Paying Forward (The Lone Pine Series)

by Lynn Kinnaman

  She poured the circles and let Peter add the chocolate chip eyes and marshmallow mouth. Holly kept one ear open for sounds of life from upstairs but heard nothing. She was washing up when footfalls signaled Amy was up and about to make her entrance.

  “Good morning.”

  “I guess.” Amy took a seat on the stool Peter had vacated. “Did you make any coffee?”

  “Coffee?” Amy drank coffee now? No matter. She wasn’t going to engage over java. “Sure.” She poured her a cup. Amy took the creamer from the fridge and topped off her cup. Holly kept her face impassive.

  “How was your evening?”

  “My evening?”

  Holly dished up a couple of ‘cakes she had kept warm and slid the plate over to Amy, who swirled the syrup and took a bite.

  Silence grew like a helium balloon. Holly, taking a leaf out of Mike’s book of conversational gambits, had confidence Amy would break first.

  When she’d finished the pancakes, Amy looked at her mom. “Can you make a couple more? Those were good.”

  That wasn’t what she was waiting for, but it was nice to hear. She smiled, but kept silent. Scraping the remaining batter, Holly spooned out three more pancakes.

  While they cooked, she practiced her patience. Amy glanced up, then back at her plate.

  “I probably hurt Peter’s feelings,” she said.

  “Yes, you did.” Holly said. “Why?”

  Amy met her gaze. “He’s always bugging me, he’s like a shadow, but even a shadow disappears at night.”

  Peter had been a bonus baby, coming late, another surprise. She couldn’t believe there were couples who actually planned their babies. He’d been such a joyful bundle all three of them had fallen in love, Amy especially. When he was small each of them vied for the chance to hold him, even change him. No matter how angry she got with her parents, Peter had dispensation in Amy’s eyes. Tossing him out of her room was uncharacteristic.

  She turned the pancakes, patting them with the spatula.

  “What’s going on, Amy?”

  “Nothing,” she kept her eyes on her plate. “Can’t I have a life of my own? Can’t I have any privacy?”

  Holly shrugged, even though she knew Amy, her attention still on her empty plate, couldn’t see it. It loosened her tense shoulders. She took a deep breath and set the pancakes on the plate.

  Amy added syrup, picked up food and stood. “I’ll finish these in my room,” she announced and headed toward the stairs.

  No food in the bedroom, a long-standing rule, was on the tip of Holly’s tongue, but she held her silence. As far as battles went, food in the bedroom ranked pretty low this morning. She needed to conserve resources until she could find out what was really going on.

  She frowned. That should teach her to think she was immune. Her life was good, not perfect. You can control how you respond, Mike’s reminder echoed.

  How should she respond? She’d missed the guidebook on raising teenagers and was winging it. She washed the dishes while she considered her options.

  CAROLE

  Carole pulled into the driveway of her sister’s house, parked and went to the front door.

  “Where’s your shovel? I’ll get the sidewalk,” she said, when Leah answered.

  “I can do it later.”

  “We’re early and it will only take a minute if I do it now, before it gets crushed by footsteps.”

  Leah disappeared and came back with wide plastic snow shovel. “You win,” she said, handing it to Carole.

  It took a few quick passes to get the powdery fluff off the sidewalk, and soon they were on their way.

  Carole glanced across at her sister. “You look good.”

  “I’m feeling good,” Leah said, smiling. “Hopefully that’s what the reports will show.”

  Breast cancer. If she was still in remission, it would be cause for celebration, because statistically most recurrence comes within the first two years. Her two-year anniversary had been last week. If she was clear, she wouldn’t need to go back for another checkup for 12 months.

  They were both nervous.

  “Who’s minding the store?” Leah asked.

  “It’s closed. It’s a national holiday. I’m striking a blow for people who are tired of ‘round the clock retail.”

  “I hear ya.”

  “Do you want me to come in with you?”

  Sometimes Leah wanted her active support, other times it was like she had to prove something to herself by going it alone. Carole had learned to ask.

  “Sure,” she smiled. “If you have a few moments, we can visit while I wait to see the doctor and then I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

  It was one of those solo times, Carole surmised.

  She found a parking space nearby, although Leah was not opposed to, nor did she avoid, extra exercise. Another point in which they differed.

  In the waiting room Leah signed in, greeting the nurses by name.

  Carole wondered, not for the first time, where her sister got her strength. If it was in the genes, Leah must have been adopted. She was the only one in the family who exhibited any grace, dignity or class, as far as Carole could see.

  “So, let’s get this over first,” Leah grinned, taking a seat next to her in the corner. “How’s mom doing?”

  Carole rolled her eyes.

  “That bad, eh?”

  “She still thinks you’re faking. To take attention from her. She’s offended by it.” They’d learned to joke about their mother’s awful, hurtful comments.

  Leah’s laugh rang out.

  “Sounds more like something SHE’D do!” Leah said. “Fake an illness for attention. Think she’s tried it?”

  “Funny you should say that. I’m looking at everything she’s accused us of in a new light these days. Let me tell you about this book I’m reading.”

  She had a chance to tell her the gist of the book, then Leah’s name was called.

  “I’ll text you when I’m done,” she said. “Go do something useful.”

  Carole gave her a hug and watched her disappear behind the heavy door.

  Returning to the car, Carole reflected on how, regardless of what else was going on, time with Leah made things better. It had always been that way. Even though life had given her a wicked mother, she had a priceless sister for compensation.

  The wind pushed at her, but the chill she felt was from the menace of Leah’s cancer. It had been like a lightning strike when it had been diagnosed, unexpected and random. Of the two of them, it would have made more sense if it had been her. Leah ran regularly, ate healthy food, took care of herself.

  Then she was in the fight of her life.

  It sure wasn’t how they thought things would turn out when they were kids. They’d joke about living next door to each other, with their dreamy husbands and perfect kids. A dog and a cat to round out the scene.

  Well, at least she had the cat.

  And they lived in the same town.

  Both of them were single. When she was younger, Leah had a passionate and intense relationship with a man who was lost while fighting for his country. Since the body had never been recovered, the MIA status still applied. Because she could never get closure, Leah couldn’t give up on him nor could she move on.

  At least, that’s what Carole thought, because Leah never talked about it.

  Carole went through a divorce that had been B-movie ugly. And she wasn’t anxious to try it again. Besides, with a crazy mother and a seriously ill sister, not to mention a business to run, she kept busy enough that she didn’t dwell on what might have been.

  Well, she had the cat anyway.

  And they lived in the same town.

  Even though Leah had been spared the toxic relationship Carole had with their mother, she understood the damage it caused. Her other friends sympathized but she didn’t blame them for not getting it. It was hard to believe anyone could behave the way Marie did unless you’d lived through it.

  Both o
f them were single. When she was younger, Leah had a passionate and intense relationship with a man who was lost while fighting for his country. Since the body had never been recovered, the MIA status still applied. Because she could never get closure, Leah couldn’t get past the hope that he’d be found or his body returned so she could put him and their love to rest.

  At least, that’s what Carole thought because Leah never talked about it.

  Carole was single due to a divorce that had been B-movie ugly. And she wasn’t anxious to try it again. Besides, with a crazy mother and a seriously ill sister, not to mention a business to run, she kept busy enough that she didn’t dwell on what might have been.

  Her phone buzzed, indicating a text. Was Leah done already?

  It was from Holly.

  Did u pick up the $ for the PF fund by any chance?

  Uh-oh, that didn’t sound good.

  No, she texted back. Is it missing?

  Just 4 now. Nat’s stressed. Im sure its ok

  I’ll let u know if i hear anything

  Tks, same here

  Her friends in the Paying Forward group changed her. At first she struggled with letting down her guard. Growing up she’d been told often that what happened in her house stayed in her house, and confiding in “outsiders” was a betrayal. As she got older, shame kept her mouth shut. Keeping the secrets ensured she wouldn’t get help or escape the lies told at her mother’s knee.

  As an adult, she realized the purpose of the silence was control. The best way to conceal bad behavior was to isolate the victims. Carole had been told that any talk was gossip and she wasn’t allowed to gossip. She became quiet and withdrawn, easily manipulated. She was effectively cut off from social interaction.

  Having friends she could trust gave her a safe place to be honest. She’d learned to take her joy where she found it and be happy with what she had.

  And mostly, she was.

  MALLORY

  “Oh, these pancakes are good!” I loved pancakes, especially home-made ones. “Do you think your mom suspects anyone else is here?”

  “She gave me a look when I said I’d take the plate to my room,” Amy giggled, “I thought she might say something but she didn’t.”

  “I was sure your brother would tell.”

  “He told her he came to my room last night. I wish I hadn’t yelled at him, but I think he left before he saw you or figured out you were here.”

  “Good thing you have that big old closet.”

  “No kidding. It comes in handy.”

  “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  Amy shrugged. “No reason to leave. The weather was bad and you were already here.”

  “So. What should we do about this money?”

  Amy frowned. “Here’s the thing. The whole pay forward thing was my mom’s idea. If anyone finds out the money was taken, they won’t trust her and they’ll stop giving.”

  I almost choked. “Does she know it’s missing?”

  “I’m not sure. I think Natalie’s in charge of it this year. Maybe they didn’t talk about it yet.”

  “What’s Natalie like? She must be worried sick trying to figure out what happened.”

  “Her and her husband used to hang out with my parents for a while. I’ve babysat for them a few times. She has some wild twin boys. She’s nice but kind of nervous-acting. Her husband’s kind of creepy. I never liked it when he took me home.”

  “Did he ever, you know, try anything?”

  “Nah. What he did was act like he was a buddy, trying to ‘relate’, like he wanted to be my age instead of his. I think adults should act their age.”

  I agreed. The adults I’d been around growing up acted worse than the kids at school. I thought that’s was normal until I met Carole.

  “Your mom seems okay,” I said.

  “Yeah, she’s not so bad.”

  As if Amy would know what a bad mom was. I could tell her stories that would make her eyes pop. I’d rather talk about the money, a problem we could actually solve. “So this fund, what do they do with it?”

  “Give it away. It’s kinda like those TV shows. No strings, no expectations and no need to pay it back. The people who get it are asked to do something for someone else when they can.”

  Oh my gosh, now I felt like a real criminal. The money sat there, condemning me. It had to go back, the sooner the better.

  “You sure we can’t just give it to your mom?”

  Amy shook her head. “She already thinks I’m hanging around people who will get me in trouble.”

  I felt like she’d stabbed me in the heart.

  At the sight of my face, she must have realized what she’d said. “I don’t mean you, I mean, well, I didn’t…”

  “She wouldn’t like knowing your friend was a thief,” I finished for her.

  “You’re not a thief!”

  “I’m not,” I said. “At least, I never have been. So why did I take this basket?”

  “I don’t know,” Amy said. “Why did you?”

  “‘’Cause I’m a kleptomaniac?” I laughed. “I don’t really know.”

  “Does it even matter now? You did it, you’re sorry and we’re taking it back.”

  “Think we should leave it in the bathroom where I found it?”

  “What if whoever put it there doesn’t remember where they left it?”

  “What if they do remember and have already figured out it’s not there?”

  “And what if,” I said, panicking, “what if they call the police?”

  “I don’t think they’ll do that,” Amy said, but she didn’t sound convinced.

  I didn’t like the police. They asked too many questions.

  “I hope they don’t because it’ll be bad for me, and it’ll be bad for your mom and her committee, too. Everyone will know then.”

  “It would be a disaster.”

  “We’ve gotta get it back to the church. We’ll put it where they’ll see it right away. Then whatever they do with it after that, it’s their responsibility.”

  A knock on the bedroom door made both of us jump.

  “Amy? I’m taking Peter to his friend’s house then I’m going to work for a bit, ‘k?”

  I grabbed the basket and darted into the walk-in closet. I didn’t know I could still move that fast. Just in time, it seemed, because I heard Holly’s voice louder, as though she’d entered the room.

  “What are your plans today?”

  “I don’t really have any plans.”

  “Good,” Holly said. “The roads are slippery. I’d prefer you stay home anyway.”

  “I might go to the mall. I have something to return.”

  There was a silence, then Holly said, “Then be careful. Maybe you can wait until later this afternoon when it warms up.”

  “Thanks mom. See you later.”

  I imagined them hugging. They did that a lot. Even when they were only going to be apart for a short time. The first time I witnessed it, I felt funny, and realized that no one hugged me much. Mom wasn’t a hugger, at least with me.

  I decided hugging would be one of the things I’d make sure to do with the baby. I had a list of the ways I wanted to act toward the baby, things I wanted to make sure to do, things that defined “good mother” to me. It was a long list.

  “All clear,” Amy said, after a moment.

  I came out and saw her at the window, watching the car drive away.

  “Why isn’t Peter at school?”

  “His kindergarten class is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” Amy said.

  I thought about Holly’s concern about driving. “Don’t you feel bad about lying to your mom?”

  “Think of it this way, I’m keeping her from having to worry. Besides, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?”

  It might, I thought. Considering the fallout would be on her whole program if we didn’t get the money returned before they find out.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  NATALIE

  “
What’s wrong, mommy?”

  Troy stood in front of her, his face filled with concern.

  She used her forearm to wipe away the tears.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m just a little weepy.”

  Troy was her sensitive boy. He noticed her moods and she didn’t want to explain, but she didn’t want to deny, either.

  Trevor yelled from the playroom. “I killed your dinosaur and now I’m gonna smash your house! Better get in here!”

  Troy searched her face.

  “Oh, Troy, you better get in there,” she said.

  He took off, yelling. “Get away from my house. My secret house-monster will attack you!”

  She went to the kitchen sink and splashed cold water on her face. Then she checked her cell phone for the millionth time in case Brone had tried to reach her. No surprise. He hadn’t.

  It had been a full day now since she’d heard from him, after his embarrassing performance in front of the kids. Anxiety made her stomach churn.

  She’d made a terrible mistake marrying him. She didn’t know him at all.

  You couldn’t count on anyone. Look at the Paying Forward Fund. Stolen! And in a church!

  People were evil.

  She didn’t know what was worse, if she misplaced the money or if someone stole it. Had she picked it up? She couldn’t remember, but it was becoming more likely in her own mind that someone else took it.

  Well, they weren’t going to get away with it. There were consequences for bad behavior and people had to be accountable for their actions.

  She heard one of the boys yelp.

  “Everything okay in there?” she called.

  “Fine,” they answered in chorus.

  She looked at the phone in her hand. Maybe there was something she could do to make things right.

  MALLORY

  We put the basket back into the plain brown paper bag to hide it.

  “Your car or mine?” Amy asked.

  She asked but we both knew there was no question. My car was old, I didn’t have much gas and no insurance. The insurance thing didn’t come up unless I got caught. If you didn’t drive much you cut way down on the possibility of being caught.

  On the other hand, Amy had just gotten her dad’s old car because he had a new company car. I hadn’t even ridden in it yet.