just anyone could ride with us. You had to earn that spot. That or we were ordered by the higher-ups to let another crew member ride along. Either way, if you were in our car, you had to abide by the prime directive of the car: “Everything said in the car stays in the car!”

  On one long drive between towns, Chuck Palumbo asked if he could ride with us. We told him absolutely. He said the guys he was travelling with had very little room in their car. We never refused anyone if we had the room, so he rode with us. I know this sounds contradictory but an unwritten rule of the road is “you never leave anyone behind!” It was a rare circumstance to allow a “non-regular” in the car, but we occasionally did. Chimel gave him the rules of the car and ended his instructions with “The last thing you should know is Korderas sings along with the radio and he knows the words to every song ever recorded.”

  Another reason I liked driving the majority of the time was because the one driving the car had control of what radio station we listened to. Chimel was pretty much a classic rock guy. I like classic rock as well, but I also enjoy a wide range of other music, from old school hip hop to some country music and everything in between. I was not really into heavy metal but there were some songs I liked. Now I never professed to have a good singing voice or be able to memorize song lyrics but when I hear a song I know, the words all come to me and I sing along as I’m driving. Chimel used to joke that I knew the words to every song ever made. I only knew them as the song was playing, not by memory. That may not make much sense to some people but that’s the way it is for me.

  Chuck found that very funny and said that it was fine with him. Chuck actually played guitar in a band so for me the pressure was on to not suck. At the end of the trip, Chuck thanked us for letting him ride with us. He said he was thoroughly entertained listening to the two of us and would like to do it again one day. It was a nice compliment and we told him no problem.

  After a complete rundown of each match on the show, the conversation turned into open mic night. We debated everything from music to religion to politics, whatever came up. People who know Chimel will tell you that his view of the world is unique. Whenever he discussed any serious topic, we all referred to his point of view as “The World According to Chimel.” Many believed that he was purposely being antagonistic to entertain all who listened to his diatribes. His arguments with the likes of Kane and Val Venus were some of the most comical exchanges I have ever heard. Both Kane and Val have very libertarian ideologies and Chimel — well let’s just say his take on various matters do not fall into any political category known to mankind. Hot button topics such as abortion, gun control, the role of government, among others left all of those who were fortunate enough to be within earshot of Chimel’s perspectives shaking their heads. That is why we all thought that he was “working” everyone. We were never sure if he was or not.

  One of the daily rituals, for lack of a better term, that Tony and I did was a five- to six-minute routine where we would just start cracking on each other. We would trade barbs and insults, again in a comedic fashion, mainly in the presence of some unsuspecting bystanders to see if we could amuse them. Sometimes I think it was done more to amuse ourselves. Whether it was in the production office, at ringside during set-up, or loading the truck at the end of the night, it was game on for us. We would go through every type of insult imaginable. From you’re so old to you’re so fat to even yo’ momma jokes. Here is a little example of how our interactions went:

  Chimel: You’re so old, your first driver’s license was written in hieroglyphics!

  Korderas: You’re so fat, you’re not just a [beep] on the radar, you are a [beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep]!

  Chimel: Well, you’re so old that when you were born, the Dead Sea was only sick!

  Korderas: Oh yeah, you’re so fat, when you clip your cell phone on your belt,
you get charged for roaming!

  Chimel: You’re so ugly, when you were born, your mother fed you through a straw!

  Korderas: You were so poor, when your dad put out his cigarette, your mom said, “Hey, who turned off the heat?”

  I think you all get the idea. This was just about an everyday thing. We would pick our spots to perform and our act got over. It wasn’t well received by everyone but the majority of those that witnessed our back-and-forth insults enjoyed it. One person who really took pleasure in our verbal battles was Teddy Long. It kind of became a running joke for all three of us because whenever Teddy was around the both of us, we would turn to each other and begin the verbal attacks. Teddy would just sit back, listen, and laugh his butt off. Of course this was all done in jest. We never got angry at one another. To this day, Tony Chimel is still one of my very good friends.

  Probably one of my favourite moments spent with my friend Tony Chimel was on the very first “Tribute to the Troops” trip we made for the WWE to Iraq. WrestleMania is generally considered the biggest show of the year, the Super Bowl of sports entertainment, but the most gratifying show that the WWE superstars and Vince McMahon do every year is the Tribute show. December 2003 was the first of the annual events. John Bradshaw Layfield made the suggestion to Vince about going overseas to perform for the military personnel. JBL had made several trips to visit the troops on his own and thought that bringing a live show to the troops would be great for morale. Vince loved the idea because he and JBL are huge supporters of the Armed Forces.

  No one was forced to take part in this venture. I remember my direct boss Steve Taylor asking me if I would be willing to go on the trip. I told him it would be an honour for me to go. Of course the jokes began soon after that I would be the lone Canadian representative going to Iraq. Canada did not send troops to Iraq to aid the United States in the war effort. They did send peacekeeping troops to Afghanistan, but not Iraq. I quickly pointed out that Chris Benoit was also from Canada but it was brought up that he was living in Georgia; therefore by default I was the only Canuck representative. I had heard there were a few of the ring crew guys that didn’t want to go. They even told me personally that they wouldn’t go. To be honest, I don’t blame them for not going but for me, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and there was no way I was going to pass that up.

  The long journey to the Middle East began in Nashville, Tennessee. After taping TV in the Music City, those of us going on the trip boarded a bus and made our way to the military transport plane that would take us to our first stop, Mannheim, Germany. If I am not mistaken, the aircraft was a C-17 that carried the crew and all our equipment. They modified the interior to accommodate us. The insides of these planes have several different configurations. On this flight, there were a number of passenger seats put in for the majority of us. Those of us not fortunate enough to land one of the coach class seats had to settle for the jump seats located all along the side of the plane’s fuselage. I was one of them. The jump seats were extremely uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as being in an active war zone.

  With the talent and crew aboard, we were ready to depart. Of course it would not be a boring flight, that was for sure. Almost from takeoff, there were shenanigans for what felt like the entire flight. If it wasn’t the boys ribbing each other, it was the crew having a laugh at some poor soul’s expense. It was all done in fun and no one got hurt in the process. No one got angry either. Oh wait, I take that back. One person was upset about being the victim of a prank. Something you don’t want in a confined space like an airplane is an angry giant. The Big Show became an unwilling participant in what was probably the funniest moment on the long flight. Here’s what happened.

  Before we left the States, we were briefed on the how the C-17 would be set up on the inside. Realizing that the trip might be more uncomfortable for the larger-than-most Big Show, his wife purchased an air mattress for him to use on the plane. There was enough space for Show to inflate the mattress and lie down. So that’s what he did. While the big guy was taking a nap on his brand new inflatable bed, an unknown individual decided that Show was a little too comfortable. This mysterious person took it upon himself to use a small knife to poke a hole in Show’s bed. As the bed quickly deflated, the assailant disappeared from the scene. The second Show hit the hard metal floor, he confronted JBL. As Show read him the riot act, JBL denied having any involvement. He just didn’t sound believable because he could not stop laughing, which only served to infuriate the angry giant even more.

  JBL would most often get blamed for episodes that the office found to have gotten a little out of hand. Yes he was generally right in the middle of the fray. He liked having a good time. Now to be fair, in this incident, JBL did not do the deed to Show’s mattress. He will tell you himself that he had been fined a few times for, let’s just say, having too much fun. Sometimes for things he had no part in. JBL joked that he wished he could pay his fines with his credit card so he could accumulate airline points. Now whether or not he took part in the planning, I don’t know. What I do know is I’m almost sure he didn’t do it. I was not a witness and I don’t want to falsely accuse anyone but as I heard, it was a certain Chairman who got the better of the Big Show. If I were the Big Show, I would rather cuss out JBL instead of the boss. There was more tomfoolery, but I’ll save those stories for another time.

  Finally we landed in Germany. The USA has a large base there and that’s where we were going to refuel and spend a few hours. Once we arrived in Germany, we were escorted to a facility that housed a bowling alley, a bar, slot machines, and a restaurant. It was a place where military personnel could get a little R&R. For us, it was a great place to unwind. We were fed well and given pretty much the run of the place. Bowling, video games, slot machines — what an awesome place. While we spent those few hours there, many servicemen and women dropped in to see the WWE superstars. All the boys were gracious in posing for pictures and signing autographs for everyone who came to meet them.

  It was now time to head back to the plane for the four-and-a-half-hour flight to Iraq. After I had once again gotten settled in on the plane, my thoughts turned to our destination. What was it going to be like? None of us, with the possible exception of JBL, knew what to expect. One thing I didn’t expect was how landing in Baghdad was anything but routine. On the contrary, landing in Baghdad, especially for military planes, is done with great care. As we began our approach to Baghdad, the plane started to bank left, then right, and they shut all the lights off inside the plane. It was descending in a zigzag kind of motion. I don’t know if anyone else in our group knew why but I sure didn’t. Once we were on the ground safely, I asked one of the servicemen on the plane why we descended in such a manner. He replied that they land like that so that the enemy on the ground cannot zero in on planes with anti-aircraft weapons. Holy shit! As incredibly shocking as that statement was, it didn’t fully sink in until much later. Then we disembarked from the plane. The military presence was astonishing. There were armed U.S. army personnel everywhere.

  The first thing they had us do was to put on camouflage flak jackets and helmets. Looking around at the faces of our crew, you could tell that they were a bit uneasy. The soldiers assigned to guard us did their very best to make us feel at ease and they succeeded for the most part. There was just no way to fully shake that uncomfortable feeling. Once again the Big Show was the centre of attention as there was no flak jacket nearly large enough to fit him. The hilarity of the situation eased the tension a little.

  It was great that we didn’t have to wait for our luggage because they were bringing all our bags to where we were staying. Then we made our way to where we would be housed for the duration of our stay, Camp Victory in one of Saddam Hussein’s palaces. Trust me, it sounds much more glamorous than it actually was. Even though there was marble and gold throughout the massive structure, all of the furniture had been removed, leaving only the odd table, chair, o
r vase.

  We were divided into two groups — all the talent stayed in one massive room while all of the crew stayed in another huge room. Chimel, Brian Hebner, and I stayed in the crew room. Other than one king-size bed in each room, we were all given cots to sleep on. No one complained, but we all eyeballed each other, wondering who would have the grapefruits to take the huge bed. The WWE’s set engineer, Jason Robinson took it upon himself to sleep in the king bed. Only thing was, Jason was in all likelihood the smallest member of our crew and when he jumped into that bed, you became aware of resentment from a few of the guys. Any bitterness that the guys felt for Jason quickly dissipated when we got an unforeseen visitor to our room.

  It just so happened that there was a power play in the talent room. They also had only one king bed and several cots, just as we had. I have no idea how they figured out who would take the bed but for some reason the largest man in the group did not end up with the bed. The Big Show wandered into our room to check and see if there was room for him there. He walked over to see little Jason curled up in the huge bed and that’s when we were all awoken by the big guy. He basically took over the bed by kicking Jason out of it. I can’t say I blame Show for taking the bed. Hell, the guy is seven foot and almost five hundred pounds. I really don’t think there was a cot strong enough or big enough to handle him. We didn’t have a choice, so Show ended up in our room. No one would have complained either, but Show has a tendency to be rather loud even when he sleeps. It was surprising that his incessant snoring did not give our position away to the enemy. Just kidding, Show, but you were killing us, with not only the snoring but also passing gas all night long. It felt like we were the victims of chemical warfare. All that being said, Show was always fun to be around. He’s a good-natured guy with a good sense of humour, so having him in the room with us was fun.