by C. E. Black
I felt it, before I saw it. The cool metal sat heavily in my palm and my stomach rolled with disgust. The gun fell from my hand, clattering to the floor.
“No,” I whispered and turned to get help, but the table was suddenly gone. My family was gone!
I quickly faced Paul again, his smile was still in place, as if he didn’t know he’d been shot.
“What?” he asked.
A sob caught in my throat, “I’m so sorry.”
Blood began to pour steadily, covering his eyelids and he looked up toward the wound, as if just noticing. When his gaze lowered back to mine, I cried out. They were no longer the dark orbs I loved. They were pale, sightless – Dead.
~
With a gasp, I woke, my heart pounding, as the remnants of my nightmare faded away. I took deep breaths, licking my chapped lips. Though it did no good, as my tongue was just as dry.
“Here, drink this,” a deep voice said to my left, causing the rest of the sleepy fatigue to fall away.
“Where am I?” I croaked. My throat felt sore and tight, along with my lungs, as air rushed in fast and painful. A sudden sharp pain slashed though my skull and I winced, gritting my teeth.
“You’re in my home.” I turned to look at Stone, as he sat on the bed, careful not to jostle me. Was I hurt that bad? “Well,” he continued. “One of them.”
I glanced around the room for the first time. Yes, I was in a bed, a comfortable one at that, with soft white sheets and a big fluffy white comforter covering me. Though the iron work on his footboard could have been considered feminine, the rest of the room took a more natural look. Mostly whites, creams, and light blues, gave off a peaceful feeling, and I couldn’t help but allow my head to fall back with a sigh.
“What happened?”
“Here, drink some water first.”
The first cool taste on my tongue had my slow sips getting stronger, until I began gulping greedily through the straw. Stone pulled the cup away and I protested.
“Take it easy,” he murmured. “Not too much or you’ll upset your stomach.”
Still a little bleary eyed, I watched as he placed the glass on the nightstand before turning to me. “I had a bad feeling and went back,” he said. “And found Stevenson and Chris running off with you. You were unconscious.”
I stared at him a moment, not understanding. My brain felt fried. “I don’t remember...”
“It looked like some men from the organization attacked you and your friends. I found you down the mountain a ways from them. Other than that, I don’t know what happened.”
Images began bleeding through the cracks in my mind. Kissing Paul. Hearing them come. Smoke. Fighting. Death.
My breath began to accelerate, along with my heartbeat, as I replayed the morning over and over in mind.
“What is it, Foxy?” Stone asked. “What happened out there?”
“They attacked us. My friends tried to help, but we were outnumbered. I-I...” I didn’t shake my head because I knew that would only make the headache that much worse, but I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. Numbness began to creep through my limbs and I welcomed it with open arms. No feeling, only doing.
“Smiley got the jump on me and well, I remember fighting and him choking me.” I rubbed my neck and winced.
“You’re bruised pretty badly, but you will heal.”
“I know. When I shift, it should help,” I said, then continued with my story. “I thought I’d gotten the upper hand, but then something hit me.”
“Chris. He was with Stevenson.”
I nodded lightly, “Yes.”
“I didn’t know what to do. You were hurt so badly and the fight was still going strong. I just decided it was best to get you out of there, so you could rest, heal.”
“You didn’t send them, did you?”
His brows lowered, the confusion in his expression looked real and made me feel a little more relaxed. “Send who? The men that attacked you? Chris and Stevenson?”
“Yes.”
“No, of course not.”
“I didn’t think so, but I wanted to make sure.”
“I understand,” he sighed, before standing up. “The bathroom is in there,” He pointed to the closed door to my right. “I’m going to make us some sandwiches, but if you need any help, just call. We’ll talk some more in a little while.”
Once he was gone, I slowly made my way to the bathroom. My muscles screamed and my head swam, but I finally made it. I looked down at what I was wearing for the first time, which wasn’t much. My clothes were gone and I wore only a dark blue button down shirt. It was long and hid all the important things, but I still didn’t like the idea of Stone undressing me while I was unconscious.
I pulled off the shirt and shifted. In fox form, I stretched my tight, sore muscles, then shook, clearing the rest of the cobwebs in the process.
I didn’t stay in my other form long. The voices screaming at me all melded together, making my head ache even worse. Teij barked out orders for me to answer, but I ignored them and shifted back into my human form.
The need for a shower and food were pressing. The shift helped me heal and the shower relaxed most of the knots in my shoulders. My head still hurt, but not as much. Overall, I felt more alert after the cleansing shower, and that was a good thing while being under the same roof as Stone.
I didn’t have anything else to wear, or at least I didn’t know where Stone had put my clothes, so after my shower, I put the same shirt back on and made my way through the house. It was much larger than the other cabin. You might call this a cabin as well. It was made of cedar and some of the decor had a rustic touch, but the high ceilings and large windows overlooking the lake, made it feel like there should have been a better, more elegant name for the home.
I made my way over to the windows to look at the view. It was breathtaking. The sun was setting, coloring the water a pinkish orange, and the mountains had gained that smoky appearance they were known for. It was a place I would be comfortable staying forever.
“Here you go,” Stone said from behind me. He sat a plate down on the table and I took one last glance out the window before joining him.
Stone watched me as I took a bite of my turkey sandwich. I chewed automatically, but the food was tasteless.
“Where are my clothes? Or I guess I should say your clothes, the ones I had on?” I asked him.
“They were pretty torn up and dirty. I hope you don’t mind that I changed you. I thought it was best to dress you in something clean and comfortable.” His voice wasn’t apologetic, only realistic, so I nodded.
“You know, Foxy, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want. I just wanted to get you somewhere safe where you could heal,” he said and I glanced up. “Those friends of yours, you can get in touch with them whenever you’re ready.”
I blinked a couple of times and looked back down at my plate.
“Did you want to call David?”
“No,” I cleared my throat. “He, um, didn’t make it.”
The silence stretched and I focused on my heartbeat, then his, until I almost went crazy from the offbeat rhythms.
Stone’s hand covered mine. “I’m sorry,”
Looking up at him, I asked, “Are you?”
“Of course, Foxy. I’m not stupid, I could see how much you cared for him.”
“It wasn’t serious,” I lied.
He only nodded slowly, disbelief in his eyes. “Well, you can stay as long as you want. Or leave. Whichever you prefer.”
“For now, I’ll stay, if that’s alright.” I had nothing to go back to anyway.
My head swiveled, looking out the window again to see the last of the sun disappearing behind the mountains. The night blanketed the forest like a long lost lover, ending my first day without Paul. Only the rest of my life left to go.
Chapter 32
First Journal Entry – Day 4
I’ve never kept a journal before. Well, this isn’t really a jour
nal, just a notebook I found lying around. Nothing was written in it, so I’m assuming it’s okay that I use it. Stone and I don’t speak much, so I hadn’t asked.
I help him fix meals and we eat at the same table. I haven’t asked him a single question about the organization. The mission is over for me. I just want some peace and quiet right now, and I think Stone understands that.
I spend most of my days looking out the window, sitting on the deck looking out at that same view, or trying to sleep. I haven’t made any progress there. I haven’t slept more than an hour at a time. Every time I close my eyes, the nightmare haunts me.
I woke up here four days ago and Stone hasn’t asked me when or if I’m leaving, and I haven’t said either. I need time. Time to heal inside enough to start thinking about where to go. I’m no longer welcome at home, that I’m sure of. And if I did go home, I’d probably be up on charges through the Division. I don’t think they’d kill me, but I would be booted out all the same. That doesn’t bother me much. But what I cannot bear is the way they will look at me. They’re no longer my boys.
I don’t know what else to write. Part of me wants to talk about him. But I can’t. Not yet.
-T
Chapter 33
Journal Entry – Day 8
I wasn’t much use of anything yesterday. I spent the day in bed, sleeping on and off. The nightmare continues. I screamed aloud once and Stone had to come into the room and wake me. Not sure that was such a good idea. Once he got me calmed down, I took one look at his face and winced. It wasn’t pretty. I guess I can fight hard even in sleep.
I’ve been thinking I need to leave soon. I can keep pretending that I have no where else to go, but I’m a grown woman, I can manage. I just don’t want to. I know I’m weak. There was a time that knowing that about myself would have pissed me off, but now... I’m just tired.
I miss him.
-T
Chapter 34
Journal Entry – Day 12
Stone yelled at me today. He says I’m moping too much and I need to get out more. Or maybe he meant I needed to get out of his house for good. Either way, he was right.
I fought back a little. I know it wasn’t even close to how I used to be, but for a moment, I felt alive again. I guess that was the reason for what happened next. We ended up on the bed, kissing... and other things. At first, I thought it was a perfect way to get my mind off everything, to not think for a few stolen moments in time. But in the end, I couldn’t go through with it. As soon as his fingers went under the elastic of my sweat pants, I pushed him away. He was confused at first, I think, but he caught up fast. He wasn’t mad either, which only made me feel worse.
The nightmare continues, never changing, but I haven’t woken up screaming again. That’s a bonus.
I haven’t mentioned this before, but it’s been more than a week, almost two, and I still haven’t cried. Does that make me a bitch?
I hate myself. The hate is so deep, I can’t even look in the mirror. What would he say if he saw me right now? I don’t know. Probably something that would piss me off.
I miss him.
-T
Chapter 35
Journal Entry – Day 15
I’ve made a decision. It’s time for me to go. And not just to hide somewhere else. I need to turn myself in. I had prided myself once on being a good soldier, and a soldier doesn’t run from his mistakes.
I’m not sure what will happen, but I do know my time with Stone has come to an end. I’ll probably never see him again, and that’s fine with me. I don’t love Stone and he doesn’t love me. He’s a good looking man. More than that. But my attraction to him has even begun to wane.
I’ll never forget him, though. He’s been good to me, helped me more than he knows. He gave me sanctuary and space. And didn’t ask any questions. Hopefully, he’ll turn his life around, but if he goes back into the organization, at least I won’t be the one to take him out.
I made myself say his name today. Paul. It hurt, but I still didn’t cry. It’s like when you cut yourself so deep, you don’t even feel it. That’s when you know you need stitches. It feels like the same thing. My wound is so deep, the numbness has embedded itself into my soul. Where do you find stitches for that?
I loved him.
-T
Chapter 36
The day had come. I stuffed the little clothing I had into a duffle bag Stone gave me. He’d generously gone out the day after I’d awaken and bought me a few things–T-shirts, a couple pairs of yoga pants, socks, underwear, and a pair of tennis shoes. Everything was plain and comfortable and suited me just fine. He hadn’t needed to do that, and I was grateful. He even remembered toiletries. I had not been in the right frame of mind to think of those necessities at the time.
Once the bag was full of everything I wasn’t wearing, I zipped it up, just as the doorbell rang. I glanced up at the empty room, my brows furrowed, as a small tingle of fear licked up my spine. No one had stopped by before...
I had the gun Stone gave me sitting on the bed next to my bag and I picked it up before making my way slowly out of the bedroom. I heard voices, but they were low and indistinguishable.
The bedroom I’d stayed in was down a short hallway off of the living room. The front door entered into that living room, so when I reached the end of the hall, I flattened my back against the wall, then peeked slowly around the corner.
Stone was talking to someone, but I couldn’t see them, as they still stood too close to the entrance. Instead of stepping further out, I listened closely, hoping to pick something up.
“She’s still here. You came just in time, I’ll go get her,” Stone murmured and I stiffened. Had he turned on me? After all this time? Why now?
“I’ll wait,” The man Stone was speaking to said and my jaw clenched with anger.
I was around the corner in a heartbeat, gun drawn, aimed at the interloper. “You dare come here?” I cried out, shocking both of them.
They turned to me, their eyes wide. “Shift now!” I yelled at the imposter. “Shift back now!”
“No, Terry, I’m not who you think I am.”
“Liar! You’re a fraud!”
“No, I’m not. It’s me, Terry. It’s me, Paul.”
“LIAR!” I screamed, my gun shaking in my outstretched hands. “I saw you die! I killed you!”
I saw Stone tense. I hadn’t told him that part, but I had no time to explain things to him. Cassandra had just done the vilest thing I could possibly think of, posing as the man I loved.
“I promise, it’s me. It was Cassandra that you killed in that battle, Terry. Not me.”
I heard his words, but I couldn’t believe them.
“It’s true, Foxy,” Stone said, but I ignored him.
His hair was shorter, buzzed almost to his scalp. The sight made my heart beat impossibly faster. If the last time Cassandra saw him was when his hair was longer, how did she clone this? It could be a trick, I told myself. She could have cut it, just to throw me off.
He called you Terry, my mind screamed at me, but I shook my head. Impossible!
My gaze took in his expression. His dark eyes were the same, still deep, still powerful. Yet dark circles lay underneath, making his face look hollow and tired.
Every feature looked just as I remembered, down to the way his tan skin gleamed with a light sheen of sweat. Just like when we made love.
“Is it really you?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yes.”
“I don’t know,” I shook my head rapidly. “I don’t know what to believe. I saw you die.” And even though his scent called to me, I was too scared to believe.
“Come here, Foxy,” his voice, deep and demanding, challenged me to obey. I stilled, my breath catching in my throat before I launched myself at him with a gasp.
His arms wrapped around me, crushing me into his solid warmth, and then it happened. I cried. I sobbed with more force than I’d ever done in my life.
The gun was taken
from my hand and I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, as my tears soaked the front of his chest.
“Shh,” he whispered in my ear and I felt the hitch in his chest, as he began to cry with me.
Paul was alive.
Chapter 37
I’d never been a bumbling mess before, so it was definitely a new experience for me as I sobbed my goodbye to Stone. He kissed me lightly on the lips, the look in his eyes telling me he understood this was a permanent parting. He wasn’t just anyone, though. He may have been part of a mission, but he’d become so much more. I’d miss him, but not as much as I had missed Paul, and that meant a great deal. I could only hope Stone found a way out of that organization. Or maybe he already had. He’d been there for me, never taking off, so I came to the conclusion he was hiding out as much as I.
I climbed into the car with Paul and once I calmed myself, I began asking questions. “What happened?”
“It was as I told you. Cassandra had shown up, looking like me and that’s who you shot. Had you stayed around, you would have seen that. Her form shifted back as soon as she fell.” His tone sounded slightly accusatory and I frowned.
“I didn’t run away, I was attacked. We rolled down the mountain and then I was drugged and knocked unconscious.”
“I know, Stone told me, but I wish you wouldn’t have stayed with him.”
“I thought you were dead! I saw the look in their eyes, Paul. I was no longer a part of a team. I thought I’d lost everything.”
I swallow down another sob, as Paul reached for my hand. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but I’ve been looking for you for over two weeks now. The whole Division has, and it’s been tiring and frustrating,” he sighed. “I thought you were dead too. I spent a lot of time in my jaguar form, hoping to catch you. But you never answered me. When was the last time you shifted?”