[2018] Confessions From the Heart

by TB Markinson

  “Maybe you should say what you mean—”

  “You’re always blaming others—”

  “I’m not blaming. Pointing out a fact—”

  Roger motioned for Kat, Dad, and me to make a break for it before it turned ugly. When the four of us made it to safety outside, Roger whistled. “Sisters! You got any siblings, Kat?”

  “It’s just me.” Kat’s face was paler than normal.

  There was the sound of the crack of a bat on the television, and the men and I whipped our heads around.

  “You have a TV out here,” Kat’s voice was incredulous.

  Roger chuckled. “Nell’s usually around stirring up trouble. What were they going on about anyway?”

  I shrugged. “Something about silk. Does it matter, though? They’ve probably hit on three different topics by now.”

  Dad and Roger nodded.

  I leaned over and grabbed a beer out of the cooler. “Would you like wine or a gin and tonic or something?” I asked Kat.

  “A G&T would be great.”

  “Let me,” Roger shoved me to the side.

  “Here, this is the best seat in the house.” Dad pointed to the chair with extra pillows.

  Kat sat, and I perched on the arm, sipping my beer.

  Dad stared absently at us. Kat cleared her throat, probably in an effort for me to make things less awkward. I swilled more beer.

  Mom and Barb, still chattering like birds on crack, came outside. I heard the mention of fudge. Who debated fudge, aside from people who baked, which neither of them did? Roger tailed them with a gin and tonic.

  “Hendrick’s is the best gin to complement the cucumber slices.” Roger handed it off as if it was a masterpiece.

  Kat took a sip. “Oooh, that is good.” She offered me the glass to sample it.

  “Thanks, but I don’t want to spoil my appetite.” I slugged my beer.

  “Good luck with teaching Cori about the finer things in life,” Mom sneered.

  “Leave her alone,” Barb said. “Cori is simple.”

  “Minded,” Mom added.

  “Geez, don’t hold back in front of my date.” I smiled, wondering if Mom was feeling a bit out of her element, albeit I was slightly worried she’d kick it up several notches to humiliate me in front of Kat. I could count on one hand, with two fingers missing, how many times I’d brought a woman home. And, I didn’t include the thumb in the calculation.

  “We don’t pull punches around family,” Mom said to Kat, much to my relief.

  “So, if I wanted dirt on Cori…?” Kat left the rest unsaid, her shoulders easing.

  Just like that, my relief turned into terror.

  Mom’s face lit up. “Like the time when Cori was pantsed during a basketball game and she wasn’t wearing underwear.”

  Kat burst into laughter, looking up at me. “Why weren’t you wearing underwear?”

  “I lost a bet, and one of my teammates knew I was going commando.” I shrugged as if that should have been obvious.

  “Your teammate sabotaged you?” Her eyes boggled.

  “Yep. I wasn’t brokenhearted when she graduated two years before me.”

  “You can probably YouTube it.” Roger popped the top off a beer.

  “The game wasn’t televised, luckily, and to the best of my knowledge, no one recorded it with their phone. Or Mom would have it permanently looped on all the TVs and computers within her possession,” I said, tapping my fingers together like a mad scientist.

  Mom snapped her fingers, suggesting she hadn’t thought of that.

  “What am I thinking of?” Roger rubbed his chin.

  “Maybe the one when Cori licked someone’s armpit,” Barb said.

  Kat’s entire body shivered, nearly spilling her drink. “Yuck! Why would you do that?”

  “It wasn’t intentional. I was guarding her. She made a move, and well, it happened.” I hoped my expression conveyed it couldn’t be helped.

  “I have a photo of it at home if you want to see it.” Mom motioned to Dad that she needed a wine refill, and my father dutifully took the glass inside.

  Roger handed Kat his iPhone. “Here’s the YouTube video. My company uses it in training videos for new employees about being one-hundred and ten percent dedicated to the job.”

  “You do not!” I said.

  “Yes, I do.” He moved closer to Kat.

  Kat, with Roger peering over her shoulder, watched the clip.

  “This is why I never invite a woman to family dinners,” I said.

  “No, it’s not,” Mom said.

  “Then why?” Kat asked in her usual voice, settling into my family dynamic as if crazy suited her.

  “Cori’s never shown an interest in anyone for long, not even Vanessa who deflowered my daughter in my home.”

  “Mother!”

  “Don’t get mad at me. I’m not the one who was caught licking Vanessa’s pussy in my parent’s bed.”

  “That never happened!” I shouted.

  “Prove it.”

  “Nell,” Barb warned using the tone that implied she was the older sister and Mom should listen. Barb rose and put a hand out to Kat. “Why don’t I give you a tour of the house? I have some paintings I think you’ll like.”

  The two of them walked arm in arm inside, reassuring me that Kat was in good hands. She looked over her shoulder, letting me know I didn’t have to follow.

  I glared at my mother. “Maybe I should set some ground rules for the rest of the evening.”

  Mom laughed. “It’s good to get these things out early. If she doesn’t run away, then she’s a keeper.”

  Dad returned, handing Mom her full glass. “Where’s Kat?”

  “Barb is saving her from Mom.”

  Mom patted the cushion. “Dale, help us remember some more embarrassing Cori stories.”

  Roger rubbed his hands together.

  “You know, I’m not feeling well. I think Kat and I should go home early.”

  “Don’t be a pussy. There’s a huge difference between licking pussy and being one.”

  I stared at the sky above. “God, if you’re there…” I’d never prayed before, so I didn’t know what else to say.

  “She must really like this one,” Roger said to my mother, and for a brief moment, the two of them smiled at each other.

  “And, she’s staying put, unlike that one time she brought a friend over”—Mom made air quotes—“and faked puking her guts out.” Mom smiled fondly over the memory.

  “I was puking. Roger had dared me to eat a bad oyster the day before. It kicked in.”

  “I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” he confessed with a sheepish grin.

  “And, Danielle was just a friend,” I said. “No need for air quotes.”

  “Is that so?” Roger rubbed his chin. “Then, this is the first time. Have you popped—?”

  “Oh, that’s a great story,” Mom interjected, pressing her hands together.

  Roger’s face paled. “I was going to say the question. Nell, even you wouldn’t stoop to telling that story.”

  Later that night, at Kat’s apartment, ensconced in the recliner, I skimmed The Moonstone to refresh my memory before meeting with Dr. Brown to hammer out some details about the project I was assisting him with.

  “Why do your aunt and uncle sleep in separate bedrooms?” Kat asked behind the easel. She wore her ripped jeans covered with paint splotches and a white shirt with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.

  With my thumb keeping my place in the book, I tapped the back of the book against my thigh. “Not sure I’ve specifically posed the question to either one of them.”

  Kat’s head popped into view. “Come on.” She rolled her eyes. “You must have a theory.”

  I smiled. “Maybe it’s a family trait, wanting space while sleeping.”

  “Does that mean if we move to the next step, we’ll have separate bedrooms?”

/>   “The next step?” I visibly swallowed.

  “Living together. You’ve made it abundantly clear you aren’t the U-Haul type, but surely you don’t think we’ll always have separate homes in the long run. Or, always stay at my place.”

  “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

  Kat laser-locked onto my eyes, not speaking for several seconds. “Having an adult conversation equates to an ultimatum?”

  I sighed. “Of course not. I’m just surprised. That’s all.”

  “I wasn’t saying we should move in together soon. I’m asking if you think it’s normal for couples to have separate bedrooms. Is that the type of relationship you want in your future?”

  “Absolutely not,” my voice was as firm as my conviction.

  “Meaning, if we lived together, we’d sleep in the same bed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do your parents have separate bedrooms?” she pushed.

  “Nope.”

  Kat’s face twisted into confusion. “Why Roger and Barb, then? And don’t feed me the cockamamie excuse about needing to be alone to sleep.”

  I shrugged. “I really don’t know what you expect me to say. I’ve never spoken with either of them about it. For as long as I can remember, they always have. It’s how they are. Even Mom doesn’t ask. It’s just a thing in my family.”

  Kat’s head disappeared behind the canvas again, but she continued, “I’m not buying that. Is their relationship for business reasons? Did they stop having sex? Never have sex? Is Barb a lesbian? I didn’t get a gay vibe, but she’s of a different generation. Maybe she mutes it.”

  I laughed. “Come here.”

  She peeked around the easel, her eyes crinkled with the playfulness I found alluring. “Is that an ultimatum?”

  “A simple request.”

  “Why?” She set her pallet and paintbrush behind her on the kitchen counter.

  “I miss you.” I set the book on the floor and opened my arms. “Here.”

  Kat didn’t move right away. “Are you trying to evade the conversation?”

  “I would never use sex to distract you,” I teased.

  “Is that what you’re initiating? A sexual escapade?” Her sultry voice was more like what I was used to.

  “You, my dear, are the one who’s usually the instigator.” I beckoned her once again.

  She climbed into my lap, encircling my neck with her arms. “I want to be very clear. I don’t intend to drop the Barb and Roger situation. I mean, when Barb was showing me the house, she stated it so simply, ‘This is my room. That’s Roger’s.’ Like it was acceptable, which it isn’t. For them, maybe, although there’s sadness in her eyes, like she knows she’s missed out on something. But, I want to make it clear, again, we aren’t done with this conversation.”

  “Duly noted. Are you at least able to table the issue until a more appropriate time?”

  Kat laughed. “I know you’re hiding something.”

  “I’m not the one hiding it. It’s just not my place to share. Their relationship is just that. Theirs.” I leaned up to kiss her softly on the side of her neck. “And ours is ours. Only for us to know the ins and outs.”

  Kat nestled her head on top of mine, releasing a little moan. “You do know me inside and out.” She sat up. “But, it’s not unusual for couples to talk about things in private. I’m starting to wonder if Barb and Roger’s relationship influenced you somehow. Like thinking it’s perfectly okay to sleep with a friend and not want anything more.”

  “Hey, I thought we were tabling the discussion.”

  She groaned. “You can’t keep evading. Have you spoken to Annie since the Fenway incident?”

  I closed my eyes, resting my head against the back of the recliner. “No.”

  “That’s wrong on so many levels. She’s your best friend, Cori. Even I want you to address the situation.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s hard for me not to view Annie as a threat on some level. There’s history between you two.” Kat avoided my eyes.

  I lifted her chin with a finger. “Hey now, you have nothing to worry about.”

  “It’s hard to banish the tiny morsel of doubt.” She pressed a finger into my thigh. “However, I don’t want to be the type to get between best friends. She’s moving to a different country soon. You need to resolve things before you can’t.”

  “I know… I do. It’s just—”

  “You aren’t good at talking. Action. That’s your thing. Along with running. What excuse are you going to give me tomorrow when I call you after waking up alone?”

  “My doctor has ordered me to take really hot baths for my back.” I leaned forward some, jabbing my fingers into the sore spot.

  “I took massage classes in college. I could help you with that if you ask nicely.”

  “Please.”

  She shook her head, her eyes wide with wanting. “Try a different approach.”

  I slipped my hand under her shirt. “I know you love it when I walk my fingers up your stomach and back down, covering every patch of skin. I could do it for hours, never boring you.” I demonstrated.

  She reached under my shirt and dug her nails into my shoulders. “And you like this.”

  “I do. Dig in harder?”

  Kat complied while capturing my mouth.

  We kissed as if wanting to reach the secret space only lovers can occupy. Not two people fucking, but two people completely giving in to their true feelings. The need to express how much the other meant. Passion. Trust. Excitement. And vulnerability.

  I stood up abruptly, and Kat’s legs clung around my waist as she uttered a surprised, “Oh!”

  I propped her on the counter, quickly dispensing with her top.

  Kat lifted her butt, allowing me to clumsily strip off her baggy jeans and panties.

  Laughing, she said, “This isn’t the most graceful we’ve been.”

  “Doesn’t matter. The only thing that does is this.” I cupped the back of her head, my fingers entwining with her silky dark hair. I pulled her mouth to mine, kissing her hard.

  She let out a take me moan.

  I slammed my fingers inside her, causing her upper body to arch back, her hands gripping the edges of the Formica to keep herself from toppling onto the floor.

  With one arm, I supported her while my hand moved deep inside her.

  Kat opened her eyes, examining my face. Through ragged breaths, she said, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “Now?” I hammered her harder.

  She placed a hand on each side of my face. “Tell me,” she panted.

  “You drive me crazy.” All the muscles in my upper body were clenched.

  Kat reached for me, and I positioned so she could hold onto me while she came. Her legs spasmed, and the tremors ripped through her body, along with a scream, until she sank her teeth through my shirt into my shoulder.

  I didn’t stop until she came again.

  After, my legs shook, but I didn’t move. With her arms around me, I buried my head into the crook of her neck.

  “Do I make you crazy in a good or bad way?” she asked.

  “In the best way possible. What do you like about me?” I was still inside her.

  “At the moment, your fingers.”

  “So not fair.” I rested my forehead to hers, breathing hard.

  “I’ll list the top three. Your sense of loyalty, heart, and protective side. I like knowing how much I mean to you.”

  She tightened her hold around my neck, neither of us wanting to move from the other.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Two nights later, I received a text from Sheila asking me to stop by the bar around seven. As a preemptive move, she said there was a free pitcher of Sam Adams, not PBR, with my name on it. I would have gone without the offer. Due to the promise, though, I showed up forty-five minutes early.

  She smiled when I breezed inside. �
�I should have known.”

  “What? I’ve missed you; that’s all.” I took my usual seat at the bar.

  “Seriously, you are the worst liar I know. A couple of my friends are joining us. Grab a table by the window. I’ll bring the beer over after I finish filling these orders.” She held the paper tickets in the air, dismissing me before I could ask who was expected.

  I selected the table in the corner and pulled a copy of Jude the Obscure out of my bag.

  “That’s not typical bar reading.”

  I glanced up at Kat, unable to say anything clever.

  “You look a little green around the gills.” Kat slid into the seat next to me, tenderly placing her palm on my cheek.

  “How?”

  She smiled. “What are you asking? Really?”

  “How did you and Sheila set me up?” I scanned the sidewalk, searching for Annie.

  “Oh.” Kat waved a flippant hand. “I happened to be in the area yesterday and bumped into Sheila.”

  “Yeah, not buying that.” I gave Sheila the stink eye as she grinned at me from behind the bar.

  “This from the woman who had to dash from my apartment last night because you forgot to pack your lucky toothbrush when I had a new one for you. Along with a brand new bottle of Listerine. Yellow, per your instructions.”

  I ignored the toothbrush part. “Is Annie coming?”

  Kat pushed up her sweater sleeve to consult her watch. “Time will tell.”

  I placed my hands on top of my head. “I don’t have a great feeling about this.”

  “If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t be looking forward to this, either.”

  “Kat!”

  Her eyes didn’t leave mine. “I didn’t get you into this situation.”

  “Uh, you kinda did, because I know I didn’t invite Annie.”

  “Uh,” she mocked my tone, “you’re the one who slept with her.” She rapped her knuckles on my head.

  “She slept with me back.” I glanced out the window again.

  “I love it when you get flustered and can’t speak. It’s cute.”

  Sheila placed the pitcher in the middle of the table and only two glasses.

  “Aren’t you joining us?” I asked.

  Kat stood.

  “Shit,” was all I could say.