by C. E. Black
“I don’t remember... um, the day of the attack? When I woke up, I had to heal some injuries.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yeah...”
We were quiet after that, driving for miles, holding on to each other. Even though it was only his hand, I couldn’t let go and I couldn’t stop looking at him either. I spent an hour staring at him. His nose, I had thought was straight, but as I took in every feature I realized that it turned down just slightly at the tip. And his eyelashes, they were so long.
Then I became fascinated with his eyes. I usually just called them dark. At a glance that’s all you see. But as the sun and the shadows faded in and out of the car, I saw so much more. The ring around his iris was the color of coal, then a deep walnut followed by a starburst of reddish chestnut, before turning black again at the pupil.
He never complained as I stared at him. He glanced at me a few times and I would smile, but he never returned the gesture. Had too much time passed? Had I lost him again?
An hour into our drive, we pulled into a hotel and I sighed. Maybe my fears were just that. Only fears. Silly worries now that I could admit to my feelings.
After Paul paid for the room, I followed him in. It was similar to the one we stayed at in Cedar Hill, just a common hotel room – bed, dresser, T.V., bathroom. Paul stood staring at me as I took in the room, but all I really was doing was stalling.
When I got the courage to look at him, I wished I hadn’t. Though I was ecstatic to see him, have him here again, happiness was not the word I would have described Paul’s expression. More like cold and unfeeling.
I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, when he interrupted. “Go take a shower.”
My back went rigid, as I glared at him. “Excuse me? I don’t need a shower, I took one this morning.” Asshole, I added silently.
Paul’s frustrated sigh mixed with a chuckle, confusing me even more. The small growl slipped out before I could stop it. It only made him laugh harder.
“What the hell is so funny?” I asked crossly.
He smiled, before crossing the small distance between us and leaning down to kiss me lightly on the lips. “I miss you is all,” he said, shaking his head before sobering. “ I asked you to shower, because we’ve been closed up in a small space for over an hour, and I can’t take you smelling like him any longer. The drive is too long, I’d go crazy by the time we made it home.”
My shoulders sagged, “I didn’t sleep with him, Paul,” I said, but I couldn’t look him in the eye, remembering that close call.
“You know that I wouldn’t be angry if you did, so why the guilty look?”
“I almost slept with him once, but I stopped it before we could get too carried away. I couldn’t go through with it.”
Paul lifted my chin until our gazes connected. His filled with understanding and I relaxed. “It’s okay, Terry. I’m not going to say that I’m not pleased to hear you couldn’t go through with it, but I wouldn’t judge either. I just want you to shower, get him completely erased. You might not have had sex, but you lived with the guy for over two weeks. You reek.” We both chuckled and I nodded, kissing him softly before heading to the bathroom.
Once showered and wrapped in the scratchy bath towel that you seemed to only find in hotels, I joined Paul.
“I didn’t bring my bag in and I figured it would defeat the purpose if I put my old clothes back on,” I told him.
“That’s okay, come sit down,” he replied, patting the bed next to where he sat.
I walked past him and sat down, smiling, as he looked at me. Too quick to see, he was suddenly over me, pulling one of my hands above my head. I heard the click and tugged my hand before closing my eyes with a curse.
Paul sat up and looked at me, as I lay there, one hand immobile against the headboard. “Handcuffs, seriously?” I seethed. “If you wanted to get kinky, you could of asked first.” But something told me this wasn’t about sex.
“I wanted to make sure you didn’t run,” he said seriously and I growled, pulling my hand hard. I heard the crack in the wood and grinned.
“I know you can get out of it if you really wanted to,” he acknowledged, “but it’ll also slow you down if you decide to bolt.”
Blowing out a breath, I rolled my eyes and waited impatiently for him to start talking about something that made sense.
“Let’s start with that.”
“What?” I asked, my tone sharp.
“Why do you run?”
“Run from what? When?”
His expression told me I was being purposely obtuse. Maybe I was, I shrugged.
“For example,” he said slowly with a look that said I might get it later for being so stubborn. “Hiding out with Stone these past weeks. Why? Why not go back to the Division, seek your family, help comfort them, as they could have you?”
I shook my head, exasperated that he hadn’t listened to me. “I told you. I saw the way they looked at me. I was scum on the bottom of their shoes, or worse. I didn’t want to face it...” My body slumped against the mattress, the memory exhausted me. “I couldn’t face their disappointment, their hatred. I hated myself enough.”
I looked up at Paul, to see his brow furrowed as he listened. “I planned to go back, though,” I continued. “I was leaving when you came. I knew I needed to face the consequences of my actions, fully prepared to be exiled from the Division.”
Without a word, Paul began unwrapping my towel. I began to protest, then shrugged it off. How many times had he seen me naked. I didn’t really care anymore, though I was confused. This wasn’t really the time.
Once he revealed my naked skin, he slid the towel out from under me and threw it to the side, before grabbing my gaze with his own. Then he purposely, leisurely, looked down my body, taking a tour of every curve. My nipples puckered, and my sex clenched. Oh God, I hoped we were done talking.
His eyes rested on my hip and stayed there, making me squirm. A single finger began tracing the curling black lines tattooed on my skin. I shifted to the side, hoping he’d get the point and move on, but of course he didn’t.
“Why did you get this tattoo?” He asked, surprising me.
“I don’t know...”
He raised an eyebrow, “In the past, you have complained, rolled your eyes, and huffed at the nickname Foxy, and yet you have it tattooed forever on your skin. Why is that?”
I stared at him, my lips tightly pressed together, as I shook my head and shrugged.
“I think it’s because you love it. You love that they gave you a nickname. You love those men and they love you, and this...” He traced the tattoo with his finger again and I jerked. “This proves it to you.”
“Fine! Yes, it does! Are you happy?” I blew out a breath and held myself back from kicking him off the bed. “I never had a nickname before and to me it means they care about me. And I do love them. They’re my family, I've told you that!”
“Then why did you run?”
“Because... Because...” I was breathing hard and my eyes stung, but I did my best to hold back the tears. Too many tears had run from my eyes that day. No more.
“It’s okay, Terry,” Paul soothed, reaching up to rub his hand across my cheek. I leaned into him and closed my eyes.
“Because I was scared,” I whispered. Paul laid down and wrapped his arms around me, and I let it all go. “I’ve fucked up time and time again lately, disappointing them all. I just couldn’t face them. I know it was cowardice, I know! But, they had to have hated me. I would have hated me. I did hate me. And I love them and I just couldn’t... I couldn’t see that in their eyes.”
“They’re your family, remember? They would have forgiven you.”
“Would they?” I asked. “I had that once, you know?”
“What?”
“A family. I thought my parents walked on water. My mom stayed at home and my dad was the chief of police, very middle class. I loved them so much and I thought they lo
ved me,” I sighed with regret. “But I was wrong.”
“Tell me,” he whispered, pulling me tighter against his chest. The cuffs rattled above me as I scooted back, even closer.
“When I was about seventeen, they invited a boy I knew to dinner, along with his family. I went to school with Michael, but we weren’t friends. I always thought he was too much of an asshole, a player. Treated the girls like crap. So, when I came down for dinner, I was shocked, but I played it cool. As our parents talked about town business, I zoned out as usual, until I heard the word wedding.
“I remember snapping my head up to see Michael grinning at me. It looked innocent enough, but his eyes were...” I shivered at the memory. “It was a warning that I wished I’d headed. I wished I would have run right then, but instead, I asked what was going on. Come to find out, they were marrying me off.”
“An arranged marriage?” Paul asked, his voice incredulous. “In this day and age?”
I nodded yes. “It was political. Michael’s dad was in office, a senator. My dad needed more friends in high places and according to them, he was a nice, rich, fox shifter that could take care of me.
“I fought them, but I wasn’t used to having to fight with my parents and I gave in too quickly. My dad said he needed me and I caved. The worst mistake of my life.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to go any further and knowing I had to.
“So, you were married?” Paul asked.
“Well, to make a long story short, no. But we did date, sort of. Our parents thought we should get to know one another before the wedding. Good idea in principle, I guess. Only he was more than an asshole. He was a lunatic.
“The third time I came home with bruises, my dad acted pissed, but he still didn’t call off the wedding. I was so heartbroken that he cared so little, I decided it was about time to stand up for myself and I went to see Michael, tell him it was over. I wouldn’t marry him.
“He beat the shit out of me,” I stated, pressing myself firmer into Paul’s warm body, as his chest rumbled and the growl slipped out slowly between his teeth. “But I fought back,” I told him, not sure if I was reassuring him or myself that it was all over.
“I don’t know how I did it, but I remember that sometime between the punches, I finally punched back. That of course pissed him off and he pulled his knife.
“I wasn’t stupid, so I turned and ran, or more like stumbled away. He caught up with me in the kitchen of his parents home. Now thinking back, I don’t know if I ran to that room on purpose or not, but the first thing I did was grab the biggest damn knife I could find in the butcher block. I didn’t hesitate.”
“You killed him.” Not a question.
“Yes. I stabbed him in the chest. Straight through the heart.
“I made my way home, bloody, bruised, even had a few broken bones and when my dad saw me, he was so shocked he stood frozen in the entry way, didn’t even let me in the house. Like I was some stranger.
“I told him everything while I cried and shivered on the porch. He cursed, told me I ruined everything and said he had to arrest me for murder.”
“What?” Paul whispered, but I ignored him.
“At first I pleaded, cried, begged him not to, but when the cuffs came out, I snapped. My mind just... shattered. I saw red, nothing else and...” I swallowed the lump down and took a deep breath. “I didn’t hurt him–much. But I was able to get away. Though it was excruciatingly painful, I shifted into my fox and ran. And I never went back.”
Chapter 38
Paul
I held her in my arms and breathed slowly through my nose, trying to quiet my anger. She needed me to be calm and though I would have loved nothing more than to hunt down her father and rip him to shreds, that wasn’t my place. But I could be there for her, help her move forward.
Damn, I thought my childhood was shitty. Her childhood may have been perfect compared to mine, but that one experience negated anything I could complain about.
I buried my nose in her wet hair and breathed in the fresh scent. She was safe in my arms, I reminded myself.
“That’s why I don’t trust easily,” she said. “I can’t handle betrayal. And for me to be the betrayer... When I killed you, or thought I killed you, the loss of you hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt, but I also felt like I betrayed you–betrayed the team. And to me, that meant I wasn’t worthy of them any longer.”
“I understand,” I whispered, kissing her cheek. “But do you recognize now, that we aren’t your parents. We love you. Don’t leave us again.”
She stiffened in my arms, and I loosened my grip enough to look down at her face. She turned her head to look at me, her eyes questioning.
“What?” I asked.
“When you said, we love you, did you mean the team?”
“Yes,” I replied, my brow pinched, as I tried to read her expression. She nodded and looked away and then it dawned on me what she was asking. I smiled and turned her face, so she was looking at me again.
“Do you want to know if I love you?”
She rolled her eyes and made a cute little noise in the back of her throat that meant she was trying to blow off the question.
“You just said so. You are part of the team.”
“Yeah, but I love you as more than family. More than the team. More than a friend. Terry,” I whispered. “I love you more than anything.”
Her eyes turned glassy and full of tears and she blinked them away, but I knew they were there. She cleared her throat and tried to get herself under control and I did my best not to laugh.
“I love you more than anything too, Paul,” she said firmly, all softness gone from her voice and I did laugh. I had to laugh at how hard she tried not to show emotion. Had to be a bad ass. Damn, I loved her.
“What?” she snarled and I laughed again before kissing her growl away.
I pulled back with a smile, loving the way she melted as soon as my lips touched hers. “I love you,” I responded and she smiled, blushing brightly and I laughed again. She smiled with me and I kissed her once more quickly.
“I want us,” I told her. “I want to give us a try, be exclusive.”
She nodded, “I do too, but you know a jaguar and a fox aren’t that compatible.”
“I beg to differ,” I smirked, as I rolled on top of her, placing my hips between her thighs. She opened for me and I settled myself closer, rubbing my jeans against her hot center. I knew she could feel the bulge, it was damn near bursting from my pants. Terry groaned, lifting her hips to get closer.
“But if you meant kids, then no, we can’t have any. Is that an issue? Do you want children someday?” The thought made my chest tighten. If that was a dream of hers, I would have to step away. No matter how bad it hurt, I would put her happiness before my own.
Terry shook her head from side to side, “No, I don’t want children. I mean, I thought about it once. Most women do. We were made to give life, but... I really don’t know how to describe it, but I just don’t feel the need to have babies. They're great and all,” she said with a smirk, “But I’m so not mother material.”
“Oh, I think you’d be a great mother.”
“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “I still don’t want any kids, though.”
The truth in her words made the tightness in my chest lessen. “Then no more running.”
She huffed, “Fine! But don’t you think about controlling my life. I’m not giving up my job, and I won’t have you telling me what to do all the time.”
I smiled and shook my head, “Never. I love my job too and I would never make you do anything you didn’t want to do.”
“Then we have a deal,” she said and held out her free hand.
I looked down at the offered hand skeptically, before placing my hand in hers and shaking. Big mistake. She used her forearms to push strongly on my chest, flipping me on my back. Straddling my hips, her cuffed arm draped diagonally across my chest, as she smirked, grinding her pelvis into mine.
&
nbsp; “Don’t gloat,” I snarled playfully.
“Why? That was awesome!” She laughed, until I flipped her back.
I didn’t give her time to complain. My lips sealed with hers and as we melded into the kiss, I lifted her leg over my waist, sliding my hand up the back of her thigh. Then I slapped her ass as hard as I could at that angle. She yelped, then moaned into my mouth.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. My dick was so hard, pressing against the rough seam of my jeans. She always did this to me. In her presence, I was in a constant state of arousal. It was damn embarrassing in the past, but now, she was mine.
My clothes came off quickly, while she whimpered her need, only making mine that much more, and then I was back where I belonged.
I asked her if she wanted the cuff off, but she shook her head no and I grinned. The little vixen liked to kink it up, and any other time, I might have played more. Now wasn’t the time. We both wanted, needed each other more than we wanted to play.
She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on, made flawlessly for me. I showered her face with kisses, as my hands trailed over her curves. Her breast fit so perfectly in my palms and the rosy tips tasted like strawberries.
When my fingers found her slick folds, wet and ready for me, I shifted between her thighs, lining the head of my eager cock to her welcoming heat. And in one deep, slow thrust, I was home.
Chapter 39
Terry
“Almost there,” Paul announced and I looked around in confusion.
“Where are we?” I thought we were going to headquarters, but we were in the middle of a busy intersection in a populated city, not on the outskirts of nowhere, where I knew we should have been.